Captain Wentworth's Diary (17 page)

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Authors: Amanda Grange

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She laughed at me, knowing I spoke in jest, and said I was the most fastidious man she had ever known.
‘Do you not have any virtues in mind?’ she asked. ‘Any tastes or desires that would help you choose one of the Miss Musgroves over the other?’
‘A strong mind, with sweetness of manner,’ I said. ‘That is all I ask. Something a little inferior I shall of course put up with, but it must not be much. If I am a fool, I shall be a fool indeed, for I have thought on the subject more than most men.’
‘Then you have thought about it quite enough, and it is now time for action. I would like to see you settled, Frederick, and I am sure you will find your strong, but sweet, young lady soon. Who knows, but she may be residing at the Great House this very minute!’
We took luncheon together, then I set out for my afternoon ride.
A strong mind, I thought, that is my essential requirement. I will have no weak woman who will change her mind to please others. I will not marry until I find someone with strength of character and a mind of her own.
Thursday 20 October
Benjamin returned home today, and it was charming to see with what warmth my sister welcomed him. Theirs has been a happy marriage indeed.
Friday 21 October
Sophia, Benjamin and I dined with the Musgroves this evening, and we were quite a large party. Mr and Mrs Charles Musgrove were there. So, too, were some cousins of the Musgroves, the Hayters, who lived nearby. And, as little Charles was much recovered, Anne also dined with us.
As I walked into the room, I remembered that there was a time, long ago, when we had opened our hearts to each other, but, although we spoke once or twice this evening our remarks never went beyond the commonplace, indeed, she said very little altogether. I did not know what to make of her silence, whether it was a general thing with her to be silent; or whether she was embarrassed, remembering past times; or whether, indeed, she had grown as proud as her family, and thought me beneath her notice.
It was a relief, then, to find that the Miss Hayters were just as noisy as the Miss Musgroves, for their chatter hid any awkward pauses, and the girls entertained us all with their nonsense.
They were fascinated by my life at sea and, gradually their questions brought me out of my introspection and drew me into the present. Their ignorance of seafaring matters was profound, and Miss Musgrove was astonished to find that we had food on board ship.
‘But how did you suppose we lived, if we had no food?’ I asked her. ‘We would starve to death!’
‘I suppose I thought you ate when you reached land,’ she said.
‘And how often would that be?’
‘I do not know, I am sure,’ she remarked. ‘Once a week, perhaps?’
I laughed, and she continued, saying, ‘Then, if you have regular meals, you must have shops on board? How wonderful! I would dearly love to see them.’
‘The very idea! Shops on board, indeed! Where would we put them?’ Benjamin asked her.
‘On deck,’ she supplied.
‘What! On deck? Do you think there is room amongst the cannons? Our ships are spacious, I grant you, but they are not as large as London!’
‘Well, then, below deck,’ she said, laughing. ‘I am sure you must have room, for I cannot think what else you would put there. Besides, you must have shops, else how would you buy your food? You cannot have it delivered?’
Sophia and Benjamin smiled and I took pity on her, saying, ‘We take it with us.’
‘And how do you eat it?’ asked Miss Musgrove. ‘You cannot have a table and chairs, so I suppose you sit on deck and balance a plate on your knees?’
‘And I suppose you think we eat with our fingers?’ Benjamin asked, laughing even more.
‘You cannot mean you have cutlery?’
‘That is exactly what I mean.’
‘I should not like to eat at sea, all the same,’ said Miss Louisa. ‘I would hate my meat raw.’
‘Raw?’ demanded Benjamin.
‘I would not thank you for raw meat either,’ said Sophia. ‘We have a cook to dress the food, and a servant to wait on us.’
I saw Anne smiling, and I was taken back to the time when she had been as ignorant of the habits on board ship as the Musgrove girls now were. I remembered the delight I had taken in educating her, for I had felt the glow of her intelligence, and I had been heartened by the pleasure she had taken in learning about everything connected with me.
I resolutely turned my attention back to the Miss Musgroves. They would not be satisfied until I had explained to them everything about living on a ship: the food, the work, the hours, the daily routine.
Miss Musgrove then brought out the Navy List and the two sisters pored over it in an attempt to find out the ships I had commanded.
‘Your first was the
Asp
, I remember; we will look for the
Asp
,’ she said.
I remembered the
Asp
fondly, as every man remembers his first command. I thought of the happy times I had had with her but I would not admit it, teasing them by saying she had been a worn-out and broken-up old vessel.
‘The Admiralty entertain themselves now and then with sending a few hundred men to sea in a ship not fit to be employed,’ I said. ‘But they have a great many to provide for; and among the thousands that may just as well go to the bottom as not, it is impossible for them to distinguish the very set who may be least missed.’
The two girls did not know what to make of this speech, but Benjamin laughed and said that never was there a better sloop than the
Asp
in her day.
‘You were a lucky fellow to get her!’ he said, turning to the ladies and saying, ‘He knows there must have been twenty better men than himself applying for her at the same time. Lucky fellow to get anything so soon, with no more interest than his.’
‘I felt my luck, Admiral, I assure you,’ I replied. ‘It was a great object with me at that time: to be at sea, a very great object; I wanted to be doing something.’
I felt my mood darken again as I recalled the reasons for it. I had been eager to escape because I had been rejected, and I had wanted something to take my mind off my troubles, for I had not wanted to spend the rest of my life brooding about Anne.
Benjamin luckily knew nothing of this.
‘To be sure you did,’ he replied. ‘What should a young fellow like you do ashore for half a year together? If a man has not a wife, he soon wants to be afloat again.’
‘I am sure you should have been given a better ship, whatever you say,’ Miss Louisa remarked, ‘for I am sure you deserved it.’
‘Did you have any great adventures on the
Asp
?’’ asked Miss Musgrove.
‘Many,’ I said.
I regaled them with tales of my time with the
Asp
, the privateers I had taken, and the French frigate I had secured.
‘I brought her into Plymouth,’ I said, as they hung on my every word. ‘We had not been six hours in the Sound, when a gale came on, which lasted four days and nights, and which would have done for poor old
Asp
in half the time, our touch with the Great Nation not having much improved our condition. Four-and-twenty hours later, and I should only have been a gallant Captain Wentworth, in a small paragraph at one corner of the newspapers; and being lost in only a sloop, nobody would have thought about me.’
I thought I saw Anne shuddering, and I felt as though the years had rolled away, leaving us close once more. But then I saw her pull her shawl higher and I realized she had done nothing more than shiver with the cold.
My attention was soon drawn back to the Miss Musgroves, who were full of exclamations of pity and horror. Then, having dispensed with the
Asp
, the girls began to look for the
Laconia
, and I took the List out of their hands to save them the trouble. I read aloud the statement of her name and rate, and present noncommissioned class.
‘She, too, was one of the best friends man ever had,’ I said. ‘Ah! those were pleasant days! How fast I made money in the
Laconia
! A friend of mine and I had such a lovely cruise together off the Western Islands. Poor Harville, sister! You know how much he wanted money: worse than myself. He had a wife,’ I said, thinking of Harriet, and the day on which I had stood up with him at his wedding. ‘Excellent fellow! I shall never forget his happiness. He felt it all so much for her sake. I wished for him again the next summer, when I had still the same luck in the Mediterranean.’
Mrs Musgrove spoke, in a low voice, and took me by surprise by saying something about it being a lucky day for them when I was made captain of that ship. I did not understand her and I did not know how to reply.
‘My brother,’ whispered Miss Musgrove. ‘Mama is thinking of poor Richard, who died.’
I was none the wiser and waited expectantly for more to follow, and follow it did. It seemed that Richard Musgrove had been, for a time, under my command. I searched my memory and remembered him eventually, a troublesome youth, with little aptitude for the sea.
‘Poor dear fellow!’ continued Mrs Musgrove, ‘he was grown so steady, and such an excellent correspondent, while he was under your care! Ah! it would have been a happy thing if he had never left you. I assure you, Captain Wentworth, we are very sorry he ever left you.’
I remembered the difficulty I had had in making him write even one letter to his family; that is, one letter that was not begging for money, and I could not echo her sentiment, but I did not say so, for I saw that she was suffering. Instead, I joined her on the sofa, and entered into conversation with her about her son. I did everything in my power, by sympathy and a listening ear, to soothe her pain.
By and by, she calmed herself, until she was ready to join in the general conversation once more.
‘What a great traveller you must have been, ma’am!’ she said to my sister.
My sister told her of her travels, saying, ‘But I never went beyond the Straits, and never was in the West Indies. We do not call Bermuda or Bahama, you know, the West Indies.’
Mrs Musgrove did not disagree, indeed I would have been surprised if she could accuse herself of having ever called them anything in the whole course of her life!
As Sophia spoke of her life at sea, I was pleased to see that Mrs Musgrove’s tears had dried, and that she was absorbed in the conversation.
‘But were you not frightened at sea?’ asked Mrs Musgrove.
‘Not a bit of it. When I was separated from Benjamin, I lived in perpetual fright, not knowing when I should hear from him next; but as long as we could be together, nothing ever ailed me,’ she said.
Mrs Musgrove heartily agreed with this sentiment, saying, ‘Yes, indeed, oh yes! I am quite of your opinion, Mrs Croft, there is nothing so bad as a separation, for Mr Musgrove always attends the assizes, and I am so glad when they are over, and he is safe back again.’
I caught Anne smiling at this, and I was reminded of the way our minds had always run together. It seemed as though they still did, on occasion, for we were both amused at the idea of Mr Musgrove being in as much danger when attending the assizes as Admiral Croft when he was sailing the North Sea!
‘Mama, let us have some dancing,’ said Miss Musgrove, growing tired of a conversation in which she had no part, and, still in high spirits, being eager for some exercise.
‘Oh, yes, we must!’ said Miss Hayter.
‘I was just about to suggest it myself,’ said Miss Louisa.
‘What an excellent idea,’ said Mrs Musgrove. ‘And, see, we have Anne to play for us, and no one ever plays better, for I am sure her fingers fly over the keys!’
I was taken aback at this, for Anne had been relegated to the pianoforte without a by-your-leave.
‘Does Miss Elliot never dance?’ I asked Miss Louisa, troubled, as she claimed me for her partner.
‘Oh, no! never; she has quite given up dancing. She had rather play. She is never tired of playing,’ came the quick reply.
I did not believe it, for Anne had always loved to dance, and I was torn between a desire to defend her and to say she must have her share of the dancing, and exasperation that in all this time she had not learnt how to defend herself. Overlooked when her father and sister had gone to London without her; overlooked now, when her friends danced; but if she had had a little more spirit, a little more strength of character, she, too, could have had her share of the entertainments.
I danced twice with each of the Musgrove girls, and twice with each of the Hayter girls, and it was impossible not to be cheered by their enjoyment, though somehow it was not as cheering as it should have been, for I was ever conscious of Anne at the pianoforte.
At last the dancing came to an end. Anne left her seat and went over to the sofa to join Mrs Musgrove, and I went over to the instrument and tried to pick out an air for Miss Musgrove. I had got no further than the first line, however, when Anne returned, and saying, ‘I beg your pardon, madam, this is your seat,’ I relinquished it.

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