Business as Usual (Off The Subject) (23 page)

I want her like I’ve never wanted anyone in my life.

The thought is both exhilarating and frightening. But I still can’t ignore that it’s two o’clock in the morning. How did she escape from her brother? Maybe the more important question is
why
.

I make myself drag my mouth from hers and look down into her face. Her eyes are still closed and her breath escapes in rapid short bursts of white vapor. “Alexa.”

She releases a heavy breath, and then her eyes flutter open and she looks up at me through thick dark lashes.

“Why are you here?”

Her cheeks flush and fear flickers in her eyes again before she looks away.

I grab her face and lift her chin. My gaze pins hers. “Are you in trouble? Why do you look scared?”

Her eyes turn glassy. “I worried you wouldn’t want me anymore. I didn’t come to get my purse and I—”

I pull her against my chest as my mouth claims hers again. The saying
action speaks better than words
seems appropriate here.

Her hands thread through my short hair and hold me pressed against her, as though I would ever dream of pulling away.

My own hands roam her back, one of them capturing the back of her head. I can’t get enough of her. I’m like a man who’s been starved for days and then given a feast.

She lets go of my hair and lowers her hand to my waist, slipping it under my shirt. I jump from the cold and try not to tense as her fingertips slide up and dig into my back.

I pull away and disappointment covers her face, but I drop my hold on her and snag her hand in mine. “Let’s go inside.”

She doesn’t say a word, just follows me through the front door. I stand in the thankfully vacant living room, unsure how far she wants to take this. If we sit on the sofa and things get carried away, Austin or Noah might come out and find us, but if I take her to my room she might think I only want her for sex. While the dominant thought in my head is to strip her naked, a rational part of my brain tries to rein me in. I don’t want this thing between us to just be about sex. I want something more with her. Talk about a one-hundred-and-eighty degree change from Sabrina.

She senses my hesitation and takes the lead, tugging me down the hall to my room.

I flip on the light switch just inside the door and my bedside lamp turns on. Alexa pushes past me and shuts the door behind her. As she looks at me, her fingers rise to her coat, unfastening the buttons, top to bottom. I watch in fascination as she tosses the jacket behind her. It lands on the floor, but she doesn’t pay attention as she pulls her thick sweater over her head, leaving her in jeans and a black lacy bra.

My breath catches in my throat as my blood rushes south. My erection strains against my tight jeans and I ache to unfasten my zipper, but I’m too hypnotized by the strip-tease in front of me.

She kicks off her shoes and then unfastens her jeans. Hooking her thumbs in the loops, she pulls them down and lets them drop to her feet.

Then she looks at me with a question in her eyes, as though I would find her lacking. As though she might not be beautiful enough for me.

I want to tell her she has nothing to worry about. She’s gorgeous. Her wig frames her face and falls lightly over her shoulders. The black of her lingerie is a sharp contrast to her pale skin. Her face has less makeup on it than the other times I’ve seen her with the wig, but she doesn’t need it. I want to tell her she doesn’t need the wig either. I know who she is and I don’t care. I don’t care that Reed is her brother and that I’m risking my job by getting involved with her. I don’t care about anything but making her mine.

But my tongue lies at the bottom of my mouth, thick and useless as a slug. I can only take in her beauty and thank God she came to me. That I have this shot with her.

She must see the longing in my eyes because she lunges for me, pulling my face down for a kiss.

I kiss her back, my arms reaching around her back and pinning her to my chest. She frees her arms and grabs the bottom of my shirt, tugging it up and over my head before her mouth claims mine again and her hands start to play with the waistband of my pants.

I reach to help her, but she bats my hands away and pushes me back against the door with a thud. I barely have time to hope my roommates don’t wake up before she grabs my hands and presses my palms forcefully against the door.

I’m about to come in my pants.

She takes a step back, her eyes on my face. I keep my hands in place, watching and waiting to see what she’ll do next.

She reaches for my jeans, taking her time as she unfastens the button on top and slowly unzips them, her thumb rubbing along my erection.

I try to hold back a groan, but she hears and looks up at me with a hesitant smile that turns seductive. She tugs my pants to the floor and I’m left standing pressed against my bedroom door in my briefs.

She looks at my bulge and smiles before reaching down and taking me in her hand. After several strokes, she releases me and pulls my briefs to my thighs. When she bends down, I expect her to pull them off and one hand does, but her mouth finds the tip of my dick. Her tongue circles it as the rest of her mouth closes around me.

This time I don’t try to stop the groan that explodes from my chest. I reach for the back of her head out of instinct, but she grabs my wrist and pins it to the door as her mouth continues to drive me insane.

This is like every fantasy I’ve ever had rolled into one. I have no idea how long I’ll last, but now that she’s here and more than eager, I want to bury myself in her. But if she keeps teasing me this way, I won’t last another minute.

“Alexa.” I reach for her shoulders and pull her back up. “I want to be inside you.” But as soon as I say the words, I wonder if that’s not what she wants. Maybe she was hoping we would get off this way.

But when she stands, she kisses me and then leads me over to the bed. I sit down and she pushes me onto my back.

I have to be dreaming, There’s no way she’s in my room, taking total charge. But she slips off her bra and panties and straddles me, rubbing herself over my erection.

Oh fuck.

I try to roll her onto her side so I can rub her, but she digs her knees into the mattress.

Okay, she really wants to be on top.

I’m sure as hell not complaining. Instead, I sit up and move my legs over the edge of the bed. Grabbing her hips, I lift her up and reach between her legs to rub her. “God, you’re so wet already.” Grabbing her shoulders, I pull her breast to my mouth, my tongue finding her nipple.

She moans and her body tenses as she starts to lower herself on top of me.

“I need to get a condom.” I grab her ass with both hands and stand, setting her on top of my dresser while I pull out the top drawer on the side and grab one. Thank God I still have some. I didn’t use them for the last several months I was with Sabrina.

Alexa takes it from my hand and opens it, pulling me close so she can roll it over me. Then she wraps her legs around my waist. I’d take her right here, but the height is wrong. Instead, I pick her up again and sit on the edge of the bed with her on my lap.

She puts her knees on either side of my spread-apart thighs and cups my face with her hand, looking into my eyes with a longing that is nearly my undoing. Then her mouth lowers to mine and her tongue teases my lips as she sits on the tip of my erection and slowly begins to lower herself.

The feeling is both tortuous and elative. I grab her hips as she begins to move, taking more and more of me inside her with each movement. Soon I’m buried inside her as our tongues become tangled and it’s not enough, not nearly enough. I’m not sure I’ll ever be deep enough inside of her to feel complete.

I slide my hand up her back, my fingers digging into her shoulders and pushing her down. I’m not sure how much longer I’ll last, but I think she’s close from the sounds she’s making and the intensity of her movements. I feel her tense and her nails dig into my arms as she releases a sound that tells me she’s coming.

And that’s my cue to let loose. I want to turn her over and get even deeper, but she seems adamant about her position. Instead, she pushes me on my back and partially lies on top of me, her knees still straddling me. I grab her hips and help guide her, pushing deeper and deeper until I come with a loud groan.

Alexa continues to move and I hold her still. Finding her mouth, I kiss her with a passion I don’t usually have after sex. It’s as though I can’t get enough of her.

She’s still on top of me so I ease her off and onto her side. She looks up at me with a mixture of lust and uncertainty. How can she be uncertain of anything after that?

“I’ll be right back,” I say, pushing into a sitting position. “Don’t go anywhere.”

She doesn’t say anything as I climb out of bed, a difficult task given the fact that I’m sated and my exhaustion has returned with a vengeance. I want to lay down and fall asleep with her in my arms.

I clean up in a hurry and head back to my room. Alexa’s still on her side, but she’s put her bra and panties back on and she’s propped up on her elbow, her head in her hand. She watches me with those intense eyes as I lie down next to her, my fingers trailing down her arm.

“I was starting to worry that I wouldn’t see you again,” I finally say, lying back on the pillow and closing my eyes. Sleep has already grabbed hold of my brain and is sucking me under. I wrap an arm around her back and pull her head to my chest. “Not like
this
.”

“Ben,” she whispers. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

But her words are becoming jumbled in my sleep-hazed state. The next thing I know, the alarm on my phone is going off.

And Alexa is gone.

Lexi

I let myself into the apartment and head to my room, stripping my wig and throwing it onto the dresser. I’ve begun to hate it. It has given me freedom in so many ways, yet it now makes me feel trapped.

I tried to tell Ben about the wig and who I really am, but he fell asleep within seconds of laying his head on the pillow. I watched him sleep for at least ten minutes, my fingertips smoothing the worry lines around his eyes. He works three jobs and goes to school, which is obviously exhausting. I robbed him of precious sleep by going to him tonight, but I’m not sorry. Perhaps that makes me a terrible person, but I’ll live with it. I wouldn’t trade our night together for anything.

I pull all the pins out of my hair and dump them on the dresser, then strip out of my clothes and climb in bed naked, pulling the covers to my chin. This is unlike me too, but tonight I’ve given myself over to carnal pleasure.

I close my eyes and remember touching Ben…and the way his hands and his mouth felt on my body. Heat spreads through my abdomen and lower, and I suppress a groan. Now I wish I hadn’t left him. But I have no idea when Reed will be back and I don’t want him to worry. Not now.

The truth is, I didn’t plan what happened with Ben. I wanted to talk to him and tell him the truth, but once I saw him standing in front of me, I suddenly worried he’d be pissed when he found out about my lies. And in that moment, I realized how upset I would be if he walked away from me. So I went with my instincts and kissed him. And then I did so much more.

When I examine my behavior in his room, I wonder if I should be embarrassed. The way I took charge isn’t considered normal. Women are supposed to be submissive, right? Yet I enjoy sex most when I have the power. No,
enjoy
is the wrong word. Sex with Rob was enjoyable. Sex with Ben was
euphoric
. I know it’s because I’m developing feelings for him. I’m fairly certain he feels something for me too. All the more reason I can’t let this deception continue. The longer it does, the more likely he’ll be upset.

The guilt and worry of my deception make it difficult to sleep. My body still tingles with awareness and I wish again that I hadn’t left Ben. He was naked when he climbed into bed, and I spent time exploring his body and his face before getting up to leave.

As I think about pushing him down on the bed and straddling his legs, my breath comes in short pants. Before I realize what I’m doing, my hand is reaching between my legs. My therapist has suggested that I try masturbating to regain power over my sexual feelings, especially after my experience with Brandon, but this is the first time I’ve done it. It’s funny that I can take charge sexually with two different guys without feeling shame, yet I hesitate to pleasure my own body.

Forcing my tense muscles to relax, I start to touch myself as I think about my experience with Ben. I’m so sexually charged that it doesn’t take long for me to come. I lie on my bed, concentrating on my body’s reactions—my thudding heartbeat, my shallow breath, and the contractions that shake my body—I’m amazed at the progress I’ve made.

But do I still need the damn wig?

I’m not wearing it now and I’ve achieved an orgasm after only a couple of minutes. But what if I freak out with Ben if I try having sex with him without wearing the wig? I’ll be even more humiliated that I was with Brandon.

I finally get to sleep and when I wake it’s around seven-thirty. I put on a robe and search the apartment for any sign of Reed, but his bed is still made and it doesn’t look like he came home at all last night.

What could he be up to?

My head is full of worry as I take a shower and get ready for the day, yet there’s nothing I can do now. I still need to figure out how and when to tell Ben. I need to stop Reed from whatever madness he has planned and get him to tell Caroline the truth. I pray she’ll still be willing to listen.

When I get out of the shower, I see that I have a missed call from Caroline. She’s also sent me a text message asking me to call her back as soon as I can. Curious, I dial her number immediately.

“Caroline, is everything okay? “ I ask when she answers.

“Yeah,” she says, sounding distracted. “Everything is… okay.” She pauses. “Reed called me this morning and asked for a favor. It concerns you, so obviously I said yes.”