Burning Heart: Fighting Heart Erotic Bad Boy Romance Series Book 4 (2 page)

My first thought was to help from afar. There were things I could do without wasting two hours on a train journey back to Essex. I’d left my bag and folder in the lecture and had a good twenty minutes before it finished, but with my brain sizzling with new worries there was no way I wanted to hear about Tudor London. I sat down by the corridor window overlooking the smoker’s quadrangle. My first thought was to phone the Essex police but I already guessed what they would think about the time frame.  It was common knowledge that nobody cared about a missing person until they had been missing for at least 48 hours, and Regan had only been gone 36. But I guessed it couldn’t harm matters if the police knew he was missing ahead of time.  Besides, there was a very good chance they would tell me that Regan was nice and safely locked up in one of their cells. Case closed.

It took me a while tracking down the local Essex police numbers on Google, and when I eventually called through I needed to get past the gatekeeper. As it turned out, that was pretty easy.

“Regan Pearson?” said the gruff policeman at the other end of the line. “Your brother is Regan Pearson? And you want to report him missing? Excuse me for saying, Miss, but some of our officers will probably want to throw a party if they hear Regan Pearson’s done a bunk.”

“That’s a pretty insensitive thing to say,” I said.

“Miss Pearson,” said the cop, his voice getting defensive. “Your brother has been missing 36 hours, right? Pardon me for saying so, but could it be he’s on the boat to Amsterdam because he’s run out of supplies. Did you think of that?”

“Excuse me? Are you for real?” I said to the guy. I asked for his name and his badge number just to get him further on the defensive. But I knew there was more than a grain of truth in what he’d said. Regan doing something slightly iffy and unpredictable? That was hardly strange. But Amanda’s text left me wondering. I called her number and it went straight to voicemail after a few rings. Then I sent her a text. “Call me.” I waited. She didn’t call. Her apology still had my spider senses tingling.

I knew Cody wasn’t in class until much later at 2pm, but I needed to see him right away. I couldn’t bother the Prof, but I did think about it. I’d only just moved out from his apartment into my own, and having seen how busy his brain was with all things academic, I wanted to give him a break and set out on my own again. The other reason was sex. It complicated everything, and even though I knew The Prof would have wanted to help, he would have thought I’d come back for something extra. As good as that had been, I knew it was over now, for both our sakes. Besides, Cody was a listener and he had a level head. In short, Cody cared, while the Prof thought he cared, which were two very different things.

I made it to the block in Deptford where Cody lived as someone was leaving the front door, saving me the need to buzz him through the intercom. It was before eleven am, and I wasn’t sure what Cody was doing. Maybe he was in there rolling around with Joanna Laws in the heat of passion, but I hoped not. If they were entwined my worries gave me a good pretext for disturbing them. I walked up the steps getting more antsy and nervous all the way until I reached Cody’s door.  My hand shook as I knocked. A half minute later, Cody Barnes came to the door all dressed in smart slacks with his chest bare. He was carrying a bowl of cereal. As soon as he saw it was me, he stopped chewing his cereal. He leaned against the front door like he was about to get all modest and hide his body behind it.

“Don’t kid yourself, Cody. I’ve seen all that before, remember.”

Hey presto, my nerves were gone. Seeing Cody’s upper body had done wonders for my peace of mind.

Cody blushed and smiled, and I walked through to a tiny living room after he’d shut the door behind me.

“I take it Her Majesty didn’t visit last night?” I said.

“Her Majesty? Come on! You mean Joanna? You’re unbelievable, Ashley.”

“I know. That’s what they all say, time and again. But I’ve got an excuse today, Cody. I’m pretty stressed out.”

“You’re
stressed
? But I thought it had all been straightened out? You’ve got a new place. You’re away from Brandon. You’re not stressing out about helping Amanda, are you? She wouldn’t waste a moment of her prissy little life helping you, would she? Let Student Support deal with her.”

“It’s not that, Cody.”

I looked at him, and found myself admiring his aquiline features, slim but muscular neck and shoulders, and the definition of his torso. Cody coughed to snap me out of it. There was a raised eyebrow on his face and the faintest kind of smirk.

“Sorry, I was just thinking, that’s all.”

“Right. So what’s up, Ash?”

“Don’t worry… I haven’t come to throw myself at you or something. I wouldn’t want to disrupt your love affair with the queen.”

Why the hell did I say that? Have some self-respect. Don’t be an idiot
. The voice in my head gave me the full two second lecture before I carried on.

“But you did say that you’d help me and I really need that help now. My brother is missing. My mother called, and she’s going out of her mind with worry.”

Cody put down his cereal. He caught my eyes momentarily falling onto his pecs. I didn’t mean to, my eyes just have a life of their own. Cody picked up a shirt and began to thread his arms through, which was a shame. I hoped it wasn’t because of my roving eyes.

“Your brother? In Essex? Is this the same brother who used up all your college funds to fix his drug debt?”

“The one and only Regan Pearson.”

“What the hell do you want to help him for?”

“Isn’t it obvious, Cody? He’s my brother. He never stopped being my brother just because he’s a grade one nuisance. Besides, my mother begged for help.”

“You’re always helping someone, Ash. Maybe it’s about time you concentrated on helping yourself.”

“Thanks. Nice soundbite. But if you really meant what you said about helping me Cody, now’s the time. I haven’t got anyone else. Not like you.”

Cody looked at me, and absorbed the truth of what I’d said. It was a kind of compliment too, though I hoped I wasn’t coming across as too needy. Even though right then, I felt as needy as hell.

“What do you want, Ashley? I’ve got college this afternoon, and then I’m meeting Joanna tomorrow…”

There was a beat of time when I felt his hesitance. Reluctance even. He was there with me, but he trailed off. He looked all mixed up, but I couldn’t make up his mind for him. Hearing him struggle like that stung me.

“Oh forget it, Cody.” I put up my hand to quiet him. I didn’t want to hear the kind of weak excuses I’d heard from all kinds of people wriggling out of their commitments a million times before. Being with Joanna was clearly a priority above helping me for Cody these days. He’d moved on.
So be it.
I could help myself if I had to. I’d been okay before, right?

“Hang on… just give me a minute to think it through, Ash.”

“What exactly are you thinking through, Cody? Whether you want to help me or not? Whether it’s worth it or is it too much hassle? Or that you’d rather spend that time with Joanna? Because whatever it is, I don’t think I need to wait to hear any excuses, do you? Not when my family are in trouble.”

He looked flummoxed, and then his face changed colour.

“You just listen here a minute, Ashley. Last time I saw you, you ran around here asking for help and I offered you dinner and you just ran straight out the door! Last I heard you were with Professor Ridgley again. Now you come to see me like I’m your last resort and you expect me to drop everything, including my college work and my
girlfriend…?”

The word girlfriend came out of his mouth differently to the rest of everything else he said, like it didn’t fit. Like it didn’t make sense in his own mind. I didn’t know what that meant, all I heard was his lecture.

“Last time I was here, your ‘
girlfriend’,”
I said, copying his strange tone, “made it very clear that you didn’t want me round.”

“Did she?” said Cody, his eyes suddenly big and earnest.

“Yes, she did. And today I’m getting pretty much the same vibe from you.”

“Then you’re getting your vibes all wrong.”

I looked at Cody and wanted him to be the man of my dreams – the fine man I believed he was when we first hooked up in York. I wanted to believe in him like I had then, with a pure passionate heart. Yet hearing him speak of Joanna as his girlfriend (in whatever tone of voice he wanted to use) and mentioning the Prof to me yet again showed just how far apart we were.

“You know Cody, I’m not sure what’s happening with my brother in Essex, but the truth is I’m a little freaked right now. I got a text from Amanda which said
Sorry
- for what I don’t know - Next minute I get a call from my Mum saying my brother is missing, and straight after that I get a text from Brandon telling me that he’ll see me soon…”

“Ash, why don’t you just call the police?”

I threw my hands up. “Wow! Genius! That’s it! That’s the answer. I don’t know why I didn’t think of it myself! I’m so glad I made the trip. Thanks for all your help with that Cody. I’d never have thought of it myself. See you round, Cody. Say hello to Her Majesty for me.”

I walked out of Cody’s flat one more time, silently vowing I would never ask Cody for anything ever again. I got to the foot of his block and kept walking, but with each step it was like I was getting weaker. I felt lost. I was alone and getting out of my depth. Here I was in the big crazy world of South London, and all I could do was stop just to take a breath. There was nothing and no one else left to help me now. I would have to go home and fix this by myself.

Cody took a train and tube into the city centre. It took a whole hour to get to the Liverpool Street area. It was the very same city as South London, just a stone’s throw across the Thames, and yet it may as well have been another place altogether. Cody wasn’t in the mood for the hubbub and the pressure of the crowds of the city, with its tiny sandwich shops and suited workers rushing around like ants on speed, but it had to be done. He needed Joanna on board for what he was about to do, and he needed her to understand why he was asking for her help.

Joanna operated out of a small office in an ancient six storey building near the cyber-industrial frontage of the famous Lloyds building. He wasn’t sure if having a London address helped Joanna’s business or not. Being a literary agent required some kind of status, and status was something which Joanna enjoyed. She didn’t talk of such things, but he could read it into the labels she enjoyed wearing, the restaurants she selected when they ate out, and the brands of alcohol she bought when they drank together. Status was less important for Cody, though he hoped he still had class. He reached Joanna’s office building by lunchtime, fearing that she’d be out schmoozing with some hot new literary prospect. He wondered what he would see if he were a fly on a wall when she met a great new prospect. Would he see her pulling the same kind of stunts she pulled on him? Would she flirt with them? Would she try to seduce them? Joanna was a stunning divorcee who seemed to regard sex as a great way to pass the time. Cody loved sex as much as any guy, but for some reason he suspected Joanna was more laissez-faire than him when it came down to everything to do with sex. Not just the subject either, but the activity. Did she try to screw every good looking prospect who walked her way? He felt bad for thinking that way but the thought just wouldn’t go away. Joanna had worked hard to seduce him, and ultimately she had achieved her ends. She had been skilful and clever about it, and since then he occasionally noticed Joanna close Ashley out of his life.  He couldn’t blame Joanna for that, but he wasn’t comfortable with it. And less so now Ashley had said the same thing.

Cody walked into the Reville building and made for the reception where a woman with a short spiky hairdo sat looking at a screen. She wore a headset for answering calls. She looked at up Cody.

“Good afternoon.”

“Hi. I need to speak to Joanna Laws, please.”

“I’ll try her office for you.”

The girl made the call.

“Yes, I’ve got a…”

“Cody Barnes…”

“A Cody Barnes here to see you…. Fine. Will do. She said go right up Mr Barnes. The top floor, suite 10.”

“Thank you.”

The girl’s smile lingered an extra moment more than necessary.

“Are you a writer?”

“I’m not the sandwich guy.”

The reception girl chuckled and he walked away with a spring in his step. At least one girl thought he still had the old Cody magic.

On the top floor, Cody reached room 10. He pushed a little old wooden framed door and found Joanna sitting at her desk. Room10? Room 10 was more like a cubicle stacked with files with enough room for one desk and two seats. There were photographs and cut-outs of newspaper reviews framed on the wall around the window. One of them was the first review of Seismic Girl from Ostler’s Review.  Cody hadn’t read that review and he didn’t want to start now.  He fixed his eyes on the pretty face of Joanna Laws, who was busily talking on the phone. She smiled at him as she spoke, but put her hand up to keep him from interrupting her. He saw curiosity in her eyes at his unexpected visit and a hint of fun too.

“No! With all due respect, that’s not the way I’d play it at all, Jonathan. If I said that to them, they would run a country mile. Or more likely tell me to go for a running jump, and regardless of which publisher we end up with that would jeopardise all my dealings with Octagon for all my future clients. So, thanks for the advice and all that, but I’ll do the agent thing and you stick to your literary principles in private. How about that? Is that okay?

Then Joanna rolled her eyes and nodded. “Yeah. Yeah. Of course, I get that, but still, this is Octagon Press and they are the ones with the money, not you, not me. Don’t play
too
hard to get now, Jonathan, or you’ll make us both as miserable as one of your mopey protagonists…. No… no offence intended. Just let me talk to Octagon, and I’ll come back to you soon. When? Soon, like I said. Bye-bye now.”

Joanna gasped and took a long slow exhalation as she placed the phone on the cradle. She sat back and sipped from a cardboard Starbucks cup. Cody took a quick look around, and tried to keep his eyes neutral.

“I know, you’re thinking this is a dump, right? Is it time I sought a new agent? Is that what you’re thinking? But you’re wrong, Mr Barnes. Do you even know the cost of this prime piece of London real estate? No! And you don’t want to know! Hell, I don’t want to know either. But it is what it is, a London address, so that all my little celebrities feel important. And you should feel extra special, because you get my extra special personal touch.”

She was talking fast. Cody guessed she’d been drinking a lot of coffee. She stopped talking and Cody felt like he needed to take another breath on her behalf.

“So… to what do I owe this immense pleasure, Mr Barnes?”

“I needed to speak with you, that’s all… Who’s this Jonathan guy?”

“Jonathan J Ackerman. He’s a literary type, by which I mean pretentious. You – you’re literary but you’re real. Ackerman is literary and it sucks, but he’s been published once already so someone will pick him up.”

“He sounds like a pain in the ass.”

“He is. So, have you come to be another pain in the ass or have you come round to make my day, Mr Barnes.”

“I don’t know yet.”

“Oh dear,” said Joanna. “Don’t tell me. Is this about Ashley again? Because I really hoped that once you and I had been together in the sack a few times that you would forget about that one altogether. I must be losing my touch. Tell me I’m not losing my touch…It really doesn’t make me feel very good when you’re always mentioning another girl’s name.”

“Hey, I haven’t even said a name as yet.”

“You didn’t have to, Cody. It’s in your eyes. But… hey… I’m glad you’re here. I could do with a little stress relief.” She grinned and shifted in her chair, apparently pleased at the mere possibility of indulging. But Cody still found her just a little too pragmatic about sex, a little too
functional
… She would speak about them ‘having sex’ rather than having an affair or being in love or all those other great ways of saying it. Now she talked about stress relief… it was funny, but Cody thought that was exactly what she meant. Not making love, but having some sexual stress relief.

“Shut the door, will you. Lock it too, there’s a good boy.”

“Joanna, we need to discuss something. Ashley came by this morning. She’s in trouble.”

“When is that bloody girl not in trouble? I warned her to keep away from you up in York, Cody. She’s trouble and she doesn’t even know it.”

“You
warned
her to keep away from me?”

“Okay. Reality check time, Cody. You are an asset, Cody. Not only that, I care about you as a person too. I am always looking out for your interests. If she got the chance to mess your head up with all her psychodramas how would you ever be able to write a single quality piece? Your talent would be wasted. I mean, look what she’s done to Brandon Lynes! Inside two months that she’s been with him the guy is a shambles, you don’t want to end up the next on the list, do you?”

“Joanna, listen to yourself!”

Joanna sat back in her chair and turned a little to face the window. She took a few strands of hair in her hands and pulled her fingers down its length, thoughtfully. Her voice was quiet when she spoke.

“Oh dear. We’re about to have our first argument, aren’t we?”

Cody shook his head in disbelief. “I don’t want to argue with you, Joanna. I just wanted both of us to be as good as our word. We both said – you and me – that we would help that girl, and she came round today to see if we
were
as good as our word. The only reason I hesitated in saying yes was because I wanted you to be there with me. Together. Do you see? Then you go and jump down my throat and tell me that Ashley is some kind of waste of space, and that you told her to keep away from me! I bet that happened right outside the ice cream shop on that country lane, didn’t it? You were both acting funny when I came back outside.”

Joanna sighed. “I can’t remember, Cody. I do find arguing the worst part of any relationship, it’s so tiresome. I prefer the hugs, kisses and fireworks.”

“Joanna...”

“What?  You come in here raising your voice at me, flapping your arms like a chicken. Do I deserve that? I don’t think so! And that’s not the most appealing view of you I’ve ever had. I was rather hoping your visit was a lunch time booty call, not a moral lecture.”

“Damn, Joanna. Ashley was the inspiration behind Seismic Girl. She’s the reason we’re both talking in the first place.”

“No, Cody. The reason we’re talking like this is because you’re hot property, with a tight little butt and an attractive face. We liked each other, had sex, and now we’ve got a thing going. Don’t make me regret it, Cody, because I really don’t want to. Not yet.”

Not yet.
Cody heard those two little words and it was as if Joanna had just plastered a use-by-date label over their relationship. It felt like proof that their time together was compartmentalised and time limited, just as he suspected. Her language had betrayed her. Cody’s eyes lost their emotional spark. In realisation, his anger drifted towards acceptance. His voice dropped. Joanna looked at him. She noticed his demeanour had changed, the air between them had changed too. Joanna shook her head gently, like she could suddenly read his mind.

“Joanna. I only wanted us to help her like we said we would. That’s all. But you’ve just told me a whole bunch of other stuff… And I can’t get my head around it.”

“I wanted be your muse, Cody. I’m special too, Cody. I want to be your muse.”

“Do you think that’s what you want? You want to be wanted, but you don’t want to give yourself. I think you want me to be
your
muse.”

“Give myself? I think you’ll find I’ve given plenty!”

“You know what I mean. As for Brandon Lynes. You were there, Joanna. You can’t re-write history. Brandon Lynes destroyed himself, but now it might be that he wants to take Ashley with him. Something’s happened to her brother, Joanna. He’s missing.”

“What? What’s her brother got to do with anything?”

“I don’t know. Now I need to go and clear this up with her…”

“She’s using you, Cody. That girl is a drama queen and she’s needy. Soon she’ll have you at her beck and call.”

“That’s not true, Joanna. You know, I came here to get your help, but now I think I’d be better off without it. Ashley needs friends right now, not enemies.” Cody turned to leave.

“If you’re going to be like that, I may as well cancel our weekend away.”

Cody turned across his shoulder. It was a return slap in the face. He didn’t want to be upset, but it stung him nonetheless. “Yes, Joanna, you may as well.”

“Really? Is that how this is now? Well, if you’re going to be like that, I’ll bloody well take someone else. Maybe I’ll grab a farmhand to stick in my bed. There’s plenty of bloody farm boys in Suffolk who’d be keen…”

“Joanna, I’m sure they will.  I hope you enjoy them all.”

“Cody…”

Cody turned around.

“It’s such a shame we argued.” He saw the regret on her wonderful face and it made his heart lurch. What was he doing? Cody didn’t know, but he knew he had to do it anyway.

“Yes, Joanna it is.”

“Cody. Whatever happens, I’m still your agent. Okay?”

“Yes, Joanna. And you’d better be a good one. Because I’m still going to be a better bloody writer than Jonathan J Ackerman ever was.”

Cody managed to give Joanna Laws a weak smile before he turned away knowing that his relationship with one of the most beautiful women he’d ever known was hanging by a thread. He was in turmoil, and yet he was relieved. But his relief was tempered by fear for Ashley. He hoped she’d wait for him, because if Brandon was involved in this mess, then the guy really had lost the plot. And that meant he was dangerous.