Captive (14 page)

Being strong was second nature to me. As a toddler I’d been a rink rat at the arena near my hometown of Humboldt, Iowa, learning to skate with my two brothers. I was fighting other boys for the puck before kindergarten. I’d gotten serious about weight training when I started high school, after my coach Paul Martini talked to me about greatness being something that’s earned with hard work.

Physical and mental strength were part of who I was. Early mornings, late nights, grueling training, aching muscles and the constant knowledge that someone else would kill to take my place. I had a mantra that came from Martini, who shaped me into the player I was: I might not be the fastest, or the smartest, or the biggest, but I’d never, ever be outworked. It had gotten me to the top and kept me there.

But I learned from experience that strength takes many forms. And nothing had ever impressed me more than the strength Kate had shown in the past few months. It’d been six weeks since she met me in Nashville, and not only was the wife I’d been missing back, she was better than ever. She was invigorated with the hope that we’d have a family soon. Not only had she fought through her own grief over the loss of our baby, she helped others deal with their own grief as a counselor.

I was listening to her talk to the lady from Cradle of Hope who was interviewing us for our home study, and her smile set off a flood of emotions inside me. I saw everything she was feeling in that smile: nervousness, hope and joy. It tore at me that there was no fear. She had complete faith that the body of a total stranger would be able to bring us the gift that hers couldn’t.

“I didn’t really think much of not having a dad around growing up,” Kate said. “I mean, I can remember the time when he was there, and that was normal. But then when he left and it was just me and Mom, that seemed normal, too.”

“Sure,” said Lisa, who was interviewing us. “I can understand that. Do you have any vision or expectations in your mind of what a father should be?”

Kate sighed and considered. “I know that Ryke will be everything I would’ve liked in a dad.” She met my eyes and squeezed my hand. “He’s so smart about so many things. He can fix anything on any car and he can build things. He made me a cutting board and it’s so beautiful. His dad taught him woodworking and he does things like that in the off season when we visit his parents. He’s patient and loving and he cares about people. I’ve seen him with his nieces and nephews and they love him because he jokes and plays with them. He works hard at everything he does. And one of the things I love most about him is that he’s respectful to everyone. When we’re out and fans approach him, he always takes time for them. If they’re knowledgeable about the game, he talks in depth with them. And if they’re not, he talks on that level, too. Every time I see him talking to people, they leave feeling good about themselves. It would be easy for a professional athlete to be conceited, but he’s not.”

I was moved listening to her. Nothing she was saying had anything to do with fame or money. She saw inside me. I was surprised when she took a breath and picked right up talking again.

“He was doing a thing for a Cub Scout troop once. Ice skating with them. And I went to watch because we were going out to dinner after. There was a boy who was off to the side, clinging to the wall because he was too afraid to even move on the skates. And Ryke … he asked someone to bring out a round plastic sled, and he had him sit on it and he pulled him around the rink. I still remember that kid’s smile. And then all the kids wanted to ride the sled, and that boy wasn’t alone anymore. That …” She wiped at the corner of her eye. “That got me. I’m proud of everything about him. I think our children will feel the same way.”

I swallowed past the well in my throat. No one ever made me feel as sappy as Kate did.

“Okay, well, I’ve taken enough of your time for this visit,” Lisa said, standing. “Thank you very much for the cookies and coffee. We’ll pick back up at the next visit.”

“Are we … doing okay?” Kate asked.

Lisa laughed and patted her hand. “You’re doing great. Don’t worry.” She was a cheery, round woman who reminded me of one of my aunts.

Kate let out a big breath and grinned. “I’ll call next week to set up your next visit.”

“Wonderful,” Lisa said, shaking both our hands before Kate led her to the door. She pressed her back to it when she closed it and grinned from ear to ear.

“I love seeing you so happy,” I said.

“It’s starting to feel real.”

“Want me to practice the breast stimulating thing?” I was joking, but kinda hoping she’d say yes. She rolled her eyes and smiled, walking toward the kitchen.

“What day is it?” I asked, trying to remember. I could never keep them straight since I didn’t get a weekend like people who worked normal hours.

“Tuesday. You’re leaving in the morning after practice to do that fundraising meeting for the foundation. Overnight in LA tomorrow, and then you fly out and meet up with the team in Minnesota. Back home Friday afternoon.”

“Right. Any chance you can come with?” She’d been meeting me on the road at least once a week, and we had epic sex every time. I’d recently realized she was more closed off at home, when we were in our bedroom. Though I’d had the bed replaced after the miscarriage, I’d started to wonder if it was still a place of bad memories for her.

“I wish. I have to go to the doctor tomorrow and I have a foundation meeting.”

“Which doctor?” I wandered into the kitchen, concern piquing my interest.

“The OB/GYN. I had an appointment set for a consultation on getting my tubes tied three weeks ago but I had to cancel it when Kirk got the flu and I had to take his group at work. So I’m finally going.”

“And you still feel sure about it?”

“Absolutely.” She looked up from the papers she’d been flipping through. “You’re still good with it, right?”

I walked over and pulled her close. “Of course. It’s the best decision for us.”

“Ironic that getting my tubes tied is part of our plan for starting a family,” she said with a sad smile.

“Hey.” I tipped her chin up so I could look into her eyes. “A family’s a family. Our kids will be ours no matter whose chute they fly out of.”

She laughed and wrapped her arms around my neck. “You’re right.”

“I have to get to the rink. I’ll pick you up later for dinner.”

I kissed her and headed for the door, glancing back at her on the way. She was looking through our mail with a dreamy smile. Just the sight of her put a stupid-ass grin on my face. I’d have to listen to heavy metal on the way to practice to get my head in the right place, because right now I had no desire to kick ass and take names.

LA was a better trip than I’d expected. I caught up with my buddy Scott, a former teammate I didn’t get to see much of anymore. And I locked up a big donation to the foundation, which would allow us to move forward with the hockey program for inner-city kids we wanted to start. I couldn’t wait to get going on it.

But tonight I was stuck in cold as hell Minnesota, and I was fucking tired after playing more ice time in a single game than I ever had before. We’d battled to break a 1-1 tie, and the game finally ended on a fluke goal Luke scored.

I was cabbing it to a downtown restaurant with Luke and Vic now, and I dialed Kate to catch up on the way.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey, are you still up?”

“Yeah. But I’m going to bed soon. Good game.”

“You okay?” I covered my open ear so I could hear her better over the guys. Several seconds of silence made me lower my brows with worry. “Kate?”

“Yeah, I’m okay.”

“What’s going on? You sound like something’s wrong.”

She sighed deeply. “I guess I’m just tired. Can we talk when you get home tomorrow?”

I wanted to say no. Something was off with her and it bothered me that she didn’t want me to know what it was. But I could tell from her voice she really was tired. “Sure, baby. Get some sleep. Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

It was almost midnight, and I felt a stab of guilt that she was going to bed alone. This life gave us a lot of opportunities most people never had, but it took away a lot of the normalcy others took for granted. Traveling had been a hell of a lot of fun when I was a rookie, but I didn’t love it anymore. I’d probably love it even less when we adopted a baby. I’d need to hire help for Kate when I wasn’t home.

“What’s up, boss?” Luke asked.

“Huh? Oh, nothing.”

“I’m fucking starving,” Vic said. “Is the place we’re going to the one with the big cheeseburgers?”

Luke arched his brows and smiled. “Yeah, it’s the one I met that crazy chick at last time we were here.”

“The one who wanted to suck your cock after it was in her ass?” Vic asked.

“That one.”

“Are you meeting her there or something?” I asked, hoping she wouldn’t have friends with her. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with women on the prowl tonight. It took energy to refuse them without insulting them.

Luke shrugged. “If she’s there, I’d fuck her again.”

“I don’t know where you get the energy,” I said. “I’m fucking tired. I just wanna eat and get some sleep.”

“Amen,” Vic said. “We’re officially old and boring.”

“You guys are,” Luke agreed. “You made that official the day you got married.”

“Fuck you,” I said. “I only fuck one woman, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have great sex.”

“Yeah, Dawn’s a whore in bed,” Vic said. “I chose well.”

Luke leaned forward to get his wallet out as the cab slowed to a stop. He paid the driver and we all went in, breaking down the game the way we always did afterwards. It was good to have something I could pretend to be focused on. What was really running through my mind were questions about what the hell was going on with Kate, and why she was being evasive about it. I was anxious to get home and confront her about it.

My stomach felt like the choppy waves of the lake; up and down with no predictability. I’d been sitting here for … how long? I had no idea, but it didn’t matter anyway.

“Kate?” The boom of Ryke’s deep voice pulled me from my daze. “Kate, are you here?”

His footsteps pounded into our bedroom and his eyes widened when he came through the open doorway and saw me. He slammed a palm against the doorframe and leaned against it.

“Thank fuck! Jesus, Kate, I’ve called you like a dozen times! I thought something happened to you!”

I swallowed, my heart pounding. The tightness in his jaw fell away as he looked at me and walked over.

“What’s wrong? Are you okay?” He dropped to his knees in front of the chair I sat in, resting his palms on my thighs.

“Ryke …” I sighed, gathering my courage. “I’m pregnant.”

My tone was mournful. I might as well have just told him someone we loved had died. Clearly I was missing not only the means to deliver a healthy baby, but also the innate nurturing mothers were supposed to feel for their children.

Ryke’s caramel eyes got huge and his lips parted as he stared at me, as shocked as I was.

“Pregnant? Uh … wow.”

“Yeah.” I shook my head with disgust. “I went in for the appointment about getting my tubes tied and they said it’s standard to check.”

“Shit. Even though you’re on the pill?”

I just stared at him, numb. “I’d just started them before that fuck fest we had in Canada. And then Nashville …”

A smile played on the corners of his lips. “Right. Okay, so … listen, we’ll be okay. Let’s get another test to be sure.”

“Oh, I’m sure,” I said bitterly. “The doctor tested my urine and my blood and said it’s for sure.”

He cocked his head and studied me. “But we talked last night. How long have you known?”

Oh, shit. He was mad. “Only since yesterday morning. Two days … more like one, really,” I said, laying my hands over his on my thighs.

“Two days!” He stood up and glared down at me. “What the fuck? How could you not tell me this? Why didn’t you pick up the phone and say,
Ryke, get your ass home
?”

“I wasn’t trying not to tell you or anything. I just needed time to think. I needed to process it and think about my options.”