By Way of the Rose (37 page)

“It's about how you raped Sarah!”

“I don't know what you're talking about.” He spat a stream of tobacco juice at Shane's feet.

“She's pregnant, you idiot!”

“Well, you're her beau, not me!”

“It's not mine! It's yours and you damn well know it!”

“And now, you've come over to avenge her by killing me, is that it? Save yourself the trouble, boy! She's not even good at that!” Nathan grimaced.

Shane charged him like a raging bull who had seen red. Nathan grabbed the gun with hardly any effort, then knocked Shane to the ground. “Never go up against me to defend a savage, boy! Bet you didn't know that, did ya?”

“Know what?”

“She's a savage Indian!” Nathan pointed the gun towards Shane's head. “Now where do you reckon I should put this shot? Right here in your head... ” He moved the barrel down to Shane's chest. “Or in that aching little heart of yours?”

Shane saw the hate in his eyes. “No, Nathan, please no!” Shane began begging for his life.

“Oh, I can't stand your whining no more!” Nathan coldly spat out the words before he put the barrel to Shane's head and fired.

Sarah hardly slept. The queasiness wouldn't allow sleep. By the time the sun came through her window she was ready to go. She just wanted to get this day over with and start living her life with Shane.

John pounded on her door before he flung it open. “It's time to go. I see you're all ready. Excited, are we?”

“Why shouldn't I be excited? Shane is a wonderful, caring gentleman. I truly love him, and to beat all, he loves me too!”

“Sure he is. A gentleman always beds the town slut, don't he?” John bitterly huffed. “Get your bags. The team is hitched and ready.”

“What took you so long? I've been ready for hours. I can't wait to get out of here!” She snatched her bag from the bed and stormed out.

When she and John got to Shane's place he was nowhere to be found. “He's run off!” John shouted. “That little punk of a weasel has run!”

“He wouldn't have done that. He loves me! Nothing is missing. There's his horse and wagon. Something isn't right!” Sarah's face went pale. She could hardly stand as her dizziness took over.

“Defending the little
bastard maker
, are we?” John scoffed.

“Something is wrong!” A deep fearful thought had crept into her mind and began to grow. Did Jennie tell him? Sarah ran toward the woods calling for Shane. She scrambled through the brambles and vines attacking them like a tigress. She must find Shane! John quickly followed as Sarah continued clawing her way through the woods while calling out with every breath. “Shane! Shane!” Just about that time, Sarah tripped over something and fell to the ground. John stood looking in horror as she turned to see Shane. Her lifelong friend lay dead, covered with leaves and tree limbs. His rifle on the ground next to him. Sarah crawled toward him crying. “Oh Shane, no! Not you! Not you! Stay with me... you said you would never leave me! You promised me!” She put her arms around him. “I love you Shane! I do, I love you!”

John pulled at her. “He's been shot, Sarah! He's dead.”

“No, no, no... he can't be dead! Shane, Shane... get up! Don't be dead! Please don't be dead!”

“Come on Sarah, come on.”

She fought against him as he pulled at her. “We can't leave him like this! We can't just leave him!” She cried. “Bring him with us!”

“There's nothing we can do. Come on! I'll come back for him. I need to get you home. You shouldn't have to see this.”

“Greta, oh what about poor Greta?” she wailed as thoughts raced through her mind as to what had happened. “He must have found out! I never should have said anything!”

“Said what?” John looked puzzled!

“Someone must have told him who the father was. It wasn't him, John. He knew he had never been with me!” Sarah wailed. “There was someone else.”

“I accused the wrong man? And you let me? Why didn't you tell me?” John backed away from her. “I accused an innocent man over you! Oh my God, then there was a third? Good Lord, Nathan was right... you're nothing but a heartless savage!”

John had joined ranks with Nathan. Dear Shane was gone. His words echoed through her mind.
I may not be here the next time he rips your heart out!
She collapsed to the ground.

Sarah woke up in her bed. She heard Daniel, Marion and John talking. “I don't want her in this house anymore.” Marion spit out the words.

“Well, where would you have her go, Marion? Are you just going to put her out?” Daniel questioned.

“I know of a place we can send her. I don't care who the father is. I don't care if he does right by her. I don't ever want to see her again,” she heard John grumble.

“That's exactly how I feel about it, son!” Marion agreed.

“You two are acting like she's an evil monster! My God, she's our child, our daughter... she made a mistake!” Daniel attempted to defend her.

“And now a man is dead because of her little
mistake,
as you put it,” Marion snapped.

Sarah saw her suitcase sitting on the floor, still packed. Everyone here hated her and when Greta found out about Shane she would hate her too. It was time... time to find out where she belonged. She did not belong here. She took a deep breath and picked up the bag. She stepped from her room and saw John, Marion and Daniel standing in the hallway. John looked away from her, and for the first time... she didn't care! She walked into Daniel and Marion's bedroom to where they kept the money jar. She opened it and took out five dollars.

“What are you doing?” Marion stood in the doorway.

“I'm taking half of the money I put into this jar. I contributed ten and I'm taking five. That sounds fair to me.” Sarah stomped from the room.

“What are you going to do with it?” Marion followed her down the hall.

“I need money for my trip.”

“Your ‘trip'? Where are you going?” John looked at her.

“Away from here... I've caused you
good people
enough pain and trouble. It's time I move on.”

“Where will you go?” Daniel asked.

“West.”

“To the Indian's territory?” Daniel questioned.

“Maybe, I don't know exactly. Not yet. But I know there has to be something out there for me. Something good.” She looked at John. “And maybe, just maybe I am a heartless savage. Lord knows, you have taught me not to feel a thing. I feel nothing... no pain, hurt, sorrow or love. Thank you for taking those pesky little emotions from me. Now I can be as you and your precious brother... cold, bitter, mean and cruel. Good bye and God forgive both you and Nathan, for I never will!”

John looked ahead, not saying anything. Sarah glared into John's eyes then smirked, “You're brand of faithfulness is about as sure as fresh water in a drainage ditch.” She walked past him. The wind from her body brushed over him as she smartly whisked past and down the stairs. He started after her, but stopped as he reached the front door. He just stood and watched her go, as though helpless to follow his desires until a roar of anger ripped from his throat.

“You go, leave here and never let me set eyes on you again! I hate you, do you hear me, I hate you!”

Tears filled Sarah's eyes as she walked toward the main road. “I will not look back! I will have no regret. I demand that my soul have no fear!” She boosted her spirit. She didn't know what lay ahead but each step gave her the strength to take the next and the next. “I will find my own way in this world and I will find it by this, the trail of my people.”

She reached the main road and looked to the west. Resolve exploded over her face as the great trail loomed before her. The trail where her people suffered so much and cried so bitterly. The trail where the Cherokee rose sprang forth. She looked toward the sky. “It's time we finished it, Mother. It's time we find out where we belong.” With a deep breath she started on this journey toward her future. Suddenly she felt a presence with her... not just one, but many. They seemed to be urging her on. All of the ones who hadn't made it. The ones who had died along the way sang to her spirit. She felt them with her. Each step became more sure. Each step washed away some pain. She smiled as she walked onward to finish what they had started so many years ago. “I can hear your song, Mother. I can hear you all!” Peace washed over her as she smiled, “Your Sehoya is coming home!”

In this moment she knew the spirits of her people were with her, surrounding her, loving her, protecting her and Sarah was unafraid.

The hunt was on for the person who had murdered Shane Thompson. Every day more and more fingers were pointing to John. After all, they had been in a huge fight the very day that Shane was killed.

Marion walked somberly into John's room. His back was toward her as he stood packing his bag that lay open on the bed. “So, you're running again, my son. I suppose I'd rather have you running than being hung for a murder that you didn't commit.”

“I thought maybe Mr. Tyson could help clear me of this.” He spoke blankly, never turning to look at Marion. His voice had taken on a darker tone of late. “Either way, they'll never find me to hang if I go there.”

“That blasted Sarah! She's destroyed our family.”

“Hmm, the way I see it, Momma, there wasn't much of one to destroy.” He jerked his bag from the bed and turned toward her. “I brought myself up from a fifteen year old boy because you nor Poppa could control Nathan. That began way before Sarah ever crossed our threshold.”

“I can't believe you'd speak to me that way! Never would I have thought it.” Marion began to sob.

John looked blankly into her face. “Momma, I can't feel guilt right now. I can't feel anything but anger, so all the tears and the outrage are for naught. Tell Poppa bye for me,” he coldly snapped as stomped from the room. Speechless, Marion fell like a stone onto John's bed as she watched him go. Time seemed to stand still. John's cutting words swirled through her head, finding no place to rest, nowhere to find comfort in reason, or in doubt, that what he'd said wasn't true.

John gazed out the window as the train rushed down the tracks. He looked at the seat across from him and suddenly there was a vision of Sarah, smiling and bright, her face oozing with anticipation of the new adventure to come. “Everything is going by so fast. it's a fun and excited feeling!” He heard her speak to him. He quickly shook himself lose from that memory. There were many times over the coming weeks when he thought of Sarah... but he quickly brushed it aside. Then She started coming to him in his dreams. He'd wake up calling out her name. If only he could stop loving her. If only he could forget about her! Why should he be haunted by her memory? Why should he feel wrong and guilty? She was the whore, the liar, the savage! He had to forget her, she was not innocent, sweet Sarah... she was a temptress, jezebel, a harlot with Shane Thompson's blood on her deceitful hands! The more she haunted his dreams the more he despised her. He had to cut this part of his life out of his heart like a bad spot from an apple, ream it out, and the knife he used to sever her memory was that of bitterness and hate.

Sarah was about fifty miles east of the Mississippi River now. The days were warm but the nights were chilly. She'd lay by the firelight using her shawl for cover, her head resting on her bag. She noticed her stomach starting to bulge a bit. Then one night, she felt an odd flutter. Then it happened again. The baby was moving! “You know little one, I've not even thought of you.” She rubbed her hand over her belly. “I pray that if I'm to have you that I will love you. I know it's not your fault. Still, I fear I will hate you.” Sarah looked to the sky, “Lord, let me see this child as mine and not Nathan's. If I'm to have it, let me adore it... every child, no matter who is it, deserves to be adored by the one they call, Momma.”

Sarah consoled herself. She thought of the future. “I will Find a place to stand on my own with people who care about me for who I am.” She brushed her hand gently over her stomach. “I will make a life for this child too and we will build a home together, somehow. It deserves that much.” After this night, she found herself talking to the baby most all the time. This little one became her link to reality. She thought of how it would love her. How it would look up to her and trust her. “Maybe you're a blessing in disguise.” She smiled. “It's me and you against the world now. We have to be in each other's corners. There's no one else on earth for us.”

The days blurred in her mind as she trudged diligently toward the west, not knowing where it would end, but knowing that she must keep walking. There was an end, she just knew it in her heart. Her people were out there calling to her, urging her onward to find her place in this life.

She came through a small town and bought a piece of salt meat and a few eggs. Then she got a blanket and skillet. “I haven't been eating right, little one. I know I must eat for you too.” She'd been living off nothing but soda crackers for the past two weeks. That couldn't be good for the baby but, she hadn't really felt like eating. She was just now getting some sort of an appetite back. For the first time in weeks, she felt it... she was hungry. The smell of the meat and eggs made her mouth water. “You're in for a treat, little one. Momma is about to eat!” She smiled down at her stomach. The smell was overpowering and made it hard for her to wait. When the meat was done enough, she placed the skillet on the ground in front of her and like a starved animal, she devoured the food.

The weather turned bitter cold. So cold that the heat from the fire wouldn't reach Sarah no matter how close she sat to it. She gathered her blanket around her as she shivered in the open night. “I bet you're nice and warm in there, little one. You just rest, Momma will keep you safe. By the time you get here, I'll have a house for you with a cradle and plenty of blankets. Not that we'll need many blankets in June, but you're still going to be little when the cold weather comes around again. We need a rocking chair too. I'm going to rock you to sleep every night with a lullaby. I don't sing very well, but I'm sure you won't mind. For most children, it's enough to just be in their mother's loving arms. It would have been enough for me anyway.” Sarah felt as if she were going to cry. “Well, it's time we get some sleep.” She snuggled under her blanket next to the fire and placed her hand over the little bulge in her belly. She felt it fluttering. “Rest now, little one. We've got a busy day ahead of us tomorrow.”