Burnt (18 page)

Priest, Brenna, and I all laugh, and Billy just shakes his head,

“I won’t put it past her that, that’s the reason for it too.” Turning to Kendall he says his goodbyes. “Good to see you’re doing okay, Tiny. I’ll try keep this one from stopping you from resting, but I can’t promise a fucking thing about how effective I’ll be.”

Waving at him as he hefts up the diaper bag, Kendall tips her head to the side,

“Yep. I do know her, and good luck with that and God speed. Enjoy the couch Billy.” Yeah, my girl knows where he’ll be camping for the next little while, well, until the sex crazed maniac, that would be Lou, needs a fix of his cock at least.

Priest reaches over and plucks Lexi up. Lexi settles, curling her body into his. Leaning down and kissing his daughters forehead, he takes Brenna’s hand while she does the same.

“Try get some rest baby girl. We’ve got brothers in the hall, and we’ll be back in the morning.”

“Yes sweetie. Take your pain medication and try to sleep, it’ll be the best thing for you. Just rest and let us take care of you.” Kissing her again gently, she strokes a hand down her hair as Kendall’s eyes close.

“Okay mom, bring Lexi back when you come though please.” Nodding at her Brenna and Priest turn to go, before they can slip out I kiss my daughter on the top of her curly head and say, “Dream big Angel face.”

After the door shuts and I’ve taken up my seat again, Kendall relaxes into the bed,

“Phew, I never knew having visitors was so exhausting.”

Stroking her hand between both of mine, I marvel at how tiny they are.

“Yeah Baby, it’s been a big day. You should get some shut eye because I’d bet my left nut you’ve got a whole other wave coming through tomorrow.”

Sighing happily she replies,

“I bet. I can’t wait to see everyone, I missed them all so much when I was gone. I didn’t think I’d ge…” I stop her mid speech because I’m not ready to think about shit like that.

“Don’t Baby, yeah? You’re back now, and you and me both, don’t need to be thinking that shit anymore. We’re all ecstatic to have you home, and that’s all that matters. Well that, and some of the brothers are already planning a big hog roast to welcome you home, and for your birthday seeing’s you missed it.”

Kendall gasps,

“Oh my god Dec, I missed Lexi’s birthday.” That thought has tears streaming down her faced all over again.

Climbing in beside her, I stroke her hair cursing her cast and broken ribs for not allowing me to comfort my woman properly.

“Shhh don’t cry Babe, you didn’t miss anything, and Lexi refused to have a party anyway seeing you couldn’t be ther….”

What happens next makes my day, probably my month actually; Kendall absolutely loses her-ever-loving mind. I can just imagine her now if she was standing; she would have her hands on her hips, be wearing a cute little pout, and stomping her tiny feet, demanding that I explain exactly why I let Lexi get away with not celebrating her birthday. It gives me hope that she’s really going to be okay, not that I don’t believe the hospital staff, it’s just that seeing her get so fired up proves my Kendall is still here.

Patting my chest after she calms down, Kendall whispers,

“I’m glad to be home Dec, I missed you and Lexi so much, mom and dad too.” I can feel her soft breaths fan my chest, and I feel the tension leave my body. Just as I feel her drifting off into sleep, I hear her murmur, “Love you Dec.”

I whisper back without hesitation,

“Love you more Kendall. I fucking love you to pieces sweetheart.” I know she heard me because she squeezes my bicep, but I don’t care if she didn’t, my girl’s going to get sick of hearing me tell her I love her soon because I plan on telling her as often as I can. Every-fucking-day if she’ll let me.

Aged five…

I didn’t think Kenny would ever come home. I said my prayers every night with granma B, Aunt Sheila and grandpa but I didn’t think God was listening to me. I was wrong, God listened really close. I know this now because he bought me Princess Kenny back to me.

I’m glad she’s home now because dad was really, really sad too. He was always angry and stuff, yelling at my uncle’s and grandpa too. He was never angry at me though. He still kissed my head and gave me tight hugs, but I know he was still sad.

I tried to make him smile. I love dad’s smile. It gets all big and you can see his teeth and the dots beside his mouth. He didn’t ever smile big at my joke, he only smiled little, the kind that made his mouth all pinchy and stuff. Now Kenny’s home maybe he’ll smile big again, maybe his smile was waiting for her to come back. Dad always has a soft smile for Kenny, the one where his eyes get all sweet and lovey.

It scared me seeing Kenny hurt with boo boo’s everywhere. She told me she was okay and a hug would make her better. I gave her a hug, but I think she was telling a lie. Her boo boos were still there, I looked when they thought I was sleeping. I hear lots when all the big people think I’m sleeping.

I hear dad talking to grandpa in the kitchen telling him he do anything for Kenny to come home. I hear grandpa tell dad they will bring her home soon, they’ll do everything they can to get her back. I don’t know what they mean, but I know grandpa’s sad too when he says it. I hear granma B cry at night when I sleep over. Grampy hugs her and says, ‘its’ okay, they’ll get her back soon’.

I thought at the start Kenny left us. Maybe she ran away because I was bad or too noisy. Mom left, and she always says I was too noisy, or a bad little girl. I couldn’t remember what I’d done to make Kenny angry. Uncle Arrow says Kenny is gone, she didn’t run away. He says my dad, grandpa, grampy, uncle Tank, and him, will bring Kenny home. He tells me she’s loves me very much and would be here if she could. Uncle Arrow says mom wasn’t a very good mom, because she always made me sad. Later dad came to talk to me because Uncle Arrow told him what I said about mom and Kenny. Dad said, ‘we’ve got each other and Kenny, and that’s all we need’, that mom won’t call me names, or make me sad anymore, and he won’t let her. I believe him too.

I don’t care my mom is gone and dad says she’s not coming back. I love Kenny the most anyway, other than my dad. Kenny can just be my mom. I always think of her as my mom, and once I accidentally called her that in front of my mom, and she smacked me really hard. It made me remember not to do that again. I didn’t tell my dad because he would get really angry at her, and start yelling.

Uncle Arrow introduced me to a new man at the clubhouse, dad calls him prospect. I don’t knows what that means, but I heard other men at the club called that too. Grandpa just calls him Glock. I like Glock, he gives me the big smiles like dad used to, helps me climb the jungle gym at the clubhouse too. I knows he’s eighteen-years-old because I asked him, and told him I’m five now. That’s when he gave me the big smile.

Now Kenny is home I want her to meet Glock. When I asked him if he wants to meet my Kenny, he told me ‘yeah’, he would like to meet her. I think Kenny would like him, lots. He’s pretty like my dad. Dad has black hair, and Glock has brown hair like Kenny. Dad has grey eyes, and Glock has blue eyes like me. He’s tall like dad, and big too, not as big as dad, but nearly. I said dad was pretty once, he laughed at me, and told me boys aren’t pretty, they’re manly or handsome. I think that means Glock is handsome, but I’ll have to ask Kenny, she knows all this kind of stuff.

I waited nearly two weeks from when I saw Kenny in the hospital the first day until she can finally come home. Dad says we are going to stay at Kenny’s house for a bit because we have a two level house, and Kenny can’t walk up the stairs yet, they hurt her chest too much.

Today Kenny is coming home after we go to the club to have a big, big, big hog roast. I’ve got to go with Aunt Lou to the hog roast, but she says I’ll see Kenny there, that dad is already at the hospital, so he will just drive her here when they let her out.

Kenny made granma B, Aunt Lou and Aunt Sheila make the party for me too. They put up lots of balloons and streamers, two birthday banners, and got us each a cake. I didn’t want to celebrate my birthday when Kenny was away, it didn’t feel right if she wasn’t here.

Granma B is yelling at uncle Tank to put the sign higher, Aunt Sheila is telling Uncle Vic to get more balloons tied up, and Aunt Lou is yelling at Uncle Billy afters she hit him in the back of his head for putting Anna in the sun. Glock is pushing me on the swing. Granma B told me to stay over here for a bit because Aunt Lou is crazy and needs to calm down. She’s not angry with me she’s just excited Kenny is coming home and granma B says she wants everything to be perfect.

I ask Glock if he’s excited too,

“You excited to meet my Kenny, Glock?”

He gives me the big smile,

“Sure am little bit. You going to introduce me?” I smile back at him.

“Yep,” I says making my P pop, “You haves to say real close to me though.” He frowns a little and it makes his head go all scrunchy.

“Why’s that little bit.” He always calls me ‘little bit’. He says it’s because I’m so little all over. I asked him what he’s going to call me when I get big, but he just laughed and said I will always be littler than him so he’ll still call me little bit.

“You got to stay close because dad doesn’t like when other men go near Kenny. He gets a red face and calls them names. You stay close to me and he won’t call you bad words because he doesn’t like saying them around me.” I grin big at him and he grins back.

“Good plan little bit. You come get me when you want to introduce us and you can stay real close, yeah?”

I nod at him trying to be serious.

“You got it.”

Glock is my best friend. I hopes he thinks I’m his best friend too.

Finally! Finally I get out of here. Not to speak ill of all the lovely nurses and doctors that have helped me get better over the last month, but Jesus, it will be good to go home.

The two weeks since I was reunited with Dec and my family have NOT flown. If anything it feels like time dragged on purpose. I went through painful rehab sessions daily to strengthen my arm and leg after being shot, and my ribs still hurt when I sit up from lying down, and vice versa.

Anderson the rehab therapist is a huge man with gorgeous caramel coloured skin, piercing brown eyes, and he’s built like a tank. Tank would be jealous for sure. Poor guy copped hell from Dec the first few days, I actually felt a little sorry for him. Dec did not, like the fact a man would have his hands on any part of my body during warm up and cool down, but Anderson was quick to inform Dec, that Dec is more his type than I am, and thankfully Dec seemed to settle down a little after that discovery. It made me laugh, especially because it’s pretty evident that Anderson is very openly a gay man. Dec’s jaw still gets tight, and his fists clench during my stretching exercises, but he sucks it up, biting his tongue.

Thankfully my injuries are nearly completely healed, and the last scan of my lung showed it was nearly one hundred percent too. I still limp a little on my right side, but the doctor said another couple of weeks and it should be almost unnoticeable. That goes for my cast as well. It gets removed in ten-days and then I have a list of instructions with exercises to strengthen it to regain movement, from the ever helpful Anderson, torturer that he is.

My bruises are all but gone, the only one that remains is the one on the side of my chest where they originally inserted the drainage tube for the fluid build-up on my lung. This was been done when I was brought in to the ER, and it was removed before I had even woken up for the first time. I wouldn’t have even known about it if I hadn’t noticed it in the shower.

I’ll always have a scar on the back of my head from the gash that took seventeen stitches to close, along with the ones on my upper thigh, upper left arm, and my side from the bullet wounds, but other than that I don’t have any lasting physical damage to speak of. My head wound was actually the most annoying of them all. I couldn’t brush my hair properly, it stung when I needed to wash my hair, which I was only doing three times a week at the moment, not my usual of every day, and I couldn’t lie directly on it. It could be much worse I suppose. After dragging me to my feet, and repeatedly hitting my head on the mental sink in the cell I was kept in, Isabella could have done a lot more damage. Thank God it is as superficial as it is. I really shouldn’t complain at all.

In the beginning my family, and the doctors were worried about psychological damage and whether it would hinder my recovery and future. It didn’t matter how many times I reassured them I was fine, and coping they were concerned about my lack of desire to discuss what had happened in the seven months I was held. They were wrong to worry. Sure, I have nightmares occasionally and they are pretty vivid, but I figure that’s perfectly normal for someone that survived what I did. And, no! I don’t want to talk about it.

I’m not bottling things up, I’m not harbouring deep seated terror of what I’d been through, I was simply moving on. It would always be part of my past, but that’s where I wanted it to stay; in the past. I’m not ignoring it either. If someone mentions my disappearance, my injuries, or asks a question before realising they had, I answer. I make light of the fact I was kidnapped, and hurt, and it’s not a defence mechanism, it’s my way of moving forward.

To appease them I saw the shrink the hospital referred me to a few times that first week after waking. After him giving me a clean bill of mental health, and my family some reassurance that I am in fact coping perfectly well, I was released from his charge. Doctor Phillips, the shrink that behaved more like a friend than a psychologist, gave me his card during our last visit, making me promise to call if I wanted to talk or schedule a session after leaving the hospital. I kept the card, but highly doubted I’d need to use it. I have all the support I need in Dec, my parents, Lou, and the club.

The guys, ol ladies, mom, dad, Lou, Billy, with Anna and without, and Lexi come to visit pretty much daily. I think I’ve caught up with almost everyone, shy of the guys prospecting before I was taken, and a couple of new prospects the club has taken on since. While it’s nice to see that so many people care about me and made the time to come and visit, those two weeks were exhausting. Each night I had no trouble falling asleep almost straight away.

One of said prospects, seems to have my little Lexi completely enamoured. I’m not sure how Dec feels about that seeing Glock is all Lexi seems to talk about outside of Abel, Monty and little Anna. Apparently, according to Lexi; his name is Glock, he’s eighteen, his hair is the same colour as mine, but it looks like uncle Max’s, meaning it’s in a Mohawk style, he’s got a heap of tattoos, pretty ones if Lexi’s to be believed, his eyebrow and lip are pierced, and his eyes are beautiful. They’re the same colour as hers, so she may be a little biased. He sounds like a cutie that’s for sure. What I like the most about him, even though I haven’t officially met him yet, is that he seems to treat Lexi well. Apparently, and Dec confirms it, Glock talks to her like a grown up, making sure someone always has an eye on her when she’s not inside the clubhouse.

Dec told me this morning alone, he’s fielded three calls already from Lexi asking; when he’ll be back at the club for the hog roast, if I’m excited they’re coming to stay with me at my house for a while, and to tell him Monty can say, ‘Hi Kenny’ really well now. Naw, she’s too cute.

In regards to them staying at mine for a bit, I couldn’t be happier. Whilst I know I could manage getting around okay on my own now, I just don’t know how comfortable I’ll feel by myself in my little cottage just yet. Having Lexi and Dec there in the beginning should help me to get over the worst of my fear of returning to the place I was taken from. It’s not that I would call it a paranoia over returning home, more like I’m just a tad anxious.

After having Dec around 24/7 for the last two weeks, I’ve come to rely on him heavily. Not so much for the basics like helping me sit or stand to go to the bathroom, brushing my hair and tying it up, or helping me get my shirt over my cast anymore. I rely on him for company more than anything else. He’s always here to making me laugh, pulling me out of my head if I get too deep into thoughts that aren’t pleasant, encourages me during my rehab work outs, stuff like that. Things that meant the world to me.

When Dec mentioned he and Lexi will be coming home with me, he was a little shocked I didn’t hesitate, or bother to argue when I agreed it was a good idea. I explained I did want him around, and it seemed to make him more than happy I wanted him with me, not needed him. I can’t help but be excited I’ll be seeing Abel, and yes, Monty again soon. Dad has had Abel since I’ve been gone, except for the couple of nights a week he went with Dec who was keeping Monty for me. Poor Dec got the short end of the stick with that deal.

Armed with the number of the outpatient clinic that will remove my cast and finish up my rehab work, mine and Dec’s bags, and a humongous stuffed unicorn from Uncle Max, Dec wheels me out, yes apparently all patients must leave in a wheelchair, to his SUV that’s parked on the curb. Placing an arm around my waist and helping me up, because let’s face it, I’m short and even with steps this thing is huge, Dec buckles me in. I smile at him and he returns it kissing my palm, placing my hand in my lap.

That’s another new thing since I’ve been back. Dec is extremely verbally, and physically demonstrative with his affections toward me. He doesn’t hesitate to kiss my hands, cheeks, forehead, and the top of my head. He constantly calls me sweetheart, baby, beautiful, babe, even fairy again occasionally. I have to admit, I love it because sweet Dec is just so adorable.

He tells me he loves me every morning when I wake up, every night before I go to sleep, and close to a million times in between. The first time I heard him tell me he loved me I thought I had dreamed it. Five years ago he wouldn’t hesitate in saying, ‘love you fairy’ or, ‘love you Kenny’, it’s different now, not only because he says, ‘I love you Kendall’, but because he says it with feeling and deep emotion in his voice.

I’ve waited for years to hear him tell me he loves me. At first I thought he was only saying it now because I was taken, and he was glad I was back. I built up the courage to ask him outright one day and he laughed at me and quickly dispelled the notion.

“No babe. I’m saying it because it’s long overdue and because I fucking love you to pieces baby.” That was all I needed to hear before I accepted his declarations and returned them. The look on his face every time I say, ‘I love you Dec’, back to him is one of wonder. Silly man, doesn’t he know by now that I’ve loved him forever? He tells me it’ll never get old hearing me say those words to him. I really hope it doesn’t because I plan on saying them for a very long time.

While Dec has become more affectionate and verbal with his feelings for me, we still haven’t had a conversation about what’s going on between us yet. I assumed he was waiting for me to get better, and home before he broached it, but I honestly have no idea where we stand. I’d like to think this was the beginning of something more, something deeper, the start of an actual relationship between us, but I can’t be sure.

At this juncture I have to say; a lot of you might think I’m weak, or pathetic maybe because I forgive Dec so easily seemingly overlooking what he did. You’re dead wrong. It takes a strong person to be hurt as I was, and still be able to offer forgiveness anyway.

If you had a choice, between being with the man you’ve loved forever, or being alone, miserable, and practically stalking him afar because you couldn’t forgive him, which would you chose? And, don’t say neither because you would have gotten over him already, remember I’ve loved him for my whole life. At the end of the day, it’s my choice, and I chose Dec. I personally believe the women that would have chosen to walk away are the weak ones. I was taught to fight for what I want, not to give up when everything got too hard, and to believe in second chances. If anyone has a problem with my choice, or my outlook on life, they can kiss my ass.

This relationship situation is something that I have to ask about before we get to the clubhouse. I know from the time we drive up, to the time I fall exhausted into bed tonight, we won’t have another minute alone. The discussion has to be had, and honestly, I should have broached well it before now, I just hadn’t been able to work up the courage.

Adjusting in my seat as he hops into the driver’s seat buckling up I wait for him to put the car in gear, and drive the few streets before the start of the short stretch of highway between Clearwater and Blackwater that will take us home. Clearing my throat loudly, I listen to his deep chuckle,

“What are you thinking Baby? You want to talk about something because you’ve been drilling holes in the side of my head since we left the hospital Babe.”

Damn him for knowing me so well. I thought I’ve been discreet in my observation of him.

“Well, since you asked,” he chuckles again. “I have to know before we get back because it’s been eating at me for a while now.”

He reaches for my hand and pulls it in to his stroking the flesh between my thumb and forefinger with his own.

“You can ask me anything Baby, you know that.”

I do know that, hence why I’m bringing this up at all.

“I do, so, here it is big guy. What’s going on with us?” I use my free hand to gesture wildly between where we’re sitting. “As awesome as having you around all day, every day is, and trust me I appreciate everything you’ve done for me in the last two weeks, I’m kind of confused why things are so different between us now. I totally get me disappearing scared the crap out of you, and you’re worried about the risks now I’m back, but it doesn’t explain the rest of it Dec.”

I stop talking and let him absorb what I’ve said. It takes him all of ten seconds to reply.

“You want it straight Baby?” He cocks a brow at me and I nod in response. “Well here it is, promise me you aren’t going to do anything stupid like fucking try and hide from me, or shit like that if I give it to you sweetheart, yeah?”

I shake my head and give him the words I know he wants to hear.

“I promise Dec. Honestly, I just want to know.”

Nodding back he answers and in doing so blows my mind.

“In a way you’re fucking dead right. I’m fucking shit scared of the risks of having you home again, especially knowing those fuckers didn’t let you go willingly. And, you’re right again when you said that it scared the shit out of me you being taken, I’ve never been so scared of anything in my life before. ” I try to pull my hand from his, but he clamps his down around mine not allowing me to free, not hard enough for it to hurt, but hard enough for me to understand that I’m not getting it back any time soon. “Hold on a fucking minute before you go getting all shitty. That was only part of it, not fucking all of it Baby. Sure, I’m going to be on guard for-fucking-ever now after that shit, but that isn’t why shit has changed between us.” I relax a little and let him continue. “You being taken didn’t prompt this shit between us though Kendall, what you don’t know is I had every fucking intention of sitting you down the night you were kidnapped and telling you all the shit I’m going tell you now. I fucking hated that bitch I was married to, and I had no intention of marrying her, Alexis, or no Alexis. When she came to me and told me because she was carrying my kid I had to make an honest woman of her, I said ‘fuck no’. I told her just because we were having a kid didn’t mean we had to get married for that shit to happen. I mean fuck, half the brothers have got kids and they don’t even have fucking girlfriends, let alone wives, or ol ladies.”