Calling the Shots (19 page)

“They why won’t you take something for yourself?” The soft question from the other man wasn’t surprising. It broke Josh’s heart.

“I’m damaged goods. I’ve tried to do relationships. I’ve been with couples before, individuals, men and women. I’m not an easy person to live with. I’m fucked up because of what my mother did to me. I didn’t walk away from those people, they left me. I always had the club to find solace in. With it gone, I just…” He sighed. “I’m tired.”

Beth got to her feet, wiping the tears with her shirt sleeve. “So there is nothing we can do or say to change things. You want nothing more to do with us.”

“Beth—”

“I get it, Josh. I guess I appreciate why you ran all the way to Vancouver. Oliver, I’ll be outside.” Before he could stop her, Beth grabbed her pack and raced out the door.

Oliver finally looked up, but not at Josh. “She was convinced all we needed to do was talk to you, show you that we could make things work, and it would turn out for the best.”

“What did you think?”

When Oliver turned to finally face him, Josh wished he hadn’t. The normally jovial man was now staring at him with red-rimmed eyes. “I haven’t known what to think for a while. I was straight until you came into my life. Everything I thought I knew about myself has been pushed aside. I wanted you and Beth. I wanted to go back and open up my massage practice again. I thought I might be able to take care of the two of you for a while until you knew what you were doing with the club. Figured, as long as it was the three of us, we’d make it work.” Oliver stood and retrieved his bag. “Now, I don’t know what to think anymore.”

“I’m sorry,” Josh managed to say, forcing the words past the tightness of his throat.

“We’re staying at the Delta on West Hastings. We’ll be in town for a week and then we’re heading back to Toronto.”

The click of the door shutting broke past Josh’s final layer of defense. Pulling his legs up to his chin, he let a strangled cry slip before clamping his mouth shut.

* * *

Hours later, the door opened again. Josh knew it was his dad before the hand came down on the back of his neck to squeeze. For once, it didn’t make him feel any better.

“Oliver called to let me know they were by and wanted me to check on you.”

Of course he did. How the hell could they still give a shit about him after what he’d done? Josh was so wrapped up in his own thoughts, he didn’t anticipate the sharp slap to the back of his head.

“What the hell was that for?” Lifting his head, he glared at his dad.

“I like to think I haven’t raised you to be an idiot, but apparently I was wrong. What the hell has gotten into you?”

“I don’t know—”

“Those two came all this way to win you over, and you in your stupidity kicked them out!” His dad tossed his briefcase on the couch and marched to the fridge, where he grabbed a beer. “I don’t pretend to understand everything that you do in your life. I don’t get some of the things that went on in that club of yours. I do know good people when I meet them. Those two love you, son.”

“Dad, you don’t know what you’re talking about. It would never work. Not long-term.”

His father glared at him for a long moment before shaking his head. “I thought you’d gotten over that shit your mom put you through, but you haven’t.”

“This has nothing to do with Mom.”

“Of course it does. Everything you’ve done in your adult life has been because of that woman. How many people in that club of yours had relationships outside of the norm? I bet most of the people there felt like you do at one time or another in their lives.”

Was he being irrational? It wasn’t as though Beth and Oliver were into the sorts of things that went on at the club. They’d been employees, not in the life.

“There are no guarantees with any relationship, son. I loved your mom more than anything until she went crazy. I fought against the signs for years
because
I loved her. You mean the world to those two. I saw them at the hospital even when you wouldn’t. It broke their hearts to know you were hurting and they couldn’t do anything to make it better.”

“I know.” Josh let his feet slip to the floor, needing the pain of stiff muscles to help him feel again.

“Why are you fighting this? Don’t you care for them?”

Sighing, Josh stood and joined his dad against the kitchen counter. Snagging the beer, he swallowed down half the bottle before handing it back. “I’m pretty sure I love them. Both. Very much.”

“Then why is this a problem?”

“I…God, Dad, I don’t know.”

He wanted this, wanted them. Had for longer than he’d care to admit. He was the only thing holding them back from having the relationship they all wanted. And yet, every time he gave himself permission to start to think maybe this could work, that voice in his head started screaming at him that this was a horrible mistake.

“They love you and you love them. There are worse things to base a relationship on.”

“And it doesn’t bother you?” Josh fought to maintain eye contact.

“It has nothing to do with me. But no, it doesn’t. Beth is a sweet girl who I’d love to see more of. Oliver is a good man. Confused, but good. You could be happy with them.”

“What about everyone else?”

“Fuck ’em. It’s none of their business.” His dad gave his shoulder a squeeze. “I have a few calls to make. I’ll be in my office. Give you some time to think.”

“Thanks, Dad.”

Alone once more, Josh knew no matter what he chose, things weren’t going to be easy. It wasn’t a matter of if he loved Beth and Oliver, if they would be accepted by the people around them, or if they would be willing to put up with his sorry ass. The one thing that would make or break their relationship was him.

Chapter Twenty-One

Josh stood outside the faded and pitted door of Room 215, staring at the peephole. He could hear the murmur of voices on the other side, undercut by the low buzzing babble from the television. He couldn’t tell their mood, despite being able to catch the odd comment. They’d been somewhere, a restaurant it sounded like, and from the tone of their voices it hadn’t been an unpleasant experience.

Josh lifted his hand to knock but stopped himself short when they both let out a roar of laughter. Clearly, their earlier upset was now long gone, which was good. He hoped. He knew they cared for him. He hadn’t needed his dad’s smack to the head to let him know that. But experience had told him love wasn’t enough to make a relationship work. It took courage, communication and a hell of a lot of effort. Another burst of laugher from within, this time a bit more subdued. They must be watching a comedy. Maybe one of the shows Beth loved to fill them in on after it aired. Or that British thing Oliver was always going on about.

This was stupid. He needed to knock and get it over with. Either they’d slam the door in his face or invite him in. Standing around the hall like a nervous schoolgirl would get him reported to hotel security, and no further to working his way back into their lives. Taking a breath, Josh rapped his knuckles against the door and took half a step back. He’d be clearly visible through the peephole. Let them decide if they even wanted to let him in.

The room inside went quiet except for the soft thud of approaching footfalls. Josh wanted to drop his gaze from the peephole. He didn’t know what expression he wore, and it was probably best if he tried to keep the torrent of emotions spinning inside him from showing. But the twitching muscles of his face and the prickling sensation traveling down his back ensured there was little chance his normal mask would be in place.

The click of the chain sliding off the anchor sent his heartbeat racing. Trying to relax, he smiled when Oliver opened the door a crack. “Hey.”

Oliver froze, his fingers wrapped tight around the end of the door. “Hey.”

All his carefully rehearsed words seemed hollow and fake. Josh knew he could say everything would be fine, that he’d been a jerk and ask them to forgive him, but the words would mean nothing.

Josh stepped closer, ignoring that Oliver refused to open the door further, granting him access. He let out a shaky breath. “I really don’t have a clue what I’m doing.”

“About what?” Oliver’s voice was raw and deep. Josh shivered.

“Everything.”

Oliver held his gaze a moment longer before nodding and holding the door open. “Shoes off.”

Beth was lying on the bed when Josh finally trailed in behind Oliver. She’d cast off her jeans and was clothed only in an oversized T-shirt, wool socks and panties. Her hair was free from any clips or bands, spilling down across her shoulders. The surprise quickly fled her face as she pushed herself up to sit higher against the headboard.

“Josh?”

He wanted to crawl across the bed and wrap himself around her. The light scent of her fruity shampoo made his mouth water from wanting to press his nose to her head and smell. Oliver sat on the edge of the bed beside her. Their hands immediately sought each other out, so quickly Josh wasn’t sure if they realized they’d done it. Not wanting to force himself between them, but unwilling to take up a post on the only chair in the room, he sank down on the foot of the bed, his back half turned to them.

“Tell her what you said to me.” Oliver’s voice was firm, controlling, but somehow that gave Josh strength.

“I don’t know what I’m doing.” It was a bit easier to admit the second time.

“About what?” Beth’s voice was soft and full of concern, a contrast to Oliver’s.

“Everything. The club. Moving to Vancouver. You two.”

Beth shifted, tucking her bare legs under her. “What do you want? No bullshit or excuses. Just tell us.”

In that moment, everything slotted into place. The fear was real and, yes, they’d have problems. As his dad was so right to point out, every relationship had its issues. Turning to fully face them, he reached out, placing his hand palm up on the bed.

“I’ve got a lot of shit I’ve been refusing to deal with for years. I’m a control freak who needs to be reminded that it’s okay if things aren’t perfect. But I’m tired of being alone, and you two have become such good friends, I can’t imagine not having you in my life.” Taking a breath, Josh shrugged. “I want to make this work, the three of us. I think it can, if you’ll have me.”

Beth gave Oliver’s hand a squeeze. She gently pulled her hand away and crawled across the bed toward Josh. The brush of her fingers along the back of his neck pulled a surprised moan from him.

“This won’t
be
perfect.” She spoke the words against this ear, her hot breath tickling his skin. “We’ll each have moments of wanting to kill each other, I’m sure. But I love Oliver. And I love you. And I want you both to stay.”

Beth pressed her face to his throat, kissing him gently. Her bent head gave him a clear view of Oliver. The other man was staring at them, his eyes wide and glazed. His lips were parted, and the pink tip of his tongue was barely visible between his white teeth.

“Oliver?” Josh hoped the answer would be what he wanted, but he understood that he’d hurt him in a way that only added fuel to what his ex-wife had done. He wouldn’t be surprised if Oliver wanted nothing to do with him, choosing to stay with Beth. “I’ll leave if that’s what you want.”

Beth stiffened in his arms, but she didn’t contradict him. It was all down to Oliver now.

They held their gazes so long Josh was worried the other man was about to kick him out. Instead, Oliver stood and walked over to him. Forcing himself between Josh’s knees, Oliver dropped to the floor, resting his hands on Josh’s thighs.

“If you ever put us through something like that again, I’m going to kick your ass.” Oliver reached up and pulled him into a deep kiss. Their tongues slid against each other, teasing, exploring. Josh’s body immediately responded to the intimate caress. His cock hardened even as he shifted to pull Beth closer, needing all of them to be in contact.

Slender fingers joined Oliver’s on Josh’s skin and pulled him away. Beth claimed him as well. Her lips softer, her mouth smaller, making him feel giant. For once, Josh didn’t want to be the one in control. If this was going to have a shot at working, he’d need to learn to let them take over, let them look after him and not worry about making things right. He needed to trust that they knew what they wanted, and for the time being that was him.

Beth pulled Josh down so his back was flush on the bed. She continued to kiss and lick at his face as Oliver pulled on Josh’s belt. He was so distracted by Beth’s mouth on his skin he hadn’t been aware that Oliver had pulled his cock free until a wet mouth covered him.

The gentle scrape of Oliver’s teeth on his swollen shaft had Josh gasping. Oliver patted Josh’s thighs, drawing attention to the fact that his pants were still on and, man, he needed them off now. Oliver was unwilling to relinquish his prize to further remove them. Josh lifted his hips off the bed, giving Oliver the room he needed, while at the same time forcing his cock further still into Oliver’s wicked mouth.

“God,” Josh moaned and tightened his hold on Beth. “Like that.”

Beth grabbed the hem of his T-shirt and tugged it up over his head. Josh was now naked with his jeans bunched around his feet. The soft cotton of Beth’s shirt tickled his side and teased his hardened nipple. He wanted to tell her to suck it, but instead he slid his hand down to scratch Oliver’s head, as he turned to mouth her breast through her T-shirt.

“I’ll do anything,” Josh muttered. “Let me prove it to you.”

Beth gasped as she kissed the top of his head. “Will you let Oliver fuck you?”

The steady bobbing of Oliver’s mouth up and down on his cock stopped. The rush of cool air as he pulled away had Josh groaning almost as much as the idea of Oliver taking him. “Yes. Fuck, yes.”

“Really?” Oliver crawled up Josh’s body, his jeans scraping against the outside of Josh’s hips as he straddled him. “You’ll let me?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” Josh smiled. “I’m not
that
much of a top.”

They both laughed. Oliver yanked his shirt off, ignoring the buttons. “You can’t even say it with a straight face.”

“That doesn’t mean it isn’t true.” Josh slid a hand down Oliver’s arm, enjoying the feel of his hair, sweat and skin. “There aren’t many men I’ve wanted like that. But you’re at the top.”

“Not Paul?”

Josh didn’t need to see Oliver’s insecurity to understand that was the reason behind the question. It wasn’t surprising either, given Josh’s history with Paul.

“He’s my best friend and will always be important to me. What I felt for him was born as much from my gratitude for him saving my life as it was from any real attraction. I love him, but I’m not in love with him. Not like I am with both of you.”

Oliver was kissing him, then so was Beth. The contact was messy, more slide of wet skin than an actual kiss. Josh didn’t care. He belonged to both of them now, their taste and scent burned into his brain. This was what he’d always wanted, the unchecked rush of love and lust, everything he’d ever dreamed of. He was complete, not a freak but a man who could do anything. They finally broke the kiss, but remained close. Josh placed a quick kiss to each of their mouths.

“Get naked. I want to feel you before you fuck me.”

Beth helped strip Oliver. They moved so easily together, so confident, it was beautiful to watch. Josh’s cock flexed in anticipation, his stomach clenched with a sudden bout of nerves. It had been a long time since he’d been the one being fucked. He wished they could skip the condom and he could feel the smooth heat of Oliver’s bare shaft pushing into him.

“We should all get tested,” he blurted out, causing the other two to stop and stare at him. “So we can get rid of the condoms.”

Beth tightened her hold on Oliver’s shirt. “I’m clean last time I checked. And I’m on the pill.”

“I’ve only ever had sex with Mallory. And the two of you.” Oliver’s gaze dropped. “So I’m clean.”

“Me too, but—” he held up his hand when they started to protest, “—I care about you too much to take the chance. Test first, then we can explore our options.”

They nodded and resumed their efforts to get naked. Beth left them to retrieve a bottle of lube from her suitcase. She tossed it to Oliver, who immediately popped the top open.

“Good to know the two of you were keeping each other entertained.”

Oliver poured a generous amount onto his open palm. “Even though you weren’t here, you were still with us. I couldn’t get you out of my head.”

“I kept wanting you here.” Beth crawled back on the bed, this time straddling his chest. Her bare pussy rubbed against his pecs, leaving proof of her arousal against his skin. “I wanted to feel your mouth on me. Licking me.”

She edged closer, bringing her cunt within inches of his mouth. Josh could smell her, clearly see the pink folds of her mound, her clit swollen and red. He braced her hips with his hands, encouraging her on until she rose to her knees and shifted so her pussy was pressed to his lips.

Josh didn’t hesitate. He sucked her clit into his mouth, teasing the bud with his tongue as he held her down in place. Beth gasped and fell forward, her hands now braced on the bed above his head. How could he have thought to walk away from her? The soft noises coming from her lips obliterated any lingering hesitation he’d had, leaving him with nothing but a powerful euphoria. There were no thoughts as he devoured her, sliding a hand close to better probe her cunt. Her arousal covered his hand as he pumped in and out of her body. It was perfect.

The squeeze of strong hands on his knees, pressing his legs up and out, was the one thing that had him pause his oral assault. Oliver’s slick fingers gently probed at Josh’s hole, slowly stretching, opening him up with tentative thrusts.

“That’s it,” Josh encouraged. “As deep as you can. Now add another.”

He continued to instruct as he teased Beth, until they were both moaning and begging Oliver to hurry the fuck up. Finally, the crinkle of the condom wrapper being torn open filled the room. Gently shifting Beth away from his mouth, he watched Oliver move into position between his legs.

“I want you to ride me while he fucks me.”

Josh shouldn’t have asked, still needing to prove to them he could take as well as give, but she didn’t seem to mind the suggestion. Oliver pushed into him enough for Josh to tense momentarily. “Better wait until our boy is where he needs to be.”

“Can’t handle it, boss-man?” It was meant to be teasing, but Josh could hear the other man’s concern.

“I’m good.”

Oliver continued to thrust shallowly, inching his way slowly into Josh.

“Just keep doing that.”

It didn’t take long for Oliver to become fully seated in him. They held still, Josh relishing the time to adjust to the invasion, while Beth rolled a condom on him and shifted to sink down onto his cock. Now completely surrounded, Josh closed his eyes and willed his orgasm away. God, he was about to blow and they hadn’t done anything yet.

Beth wasn’t about to give him a break. She pushed down on his bent legs, giving herself leverage. Shooting him a wicked smile, she began to fuck herself on his cock, setting a pace meant to drive him insane. Oliver then pulled out and thrust back in, a counterpoint to Beth’s rise and fall. Slow and steady, they showed him no mercy in their relentless sensual attack.

“Fuck,” Oliver muttered. “So tight.”

Beth leaned back to kiss Oliver. The angle caused her breasts to thrust out, her nipples pointing up. Josh wanted to reach up and tweak them, pinch and pull until she was begging him to stop. Only then would he suck them into his mouth to sooth and torment the skin further. The thought flew from his mind when she tightened her pussy muscles around his cock at the same time Oliver thrust in hard, hitting his prostate. “Fuck!”

Without realizing how close to release he was, Josh grabbed at her arms, the only part of her he could easily reach, and squeezed. She moaned and dug her nails further into his legs, pushing him over the edge. Josh screamed, pumping his come into the condom as he fucked his way through the pleasure.