Calling the Shots (18 page)

“Everything’s gone then.”

“Yeah. I’m so sorry. But we’ll help you rebuild.”

“Thanks.” Was that what he wanted? To start from the ground up all over again? To put more friends and people he cared for in harm’s way?

What did it matter, any of it? This was his chance to make a clean break of things, start over somewhere new and do things right. He could go home to Vancouver, stay with his dad for a few weeks until he could figure out where to take his life from here. It wasn’t a new club, but he could make it work. “How long have I been out of it?”

Beth leaned in and pressed a kiss to his forehead. Josh ignored the way his heart rate jumped as her smooth lips caressed his skin. “Nearly four days. I was worried you weren’t going to get better.”

“Damn.”

“I called your dad and he came down the next day. He’s been here every moment since. I sent him home to get a shower and something to eat so of course that’s when you choose to wake up. He’ll be back soon.”

“Thanks.”

“There’s no reason to thank me.” This time when she leaned in, Beth kept her gaze locked to his. “I love you. Both of you. I’m not going anywhere no matter what you say.”

“Beth—”

“Don’t say anything right now. Just…just give yourself a chance to heal.”

Josh closed his eyes, turning his head away from Beth. “Tired.”

“Rest. I’ll go tell the nurse you’re awake.”

She would too, stay right by his side no matter what. If Josh knew nothing else about Beth it was her insane sense of loyalty. She’d be with him every step of the way, stuck to him until he pried her off. If he gave her reason to, she’d follow his sorry ass all the way to Vancouver and start her life over. Oliver too, probably.

A couple wouldn’t draw attention. An established trio? Living as one? No, they’d just invite the unwanted attentions of another crazy. Next time they might not be so lucky, and they could get someone worse than Kingston. Josh cared for them too much to make them a target ever again.

He waited patiently while the doctor put him through a series of tests, ignoring the sight of Beth hovering in the hallway. At some point his dad arrived and, despite the doctor’s protests, scooped Josh up into a hug.

Josh closed his eyes and sucked in the scent of Old Spice cologne and stale cigarette smoke. His dad was here, and for the first time in years Josh broke down.

“It’s okay. I’ve got ya, son.”

“I want to go home, Dad.”

His father pulled back and smiled. Fear lingered in his hazel eyes, and the lines around his eyes and creasing his forehead seemed deeper than they’d been a year ago, the last time they’d gotten together. “Let’s get the doctor to check you over and give us a time line. Then we’ll figure the rest out.”

“No. Regardless of what they say, I’m not staying here. I want to go back home with you. To Vancouver.”

Gone. Everything he’d worked so hard for was gone. Never mind wanting to open a second club, Maverick had burned, leaving him with nothing more than memories and a pile of regrets. God, he couldn’t stay here. Not anymore.

His father frowned over his shoulder toward Beth. “Are you sure? You have a good network of people here who love you. Your young friends have been worried.”

“Mr. Scott.” The doctor cleared his throat. “I really need to finish these tests.”

“Of course. I’ll be back in when he’s done.”

Josh grabbed his dad’s arm and squeezed. “I’m coming with you.”

Even as his dad moved away and the doctor took over, all Josh was aware of was the constant litany sounding in his head.

Run away. Run away. Run away. Run.

Chapter Twenty

Josh leaned over the railing on the back deck of his dad’s condo as the rising sun slowly made its way up into the gray sky. The mug of coffee in his hand stung his skin, forcing him to shift it to rest on the cool metal railing. This had become his routine every morning since moving in with his dad. He would get up at the crack of dawn, make them both a coffee, see his dad off to work, before coming out here.

Every day the same thing. Coffee, exercise and reading in the morning. A walk after lunch followed by house hunting. If he’d been trying, Josh could have found a rental the week after he’d moved out here, but it was comfortable being in the same place as family. The silence was chased away with the return of his dad at supper. And so what if a creeping unease and restlessness pulled at the edges of his heart and mind? He had no intention of returning to Toronto. He’d find a new life out here.

A fresh start.

The fire had cleared away everything that had tied him down. He’d informed the insurance company that he wasn’t going to rebuild the club, instead he would take the money for a future investment. It took some back-and-forth, but he was due to get his check in the next month or two.

Beth had tried to convince him to start over in Toronto, or even go forward with his plan to open a club in Montreal. The quiet desperation in her voice was nearly enough to change his mind. But doing so would mean staying, and staying would mean she and Oliver would find a way to convince him that the three of them could make a go of things. In the end they’d all be better off with him on the other side of the country.

By the time the sun had fully risen, Josh’s coffee was finished and he made his way back inside. The fresh air felt good in his lungs, which were still suffering from the effects of the smoke damage. The doctor had reassured him that things would get better soon, but as every day passed and the ache deep in his chest still flared when he tried to suck in too deep a breath, he was scared it would never go away.

Folding himself onto a too-small kitchen chair, he powered up his laptop and waited for it to beep to life. He’d gotten to the login screen when a soft knock on the door pulled his attention.

He wasn’t expecting anyone, and all his dad’s friends knew he was at work. Delivery? The condo was in a security building, so there shouldn’t be a way for someone to just walk in. Unless another tenant got conned into releasing the front door lock? Josh picked up the baseball bat his dad kept near the front of the condo and opened the door cautiously.

The sight that met his eyes had his heart soaring as his stomach bottomed out. “What the hell are the two of you doing here?”

Oliver stood slightly behind Beth, a large backpack slung across his back. Josh hadn’t seen much of the other man since Oliver had been discharged from the hospital ahead of him. He appeared rested and calmer in a way he hadn’t before the fire. Before Josh had left.

“Your father invited us for a visit.” Beth smiled, shifting her own pack to her opposite shoulder. “He said you were going a bit stir-crazy and could use the company.”

Oliver smirked. “Seeing as we have some time on our hands, thought we’d come out and see what’s so appealing on the West Coast.”

The words that would have come at one time refused to form. He couldn’t stop his gaze from shifting between them, cataloging how they’d changed since the last time they’d been together. The warring urges—to kiss them or slam the door shut—made him want to scream. Instead he held his ground and frowned.

“My father should have said something to me.”

“We wanted it to be a surprise.” Beth smiled. “You cut your hair.”

Suddenly self-conscious, he ran his hair across the cropped locks. He still wasn’t used to the new style himself and continued to use too much shampoo. But like with everything else, it was another chance to make a change.

“Dude, this shit is heavy. Can we come in or should we head back to the hotel?”

“Hotel?” He moved aside, letting them in to drop their gear by the door.

“Well, we weren’t sure you’d want us here, despite what your dad said.” Beth shrugged. “I booked something just in case.”

“They have a hot tub.” Oliver grinned. “I can’t wait.”

The two moved around the condo, getting a feel for the place like two puppies sniffing around. They both exuded the same nervous, eager tension he’d witnessed the night they’d come to his place, offering themselves up to him. His cock twitched at the memory.

“Your dad has an awesome view.” Beth pulled open the patio door and let the breeze blow in. “God, I could get used to being out here.”

“I could get used to the fresh fish. Salmon.” Oliver groaned. “We need to hit a good fish place later.”

“Why are the two of you here?” Shit, he wasn’t going to be able to do this if they were here. Josh pinched the bridge of his nose, pausing for a moment to get his breathing under control. “Not that I’m unhappy to see you, but you should both be looking for work. Healing.” Anything but standing here with him.

Beth turned to face him, but it was Oliver who crowded into his personal space. “We missed you.”

“I—”

“You left without saying goodbye to us.” Oliver squeezed his hand. “You wouldn’t let me see you in the hospital. You wouldn’t take our phone calls. You saved my life and I couldn’t even thank you for it.”

Josh finally met Oliver’s gaze. The naked hurt bled out from Oliver and, for the first time since meeting him, Josh knew the other man was being completely open with his feelings. There was no wall, no mask, nothing Josh could use to pretend he didn’t know that it wasn’t simply sexual attraction. There was love in Oliver’s eyes.

It was almost enough to break Josh’s resolve. Almost.

“You don’t need to thank me. I wouldn’t have left anyone in that mess.”

“But I’m not just anyone.” Oliver frowned. “At least I thought I wasn’t. We weren’t. Unless you’re still pissed off about Mallory.”

“I’m not.”

Beth shifted behind Oliver, but didn’t come closer. “What the hell happened? I thought…
we
thought there was something real between us. This wasn’t about sex. Not completely.” She did move then, coming up beside Oliver to slip her arm around his waist.

“The two of you are together.” That was good. They would have the support they needed, wouldn’t be alone after they left him.

“You saw to that.” Oliver dropped his hand. “But we want you too. Both of us for as long as you want.”

“You’re kidding. That’s insane.” Josh took a step back. “Threesomes are fun in bed, but the realities of life are different. What happens if you want kids? Do you want to try and figure out support and paternity? Fuck, what about the neighbors? Friends? God, your families wouldn’t understand. It’s a potential disaster that would ruin everyone, and I’m not about to let the two of you do that. You’ll only end up hating me.”

“Wow.” Oliver’s voice was soft but contained an undeniable core of steel. “That is the stupidest, most self-centered load of shit I’ve ever heard in my life.”

“Excuse me?”

“I believe what Oliver is trying to say is, fuck you, Josh. Who the hell do you think you are to try and tell us that what we want is wrong?” Beth dropped her hold on Oliver but didn’t move away. “For a man who’s spent the better part of his adult life building a safe environment for people to explore alternative lifestyles, you’re pretty fucking old-fashioned.”

Rage exploded through him. “Don’t you dare.” Josh didn’t want this to happen. He needed to keep his head, explain to them so they’d understand this was for their benefit. Taking a breath, he tried to clamp down on his anger. “You two are sweet, but you don’t know what you’re asking. I’ve been there when the shit unravels. The end result is messy.”

“Messier than Mallory taking every last penny from my bank account?” Oliver’s voice was too steady, too calm for his words. “Do you think a
normal
relationship is any less prone to disaster? She went on vacation, met a man twice her age, cleaned me out and now wants to marry the other bastard. Would you do that to me?”

“No.” Josh cringed at the force of his answer. “You know I wouldn’t.”

“Would you go behind our backs to fuck someone else, laughing the whole time?” Beth’s voice was far less steady, and Josh could see she was barely holding it together. “Would you constantly make us feel like we aren’t good enough, or attractive enough to keep your attention?”

“Beth—”

“Would you make us feel stupid for wanting something that everyone else says is wrong?”

Josh snapped his mouth shut. Tears trailed down her cheeks, but she didn’t make a sound. Oliver kept his gaze fixed on Josh, but he placed a comforting hand on the back of Beth’s neck. They were trying to convince him of something he’d been programmed to see as unattainable. Yes, he was in the lifestyle. But every attempt he’d made to reach out and take something like this for himself had crashed and burned spectacularly.

They couldn’t possibly understand that. Other than his dad, no one really knew why he’d pushed so hard to build Mavericks in the first place. Even Paul, as much as he’d been there for Josh in the fallout of his relationship with his mom, didn’t know all the details. If nothing else, he owed Beth and Oliver the right to know what they were up against.

“When I was sixteen, I came out as bisexual to my parents.” The day was still burned into his memory. Every time he closed his eyes the details were fresh—the half-crushed Tim Horton’s cup by his dad, the smell of fresh-cut grass coming in with the whine of the neighbor’s mower. Josh could even remember the wrinkled pleats on his mom’s shirt as she stood there yelling at him.

“They’d come home early when I had some friends over. Found me dry humping and making out with my friend Russ and a girl we’d met when we were trying to sneak into a club. It wasn’t hard to spot we were all underage, and they kicked us out. We hooked up with her and thought we could all have some fun.”

It was odd finally telling them the truth.

“I told you that my mother was extremely religious. She’d been raised Catholic but switched to some smaller, right-wing fringe group when I was about ten. My parents started fighting more and more about everything. Finding out her son would sleep with just about anything nearly made her implode.”

A tremor started in his thighs, and Josh knew there was no way he’d be able to get through this standing up. Beth and Oliver silently followed his lead, each sitting on the couch near the chair he collapsed into.

“Dad didn’t know what she had planned until much later. Through one of her contacts at her church, she’d signed me up for an intervention camp. A place where they would correct my sexually deviant tendencies and make me a better person. She told me I would be cured. That no boy of hers would grow up to be a whore, fucking everything in sight.”

“Oh, Josh.” Beth’s tears started again. She reached out and squeezed his hand as hard as she could. “What happened?”

“They tried to brainwash me.” He scratched his scalp, scraping his nails against the sensitive skin. “I was shown images of gay sex, and shocked when I’d respond to them. Shocked regardless, just to make sure I didn’t get off easy. They screamed, slapped…it was fucking torture. My dad found out and pulled me out of there as soon as he could. He took me and ran. I haven’t seen my mother since.”

“Jesus,” Oliver muttered.

“They had me for nine days, but it was enough to seriously fuck me up. Thank God, Dad was very clear he didn’t care who I slept with, as long as I was safe and happy. We moved to Toronto to start over. But it was hard. New place, new friends, and I was still fucked in the head. About a month after my seventeenth birthday I got my hunting knife and went out into the woods by the school. I was going to slit my wrists and die out there alone.”

He’d worked the whole situation out. It was late fall and no one came down that path on a regular basis. They’d find him sooner or later, giving his dad a sense of closure, but not so soon as to stop him. He’d never anticipated Paul coming along the same path, training for the school cross-country team. The fact Paul had noticed there was a problem at all and checked, then took the time to talk Josh out of it…to this day Josh was still amazed.

“Paul stopped me. He made me see that by killing myself I was letting my mom and her crazy friends win. He took me back home and told my dad. Even checked up on me afterward. We became good friends, and he’s been there for me ever since.”

“I think I love him a whole lot more.” Beth’s tearful whisper had Josh chuckling.

“You’ll have to fight Sadie off.” He’d fallen in love with Paul shortly after that, wanting to get as close as he could to the other man. But their friendship had always been worth more to him than trying to convince Paul he was gay when he clearly wasn’t, so Josh had finally contented himself with being a part of Paul’s life rather than the center of it.

“My dad told my mom what had happened. I think it was more his way of trying to reach her, rather than rub what she’d done to me in her face. She called me later that day on the pretense of checking to see how I was doing. Instead she told me I was a freak and a whore. If I ever wanted to get better I needed to come with her back to the clinic. It was the last time I ever talked to her.”

They sat in silence for a long time. The words were no longer bursting in him, wanting to get out. Beth’s silent tears remained steady, while Oliver continuously clenched and relaxed his fist. Josh wasn’t sure what kind of reaction he was expecting from them. Hell, half the time he didn’t know what to think.

He really needed to be alone.

“Why did you start Mavericks?” Oliver’s gaze had slipped to the floor. His hands hung between his knees, balled tight together. “If you went through all that shit, why would you want to own a sex club?”

“It’s because I went through all that shit. I wanted to create a place where people could feel safe and explore who they are. I wanted my members to know that there is nothing they can’t do, and no fantasy they can’t explore, no matter how weird someone else might think it was. As long as they were safe and open, I could make just about anything happen.”