Buried Notes (Brothers of Rock #4) (14 page)

“I’m so sorry about what happened,”
Chris said. “My biggest regret, ever, Becky, is not knowing you while all this
was going on.”

Becky looked away from Chris. She
couldn’t look into his eyes. “You wouldn’t have been able to change anything.”

“But I could’ve been there,” Chris
said. “Just to be someone to talk to.”

“I’m okay where I am,” Becky said.

“With someone?”

Becky nodded.

A bold lie but she didn’t care. She
wanted to watch Chris squirm. Watch him suffer a little. When she looked at him
again, she wore a straight face.

“You know, we play a lot of charity
shows for cancer,” Chris said. “If there’s anything you or your family needs...
I can arrange something...”

“We’re fine,” Becky said. “Business
is okay. Our family is strong.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Chris said.
“Your sister is as tough as you.”

“Rachael is a bitch,” Becky said.

“I heard that!” Rachael cried out.

Becky looked to the counter and
said, “Go in the back.”

Rachael stared hell at Chris for a
few seconds then disappeared.

“Feisty,” Chris said.

“She’s protective,” Becky said.
“And she’s married with a family. Don’t think about it.”

“Think what?” Chris asked. “I’m a
married man.”

“You’re not supposed to be though.”

Becky cut the flirty atmosphere to
the ground.

“True,” Chris said.

“So...? Sign the papers and move on
with your life.”

“Is that what you really want?”

“I wouldn’t have sent the papers
out if I didn’t,” Becky said.

“Why now?”

“You know why,” Becky said, hoping
to keep her lie alive.

Chris leaned back and nodded. “Your
sister said you haven’t been able to fall in love or date because of... us.”

Becky shook her head. “I didn’t for
a while. I had the fantasy that you’d come rushing back and we’d pick up where
it all left off.”

“I had that fantasy, too,” Chris
said.

“But I’m sure the groupies eased
your pain, right?’

“Becky,” Chris said.

“No. Don’t answer that. It’s not my
business. Listen, Chris, I did what I had to do, okay? When you came to my
hotel that morning I could see how scared you were. I could see how
uncomfortable you were talking to me. Those weren’t your words.”

“They weren’t,” Chris said. “It
wasn’t me talking. It was the business of Chasing Cross talking.”

“And I respected that. I went along
with it. I never asked for a thing. Ever.”

“Do you need anything? Right now?
Becky, just tell me. I’ll get you a car, a house, anything...”

“Money? Really, Chris? You think
I’m that kind of person now?”

Chris shook his head. “No. I’m
just... I’m not used to not getting what I want.”

Becky stood up. “Welcome to my
reality, Chris.”

“Where are you going?” Chris asked.

“Not that it’s your business, but I
have plans tonight.”

“Tonight? With someone?”

Becky raised an eyebrow. She didn’t
answer the question but her face spoke the lie. The reality was that what she
wanted sat right in front of her.

“Are you happy?” Chris asked.

“Really? That’s your big question?”

“It’s a good one. Answer it, Becky.
Are you happy?”

Becky also waited for this moment
for a long time. She touched her legs and felt something at her right leg. In
her pocket. It had been there for days now. She lived in the fantasy that Chris
would come find her and she waited for it to come to a crashing end with a call
from her lawyer saying the papers had been returned signed.

But Chris was here.

Sitting.

Becky was taller than Chris right
then and she liked it.

“Are you happy, Chris?” Becky
asked.

“When I’m on stage,” Chris said.
“Other than that, the only time I believe I was happy was when I spent that
time with you.”

Becky bit her bottom lip and
nodded.

She hated what she had to do next
but she reached into her pocket. She took her hand out and put it on the table.
Of all the things she wanted out of Chris, money and objects weren’t included.
She wasn’t that kind of woman, then or now. It meant nothing to her. The best
things in life couldn’t be purchased.

Becky opened her hand and took it
away.

The ring Chris had given her was on
the table.

“Just do what’s right,” Becky
whispered. “Please, Chris. For me. For us.”

(16)

It should have been as simple as
signing the papers and hand delivering them to the lawyer’s office at the top
of them, but it wasn’t. Chris tried to convince himself he came to just see
Becky. To make sure she was okay, happy, or at least as happy as she could be.
The look on her face at the bakery suggested anything but happiness but that
could be chalked up to someone who just lost their mother to cancer. Even
still, the look in her eyes suggested there was something missing. Something
off. Something wrong.

Chris now had two passengers as he
drove out of Plesent to the closest hotel he could find. He had divorce papers
and the wedding ring he had purchased Becky the night they got married in
Vegas. Getting that ring back made it most certain Chris wouldn’t be leaving
town so soon.

It meant something.

The ring had purpose and meaning
still.

Ten minutes north of Plesent, Chris
found a hotel. It seemed secluded enough that he wouldn’t be spotted. He was
able to get a room without a hassle, using his fake name and a big smile to the
woman at the desk. She looked middle aged and the way she stared at him told
Chris she was trying to figure out who he was.

Once in his hotel room, Chris put
the ring and divorce papers on the desk by the window and sat down. The sky
looked somber, ready to weep at any minute. Chris knew the feeling. He closed the
curtains and grabbed his bag. He opened his laptop do two things. First, to put
on some music, and second, to see what he could find out about Becky. He needed
more. Much more. He wanted to know it all. Who she was in love with. Who she
was... marrying?

He realized he didn’t even ask
Becky about it.

Was it just love? Was it marriage?
Better yet... did she have kids?

The thoughts started to shake Chris
up and it only got worse when he found a picture of Becky holding a baby. It
was online after he found a page about Becky’s sister, Rachael. There was
Becky, cradling a baby, her nose touching the baby’s nose. The sight made
Chris’s blood boil. Anger and jealousy hit him hard. The wild rockstar in him
started to flare up and he pictured throwing something out the window. It had
been a long time since he or Chasing Cross trashed a hotel room.

No better time than the present,
right?

Then a caption under the picture
caught Chris’s eye.

Julie
with her *favorite* aunt!

Aunt.

“Aunt,” Chris whispered.

He closed the picture. He closed
the web site. He hung his head and for the first time in a long time, he started
to cry.

The only place that felt right,
that felt like home, was on stage. Playing for fans. But they didn’t know Chris
and Chris didn’t know them. They shared the music and nothing else.

Pain struck Chris like he never
expected it would. A pain strong enough that it had Chris looking to the mini bar,
ready to dig a deep hell and stay there for a long time. But the ringing of his
cell phone saved him.

“Johnnie, everything okay?” Chris
asked as he answered the call.

“I’ll ask you the same first.”

“Define okay.”

“You’re walking into a tough
situation, brother, you know that.”

“Already walked in and out of it,”
Chris said.

“You signed the papers?”

“Nope. But she gave me the ring
back.”

Johnnie was silent for a few seconds.
“I’m sorry, Chris.”

“How’s New York?”

“Busy,” Johnnie said. “I’m actually
trying to convince Jess to pack up and sneak to Colorado with me for a day or
two.”

“Good for you, man,” Chris said.

“Listen, I don’t want to be an
asshole here... but don’t hurt yourself down there. Lead with your heart but
listen to your head, okay?”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Don’t forget too, we have a show
in Baltimore in two days.”

“Got it. I’ll be there.”

“You realize we’re working down the
coast, right?”

“I’ve seen the new dates.”

“They’re selling out in record
numbers, man,” Johnnie said. “I can’t believe the fans...”

“I can,” Chris said. “They’re all
I’ve got and all I need right now.”

“Okay. Please be safe. Are you
flying straight to Baltimore or what?”

“Not sure. I’ll get in touch with
Peter. But I’ll be there, don’t worry.”

“I never would,” Johnnie said.
“Just wanted to let you know I’m here for you, man. Thinking of you. The rest
of us too.”

“Thanks.”

The call ended and Chris stared at
the ring again. It pained him but it made sense. This was how life went. Becky
was settled. She had a bakery with her sister and sister-in-law. She had to
deal with the death of her mother. There was plenty keeping her in place,
plenty to work through. For Chris, he had the road. The shows. The fans. The
passion. The tour dates. Chris looked at the new schedule and saw dates for
another three weeks before it came to another end. Another ending that would
leave Chris empty.

But maybe by then he could clear up
some stuff. Move forward. Survive.

He walked to the papers and the
ring, debating on what to handle first.

He went for the ring.

It made more sense right then.

He held it up and shook his head.

He bought the ring for Becky. It
was her ring, not his. If she wanted to sell it, fine. If she wanted to keep it
as a memory, fine. But there was no way Chris was going to take the ring back.
That would be like taking the night back. The feelings back. The heated moments
between he and Becky back. No. Those he would keep forever.

After a long day of waiting, Chris
judged his time and decided to leave. He had the ring with him and his plan was
to take it back to the bakery and just give it to Becky. To tell her it was
hers and that was that. Then he’d come back, drink a ton of vodka, scribble his
name on the divorce papers, sleep the booze off, and then leave North Carolina.

When he got to the bakery, it was
closed.

Of course it was closed.

It had closed two hours ago. Chris
knew he could have come much earlier but he didn’t. Part of him wanted the bakery
to be closed. To give him an excuse to remain somewhere near Becky.

Chris stood outside the bakery for
a few minutes, staring up and down the now quiet street. He slipped his hand
into his pocket and felt the ring.

He just wanted to give the ring to
Becky.

To have that chance, alone, to say
and do something.

But Chris figured Becky had to have
been with her significant other. Whoever he was, Chris considered him to be the
luckiest man in the world. He began by then to realize that he would trade the
stages, the tours, the money with anyone to have a night with Becky again.

He finally stepped away from the
bakery, taking two steps and freezing. He backtracked to the door and pulled
again. As though it was magically going to be unlocked.

It was locked.

“We’re closed right now,” a voice
said.

Chris saw Becky’s reflection in the
glass. When he turned, he saw Becky standing holding two paper grocery bags.
She looked tired and confused, her eyes suggesting she probably had been
crying, more recently than she’d admit.

“Becky,” Chris said. “What are you
doing here?”

“I live here,” Becky whispered.

Chris looked back at the bakery.
“You live in the bakery?”

“Above it,” Becky said. “We own the
building and there’s an apartment above it. My commute to work is a real
bitch.”

Chris laughed and saw the tears in
Becky’s eyes. He hurried and took the grocery bags from her hands. He couldn’t
help but sneak a peek inside. Nothing that suggested a romantic dinner for two.

“I can’t keep the ring,” Chris
said. “It’s not right.”

“You didn’t sign the papers yet?”
Becky asked.

“No. Not yet. I have too much to
say to you. To prove to you. But I’m torn right now, Becky. I can’t step in the
way of another man.”

“Chris...”

Chris bent down and put the grocery
bags on the sidewalk. He stood and took the ring from his pocket. He took
Becky’s hand and placed it into her palm and closed her hand. It was the first
time he touched her since that morning in her hotel room five years ago. His
body warmed over and he felt alive. Finally alive.

“I gave this to you for a reason,”
Chris said. “That night wasn’t about being drunk and stupid. It wasn’t about
being young. Or wild. Or free. Whatever. It was because I wanted it, Becky. I
can’t explain what time does to a person when they’re on the road. Day after
day, the shows, the albums, the whole routine. It just eats away everything
else around you. And I’m sorry for that, Becky. But this ring isn’t mine. It’s
yours. Keep it. Sell it. I don’t care.”

Chris took his hand back and bent
to get the groceries for Becky. She grabbed his arm and stopped him. Chris was
half bent and looked up at Becky.

“Stand up,” she whispered.

Chris listened.

She opened her hand and looked at
the ring.

“I have not worn this ring since
that morning. I took it off to take a shower. I haven’t...”

Chris watched as Becky put the ring
on her finger. Her hand was shaking.

“It still looks beautiful,” Chris
said. “But that’s just you, Becky. You have no idea how beautiful you are...”

“You didn’t sign the papers?” Becky
asked.

“I just couldn’t,” Chris said. “I
mean, not until I came here to see you. Just to make sure you’re okay. That...
you’re happy.”

Becky moved towards Chris. The
paralyzing feeling that ran through him made him suddenly feel angry. Angry at
himself. Because all this time he could have done more, and he probably should
have. But he didn’t. Becky moved up towards Chris and he had to put an end to
it. Of all the crazy things he’d done in his life, as a man, as a rockstar, he
had walked this line before and crossed it. But to hurt the man that was taking
care of Becky - no matter how tempting it was - he couldn’t do it.

“Becky, no,” Chris said.

He put a safe distance between them.

“Chris...”

“No,” he said. “I can’t do that.
Whoever is caring for you...”

“Nobody is!” Becky cried out.
“Nobody is.”

“What do you mean?”

“I lied, okay? I lied.”

“You’re single?”

“I’m single, Chris, okay?”

“Because of me?”

“You really think you’re that
impressionable on people?”

Chris thought he sensed a smile
coming from Becky but it didn’t come. Instead, Becky just stood, emotionless,
like a shell of the girl he met in Texas, and it angered him even more.

Had he done this?

He didn’t want to believe it was
all him, but he couldn’t be sure. That’s when he tried to imagine what it must
have been like. Keeping such a secret. He knew what marriage meant to most
women. Even though Becky wasn’t like any other woman he’d ever met before, it
had to have meant something.

“I’m sorry,” Chris said. “I don’t
know what else to say or do. Thinking about it now, that was really unfair of
me to do and say. To put you in that position. I feel like I threatened you.”

“You didn’t,” Becky said. “I knew
what I was doing. I didn’t want magazines and stuff to bother me.”

“What about now though?”

“You’re a washed up rockstar, who’s
going to care?”

Now the smile finally came. The
smile that Chris had been waiting to see again. Her beautiful smile matched her
beautiful face and Chris wanted nothing more than to pick Becky up in his arms
and find a way to fix everything.

He spotted the grocery bags on the
ground and figured it was a place to start. He bent down and grabbed the bags.

“Let me carry these upstairs for
you,” Chris said.

“Cheap way to get into a woman’s
apartment,” Becky said.

“If I wanted to be really cheap...
I could play the husband card.”

“Yeah? And I’ll play the wife card.
Half of everything you own?”

Chris swallowed.

He deserved that.

**

Becky led the way upstairs. She
held her eyes shut, stuck between two versions of herself.

There was Becky... the Becky that
Chris met and married. That version wondered if Chris was staring at her ass.
That version wanted her to move her ass and hips more than she needed. To tease
him. To entice him. To enjoy whatever moments in life were left to have. That
version of Becky understood how painful her mother’s death was but also
understood that living with a little sense of freedom wasn’t a bad thing at
all.

And there was Rebecca... the adult
walking up the steps to her cozy apartment. The adult who thought of purchase
orders that were due for payment. The adult that struggled to find a way to get
out of the family bakery business before she lost her mind. The adult that
wanted to swing her foot back and knock Chris down the steps. Like he deserved.

Right?

Then again, Becky could have been
out of the marriage at any point in time. She could have exploited Chris - and
Chasing Cross for that matter. She could be rich right now.

But that wasn’t Becky. Or Rebecca.

Neither Becky and Rebecca could do
that. Especially to Chris.

At the top of the steps, Becky
opened the door and shook her head, feeling amazed that once again, the bassist
from Chasing Cross was literally barging into her life.

Chris put the groceries on the
table and quickly took a couple steps back towards the door. Becky saw him and
pointed to the bags.

“I can make us something,” she
said. “If you’d like.”

“Really? I mean... yeah. I don’t
want to impose here.”

“You already did,” Becky said.
“You’re the talk of the town now.”

“The talk of the town?”

“That woman that gave you
directions to the bakery is the town gossiper.”