Captive (15 page)

He took a step back, his face twisted in anger. “Your options? What the fuck does that mean? Were you gonna get an abortion and never tell me?”

“Jesus, Ryke, no! I didn’t mean options like that! I meant my options for handling this. For not coming unhinged. I’m a wreck. I’m in shock. This hit me hard because I never, ever thought I’d have to deal with this again.”

“Yeah, I get that, but we’re married. We’re supposed to deal with shit together.” His icy expression sent a cold sensation through my chest. He was pissed – really pissed. He’d never looked at me this way before.

“Look, I’m sorry—”

He cut me off. “On the phone last night? Wait – the night before that, when you couldn’t come to LA because you had a thing for the Foundation? Was that even the truth?”

I jumped up from the chair and stepped toward him, anger warming me all over. “Of course it was the truth, Ryke! I’ve never lied to you!”

“Bullshit.” He folded his arms across his chest, his darkened eyes boring into mine. “When we got married, I gave everything to you. Not just my money and my body, but everything I am. Every fucking time we win a game, I’m thinking as I skate off the ice that I can’t wait to call you and talk about it. When I’m pissed, you’re the one who cools me down. I share the ups and the downs — I don’t hold out on you.”

“I wasn’t holding out! You can’t understand how shaken up I am over this. It’s my nightmare. I can’t even … I don’t know what to do. I guess I just wait for the inevitable.”

“It’s not inevitable.” Did his flat tone mean he was mellowing? I hoped so.

“My body is flawed. I’ve lost two of two. And the last one …” My voice broke and I turned toward the glass wall of our bedroom to compose myself. “We were going to have a family. I don’t think you realize what having your baby meant to me. You’re right, you’ve given me everything.” I waved a hand around the bedroom of our luxurious Lake Shore Drive apartment. “You’re a famous athlete! You’re on a billboard downtown! Everyone wants a piece of you. Having your baby was the one thing that only I could do for you. I wanted—”

He shook his head and broke in. “Don’t. You’ve always been everything to me. Always. When I told you after we lost the baby that I’d never loved you more, I meant it. I’d love you through anything, if you’d just let me. You said we were going to become a family when we had a baby, but I thought we became one the day we got married.”

My shoulders dropped. I wanted to hear the affectionate tone he saved just for me. I wanted him to wrap his broad, warm body around me and tell me it would all be okay. Maybe holding this news inside myself for two days hadn’t been best.

“Ryke—”

“Look, I need to cool off before we talk.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m gonna go over to Luke’s. Stay here so I don’t worry about you.”

A fear I’d never known before made my heart skip a beat. “But … you’re coming back home, right?”

“Of course I’m coming home. I just don’t want to talk about this when I’m pissed.”

He wouldn’t look at me. God, how I hated it. I always read warmth in his eyes when he looked at me and I wanted to see if it was still there.

“Yeah,” I said, my voice barely audible.

He turned to go and I sank back into the chair, his words replaying in my mind. Had I not given my all to the man who’d risked his heart again after losing his wife in a tragic accident? He made me feel like the most beautiful, special woman in the world. Nothing could feel worse than knowing I’d hurt him. He wasn’t sure of me. I leaned my head back and tried to get lost in the movement of the lake’s waves once again, letting memories of a happier day float through my mind.

One year earlier

I drew closer to the edge of the cliff with each step, about to take the biggest jump of my life. But my tears were joyous. Ryke waited for me several yards from the edge, smiling in a black tuxedo with an orange tropical flower pinned on the jacket. The warm Hawaiian breeze toyed lightly with his dark hair. I wanted to run to him; throw my bouquet on the ground and jump into his arms so we’d be married just a few seconds sooner.

But his teammates and our friends and families were watching, so I relished this once in a lifetime moment. I wore the dress of my dreams: a sleeveless white satin gown with pearls embroidered in swirling designs on the billowing skirt and bodice. The pearl tiara that crowned the large curls piled on top of my head completed the fairytale.

My solo walk down the aisle made of a carpet of flower petals ended when Ryke reached for me and took both of my hands in his. He bent down and pressed his forehead to mine.

“You’re beautiful,” he whispered softly. “My perfect girl. I’m honored you chose me.”

He came closer, about to brush his lips across mine, when a vocal gasp from the onlookers made us both turn.

“You can’t kiss her now, Ryke!” hissed Dawn, my matron of honor. Ryke sighed slightly and stood tall again, kissing my forehead instead.

A jolly Hawaiian man with a big belly and a wild floral shirt, Ano, officiated. Our pastor had fallen through at the last minute, but I preferred this guy anyway. He was happy, which seemed like a good omen for our marriage.

“Ryke and Kate,” he said, smiling and looking at each of us. “We’ve gathered here on this most beautiful day to celebrate two becoming one.”

I squeezed Ryke’s hands and grinned like a giddy schoolgirl, unable to focus on anything but the look of love on his face. Nearly every day I wondered how I’d gotten this lucky. He was fierce, sweet, powerful and rugged. My heart still fluttered when he kissed me. And I was about to become his wife.

Ano turned to Ryke. It was time to share the vows we’d written in secret. I’d agonized over mine, scrawling them in a notebook, typing new ones on my laptop and then begging Kirk for help. That hadn’t worked, either, and I’d been up late last night working on what I wanted to say.

I glanced over Ano’s shoulder when he turned to Ryke. The ocean beneath the cliff was the most vibrant blue I’d ever seen. This place was paradise; the perfect spot for our intimate summer wedding.

“Ryke, please share your promise to Kate, before your family and friends,” Ano said.

After shifting and clearing his throat, Ryke stepped another inch closer to me before starting.

“Kate, you already know hockey players are fighters. That’s who I am, and you need to know that I’ll do a lot of fighting in this marriage.” I gave him a quick, nervous smile. He winked at me and continued. “I’ll fight for your dreams even if you think they’re impossible. I’ll fight for our future, no matter what obstacles we face. There’ll be times when I’ll fight with you, because I promise to always be open and honest with you, even if you won’t like what I have to say. No matter what life throws our way, I’ll fight for our love. You’re my everything, and I promise you’ll know every day that I’d take on any fight for you.”

I held back the tears pooling in my eyes, trying to smile them away.

“Kate,” Ano said, “Please share your promise to Ryke, before your family and friends.”

I smiled again and opened my mouth to start, but closed it quickly because I knew I’d cry over his vows if I spoke. A few seconds passed, and finally I laughed nervously and let a few tears fall. Ryke reached over to brush them away, but I beat him to it, swiping my thumbs beneath my eyes and then putting my hands back in his. He stroked a thumb across my hand and I made the exhilarating jump.

“Jason Patrick Ryker, it’s hard to remember there was a time when I didn’t know your name. It’s as familiar to me as my own now. I once heard that love is giving someone the ability to destroy you but trusting them not to.” I paused, my throat tight with emotion. “Today I promise you both of those things. I entrust you with my heart, and I promise to always be true, honest and supportive. I’ll be your best friend and your biggest fan. I will love and honor you every day for the rest of my life.”

When he kissed me to seal our vows, the happiness that washed over me was as warm and bright as the sun that sparkled off the ocean waves. In that moment, no one but the two of us existed, and absolutely nothing was impossible.

The apartment was silent when I opened the door, so I closed it quietly and went to the bedroom to look for Kate.

She was curled up on the bed, which was still made, sound asleep. I sat down beside her and ran my fingers over a stray section of her long hair. This soft, feminine part of her always stirred something inside me. As usual, just the feel of it brought my cock to life. Because this gorgeous blonde hair was hers, it was also
mine
. And I loved everything I did with it. When I kissed her, I ran my hands through it to make her moan softly into my mouth. Sometimes I pulled it just the way she liked – hard — when she was about to come. I loved waking up to the familiar coconut smell of her smooth hair when her back was nestled into my chest.

“Kate,” I whispered, running a fingertip over her cheekbone. Her eyes opened and took a second to focus on me.

“Hmm?” She sat up. Her swollen, groggy eyes reminded me I’d left when she was upset.

“Hey. Just wanted you to know I’m home.”

Her face registered her memory of our argument. “Okay.”

“You’re exhausted.” I reached beneath her and picked her up, sliding the covers down and setting her back on the bed. She usually slept in one of my t-shirts, so I went to the closet and found one.

She was asleep again when I got back to the bed. I grabbed the waistband of the flannel pants she wore and pulled them down, but she didn’t wake up.

The sight of her smooth, creamy thighs and red satin panties gave me a full hard-on. I wanted her so fucking bad. I didn’t have words to reassure her, but I could do it with my body. Though I was still pissed she hadn’t told me she was pregnant, there were a lot of other things I wanted her to know that I couldn’t say out loud.

If I could look in her eyes and make love to her right now, she’d know. That I loved her so fucking much my chest ached. That I was in agony over having to leave her in two days for a road trip. That seeing her joy turn to disappointment was like a knife to my heart.

When I sat her up to pull off her shirt and bra and slip the t-shirt over her head, she leaned against me limply.

“Have you been eating?” I asked, easing her down until her head sank into the pillow.

“Mmm.”

I got up and pulled the covers up to her neck. It was past midnight and I had an early practice in the morning, so I’d be up and gone before she was even awake. I didn’t want to leave things like they were between us, but she needed rest, so we’d have to talk later.

After a beer and a couple hours of video games at Luke’s, I’d mellowed. Just being in his shithole apartment made me want to go home to Kate. Empty beer bottles and dirty laundry in the living room and dishes all over the kitchen. He said he was trying to bang his cleaning lady and he wanted to make sure she’d still be at his place when he finished practice tomorrow.

I took of my jeans and t-shirt and left them in the closet. When I climbed into bed next to Kate, I had a surge of gratitude that I was done banging cleaning ladies and puck sluts. She was the only one I wanted to share that part of myself with.

But the downside to having a one and only was that she got to me like no one else. When she was unhappy, I was, too. I wasn’t mad at her, but I was frustrated as hell. The only ways I could work out frustration were on the ice or in bed with Kate. And even though we were in bed right now, it wasn’t going to be a night that left me sated and relaxed.