Bumblestook: Book 1, The Accidental Wizard (48 page)

“Curiosity killed the cat?” Farley asked.

“Fishfeathers, no!” Tom spluttered, outraged. “It’s ‘Feline curiosity leads to
opportunity
’!
Killed
the
cat
? Why would anyone say a thing like
that
?”

“I dunno, it’s just something my dad says, when I try to find out what he got me for my birthday,” said Farley, shrugging apologetically.

“Let us not quibble over our cultural differences,” Bartholeumous interjected. “Together we have uncovered an Overlord outpost and rescued the Bumblestooks, all before sundown. Quite the successful Quest, I should think. And now, it is time for all young Wizards and Heroes to head home for a hot meal, a warm bath and a much deserved good night’s rest.”

“First, wake up my mom and dad!” Farley said eagerly. “I can’t wait for them to meet you guys and tell them about the Quest!”

“Unfortunately, I cannot do that.”

Farley’s face fell. “Why not? Won’t your Magic work on them?”

“It is not a matter of Magic, but of Law. Long ago, the decision was made, by the wisest of our leaders, not to interfere with the development of Humans. A law was handed down to all—”

“The Decree for the Preservation of Humanity,” said Tom, with a scholarly air.

“Indeed,” Bartholeumous continued. “Since then, we have lived among you, using our Magic to keep our differences hidden. If a Human stumbles across our secret by chance, we use Magic to erase the memory of our existence.”

Farley looked stricken. “But,
I’m
Human! Does that mean you’re gonna erase
my
memory and I won’t remember you guys, or-or-or any of—
this
?” His wide-armed gesture encompassed them all, as well as their adventures together.

Fiona stepped closer to him, eyes blazing coldly, as she faced the Wizards. “I won’t let you,” she stated simply, strands of her fine hair lifting to form a halo about her pale face.

Bartholeumous chuckled. “Heroics, while commendable, are completely unnecessary. We have no intention of erasing your friend’s memory. A little known addendum to the Decree allows for Special Circumstances. And Bumblestook’s, er—
circumstances
, definitely fall into the category of special.”

“Whataya mean?” Farley asked.

“Surely you are aware that you are no ordinary Human. It seems that you alone, out of all who live on this planet, speak the language of the Earthbound, a type of being whose existence was heretofore unknown. That, in itself, is enough to invoke the Special Circumstances. In addition, there is sufficient evidence that you possess other talents as well—what is known as
Wild Magic
.”

“Huh?” Farley spoke, none too eloquently.

“Magic that is unchanneled, undisciplined and untrained.”

“You know, Farley. Like what happened with the bullies at school,” Fiona reminded him with a poke in the ribs.

“Aw, those were just accidents,” Farley insisted, embarrassed.

Bartholeumous merely lifted a bushy brow, eyeing him keenly.

The boy squirmed uncomfortably. “Anyway, why can’t my parents get these special whatchamacallums, too?”

“There is more to the decree than mere words,” Bartholeumous said, while the other Wizards nodded.

“There is the Onus.” Kondor Dal said solemnly.

“What’s an
Onus
?” Farley asked.

“An all-encompassing spell, which, from that time on, was laid upon all of The People. We cannot do, or
say
anything that would reveal our existence. Even the Overlords cannot interfere in such a way as to expose us. That is why Malador used a Soundasleep Spell on your parents. He could not directly interrogate or harm them,” Kondor replied.

“What would happen to him if he tried?” Fiona asked.

“He would be frozen in time, unable to speak a word or move so much as a little finger, and his powers would be temporarily suspended, until he abandoned the attempt.”

“Whoa,” said Farley.

“But, he came after Farley in the tunnel. How was he able to do that?” Fiona asked shrewdly.

“The Onus is lifted entirely, in the case of Special Circumstances,” Ranger Gary replied. “It’s a not-so-harmless side effect.”

Farley thought for a moment. “What if
I
tell my parents? I don’t have this Onus thing on me, do I?”

“I highly doubt they would believe you. Additionally, we would be unable to corroborate your story and would, in fact, be beholden to refute it,” Bartholeumous told him. “In the end, they would conclude that you were temporarily delusional, or just making it up.”

“Well, what
are
we gonna do? We can’t just let them sleep forever!” the boy cried out in frustration.

“No, that we cannot do. I have given this quite a bit of thought and I believe I have come up with a workable solution,” Bartholeumous said. “But first, we have an obligation to fulfill, to one who has kept his promise and played an important part in our Quest.”

He turned to the Skurrier, who had been hanging back. The creature’s eyes filled with tears and his lower lip trembled.

“Come forth, Noble Niblix,” Kondor said solemnly. The Skurrier approached him eagerly, bobbing his head and stroking his long tail. Kondor placed his hand upon its bowed head. “The merits of your true form now realized, I grant you your wish to be
re-Sized
!”

As quick as that, the robe and cloak collapsed in a heap. A small form could be seen scurrying about underneath, until it emerged from a now-empty sleeve. Niblix the Skurrier, restored to his former glory of approximately 10 inches tall (sans tail) danced a happy little jig.

“I’m free! I’m free!” he sang.

Then, he dashed off to the entrance of a nearby burrow, looking back over his shoulder to shout, “Thankee! Thankee!” before disappearing into its subterranean delights.

****************************************

A day later, Farley and Fiona sat together, in the cozy kitchen of Lancelot and Olivia Faire. The curtains billowed slightly, as a soft, Autumn breeze carried earthy scents from the garden; mingling delightfully with the warm smells of supper. Set in the middle of the table, fresh-cut yellow daffodils nodded merrily in a sparkling, crystal vase. Olivia added a tray of dinner rolls, just out of the oven, as Lance read aloud from the newspaper.

“Freak Tornado Whips Up Miracle,”
Lance said, while the children and their pets listened
eagerly.
Harvey and Myrtle Bumblestook were found yesterday, wandering in the Angeles Crest Mountains, by a local park ranger. They were barefoot and wearing only their pajamas.

Early Saturday morning, the community watched in horror as a freak tornado zeroed in on the Bumblestook home, tearing apart the roof and destroying part of the interior. Curiously, it then departed, leaving the nearby homes completely untouched. Adding to the mystery, was the disappearance of the homeowners,
Harvey and Myrtle Bumblestook, who had been sleeping inside the home when the tornado hit. Their bedroom was the one room in the house that was completely destroyed. Authorities feared the worst, but their bodies were never found.

Their son, 8-year-old Farley Bumblestook, was found outside of the home, unharmed. Apparently, he had awakened in the wee hours of the morning, spotted an intruder emerging from his parent’s bedroom and had gone to the neighbors for help. Fortunately for the boy, that was when the tornado struck. When the police arrived, there was no sign of his parents or the intruder. The boy has been staying with his godparents, who are neighbors of the Bumblestooks.

Police speculate that the tornado may have lifted Mr. and Mrs. Bumblestook up bodily, carried them away, then set them down safely in a remote area of the Angeles Crest Mountains. When asked if this had ever been known to occur, Police Chief William Goodbody commented, “Hey, just because something never happened before, doesn’t mean it couldn’t, does it? You got a better explanation?”

There is still no sign of the mysterious intruder. Authorities are of the opinion that it may have been just a young boy’s overactive imagination, perhaps stimulated by the evening meal of Mrs. Bumblestook’s “Super Supreme Taco Surprise”.

Harvey and Myrtle Bumblestook could not recall anything that had happened to them after they went to bed Friday night. They seem to be suffering only from minor scrapes and bruises and a mild case of shock. They are spending a week in the Verdugo Hills Hospital, undergoing observation. Donations in their name, for repairs to their home, are being accepted by the local Red Cross.”

Lance paused while he folded the paper. “Look—there’s a photo.”

Everyone crowded round to see. Looking out at them, was a somewhat grainy, color photo of Harvey and Myrtle (looking rumpled and bemused) next to a smiling park ranger with a bushy orange-red beard.

“Ranger Gary takes a pretty good picture, don’t you think?” Lance remarked. At that instant the doorbell rang.

“Can I see who it is?” Fiona asked.

Her parents looked at each other, then nodded. It was hard to deny such a simple request, to one who had led her first successful Quest!

Their little girl’s eyelids quivered as they closed, long dark lashes fluttering like butterfly wings. Then, her eyes opened wide with delight.

“It’s Uncle Bartholeumous!”

Lance and Olivia sighed as the children dashed from the kitchen to greet their guest. Moments later, Bartholeumous arrived in the kitchen, a child tugging on each arm. He was dressed conservatively, in dark grey slacks and a forest green sweater. Taking a seat at the kitchen table, he waved away the offer of supper, but accepted a mug of coffee.

“Things seem to have turned out quite well,” he said, surveying the group with satisfaction. “I see construction has already begun on the Bumblestook’s home and Harvey and Myrtle should be home in a week, none the worse for their adventures.”

“I’m still worried I’m gonna mess up and say something wrong. Plus, I don’t like keeping secrets from my mom and dad,” Farley said.

“I thought that might cause you some concern,” Bartholeumous told him. “Which is why I have gotten permission from the High Mage to extend the Onus to you, so that you will be unable to reveal the secrets of The People, whether by accident or design. It requires a small ceremony, which I am here to perform. However, it also requires your willingness, for without that I am certain that your own Magic, wild and undisciplined as it may be, will prevent it from taking effect.”

Farley thought about it for a moment. “Does Fiona have this Onus thing on her, too?”

“Yes, as do all of us here, including the Amorphae,” Bartholeumous answered. “It does no actual harm as it is only a Safeguard. Someday, when the time is right, the Onus may even be lifted. If that happens within your parents’ lifetime, then I promise you they will be among the first Humans to know.”

Farley shifted his feet and nervously ran his fingers through his unruly locks. Yap, sensing his master’s distress, whined and pressed up against him. Farley looked down at his furry friend, staring up at him with total devotion. Suddenly he laughed and reached down to ruffle Yap’s ears.

“What am I worried about?
You
got the Onus,
Fiona’s
got the Onus, you’ve
all
got the Onus! What the heck, I wished I was more like you guys, and now I
am
! Okay, Mr. Bartholeumous, what do I hafta do?”

“Finish your supper and then, Lance, Olivia, if I may borrow your garden…” The Faires nodded wearily. “Good. We will proceed to the fountain, and the ceremony shall commence.”

Shortly thereafter, they all trooped through the back door and into the yard behind the house. Bartholeumous pulled his cloak out of a pocket and gave it a shake, whereupon it expanded to its full size. Throwing it over his shoulders, he headed for the arbor leading to the garden. The others followed (Tom and Yap in animal form, in keeping with their disguise).

Lance and Olivia whispered to each other, then hurried forward to walk by the Wizard’s side. Lance leaned in, speaking in a low voice.

“Speaking of Magic, have you given any thought to using it, to counter Farley’s, er—
special
problem
?” Lance asked. “You know, the one he came by
accidentally
?”

“I am afraid that would not be possible.”

“But it’s just a simple curse,” Olivia whispered. “Surely you’ve got
something
in your bag of tricks, you could use to counter it?”

“I would hardly characterize my Magical Powers as mere tricks, madam,” Bartholeumous said, not bothering to keep his voice down. “And the curse, while initially quite
simple
, as you put it, has become intricately entwined with the boy’s own Powers of Self Preservation. In case you had not noticed, when confronted with an enemy, he invariably accomplishes their defeat entirely by
accident
. That is absolutely
not
something with which I would be inclined to tamper.”

“Oh well,” Lance remarked ruefully to his wife as they followed the Wizard through the arbor. “There’s always Super-Duper Glue.”

As everyone gathered round the fountain, Bartholeumous looked to the early-evening sky. It was dusky blue, with just a few, scattered, wisps of white cloud. From within his cloak, he pulled forth an ebony wand. Thrusting it upwards, he made a small, circular, stirring motion with its tip. The scattered clouds drew together, forming a nimbus above the garden. With his other hand, he made a motion of tossing something upwards, though his hand was clearly empty. The clouds above darkened to grey, then deepened to purple. Their presence, directly above, cast a shadow over the garden. The lanterns began to glow.

Farley heard rustling sounds and caught sight of quick, flashes of movement in the shrubbery. He quickly turned this way and that, but never fast enough to see the creatures, dashing here and there, just at the edges of his vision.

Bartholeumous pocketed the wand and motioned to the boy. Farley stepped forward, Yap and Fiona close by each side. The Wizard looked sternly at the boy’s friends, then made a small waving motion with the backs of his hands, which had the effect of gently pushing them backwards. He continued to “push” till everyone was a good four feet behind the boy.