Cadence (Ruby Riot Book 1) (29 page)

“No, you said yourself you don’t do long-distance relationships.” I sit in the chair opposite and shove my feet into my combat boots. “By leaving, you’re telling us this is over.”

“I am not! Maybe with you, I’m willing to try!”

Standing again, I grab my phone. “Willing to try? Wow, thanks.”

“Where are you going?”

“Out!”

“Jax! Don’t be stupid. Let’s talk about this.”

“Later. I have to go. Rehearsing this afternoon.”

“Don’t expect me to come running after you!” she retorts. “You’re behaving like a spoilt kid!” I grunt in response, she’s probably right, but I don’t care. “Oh, right. So I expect you’re going to get drunk now? Your solution to everything!”

“So what if I am?”

Leaving a shocked Tegan half-naked on my bed, I walk away. Here I am, expecting a chance at a future from me and Tegan coming back together, and she doesn’t give a crap.

Chapter Forty

TEGAN

I cannot believe Jax is behaving like a spoilt toddler. Normal people have rational conversations; they discuss problems, instead of walking away to sulk. Or in Jax’s case, drink. Is he really so lost in his own importance that the minute something in his life doesn’t go the way he wants he pulls a stunt like this? Talk about extreme. Jesus.

I text him a couple of hours after his dummy spit in the hope he’ll lay off getting wasted until after he plays tonight. He doesn’t respond straightaway; and when he does, it’s via a terse text. Pissed off, I pack my gear and head from the hotel back to Bryn’s. Life with this man is one huge rollercoaster ride. We fall from the new heights we’re exploring, where nobody can touch us, back into uncontrolled emotions of a harsher kind.

An apologetic Jax calls me at work the next day and, in his usual style, he arrives five minutes later carrying lunch. His arrival causes a hormonal meltdown in the office. Since I’ve worked here, actor and musician clients come in and out of the building, but none has the effect of Jax Lewis.

The tall guy with his confident persona, oozing a sexuality that pulls the girls - and at least one guy - into his wake, approaches me. I’m used to seeing Jax in his natural environment, but here he’s an exotic creature on display. Judging by the expression on Claire’s face, he’ll be eaten alive if he stands still too long.

I’m with Julian, running through yesterday’s website traffic figures. He’s the design guru, and does an amazing job of putting my ideas into reality. Give the man a rough concept and he has a one of a kind design ready in hours. When Jax approaches me, he ignores Julian.

Jax’s fringe falls into his eyes, hiding his thoughts from me, as he passes a small plastic bag. “Brought you a sandwich.” His voice is stiff, as cold as when he left yesterday.

“Thanks.” I attempt to capture a smile from him but none comes, and he barely glances at me.

“Anywhere we can talk?” he asks.

“Conference room is free,” suggests Julian.

Jax fixes Julian with a disinterested look and runs his tongue along his teeth. “Thanks.”

“Jax, this is Julian.”

Julian holds his hand out and Jax ignores him, stepping in the direction Julian indicated. With an apologetic look to my colleague, I follow.

“That was rude, Jax.” I set the paper bag on the large table and he sits on the edge, placing his feet on one of the expensive seats.

“What was?”

“I introduced you.”

“Oh. Yeah. Is that
the
Julian?” He stares out of the window, arms crossed.

I sigh and sit in the chair next to the one he has his feet on. “Yes. Did you come to talk to me about your childish performance yesterday?”

“Are you going?” he asks, continuing to look at the London buildings.

“I haven’t decided.”

A muscle in his cheek twitches. “You might go to the States?”

“Yes.”

Jax looks around and he doesn’t need to say anything else. I’ve been in this situation before. Different circumstances, but the same expression. The warmth in his eyes has gone and he’s buried his emotions behind them.

“I don’t think I can do this,” he says.

I swallow the rising hurt. “This?”

“Us. You’re right, long-distance relationships won’t work. If you go, we’re over.”

The hurt is shoved aside by indignation. “If I go, this is over? You mean if I stay and do what you want, it won’t be?”

“No, I mean if you go, this is over.”

I glare at him, annoyance gathering. “Wow. I guess I mean a lot to you.”

“I’m being realistic.”

“So what was all the bullshit about loving me? Making a go of this relationship?”

“That was before you chose to move to a different country.”

“What? If we stayed together, you’d be in different countries to me some of the time!”

“I know, but I have to, you can -”

“What? Choose what to do with my life based around yours.” He doesn’t respond. “Seriously?”

“Yeah. I’ll make a lot of money soon. My girl won’t need to work.”

“Ohmigod!” I stand. “Your
girl
? If you want somebody who’s happy to do nothing apart from hang onto your arm and simper at the world dressed in expensive clothes, you’re right. This won’t work.”

“You don’t want that?”

I stare. Dumbfounded. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, Jax, but I tend to look after myself, and do what the hell I want.”

“Yeah, I like that about you.”

I rub my head at his contradiction. “Then you know if I choose to do this, I will, whether you like it or not!”

“You don’t care about our relationship?”

“Do you?”

“Yeah. I’d hang around for you.”

“That’s crap and you know it. If Jem walked in now and said, ‘Hey, we all need to move to Outer Mongolia for the band’, you’d be packed and on the plane by the end of the day.”

“That’s different.”

I’ve spent the last few days turning over the alternatives in my head, telling myself I could make this work one way or another because there’s something unique between Jax and me. Instead, he’s being a dickhead and blasting his self-importance and immaturity at me.

“Let me get this straight, you’re saying if I leave the UK that this is over,” I say.

“Pretty much.”

Jax’s flat tone, and refusal to engage beyond words emphasises the decision is already made. If he’s expecting me to break down and beg him to stay with me, Jax will be disappointed.

“Right. Sure. Well, that helps with my decision.” I stand and pick up the sandwich that will stick in my throat if I attempt to eat, and swallow down the bloody annoying lump.

For the first time since he entered the room, Jax’s expression changes. He stares and I stare back, holding his gaze and taking on my own neutral expression.
He doesn’t mean this.
Are we back to games?

“This is all too hard, Jax. Isn’t it?”

This is the moment we could lay all our cards on the table; but I hold mine close to my chest, even tighter because of his attitude today. The distance grows and he pushes hands deep into his jackets pockets. For a minute, we don’t speak, and I fight the surging hurt ready to pour out in harsh words.

“Okay,” he says.

I walk to the door, heart thumping in my ears as I hold together the pieces falling apart, numbed by the fact Jax can easily smash everything. He won’t compromise, why should I? Yanking the door open, I step to one side. “Good luck with the rest of the tour.”

Jax continues to stare in disbelief. He blinks several times and approaches. His scent triggers memories of the other night when we said we’d take on the world together. But the inevitable, the world pulling us apart, has happened. I hold my breath and stare at the floor in case he tries to kiss me. Jax knows this is one way I will always yield to him; I can control my thoughts, but never my body.

Jax doesn’t speak. I watch in shock as he leaves. Done. 

I gently close the door and lean against the smooth wood, staring into space through blurring eyes.

The worst part of all this is a small part of me expected Jax to proclaim his love for me again, to beg me to stay. To fight for us. To compromise.

I know Jax agrees. This
is
all too hard. The passionate energy, which flows through our coming together, has built to an explosive level. The detonation of what surges between us was inevitable from the first time my lips met his. We can’t contain the uncontrollable nature of what’s between us because we don’t have the strength yet.

The biggest, brightest life I’ve lived explodes with the intensity of a supernova and we’re pulled into the black hole.

This is over.

Chapter Forty-One

JAX

I jump as somebody smacks me across the back of the head, and spin around. Will.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” has asks. “We're playing O2! Doesn’t get much better than supporting Blue Phoenix in London! Well, until we’re headlining here.”

“Yeah.”

“So stop looking bloody miserable!” Will shoves me again and I shove him back. “Is it nerves?”

“Yeah.”

He shakes his head. “Dude, get a grip. Here.” He thrusts an open bottle of beer at me.

I drink, not paying attention to whatever he’s saying now, as we wait in the Green Room. Will's right, I should be totally focused on tonight, and all I can think about is the fight with Tegan. When Tegan told me she might leave, I lost the plot. Couldn’t cope. Didn’t want the conversation. The last few months everything I’ve wanted has happened; everything I’ve demanded in my world has been given. Now what I want most has slipped away because I overreacted. And, let’s face it, behaved like a big bloody kid by leaving her.

Then today. I went to talk to Tegan, but the thought of losing her overrode common sense. Again. She tried to hide them; but I saw her tears, and my heart wrenched. I hurt her. The idea I caused Tegan pain crushes me when I promised her and myself I wouldn't.

I love her. Tegan matches music as my encompassing passion. I have no clue how to deal with this relationship shit and my attempt to call her bluff yesterday fucking failed, of course. What the fuck do I do to fix this?

“He's got that look again.”

I snap out of my daydreams. Nate’s appeared, and he and Will clutch at each other dramatically. “Romeo and Juliet,” sniggers Nate. “Star-crossed lovers.”

“Fuck off. You do realise they die in that play?”

Will shrugs. “Who cares? What’s with you and Tegan? Did you have a fight?”

I drink my beer and ignore him.

“Oh, man,” groans Nate. “I knew this would happen. I hope you haven't pissed off her brother.”

“None of your business!” I snap.

“Ah, well, you can forget about everything tonight. Play, get wasted, and find someone else,” replies Nate.

“You really don't get it, do you? I don't want anyone else.”

Will clutches his chest with mock dramatics. “That's beautiful! Young love.”

“What's she got?” asks Nate, helping himself to yet another beer. “Some awesome sex moves keep you going back for more?”

I narrow my eyes. “We're more than that.”

“Not just because she's a good fuck?”

In an instant, I'm over at Nate, slamming him against the wall. “Don't you
ever
talk about Tegan like that!”

“Whoa, Jax!” says Will from behind.

Nate looks back at me in surprise and grabs my hand where I'm clinging onto his shirt, pushing it away. “Calm down, man. How was I to know you'd turned into such a pussy?”

I shove him in the chest and step back. “Just because you can't treat a chick properly, doesn't mean we all have to!”

“Yeah? You forgotten three months ago? You were worse than me, you arsehole!”

“Maybe I decided to stop being an arsehole to women!”

“Very noble of you,” he scoffs. “You'll be married with a fucking baby next. The band has no hope!”

The door opens and Ruby heads in. The tension enters with her; she's often stressed before a gig and tonight's a big one. At least she's looking better than a few months ago. Tonight she's wearing a loose grey top over her short skirt reflecting Ruby’s self-consciousness over her body changing.

She halts and her eyes dart between us. “What the hell's going on?”

“Nothing,” I mutter.

“Then why do you look like you're about to kill each other?” Ruby gestures between Nate and me.

“It's fine. Don't worry,” says Nate, looking straight at me. “Will, let's go.”

I loosen my hand on Nate’s shirt and we stand head to head. His words pissed me off more than anything he’s said before. He might want to belittle the girls he hooks up with; but if he tries to cheapen Tegan, I swear I’ll hit him fucking hard. What pisses me off further is the disinterest in his eyes.

Dickhead.

When I step back, he shrugs his shirt back into place. Will glances over his shoulder as they walk out of the door, and pulls a confused face. I watch them go, heart still thumping anger through my already wired body.

Ruby tips her head at the door. “What's up?”

“Nothing.”

“Tegan?”

“No.”

“Uh huh.” Ruby wrinkles her nose. “Liar.” She sits on the leather sofa and pats the seat next to her. “I'm stressed about this gig. Talk to me, distract me.”

I flop next to Ruby and, between swigs of beer, tell her the story about Tegan leaving. Ruby listens with a puckered brow, eyes searching mine as I speak. I end the story by draining my bottle.

“Yeah, I heard about that,” she says.

“What do you mean?”

Ruby tugs the corner of her lip into her mouth. “If I tell you this, don’t say where you heard it.”

“What?” I straighten.

“I heard Bryn talking to Jem, telling him Tegan wouldn’t be around much longer because he’d found her something else to do. Jem’s noticed how much you’re drinking, and he’s not happy, would rather Tegan stayed around because she’s a good influence on you.”

I ignore the loaded comment about drinking. “Bryn? He found her something...” Realisation hits. “Bryn found her the job? What the fuck?”

“Well, I doubt he can give her the job, but -”

“But he has a lot of influence! Bastard!” I jump up and head to the door; Ruby stands, and puts her hand over where mine holds the handle.

“You don’t know this for definite.”

“I’m gonna talk to Tina. Or Riley. He can’t make Tegan’s decisions for her!”

Ruby arches a brow. “Neither can you.”

“If Tegan knew, she’d be fucking furious!”

I search the rooms backstage until I locate Riley. She’s hovering at the edge of the hallway, talking to somebody on the phone in hushed tones.

“Riley!” I stomp towards her and she looks over in surprise.

“Do you mind? I’m on the phone here!” she snaps.

“Sorry…”

I step back, but she mutters something before hanging up. “What do you want, Jax?”

For a moment, I stare at her reddened eyes. Has she been crying? “You okay?”

“Fine. What’s wrong?”

“Tegan. She told me she has a job offer in the States.”

Riley pushes her phone into her pocket. “Yeah. Lucky Tegan. I heard about your grand entrance at the office the other day.”

“Why didn’t they offer the job to you? You have more experience.”

“I have no interest in going overseas.”

“Does Bryn have something to do with this job?”

Riley scratches her cheek as she studies me. “I think her brother gives Tegan an advantage, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“No, I mean has he arranged this for her. Ruby thinks he has.”

“Who knows? Maybe. I know a couple of the girls are pissed off she’s been offered the role when she’s been there five minutes.”

“Fuck! I knew it! Why can’t he keep out of my fucking life?”

“Whoa. Jax. I’d calm down if I were you.”

I take a deep breath, close my eyes, and exhale slowly. When I open them, Riley is looking at me in alarm. “You don’t know this is true. She really is good at what she does. You should be proud.”

Her words sting. Tegan tells me something big she’s achieved, and I storm off like a child and end our relationship. I didn’t intend to, thought if I gave her an ultimatum, she’d change her mind. Dumbass. Like that’s ever going to work with a girl like Tegan. “Yeah. I’ll talk to her later.”

“We’re coming to the after party later, you can talk to her then.”

“We?”

“Me and some of the London office. They’ve worked hard on the tour, but not had a chance to celebrate yet.”

“So Tegan will be there?”

“I expect so. Why? You two had an argument?”

I ignore her. She’s the last person I’m talking to about us. “Where’re Will and Nate?”

“No idea. Last I saw, they were heading to the stage door. What’s with you all tonight? They were more obnoxious than usual too.” She pauses. “Have you and Tegan fallen out?”

“Why would you care?”

“Forget it. See you tonight.” Riley pushes past me and heads away. Wow, we were almost nice to each other for a few minutes there.

But, Bryn? What the hell. Wait until I tell Tegan she was only offered the job because of her brother.