Cameron's Control (20 page)

She moved over toward the shredder and turned it on. “I’m not a business dealing.”

I narrowed my gaze. “Don’t even think about it.”  

The shredder ate the form.

I glared at her. “That was your first mistake, Ms. Lauren.”

She drew her teeth over her bottom lip and sucked it.

That really wasn’t helping.

A step closer. “Perhaps you might be interested to know your second mistake?”

Her subtle nod.

“You have forgotten who I am,” I said darkly.

She neared me and her eyes widened, her lips slightly parted.

I reached out and tipped her chin up. “I will not be defied. By anyone.”

“Yes, sir,” she breathed.

“This world has the potential to destroy your soul. I will not stand by and allow anyone to hurt you. Ever. I will always watch over you.”

Mia twisted her mouth thoughtfully.

“Usually Dominic deals with these details, but I can see you need persuading. Let’s go over this—” with a click of the mouse, I printed off another form —“line by line until you understand its importance.”

“I won’t sign anything that mentions you giving me money,” she said. “So delete that bit and I’ll sign it right now.”

“Mia, it gives me peace of mind to know you’ll be taken care of.”

“I love you for you.”

“Mia, please—”

“Perhaps I’ll go and work for Cole Tea,” she said. “Maybe Henry wasn’t joking about the job offer.”

“The job’s based in San Francisco.”

“I don’t want to leave you.”

I held back on a laugh. “Then don’t.”

“Are you angry?”

“I am considering which discipline best suits your defiance.”

Her face flushed brightly.

“As soon as I get you home,” I said. “There will be no lenience in your punishment.”

Mia dropped to her knees and looked up at me. “Sir.” She reached for my zipper and pulled me out of my pants. “You understand why I say these things, because”— she licked the full length of my shaft from balls to tip –“I care about you, about making you happy.”

Eyes closed, I felt her tongue urging my persuasion. Her lips wrapped tight around the head and sucked pre-cum from me. That sensual sound of her suckling…

A knock at the door startled us.

“Dr. Cole?” came Patricia’s voice. “Your five-thirty is here.”

Otherwise known as an invitation to purgatory.  

“I’ll be right there,” I called out to her.

“I’ll let Dr. Laura know, sir,” she said and walked away.

I peered down at Mia. “Continue.”  

Obediently, she took me all the way to the back of her throat and I savored this moment, delaying the inevitable torture waiting in the other room. 

My gaze drifted to the wall and lingered on Caravaggio’s 1571 print
The Conversion on the way to Damascus
, the depiction of Paul on his way to persecute Christians in Damascus, though now the subject lay flat on his back, having fallen off his horse after being struck by light and blinded by God. Paul’s stunned expression was overshadowed by his horse, the animal merely a shadow above him. 

Paul lay helpless. 

Caravaggio’s genius was in the way he communicated his subject’s feelings, that we were able to experience their horror when we viewed the painting. 

It was time to wedge shut the door to the past, and I was even prepared to psychologically nuke the situation if needed.

“Up.” I stepped back from Mia and tucked myself away.

She rose to her feet and blinked, as though not sure if she’d pleased me.

Affectionately, I stroked her flushed cheek. “Wait here.”

“Yes, sir.”

I walked over to my satchel and pulled out my laptop. “Access my Chrysalis emails. Answer as many as you can.”

“Yes, sir.”

I needed to keep her occupied.

Setting the laptop down on my desk, I said, “The code to get in is your name.”

Her fingers traced over her lips. Her eyelids were still heavy.

I hated leaving her.

“And while you wait, consider this fact, Ms. Lauren.”   

“Sir?”  

“If you don’t sign that form by the time I return, you’ll never experience my cock again.”  

I left her to think about it. 

CHAPTER 19

ONE THOUGHT OF McKenzie and goodbye erection.

After a knock on Laura’s office door, I was invited in.

Back straight and on guard, I felt ready to face off with whatever Laura had in mind, as well as having to sit in the same room as Zie.

The two women rose to greet me. A waft of Hermes. The scent of sex and war.

What does any good man want? Love, of course. We’re not so different. We fall just as deeply. Afterward, when the fairytale is over and all affection has dissipated and the relationship lost its shine, love’s spark snuffed by cruel words spoken, the desecration of what was once sacred, the no going back monologues spoken with bitterness, endless screamed rants of pain and betrayal leave us lesser men.

We too have to claw our way back.

The woman who’d once been my everything stood before me in a blur of powder blue Chanel, curls of auburn locks, and pale pink lipstick highlighting her heavily outlined eyes. A stunning vision of sensuality.

Even Laura’s gaze lingered on her client, as though awed by Zie’s beauty and just as taken by her commanding aura. I’d endured that sting of Zie’s Scorpio tail too many times to find any pleasure in being here.

Zie stepped forward, nudging my hand away when I offered it.

“Silly, there’s no formality between us.” She hugged me tight, pressing her yoga fit body against mine.

“You look well, Zie.” I pulled out of her hold and moved over to the seat opposite theirs.

“Again I want to reiterate, Dr. Cole,” said Laura as she sat back down. “How much we appreciate you taking the time to explore some issues McKenzie is having. Perhaps with us all on the same page we’ll find a resolution for her.”

“Glad to help in any way I can,” I said.

Mia was on the other side of that wall and it surprised me how much comfort that gave. I hoped she’d signed that form, seen reason. She deserved every cent from having been my lover, should we not work out. I leaned forward to ease the stab to my heart that thought gave me.

Laura rested her iPad on her lap, ready to take notes. “I respect this isn’t easy for you.”

“Must we?” I gestured to the iPad.

“Yes.”

“Thank you for doing this,” said Zie, holding a smile I didn’t recognize on her.

Laura continued to coax Zie from her previous visit, building on her therapeutic alliance and setting the frame of the session. As a fan of Freud, Laura’s questioning assisted Zie to explore her subconscious through free association in an endeavor to reveal the connections that might have lain hidden.

Laura’s unmasking of Zie’s subconscious went as expected.

“Perhaps I do see my father in Cameron,” said Zie. “Dad’s strong, influential, and cold at times. Unobtainable. Did you know he’s on his third wife?”

“No, I didn’t,” I said.

“Perhaps, Cameron, you’re right about a father complex,” said Laura softly. “Let’s examine this further, Zie?”

Zie crossed a long, lean leg over another, showing off her well-toned calves and closing down this line of discussion. “I’ve been replaced by a younger woman. How predictable.”

“Are you referring to Cameron’s latest girlfriend?” said Laura.

“I haven’t seen you in years,” I countered.

Zie’s gaze drifted toward my office wall. “Is she still here?”

“She is.”

“Is Mia in therapy too?” Zie threw her head back in a laugh. “Jeez, Cameron, all your women are fucked up.”

“This is about us Zie, about our past,” I said. “What we once had.”

“Dr. Cole, your current girlfriend may reflect your state of mind,” said Laura.

“If you’re referring to my constant state of happiness,” I said, “you might be onto something there, Laura.”

She gave a disapproving glare.

“We were happy.” Zie sounded vulnerable. “Once.”

I regretted my outburst. “How’s work?”

“Very good. I have a gallery showing in New York in a month. Perhaps you’d like to come?”

Her double entendre was lost on Laura.

The games had begun.

There was a strong desire to question Zie on her new relationship, on her infertility treatment, a need to know what she’d done with the years since I’d seen her, but I knew it was better to let Laura continue to lead the session.

“McKenzie,” said Laura. “You wanted to ask Cameron about Willow?”

The hairs prickled on my nape.

“Did you tell your sister to block my calls?”

I shifted in my seat. “Apparently the last time you met with my sister your conversation featured me?”

“She told you that?”

“Yes.”

“I merely wanted to make sure you’re making good decisions.”

“That was kind of you,” I tried to sound convinced. “Did Willow manage to reassure you?”

“She mentioned Mia’s a free spirit,” said Zie. “Willow didn’t go into detail, but from the gist I was surprised you’d settled for such an inexperienced girl.”

I glanced over at Laura. “I was under the impression we were here to talk about Zie?”

“You prefer a submissive personality,” said Zie.

A strike to my bow. Zie knew my BDSM lifestyle was guarded fiercely.

“Irrelevant,” I said.

“I’m more likely to stand up for myself,” said Zie. “Not be bullied.”

“I don’t bully, and Mia’s perfectly capable of standing up to me,” I said. “Trust me, it’s one of the many traits I admire in her.”

Zie sat up straight. “You once told me the only way a relationship has any chance of surviving is if both set of parents approve.”

“That does factor in, yes.”

“Both of our parents approved of us Cameron. They’ve remained good friends.”

“So I hear.”

“Your parents haven’t met Mia’s?”

“Mia’s mother died when she was a teenager.”

“And her father?”

“There’s still time,” I said, refusing to reveal there’d be no introduction of Mia’s Dad to my parents—a fact that still unsettled me. “Zie, where are you going with this?”

“I still care deeply for you,” she said. “There is,” — She glanced over at Laura – “I have faith you’ll come round to see I’m the right woman for you.”

Laura had visibly paled. Her fingers clenched around her iPad, as though mulling over how to deflect this conversation.

“Laura informed me you’re undergoing infertility treatment?” I deflected for her.  

“Yes. Perhaps a baby…”

“Born out of love with parents in a healthy relationship, if you want my advice.”

“Perhaps you might consider donating?” said Zie.

“Donating?”

“Your sperm.”

I scratched my jaw, wondering if Richard might find this conversation just as startling later when I recounted it. Yes, it would be considered breeching confidentially, but I needed to be talked back off the ledge of insanity.  

“Your current partner is infertile?” I asked gently.

“I’m dating a woman.”  

“I see.”

“Perhaps if we explore why you didn’t work out?” Laura said. “Cameron, would you share with McKenzie why those final days ended the way they did?”

I shot a look at Zie.

“You told me you would always love me,” she said.

“Those were hard days for me too.”

“Do you still love me?”

Laura sat forward and rested her hand on Zie’s knee. “You don’t stop loving someone just because you’re no longer together, Zie.”

This was totally out of line.

Laura was off her game, and I wondered if her current relationship was warping her perspective and skewering her analysis.

“Cameron?” Zie said.

“I care for you deeply. That’s why I’m here. I want you to move on. Have the life you want.”

“Mia isn’t right for you. Your parents disapprove.”

“And how would you know that?”

“Because I know your mom, Cameron. She’ll hate the idea of you marrying Mia with her background. She’s not one of us.”

I glanced at the wall clock. The hands hadn’t moved since the last time I checked.

“Loyalty is important to you,” she said. “You don’t tolerate infidelity.”

“Zie.” I stared into her eyes, wondering if she was prepared to take this all the way to truth.

“We had the kind of relationship that allowed for exploration,” she said.

“Yes, but you took it too far.”

“Cameron, you run the manor.”

A threat to blow my private life wide open.

My glare left Zie and slid over to Laura. “Would you mind stepping out a moment?”

“It’s best I stay.”

My gaze returned to Zie, daring her to go there and reveal the existence of Chrysalis, share with Laura the intimate details of nights spent exploring the most decadent scenes, and even further into the darkest abyss of the psyche. The rawest memory of why we’d not made it.

Remaining focused and wary, I tried to pull this conversation back. “Zie, there are extraordinary private issues that we share. Perhaps if we talk in a private setting?”

“Laura knows.”

My gaze shot to Laura “Knows what exactly?”  

“About the Harrington Suite,” said Zie. “And what we did in it.”

“What you did in it,” I corrected.

“I was young and easily influenced.”

“No, Zie, you fully consented. You wanted to be in there. Chose to be there. If you recall correctly, I wasn’t meant to be there that night.”

That night
. When I’d left work at 1AM with a 102.0 fever and had another doctor take my shift, stopping off at Chrysalis to find my lover in the Harrington Suite. Zie, the director’s woman, had been the center of attention and immersed in the kind of vision reserved for hardcore films.

Standing in the shadows of that ballroom, I’d watched my fiancé being taken by man after man in an endless orgy. A continuous fucking that had no end in sight. My thoughts spiraled, trying to grasp this surreal vision within what had felt like a fever-dream.

The days that followed had me nursing myself back from both the flu and the heartbreak of realizing we were over.