Calling All the Shots (12 page)

“Want to give it a try?” he asked.

“Ice skating?”

“Yes, Willow, ice skating,” he said.

“I don’t know how. I’ve never done it.”

“Why not? You live in New York.”

“I grew up in Texas,” she said. “At a certain point in my life
I decided that things like walking on hard ice weren’t smart.”

“Scaredy cat.”

“Oh, that’s really mature,” she said, but his goad had worked.
She hated to be called names. Even if they were true. And she knew she was
scared of everything that had to do with Jack. She had been since…since she’d
first met him that long ago afternoon in the school library. She’d been sure
he’d break her heart and, low and behold, he had.

“Do you know how?”

“Of course. There’s nothing I can’t do,” he said, but with a
sweet sexy smile.

“Will you make sure I don’t fall?”

“Willow, I’ll protect you with my life if I have to.”

Part of her knew he was saying it to be silly but another part
of her—that sweet innocent girl she protected deep inside of herself—that girl
melted into a puddle. “Okay, I’ll do it.”

“Good. Kat, go and get us some skates. Willow and I are going
skating.”

“Yes, sir,” Kat said, giving Willow a curious look.

Willow knew that tomorrow her assistant was going to be full of
questions about why she’d gone ice-skating with Jack. Hell, she knew that Kat
was smart enough to be able to figure out that she and Jack were…what? Dating?
Sleeping together?

This was it. The thing she couldn’t handle. She made some
mumbled excuse and turned away from him and the couples skating around the ice.
She moved to a darkened corner where she could be alone but Jack was there.

He put his hands on her shoulders and rubbed them. “What are
you afraid of?”

“You.”

“Ah, Willow, how am I supposed to remember you’re in charge of
everything when you say things like that?”

“But control is an illusion, isn’t it? The longer I’m with you
the more I see that I’m not in charge of anything.”

“Neither of us is,” he said, pulling her back against his chest
and wrapping his arms around her. He turned them so they faced the ice rink and
she saw all the couples making their way around the circle. He leaned his chin
against her shoulder. “They aren’t in control, either. Life could change in an
instant for any of them. Hell, Peter could have an accident the next time he
gets behind the wheel of a car, but Deidre is still taking a chance on him, on
letting him in.”

“I know. She’s brave to do that.”

“Everyone is. We can’t live our lives alone. I don’t know why
but it just doesn’t work when we try it.”

“Well, not for you because you have legions of fans,” she said,
but she knew he’d meant someone special.

“Don’t be a brat, Willow. You know I meant you. If you want to
pretend that you’re nothing more than just another woman to me, then you do
that. But you are stealing a chance at something precious from both of us.”

“Do I really have that kind of power over you?” she asked.

“Yes. And I suspect I have it over you. That’s why you keep
backing away. That’s why you say you have to be in charge. You’re hoping that by
calling all the shots you won’t be as vulnerable but it’s too late for that.

“I suspect it was too late from the very moment we met. Fate
has put us in each other’s path again because we have unfinished business
together,” he continued.

“You sound very wise, Jack. I’m not sure I buy that. You’re the
man who told me nothing lasts forever. Am I just a road bump on your
journey?”

“No,” he said, leaning over to kiss the side of her cheek, his
lips warm against her cold skin. “You’re my partner on this part of the journey.
I hope it lasts a long time because I really get a kick out of having you by my
side. But I don’t know what the future holds and neither do you.”

That didn’t reassure her but she suspected he hadn’t meant for
it to. That wasn’t the way that Jack was.

“Tonight we have a chance to do something that is romantic
together and I don’t want to miss it,” he said. “So will you stop worrying and
go skating with me?”

She turned in his arms and kissed him just because she could
and as he’d said, who knew how long they’d have together? Why not enjoy the
moments they did have?

“Yes.”

Twelve

W
illow felt like she and Jack were closer
than ever as they drove to Nichole and Conner’s for Thanksgiving. He’d done an
appearance on NBC for their coverage of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade and
now they were on their way to the penthouse apartment in Midtown.

The car that Jack had hired was a nice big comfortable sedan
that provided a warm safe haven from the cold crowded streets. He looked sexy
and sophisticated in his suit and tie and as he wrapped his arm around her
shoulder and drew her into the curve of his body she felt like she was in the
exact right place for once in her life.

His cell phone rang and he shifted to get his phone out. He
glanced at the caller ID and then took his arm from around her shoulder and
canted his body away from hers as he answered it.

“Crown here.”

She tried not to listen in but it was impossible being as close
as she was to him. “Thanks, Rhia. I’m going to be in New York until Sunday. I’ll
come by the hospital as soon as I land.”

He hung up a few minutes later but she was still dealing with
the fact that he was leaving in three days time and he hadn’t mentioned it to
her. It seemed like pushing past barriers and having her be honest was a one-way
street. Not that she should have been too surprised. Jack had a busy schedule
and they’d scarcely had a moment alone together since their ice-skating date a
few days ago.

“So you’re heading back to L.A. after we finish taping?”

“Yes. I put off
Extreme Careers
as
long as I could. We took a little break to wait for PJ to recover. They want to
get the season in the can and I have to tape a post-attack interview with
him.”

“Why didn’t you mention it?”

“It doesn’t really concern us,” Jack said.

“What do you mean? Of course it does. You said we’d be like a
normal couple. Couples talk to each other and tell each other when they are
going out of town.”

He sighed, rubbed the back of his neck and turned to face her.
“You’re right. I’ve been avoiding it because I don’t really want to leave you,
Willow. And I didn’t want to say that to you.”

“Why not?” she asked, trying not to smile from the happiness
that had bloomed inside of her. She felt a hell of a lot better because he’d
uttered those few words. She knew that was a mistake. She had to be the captain
of her happiness but for today she didn’t want to think about that.

“Because you keep everything you feel bottled up deep inside
and I’m the one who’s bumbling around in the dark hoping that you’re falling for
me the way I’m falling for you. But I don’t know if that’s happening. And that
scares me, Willow. You scare me more than that shark did when it attacked
PJ.”

She sank back away from him and realized that this was the
moment she’d been hoping for back when she’d accepted Nichole’s bet. She had
Jack on the ropes and she could deliver the knockout punch with just a few
well-chosen words but she knew if she did that she’d spend the rest of her life
regretting it.

“You scare me, too,” she said, her voice small and quiet even
to her own ears. “Every time I think I can manage you and the feelings you evoke
in me, you do something else to jar me out of my comfort zone and my illusion of
control.”

“Glad to know I’m not the only one.”

“That doesn’t really make it any better. Just gives us company
in our misery.”

“Except I haven’t felt miserable,” Jack said. “Not while I’ve
been with you. Is it the same for you?”

She swallowed hard. Oh, God. Could she do this? Could she take
the risk that if she showed him how deeply she cared for him that he’d do the
same? Could she trust him? Jack Crown, the boy who’d made her afraid of trusting
men…

“Uh…”

“That’s what I thought. You like to see me crawl and you give
me just enough rope to make me think you’re on the other end but when I tug
you’re not there.”

His words hurt her but she couldn’t blame him for his anger.
“I’m really not toying with you. I’m just not sure I can trust you.”

“If you can’t trust me then who are you going to trust? You
don’t let anyone close to you, not even Gail and Nichole.”

“That’s not true.”

“Yes, it is. Gail came to you with her idea of changing her
life and instead of getting behind her and helping her out, you make a
television show about her.”

Willow shrank back against the seat. His words had an element
of truth to them. It had been easier to make Gail’s life a work project than to
face the fact that her friends were moving on to a new phase she wasn’t ready
for.

“I didn’t mean to do anything—

“Hell, I know that. I just mean you don’t trust anyone to just
be yourself around them. I think I’m closer to you than any other person on the
planet and yet you still keep pushing me away.”

Suddenly she felt like she was the one on the ropes, not Jack.
And he could easily deliver the deathblow to her and her secret hopes for the
future. Jack was way more than a friendly face that she’d gotten used to seeing
and she knew that she’d been hoping that she could find a way to kiss him and
keep him.

“I don’t do it intentionally. It’s just that I don’t know how
to show you that I want you to stay. Then if you decide to leave…how will I
carry on? It seems easier for me to deal with if I never admit that you have
that power over me.”

He reached over and pulled her into his arms. “You have the
same power over me. We are both out of our element here. We are two people who
don’t trust easily. You don’t trust people to be there when you need them and
I…”

He was right about that. She even guarded herself with Nichole
and Gail but it was easier with them because she’d known them before she knew
that caring could hurt.

“You?” she prompted.

“I’m afraid to believe that when I find someone or something
that I care about that it will last.”

She hugged him tight and wanted to offer promises that she’d be
here by his side forever, but she didn’t believe those words. She was afraid to
take a chance on expressing the love that she’d been hiding from him. Because
like he’d said, things didn’t last for him, and the two of them had a history
that didn’t bode well for a super-rosy future no matter how much they both
wanted it.

Neither of them said another word until they got to Nic and
Conner’s apartment. Jack held her hand as they rode up in the elevator but
Willow was painfully aware that nothing had been settled.

* * *

Jack had spent last Thanksgiving at The Palm Hotel in
Dubai, which couldn’t have been more different than this year. Conner and
Nichole were gracious hosts and had opened their home not just to Jack and
Willow but also to Gail and Russell, Conner’s sister Jane and his mother,
Ruthann MacAfee, as well the South American polo player Palmer Cassini.

Jane was a lifestyle guru with her own television show, so
she’d been in charge of the meal and the tablescape. Jack hadn’t known what that
was—apparently it involved decorating the table with stuff other than plates and
cutlery. He was happy enough when Willow waved him off to the living room with
the men to watch football.

He needed a break from the emotional tension brewing between
him and Willow. There was too much they both had left unsaid. Sometimes he felt
like they were both playing at being normal and being in a regular
relationship.

Russell was a New Zealander who hadn’t grown up watching
football. But he had a very good grasp of it, which didn’t surprise Jack since
Russell was smart and moved in a world where knowledge was power.

“We never watched American football when I was growing up,”
Palmer said.

“In Texas we hardly watched anything else…except maybe baseball
and basketball,” Jack said with a grin.

“Can I get you a drink?” Conner asked from the bar on one side
of the room.

“What do you have?” Jack asked.

“Well, Jane made a pitcher of what she’s calling Pilgrim’s
Friend. It has pomegranate juice and a couple of different types of liquor in
it. Palmer’s been drinking it.”

“How is it?”

“It’s good,” Palmer said.

“He’s also in lust with the woman who made it and trying to get
on her good side,” Russell said.

“I guess I’ll try it,” Jack said. “I can always switch to beer
later.”

“Good plan,” Conner said.

They settled down to watch the game. The men had a good
camaraderie and included Jack in their group. He felt like he was glimpsing one
version of his future. If he and Willow ended up together he could spend his
holidays like this from now on instead of at an anonymous resort half a world
away.

When the game went to a commercial for a coach’s challenge,
Jack turned to Conner and asked, “How’s Nichole feeling this week?”

“Much better,” Conner said. “She got a sonogram. Want to see
the picture?”

Jack nodded. Russell gave him a smirk. “To think that you
almost missed out on being a daddy.”

“He did?” Jack asked.

“Oh, yes, Conner was determined to stay a bachelor,” Palmer
said.

“Whatever. You both are as hopeless as I am. Russell really
screwed up,” Conner said, coming back over to the couch and handing Jack a
printout with a picture of his unborn child. Jack looked down at it and had a
flashback to that moment when he’d seen Willow holding Bella Ann, and he
realized what he should have known all along. He wanted her for the long haul.
He might be afraid to say the words to her but the truth was there in his heart
whether he admitted it or not.

He wanted to pretend that he was an ordinary man who was like
everyone else but he never had been. And the woman he’d fallen in love with was
harder to get close to than any other, but that was okay, he realized. That was
what made him and Willow work together.

“Gail and I are going to try to adopt. You know I can’t have
kids. We thought about artificial insemination but then Gail said there are so
many children out there who need to be loved. Well, it just made sense.”

“That’s great,” Jack said.

“More than great, that’s wonderful news. Nichole will be very
happy to hear it. She wants Gail and Willow to have kids close in age to ours so
they can all grow up as friends,” Conner said.

Jack stood up and walked away as the men continued talking
about kids with each other. He was almost ready to let Willow know how he felt
but there was no way he was ready to think about children. Good God, life was
fragile enough. Worrying about Willow was one thing—what if he had another being
who counted on him? Another little person to be afraid for. He didn’t think he
could do it.

“Dinner’s ready,” Jane said from the doorway.

Jack just stared at her, afraid that if he went into that room
he’d be tempted by a life that he’d never thought he wanted. It didn’t make any
sense to him. It scared him deep inside that getting Willow was just the first
of many scary obstacles that a life with a partner would bring him up
against.

“Are you okay?” Willow asked as he took his seat next to her at
the long dinner table. Palmer was seated to Jane’s right at the foot of the
table. Nichole and Ruthann sat on either side of Conner at the other end. Gail
and Russell were seated across from Jack and Willow.

The smell of turkey and all the trimmings filled the room.
There were more of those cocktails of Jane’s and Willow kept looking at him
while he concentrated on this beautiful life that he felt like he couldn’t
really be a part of.

“Jack?”

“Sorry. I’m fine. Just not used to this,” he said.

“I’m not, either. This is the first family Thanksgiving I’ve
had since my mom died.”

He realized in that moment that both of them had been without a
home for too long and as scared as he was to gamble on the future, it made him
feel a lot better to think of her by his side.

“A toast,” Conner said, lifting his glass into the air. They
all did the same and he took a minute to compose himself.

Jack was surprised to find himself in the inner circle of the
reclusive Conner MacAfee. He held his cocktail glass in his hand and looked
around at the people at the table.

“To family, friends and the many holidays that we will share,”
Conner said.

“Here, here,” Russell said.

They all clinked their glasses, and Jack reached up to loosen
his collar as the afternoon closed in around him. He ate the meal and kept up
with the conversation on sports and predictions of which films they thought
would get an Oscar nomination. But he felt removed from the room. He felt like
this wasn’t real and that only once he got out of here and back to his empty
apartment could he relax.

And then the strangest thing happened. Willow reached under the
table and touched his thigh, rubbed it up and down and squeezed it. Then she
leaned over and whispered in his ear, “I’m so glad you are here with me.”

Something melted inside of him and his fears faded. He wasn’t
alone with Willow. She probably felt the same way he did. It might be even worse
for her since these were her friends. This was her world that had completely
changed.

* * *

Dinner was tense for Jack because he felt trapped and so
emotionally laid bare by everything that it was a relief once it was over.

“Jack, I have that Realtor information I promised you. Come
into the den and I’ll get it for you,” Conner said as the dessert dishes were
being cleared from the table.

Jack was happy to leave the group—and Willow—for a few moments.
He could see that she was enjoying herself—there was almost a glow about her as
she kept looking at him and her friends. Today was some sort of perfect setting
for her and for him it just felt like…well, something that couldn’t last.

He didn’t like the position he found himself in and if he could
think of a good excuse he’d be out the door in a second.