Can You Forgive Her? (69 page)

Mr Bott had left the House with Mr Palliser; and Vavasor, after the count-out, was able to walk home by himself, and think of the position which he had achieved. He told himself over and over again that he had done a great thing in obtaining that which he now possessed, and he endeavoured to teach himself that the price he was paying for it was not too dear. But already there had come
upon him something of that feeling, – that terribly human feeling, – which deprives every prize that is gained of half its value. The mere having it robs the diamond of its purity, and mixes vile alloy with the gold. Lord Middlesex, as he had floundered on into terrible disaster, had not been a subject to envy. There had been nothing of brilliance in the debate, and the Members had loomed no larger
than ordinary men at ordinary clubs. The very doorkeepers had hardly treated them with respect. The great men with whose names the papers are filled had sat silent, gloomy, and apparently idle. As soon as a fair opportunity was given them they escaped out of the House, as boys might escape from school. Everybody had rejoiced in the break-up of the evening, except that one poor old lord who had worked
so hard. Vavasor had spent everything that he had to become a Member of that House, and now, as he went alone to his lodgings, he could not but ask himself whether the thing purchased was worth the purchase-money.

But his courage was still high. Though he was gloomy, and almost sad, he knew that he could trust himself to fight out the battle to the last. On the morrow he would go to Queen Anne
Street, and would demand sympathy there from her who had professed to sympathize with him so strongly in his political desires. With her, at any rate, the glory of his Membership would not be
dimmed by any untoward knowledge of the realities. She had only seen the play acted from the boxes; and to her eyes the dresses would still be of silk velvet, and the swords of bright steel.

W
HEN
A
LICE
heard of her cousin’s success, and understood that he was actually Member of Parliament for the Chelsea Districts, she resolved that she would be triumphant. She had sacrificed nearly everything to her desire for his success in public life, and now that he had achieved the first great step towards that success, it would have been madness on her part to decline
her share in the ovation. If she could not rejoice in that, what source of joy would then be left for her? She had promised to be his wife, and at present she was under the bonds of that promise. She had so promised because she had desired to identify her interests with his, – because she wished to share his risks, to assist his struggles, and to aid him in his public career. She had done all this,
and he had been successful. She strove, therefore, to be triumphant on his behalf, but she knew that she was striving ineffectually. She had made a mistake, and the days were coming in which she would have to own to herself that she had done so in sackcloth, and to repent with ashes.

But yet she struggled to be triumphant. The tidings were first brought to her by her servant, and then she at
once sat down to write him a word or two of congratulation. But she found the task more difficult than she had expected, and she gave it up. She had written no word to him since the day on which he had left her almost in anger, and now she did not know how she was to address him. ‘I will wait till he comes,’ she said, putting away from her the paper and pens. ‘It will be easier to speak than to write.
’But she wrote to Kate, and contrived to put some note of triumph into her letter. Kate had written to her at length, filling her sheet with a loud paean of sincere rejoicing. To Kate, down in
Westmoreland, it had seemed that her brother had already done everything. He had already tied Fortune to his chariot wheels. He had made the great leap, and had overcome the only obstacle that Fate had placed
in his way. In her great joy she almost forgot whence had come the money with which the contest had been won. She was not enthusiastic in many things; – about herself she was never so; but now she was elated with an enthusiasm which seemed to know no bounds. ‘I am proud’ she said, in her letter to Alice. ‘No other thing that he could have done would have made me so proud of him. Had the Queen
sent for him and made him an earl, it would have been as nothing to this. When I think that he has forced his way into Parliament without any great friend, with nothing to back him but his own wit’ – she had, in truth, forgotten Alice’s money as she wrote; – ‘that he has achieved his triumph in the metropolis, among the most wealthy and most fastidious of the richest city in the world, I do feel
proud of my brother. And, Alice, I hope that you are proud of your lover.’ Poor girl! One cannot but like her pride, nay, almost love her for it, though it was so sorely misplaced. It must be remembered that she had known nothing of Messrs Grimes and Scruby, and the River Bank, and that the means had been wanting to her of learning the principles upon which some metropolitan elections are conducted.

‘And, Alice, I hope that you are proud of your lover!’ ‘He is not my lover,’ Alice said to herself. ‘He knows that he is not. He understands it, though she may not.’ And if not your lover, Alice Vavasor, what is he then to you? And what are you to him, if not his love? She was beginning to understand that she had put herself in the way of utter destruction; – that she had walked to the brink of
a precipice, and that she must now topple over it. ‘He is not my lover she said; and then she sat silent and moody, and it took her hours to get her answer written to Kate.

On the same afternoon she saw her father for a moment or two. ‘So George has got himself returned’ he said, raising his eyebrows.

‘Yes, he has been successful. I’m sure you must be glad, papa.’

‘Upon my word, I’m not. He
has bought a seat for three months: and with whose money has be purchased it?’

‘Don’t let us always speak of money, papa.’

When you discuss the value of a think just purchased, you must mention the price before you know whether the purchaser has done well or badly. They have let him in for his money because there are only a few months left before the general election. Two thousand pounds he
has had, I believe?’

‘And if as much more is wanted for the next election he shall have it.’

‘Very well, my dear; – very well. If you choose to make a beggar of yourself, I cannot help it. Indeed, I shall not complain though he should spend all your money, if you do not marry him at last.’ In answer to this, Alice said nothing. On that print her father’s wishes were fast growing to be identical
with her own.

‘I tell you fairly what are my feelings and my wishes, ‘he continued. ‘Nothing, in my opinion, would be so deplorable and ruinous as such as marriage. You tell me that you have made up your mind to take him, and I know well that nothing that I can say will turn you. But I believe that when he has spent all your money he will not take you, and that thus you will be saved. Thinking
as I do about him, you can hardly except that I should triumph because he has got himself into Parliament with your money!’

Then he left her, and it seemed to Alice that he had been very cruel. There had been little, she thought, nay, nothing of a father’s loving tenderness in his words to her. If he had spoken to her differently, might she not even now have confessed everything to him? But herein
Alice accused him wrongfully. Tenderness from him on this subject had, we may say, become impossible. She had made it impossible. Nor could he tell her the extent of his wishes without damaging his own cause. He could not let her know that all that was done was so done with the view of driving her into John Grey’s arms.

But what words were those for a father to speak to a daughter! Had she brought
herself to such a state that her own father desired to see her deserted and thrown aside? And was it probable that this wish of his should come to pass? As to that, Alice had already made up her mind. She thought that she had made up her
mind that she would never become her cousin’s wife. It needed not her father’s wish to accomplish her salvation, if her salvation lay in being separated from
him.

On the next morning George went to her. The reader will, perhaps, remember their last interview. He had come to her after her letter to him from Westmoreland, and had asked her to seal their reconciliation with a kiss; but she had refused him. He had offered to embrace her, and she had shuddered before him, fearing his touch, telling him by signs much more clear than any words, that she
felt for him none of the love of a woman. Then he had turned from her in anger, declaring to her honestly that he was angry. Since that he had borrowed her money, – had made two separate assaults upon her purse, – and was now come to tell her of the results. How was he to address her? I beg that it may be also remembered that he was not a man to forget the treatment he had received. When he entered
the room, Alice looked at him, at first, almost furtively. She was afraid of him. It must be confessed that she already feared him. Had there been in the man anything of lofty principle he might still have made her his slave, though I doubt whether he could ever again have forced her to love him. She looked at him furtively, and perceived that the gash on his face was nearly closed. The mark of
existing anger was not there. He had come to her intending to be gentle, if it might be possible. He had been careful in his dress, as though he wished to try once again if the role of lover might be within his reach.

Alice was the first to speak. ‘George, I am so glad that you have succeeded! I wish you joy with my whole heart.’

‘Thanks, dearest. But before I say another word, let me acknowledge
my debt. Unless you had aided me with your money, I could not have succeeded.’

‘Oh, George! pray don’t speak of that!’

‘Let me rather speak of it at once, and have done. If you will think of it, you will know that I must speak of it sooner or later.’ He smiled and looked pleasant, as he used to do in those Swiss days.

‘Well, then, speak and have done.’

‘I hope you have trusted me in thus giving
me the command of your fortune?’

‘Oh, yes.’

‘I do believe that you have. I need hardly say that I could not have stood for this last election without it; and I must try to make you understand that if I had not come forward at this vacancy, I should have stood no chance for the next; otherwise, I should not have been justified in paying so dearly for a seat for one session. You can understand
that; eh, Alice?’

‘Yes; I think so,’

‘Anybody, even your father, would tell you that; though, probably, he regards my ambition to be a Member of Parliament as a sign of downright madness. But I was obliged to stand now, if I intended to go on with it, as that old lord died so inopportunely. Well, about the money! It is quite upon the cards that I may be forced to ask for another loan when the
autumn comes.’

‘You shall have it, George.’

‘Thanks, Alice. And now I will tell you what I propose. You know that I have been reconciled, - with a sort of reconciliation, to my grandfather? Well, when the next affair is over, I propose to tell him exactly how you and I then stand.’

‘Do not go into that now, George. It is enough for you at present to be assured that such assistance as I can
give you is at your command. I want you to feel the full joy of your success, and you will do so more thoroughly if you will banish all these money troubles from your mind for a while.’

‘They shall, at any rate, be banished while I am with you,’ said he. ‘There; let them go!’ And he lifted up his right hand, and blew at the tips of his fingers. ‘Let them vanish,’ said he. ‘It is always well to
be rid of such troubles for a time.’

It is well to be rid of them at any time, or at all times, if only they can be banished without danger. But when a man has overused his liver till it will not act for him any longer, it is not well for him to resolve that he will forget the weakness of his organ just as he sits down to dinner.

It was a pretty bit of acting, that of Vavasor's, when he blew
away his cares; and, upon the whole, I do not know that he could have done better. But Alice saw through it, and he knew that she did so. The whole thing was uncomfortable to him, except the fact
that he had the promise of her further moneys. But he did not intend to rest satisfied with this. He must extract from her some meed of approbation, some show of sympathy, some spark of affection, true
or pretended, in order that he might at least affect to be satisfied, and be enabled to speak of the future without open embarrassment. How could even he take her money from her, unless he might presume that he stood with her upon some ground that belonged mutually to them both?

‘I have already taken my seat,’ said he.

‘Yes; I saw that in the newspapers. My acquaintance among Members of Parliament
is very small, but I see that you were introduced, as they call it, by one of the few men that I do know. Is Mr Bott a friend of yours?’

‘No, – certainly not a friend. I may probably have to act with him in public.’

‘Ah, that’s just what they said of Mr Palliser when they felt ashamed of his having such a man as his guest. I think if I were in public life I should try to act with people that
I could like.’

‘Then you dislike Mr Bott?’

‘I do not like him, but my feelings about him are not violent’.

‘He is a vulgar ass,’ said George,’ with no more pretensions to rank himself a gentleman than your footman.’

‘If I had one.’

‘But he will get on in Parliament, to a certain extent.’

‘I’m afraid I don’t quite understand what are the requisites for Parliamentary success, or indeed of
what it consists. Is his ambition, do you suppose, the same as yours?’

‘His ambition, I take it, does not go beyond a desire to be Parliamentary flunkey to a big man, – with wages, if possible, but without, if the wages are impossible.’

‘And yours?’

‘Oh, as to mine; – there are some things, Alice, that a man does not tell to any one.’

‘Are there? They must be very terrible things.’