Burning Ember (65 page)

“Because you won’t . . .” Shaking her head, she mumbles, “ . . . not the way you used to . . .” She tries to pull her face away, but I won’t let her.

“I won’t what?”

“Feel the same way, look at me the same.” She hurries to say. “I should have fought harder. Done something to stop it.”

“Doll, I don’t understand. You did everything you could, and I’m gonna look at you the same way I did before. Like you’re fuckin’ beautiful. Like you’re amazing, and the most gorgeous woman in the world, because that’s exactly how I still see you. How I’ll always see you. I’m gonna look at you like you’re so goddamn strong because with everythin’ that happened to you, you survived. And I’m gonna look at you like I love you, because I do. God, Ember. I love you so much, it fuckin’ hurts.”

Her blue-green eyes finally lift to my face. And it’s as if an ocean breeze fills my chest. The elation I feel is indescribable.

“You love me?”

Smiling and ignoring the tear traveling down my own face, I kiss her quickly on the lips, and say, “Yeah, I do.”

Her lashes flutter and draw down. “I keep thinking, if I’d just taken off your necklace, then maybe he wouldn’t have done it—marked my back, and did what he did.”

Something heavy worms its way into my gut, filling me with a sick feeling and an awful suspicion. The conversation I had with Doctor Alister comes back to me.

“From what? A belt?”

“Not sure. But I counted thirteen marks on her back and the top of her thighs and if you look closely at her skin there, there’s evidence that this isn’t the first time it’s happened. She also has two bruised ribs, and a contusion on her cheek, but that should heal in a few days. The important thing is that she’s alive. She’s damn lucky the bullet only nicked her liver and passed through like it did.”

“Were there signs of . . .”

A weighty silence falls between us.

“Rape?” he asks.

Crossing my arms, I nod once.

“There’s evidence of rough intercourse recently, but no traces of semen. Rape is harder to determine if the patient is sexually active. Had you two . . .”

Thinking about last night and how rough I was when I took her in my office, I nod again.

Alister says, with all the confidence in the world, “Then let’s hope that’s all it was.”

I expel a relieved breath as he walks out of the room and turns back to stare at Ember sleeping in the bed.

“Are you telling me he raped you?”

“I thought you knew!” The panic in her eyes confirms what I didn’t want to even consider or believe though it was always a possibility. “I thought . . .”

“I didn’t
know.
” Rising from the bed, heat shoots up my spine. I lace my hands behind my head, and then move them to the back of my neck. “Jesus Christ!”
I granted that son of a bitch mercy. I let him off easy and without any pain. When I should’ve ripped the skin from his bones.
I grab the bed table and shove it across the room, sending it to crash against the wall.

I turn and almost growl, “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me before I killed him?” But more tears trek down her face.

“Fuck!” I did this. I stare at how broken she is and realize that Warner didn’t break her. I did. I didn’t trust in her, and because I didn’t, she ran. She was shot, raped, and nearly died. And I have no one, not a damn soul, but myself to blame. It was my job to protect her, and I failed her in every way I could.

Half of me wants to go to her. Tell her I don’t blame her, that it’s not her fault, and that this doesn’t change a thing. I still love her. The other half wants to tear apart this room, and this whole fucking hospital.

When her hands cover her face, I go to her. Pull her into my chest and let her cry on my shirt. I kiss her head and whisper those things to her. “This isn’t your fault, baby. I did this. You did nothin’ wrong to deserve this, and it doesn’t change a thing for me. I still love you. Do you hear me, Doll? I love you and we’re gonna make it through this.”

I crawl into the bed with her and hold her until she falls asleep. But minute by minute, the shame mounts, and becomes too much.

Before I leave her, I brush her hair away from her face and kiss her one last time on the temple.

EMBER

I’m startled awake as something moves under my hand and another something lands on top of it. My breath hitches as I open my eyes and see Mav beside my bed. He reeks of alcohol.

I realize that it’s his hand under mine, his forehead pressed to the top of my hand, and he’s kneeling beside the bed.

“Mav?”

“Doll. What can I do?”

“What do you mean?” Using the button, I adjust the bed so I can sit up, because I can’t yet sit up on my own.

In a slightly accented and slurred voice, he asks, “To make this right? How the fuck do I make this right?”

I consider his question for a long time.
Is there any way to make it right?
We can’t erase what happened. We can’t go back. And Warner’s gone. The memories will probably always be there. Though with time, maybe the nightmares of it will fade.

“I don’t think you can make it right. Nobody can. But maybe one day, it won’t hurt like this.”

Mav fists the blanket. “You say you don’t blame me, but how could you not? I do. I knew who you were, and I never should’ve doubted you.”

Although it pulls at the bandage over my abdomen, I lay my other hand over the back of his head. His coarse hair tickles my palm. “I could’ve tried to explain. But I didn’t, Mav.”

He shakes his head from side to side. “No. You were right. You shouldn’t have had to explain a thing.”

His hand moves over my thigh, squeezes it. “I just hope one day you can forgive me. Not now and maybe not even soon, but one day.”

He looks up at me. I gasp and reach out to touch his face, but then I pull back for fear of causing him more pain. It looks like he’s had enough of it tonight. His face reminds me of what Sundown’s looked like when I first saw her in the back of the SUV. Beaten and swollen.

“What did you do?”

He licks as the cut on his lip and hisses. Then brings a knuckle to the split there and shrugs. “Someone had to pay. Me, Taz, doesn’t matter. Just not you.”

“Taz did that to you?”

He stands, sweeps my bangs away, and leans over and kisses my forehead. “No, Dozer. After I beat the shit out of Taz, Dozer was more than happy to do the same to me.”

For the first time since facing off against Warner, I get angry. I glare up at him and when I do, a smirk tries to split across Mav’s face. Only it ends rapidly with him cursing and touching the back of his hand across his cut lip again.

“Fuck, that hurts. Why are you glaring at me?” The side of his mouth curls.

“No one else needs to get hurt. Do you understand? It’s done.”

“Except for Davis when I find him.”

I try to keep glaring at him, but he has a good point. Finally, I nod once. “Except for Davis.”

He smiles again, and says, “Fuck. Stop making me smile.”

I smile, and then laugh when my response only puts him in more pain, and makes him sound like the biker he is.

Locking eyes with me, he says with all sincerity, “It’s good to see your eyes again, and see you smile.” Then he cups my face and rubs his thumb over my cheek. “I missed you, Doll. Don’t ever go away like that again, okay?”

I nod.

Mav attempts to fight off his grin. He turns and strides to the couch that he’s used for the last two weeks as a bed.

“So I just have one question.”

He throws the pillow down on one side of the couch. He twists to look at me. “What’s that?”

“You said Lil’ would give me food poisoning in a week. But does that mean you hired a nurse and a cook?”

“No, just a nurse.” He picks up the blanket, then pauses with it in his hands, turns and shakes his head. “I know what you’re getting at. You and that smart-ass mouth of yours.”

Biting my lip, I raise an eyebrow.

He turns back around and shakes his blanket over the couch. He grumbles something that I don’t catch.

“What was that?”

“I’ve been watchin’ some cookin’ shows, and I bought a couple of books.”

Though it feels wrong to feel happy right now, I can’t contain my amusement and curiosity. “Books? On what?”

He takes his cut off and lays it nicely folded in half over a chair. He sits down and starts to take off his boots. Shrugging, he replies, “Cookin’, kids, how to take care of an invalid.”

“Ha. Ha. Ha. Very funny.”

He smiles then hisses, “Fuck. Would you stop?”

He exhales a deep breath and rubs his hands against his head. He stares at me for a long time before he finally lies down. His arms go behind his head and he looks at the ceiling. He crosses his legs at the foot of the couch.

I smile and push the button to lower me back down. “Good night, Mav.”

It seems like forever before he says, “Night, Doll.” Something he’s done every night without fail these last two weeks.

For a long time, all I can do is think of him, and listen to his breathing, even after it becomes deep with sleep. For the first time when I close my eyes, horrific images don’t consume my thoughts, and no nightmares take over my dreams.

Certain people are a part of our lives because that is exactly where God wants them to be.

MAVERICK

In anticipation of Ember and Will coming to live with me, I moved my bed from the master bedroom into one of the spare bedrooms, and I set up two new adjustable twin beds side by side in the master. Ember, and most likely Will, will be spending a lot of time in there and in bed, so I bought an entertainment center, a new 42 inch TV, and everything I could think of to help them pass the time in comfort.

I didn’t really know how to approach getting to know Will. So far, she’s treated me like Ember did. She knew I was there when she visited the hospital nearly every day. But besides a few wary glances here and there, she ignored my presence too.

Bethany told me to take it slow with her and to not overwhelm her. Will was already having a hard time, and what she really needed right now was to feel safe and have some stability. She also said her and Ember would need time alone together and time to heal. She warned me it would be natural for Will not to want to sleep alone in a strange house.

I kept everything she said in mind over the next few months.

The first month that we all lived together was a true test of whether Ember, Will, and I could survive in one house long term.

Going into it, I definitely didn’t realize all that I signed up for, and I don’t think Ember realized how much she would have to depend on me. Will simply clung to the person she trusted the most and followed Ember’s lead.

It was an eye opening experience for us all; although, it also felt like some kind of science experiment.

We had a few fires and visits from the fire department, my fault—two floods and a broken Blu-ray player, Will’s—and Ember had a couple of meltdowns from being confined to a bed. She reinjured herself twice thinking she could move around and shower without needing help.

As far as education went, I learned lots over those first four weeks. I learned about SpongeBob and the Backyardigans. I learned about bath time and that on the second read through of a book, Will usually fell asleep. I also learned five-year-olds need to be entertained every hour they’re awake, and when you promise you’ll do something, they will hold you to it. I learned that both of them loved music; music that sometimes hurt my ears to listen to. I learned that half of my vocabulary earned me a glare from Ember, which always made me hard so I slipped up on purpose here and there. I learned clutter and living in a mess drove Ember a little crazy, and she hated being helpless. I learned that the only cure for nightmares was to be held by someone you felt safe with, Ember for Will, and me for Ember. I learned they both had certain moods, that once identified, I needed to stay clear. I learned Ember hates tuna fish and pickles, and Will hates about eighty percent of all vegetables, which I guess is common for kids her age, and she despises spaghetti. She even has a song she sings about how she hates “pahsgetti” and she’s not going to eat it.