California Dream (16 page)

It all made perfect sense when Roddy thought about it. Actually, the only part of the equation that didn’t seem to make sense was him.

Despite his trepidation, Roddy reached for the phone to dial his mother. It wouldn’t matter that the hour was late or that he would be waking her up. She would light into him no matter what because of what he had said to Lee.

There was sleep in Margaret’s voice when she murmured a hello, but she woke up fast when Roddy tried to casually ask, “Is Lee over there?”

“What’s going on?” Margaret immediately wanted to know. “Why isn’t she with you?”

“We had a fight,” was Roddy’s vague response. He should have known he wouldn’t get away with it.

“Must have been some fight if you think she’d come here at midnight.” She paused a moment and then added, “What have you done, Roddy?”

Roddy was getting tired of everyone automatically assuming he was the bad guy. “Nothing! We had an argument, which was
private
, and she walked out and hasn’t come home. I’m worried about her and thought you might have heard from her.”

“No, I haven’t. But if I see her, I’ll take care of her,” Margaret promised.

“Will you also please give me a call so I know she’s okay?” Roddy felt it necessary to ask. Judging by his mother’s tone, she didn’t seem very concerned about his state of mind.

Roddy settled down to wait for Lee by himself. His companion was a brand-new bottle of vodka from the bar in his study. He fell asleep by the time it was half empty and awakened to bright sunlight and a shrilling telephone.

Roddy couldn’t remember the last time his head hurt so bad. It banged and throbbed with his every brain wave. Movement proved extremely difficult, and agony lanced through his head when he tried to sit up.

His headache was nothing compared to the pain in his heart, though, especially after Rosa reported that Lee was not on the premises.

Roddy stood and stared at the valley below. Lee was out there somewhere, but where? When was she coming home? She would come home, wouldn’t she?

Chapter sixteen

Lee was furious, but under that veneer, she was simply hurt and miserable.

She still couldn’t believe Roddy had said those things to her. The more she thought, the more she could only come up with one reason for it: he meant them. Somewhere along the line, she had allowed herself to forget that she meant nothing more than any of the other women who had come before her. It didn’t matter who or what she was on the inside, because Roddy didn’t see it. All he saw was yet another woman interested in his money and fame. She should have realized it from the beginning, Lee supposed, but she would have refused to so much as fly out for a visit if she had. She lied to herself because she wanted to be with Roddy, and at the moment it almost wasn’t worth the pain.

Almost. Even now, she had to admit that she had never been happier in her life than the months she spent with Roddy, even if it was all a sham. That there had also been many moments of loneliness and misery didn’t matter. She had loved being with Roddy, but he ripped her heart out with his accusations. All this time, she had hoped her feelings were not one-sided, and that their relationship would develop some sort of permanence. Even now, knowing that was only an unrealistic fantasy wasn’t enough to make her regret the time she spent with him.

But she couldn’t go back. A girl had to have her pride.

Lee didn’t just play their argument over and over in her head, she also gave a lot of thought to what had become of her over the past months. In hindsight, she saw she had made a number of mistakes in her relationship with Roddy, mistakes that likely contributed to his low opinion of her. She should not have given up everything that was hers in order to live in his shadow and play by his rules. She should have insisted on finding a job and renting her own place somewhere. She should have been more concerned with her future, and not just what she would wear to the next party or premiere. Lee had been putting her life on hold. It was more fun to live in the present and take everything day by day than to concern herself with things that hadn’t happened yet.

The sun was up now, and her eyes felt gritty. Lee had spent the night in an uncomfortable plastic chair at the airport, reluctant to call any of her friends and tell them the story of how Roddy really felt about her. She also knew that Roddy would never think to look for her there. Being at the airport also made it easy to decide whether she should stay in California or return to Minneapolis.

When she still hurt just as much in the morning light as she had the night before, and she still felt reluctant to go back to Roddy and hear more ugly accusations, Lee decided to finally make use of the second half of her round-trip ticket. She only needed her driver’s license to pick it up at the airline counter. With no baggage to declare, the only thing left to do was sit down again and wait for her flight to be called.

She spied the credit card in her wallet while arranging for her ticket, so as soon as that business was complete, she sat down and cut the card into tiny little pieces. She was all done shopping on Roddy O’Neill’s dime.

That simple act filled her with resolve, so it was with a straight spine that Lee boarded a plane for Minneapolis. She had nothing but the clothes on her back and fifty dollars. She felt like tossing the money in the trash since it was technically
Roddy’s
fifty dollars, but she was levelheaded enough to realize she needed a little cash until she got home. Everything else she gleefully left behind. She wanted nothing from Roddy, and nothing to remind her she had once been his.

Thank God she had held onto her apartment. She had thought about letting it go a couple of times, but at least had been smart enough not to do it. Now, she had her own place to stay while she recovered from her mortal wounds. The last thing she wanted right then was to be a burden on anyone else. Lee Miller would stand on her own two feet again.

During the flight, Lee thought about her father. She hadn’t concerned herself with him in a long time. He so rarely called her for any reason, she tried to put him out of her mind. Now, she thought about him long and hard, just so she wouldn’t think about Roddy. The last time she saw her father had been almost a year ago at Christmas when she stopped by his small Northeast Minneapolis house to exchange holiday greetings and drop off a gift. He had looked old and tired, but had been so offhand with her, she ignored it and left as quickly as she could.

She wondered what the old man would think of a visit from her now? Only someone living in a cave wouldn’t know where she had been for the past several months. What would her father think of her taking off and leaving everything behind to live with a rock star? He would no doubt liken her to her mother, who had also left her responsibilities behind to run off with a man. On the other hand, maybe not. Maybe her father would be like almost everyone else and actually be impressed that Lee had attained some level of notoriety.

Of course, that was all in the past now. She was no longer Roddy O’Neill’s girlfriend. She no longer lived in Beverly Hills and would be attending no more parties or premieres in leather and denim.

And it served no purpose to mope about it. She was better off getting out now, while she was still in one piece. Roddy didn’t care about her. He liked the extra publicity she brought to the table, but the minute the media tired of the two of them, he would have dumped her and moved on to someone new.

Thinking about Roddy made her heart ache. She was still grappling with the fact that her dear, sweet Roddy had accused her of being cold-blooded and calculating. It was unbelievable that the same man who had made love to her with such single-minded intensity, as if nothing else in the world mattered, thought she even cared about money and fame. How could he think such things? How could she have been so wrong about him all this time? Why did she still want to go back?

“Miss? Fasten your seatbelt please. We’ll be landing in a few minutes.” A pretty stewardess shook her out of her reverie, and Lee did her best to give the woman a smile.

With no luggage, departing the airport was a breeze. Lee had quite frankly forgotten that the weather in Minnesota was much different from California in November, and the cold air hit her with an unpleasant blast when she stepped outside. She didn’t care about the cold, though. It actually felt good to be just as cold on the outside as she was inside.

Now back on Minnesota soil, it was time to eradicate Roddy O’Neill from her mind. That was easier said than done, and Lee knew she would need a crutch. She was in no mood to be with friends who would console her. At the moment, she couldn’t stand the thought of anyone trying to make her feel better. She wanted to wallow in her misery a little while longer, so that she never forgot how it felt.

Lee knew there was one person who would be perfect for just that sort of thing. Her father had never failed to bring each of her glaring faults to light. Why not drop in and pay him a visit?

With this thought in mind, Lee took the train to downtown Minneapolis, where she then transferred to a bus that would take her to her father’s house. It was almost comforting to use something as familiar as Minneapolis mass transit.

Her father answered his door in a flannel shirt, baggy blue jeans, and his stocking feet. He seemed shocked to see her, whether for the mere fact of her presence or that she was supposed to be in California, she wasn’t sure.

“Hi, Dad,” she said airily as he let her in. Noting his odd look, she cast a glance at her wrinkled white shirt and heavily creased olive leather pants.

She had caught him doing what he always did. The TV was on, and an inane potato chip commercial blared through the uncomfortable silence while Lee stared defiantly at her father.

His words lacked any venom, though, and Lee realized it was his way of trying to banter with her. The short sentences were his way of telling her he knew where she had been and what she had been up to. For some odd reason, probably because she was so destroyed on the inside, she found comfort in it.

He padded off to the kitchen and returned with a couple cans of beer. He popped one open for Lee and handed it to her with a warm smile.

If Lee wasn’t mistaken, it actually sounded as if her father cared. It was all the provocation she needed to pour her heart out to him.

“He accused me of using him for the attention and the money,” she explained.

“How did you happen to meet a guy like him, anyway?” her father wanted to know.

She poured out the whole story about how she had been a big fan of Roddy’s since she was a teenager, and how Debbie got them backstage passes for his concert. She left out the part about going back to Roddy’s hotel room and making love for most of the night, though. She didn’t think her father really wanted the details on that part of the story. Wistfully, she told him how Roddy had anonymously sent her flowers every week for two months before he finally appeared in the library.

“And you went back to California with him?” Her father seemed genuinely interested in her story.

“No. He got called back and I didn’t hear from him for several more weeks. Then he called me one day and asked me to come out for a vacation. I wound up staying.”

“And then yesterday, you realized you missed Minnesota and your old man, so you decided to come home, huh?” His tone was light, but her father’s eyes were concerned.

Lee felt a pang of guilt for not telling her father about it before, but she honestly had not thought he would care. Now, she realized that he did care, but simply wasn’t very good at showing it.

She smiled sheepishly. “Actually, it wasn’t until Roddy accused me of using him for his money and a piece of the spotlight before I realized how much I missed Minnesota.” She deliberately left out any reference to her feelings about her father. “Roddy only needed me for publicity.”

“In California. I thought…well, it doesn’t matter. Roddy got angry when he found out, and he accused me of using him until I could get my own band together, or something.”

“I can’t imagine you burst into tears and ran off.”

Lee smiled a little at that. “No, I punched him and walked out. And here I am.” She meant to sound tough, but the effort failed when she dissolved into sobs.

“It’s okay,” her father said into her hair as his arms came around her. “If he’s any kind of man at all, he didn’t mean it. He’ll come back for you.”

She shook her head. “No, he won’t. He told me we don’t have a future.” Well, at least he had said he couldn’t promise her a future, and now she knew why. “He already came here for me once. It won’t happen again.”



Lee’s words were distressingly prophetic. Three weeks passed since she came home, and in all that time there had been not one word from Roddy.

He was apparently living it up now that she was out of the picture. She had seen several pictures of him in the gossip rags with women who looked like Eddie’s castoffs. She may as well never have existed. Because she wasn’t famous in her own right, there was no mention of her or their break-up whatsoever.

Unexpectedly, Lee spent a few days with her father, and they caught up on a lifetime of lost moments while she prepared herself to face the world again. It had seemed odd at first that she went to her father when she needed comfort, and she supposed that on a subconscious level she knew he really did care about her, and it was natural to go to the man who had raised her. Now, she was assailed by memories of the times her usually gruff father had offered comfort when she was hurt or lonely as a child. If nothing else, having Roddy break her heart had at least restored her relationship with her father.

Lee needed money, since fifty dollars didn’t go very far in the modern world. She knew she would have to get a job as soon as possible, and wondered if Mr. Eggers would forgive her for running out on him.

He just happened to be out front helping a woman when Lee walked into the library. Eggers stopped talking mid-sentence when he saw her and almost rudely excused himself from his customer. He obviously couldn’t believe his eyes, since Lee was supposed to be in California, lying by a pool or attending a glittery party. Instead, she walked defiantly into the library in jeans, high tops, and a denim jacket.

Lee knew she had changed during the months of her absence. She was no longer so ready with a smile, though the rest of her appeared to have thrived in the sunshine. Her long, wild hair was streaked, and her formerly white skin had a golden glow. If not the picture of happiness, she knew she at least looked healthy.

With a glance, she knew Eggers realized her relationship with Roddy was over. Why else would she be there, in Minnesota, in the library, when winter was just about to start? The knowledge was in his eyes when he approached.

“Lee,” he said with a smile on approach. “I’m glad to see you’re back.”

She did her best to smile. “It’s nice to see you, too, Mr. Eggers. How are things at the library?”

He shook his head and clucked his tongue. “Not the same at all since you left. Debbie is threatening to leave if I don’t find a decent replacement for you soon. The last three people we tried were a nightmare.”