Captive Heart (20 page)

She hesitated. "I—I honestly don't know at this point, Rafael. I'm afraid I'm mixed up, confused about a lot of things."

"I'm not going to give up until I know it is hopeless," he said stubbornly.

Impulsively, she rested her hand on his. "Could we be friends for now, Rafael? I do need a friend."

"Of course I am your friend. Confidant, companion, big brother, friend, lover—I will be what you want me to be. Just tell me. What I wish, of course, is to be your lover and your husband. But I can be patient. I have felt certain from the beginning that your marriage to Del Toro is not a happy one and it is destined to end in divorce. Several things have happened lately that strengthen that belief, and when the time comes, I will be waiting."

She looked at him quizzically. "What do you mean, 'several things have happened lately'?"

"The look in your eyes today for one thing. You are a new bride. You have just been off on a romantic trip with your husband to an isolated mountain mining camp. You should be singing and radiant. But when I look into your eyes, what do I see? Only loneliness and sadness—"

She glanced away. "Perhaps you should not look so deeply into my eyes," she whispered.

"And Del Toro—he does not act like a devoted husband. You do not see much of him, do you?"

She frowned. "How do you know so much about it?"

"You forget I have known Jorge Del Toro since childhood. We live in the same social world, have the same friends and business acquaintances. We are even distantly related, third or fourth cousins, I believe. At any rate, I know a great deal about where Jorge goes and what he does, probably more than you do, JoNell. In our culture, the man's world is separate from the woman's world. A man's friends or acquaintances may know more about his daily life away from home than does his own family."

"What are you trying to tell me?"

"What I said, that Jorge spends very little time at home with you."

"It's true I haven't seen him much since we got back," she admitted. "He has many business matters that take his time."

"Yes, business, and other matters."

She frowned at him. "What does that mean?"

He hesitated. "I should not have said that. It will only make me appear small in your eyes. And yet, I do not like to stand by and see you hurt and betrayed by a husband who cares nothing for you."

She felt a sudden tightness and pounding in her temples. "What—what do you mean, 'betrayed'?"

Rafael hesitated again. He looked down at his hands, spreading them on his knees. He shook his head slowly. "Forgive me for being the one to tell you this, JoNell. But I must. Jorge has been seeing my sister, Consuelo. They have met for cocktails in the afternoon. Once they had dinner in a secluded restaurant where he used to take her before he married you."

The blood drained from JoNell's face. She felt as if her heart had been impaled on a sharp spike. In that first moment she could only feel humiliation and hurt. Anger would come later.

"I'm sorry. I know you are upset. But I can't help but think Consuelo is right. She's convinced in her mind that Jorge married you because he needed an American wife for business purposes. She thinks it's a temporary situation, and she'll eventually get him back. Maybe he's even told her that. At any rate, she's very determined and very sure of herself."

JoNell arose and walked slowly to a window. She looked out at the garden through a haze of tears. Rafael had only confirmed what she'd known in her heart all along. But for another to confirm the truth hurt unbearably. If only she hadn't fallen in love with Jorge! What a hurtful trick her treacherous heart had played on her!

"JoNell," Rafael said gently. He had risen and moved behind her. Now she felt his hands on her shoulders. "I must go, but remember I am always close by if you need me. Whatever you need, whatever I can give you, you have only to ask me."

She nodded numbly.

"JoNell," he said huskily, "that first night on the balcony, I begged you for just one kiss, remember? I want to ask you again. It is a selfish request that comes only from my lonely heart."

How well she knew the meaning of an empty, lonely heart! How could she deny another heart in pain? She raised her face to his. For a long moment their eyes met, and then she closed hers, offering her lips. His mouth was warm and eager against hers.

She truly wished Rafael would awaken the trembling passion she felt in Del Toro's embrace. But after what Rafael had told her about Del Toro and Consuelo, she felt nothing except numbness.

"My loved one," Rafael whispered. "I know there is no passion in your kiss for me. You are too decent a woman to be married to one man and feel passion for another, even if you do not love the man who is your husband. But your kiss gives me hope. It will give me reason to live until the time comes when you grow to love me."

He clasped her hands in his, kissing them. Then he was gone.

JoNell spent the remainder of the day aimlessly wandering around the mansion, her thoughts chaotic, her emotions storm-swept. Rafael's news that Del Toro was secretly seeing Consuelo should have come as no surprise. Nevertheless, it had forced her to face abruptly the cold reality of Del Toro's love for his lifelong sweetheart, and JoNell's position as an outsider. And that reality hurt more than she had imagined it would.

Late that afternoon, Maria brought her a message that deepened her anguish. "Seňor Del Toro phoned, seňora. He asked me to tell you that a pressing business matter has called him out of the city overnight. He will be back tomorrow."

JoNell stared at her dully. She drew a breath that was painful and nodded. "Thank you, Maria."

Why did he bother to make up such lies? He had made it clear from the beginning that he owed her nothing in this marriage except the financial arrangement with her parents, and she, in return, only had to pretend to the world that she was his wife. Did he feel guilty, having consummated the marriage, to be going to another woman? She supposed even a man as ruthless as Jorge Del Toro could have a conscience.

In any case, she knew that the "pressing business matter" that kept him away from home tonight was another tryst with Consuelo. Would she know the passion in his arms tonight that had been JoNell's those nights he had come to her bedroom?

The thought burned in her breast with throbbing despair.

That night, she cried herself to sleep on her lonely pillow. And when she awoke, the feeling of loneliness was close to a sensation of panic. She was alone in this huge mansion, alone in the city of Lima. She felt like a lost child in a strange and hostile forest.

She needed desperately to hear the voice of someone who loved and cared about her. Suddenly she found a telephone in her hand, heard herself putting in a long distance call to Florida.

When her mother's voice came on the line, JoNell had to make a superhuman effort to keep from bursting into tears.

"JoNell!" her mother exclaimed. "How good to hear your voice. Is everything all right, honey?"

JoNell swallowed hard. She took a slow, deep breath. Somehow she made her voice sound cheerful—a bit of acting that could have won her a drama award. "Everything's just fine, Mother," she said brightly. "I was feeling a little homesick… wanted to hear your voice…"

"Well, we miss you, sweetheart."

"How's Daddy?"

"Oh, so much better. He's more like his old self every day. You know how he used to like to joke and tease all the time. He's trotting out all his old corny gags, and I'm pretending to laugh at them again. I really am laughing, not at the jokes, but because I'm so happy for him," she chuckled.

Tears were beginning to trickle down JoNell's cheeks. "How's the office, and the hangar, and my little plane? And that old striped alley cat that hangs around—?"

"Everything's just like you left it, honey. Uncle Edgar was tinkering with your plane yesterday, giving it a tune-up. The alley cat had kittens. Oh, and we're going to have a party."

"A party?"

"Yes, you know this week is our wedding anniversary. I thought we'd decorate the house up a bit and have a few friends and relatives over. I really feel in a festive mood. I just wish you could be here—"

JoNell's breath caught in her throat. "I will be there!"

"What?"

The blood was suddenly pounding in her temples. She wiped the tears from her cheeks with the back of her hand. In a rush she said, "Yes. I mean it, Mother. I'm going to fly home for a visit…"

Yes, she would throw a few things into a suitcase and go straight to the airport. With luck, she could be home tonight, close to the people and surroundings she had known since childhood. She would feel safe and loved again.

"JoNell, do you really mean it?" her mother was babbling excitedly. "Oh, that would make everything just perfect! But how about your husband? He's coming too, isn't he?"

JoNell had to do some fast thinking. "Jorge is very busy right now, Mother. As you know, we're planning to move to the States. But he has a lot of business matters to wind up before we can make the move. He urged me to go ahead and fly home for a visit—"

She crossed her fingers as she told the fib. But after the monstrous lies she had told about her marriage, this seemed a very small untruth.

"He must be the most considerate husband in the world. You're so lucky, JoNell!"

Again tears seared her eyes. "Lucky?" she whispered.

"What, dear?"

She blinked away the burning tears. "Nothing, Mother. Listen, I'm going to the airport right now. If I'm lucky, I can get a flight out before noon. I'll call you from the airport and tell you when we'll reach Miami. Okay?"

"Yes. Okay, dear. You let us know. We'll be at the airport in Miami, waiting for you. Oh, I'm so excited!"

"Me too, Mom. Listen, kiss Daddy and Uncle Edgar for me. And the cat."

"Daddy and Uncle Edgar, okay. I don't know about the cat!"

They both laughed, JoNell a little hysterically. Then she hung up.

Feverishly, she threw some of her barest necessities into her flight bag. She took nothing that Del Toro had bought for her, except her engagement and wedding rings. In that matter she had no choice. Then she scribbled a note for Del Toro. She explained that she was homesick, it was her parents' anniversary, and she had decided to fly home for a few days. She couldn't resist including, with a wave of anger, a line saying that she was sure he would have plenty of company and wouldn't miss her.

She pinned the note to her pillow. Then she phoned for a taxi. She wanted to slip out of the house without the maid seeing her. Fortunately, Miguel had taken the cook to the market, so there were no other servants around, except for the gardener and he was busy in the greenhouse.

JoNell waited in the street for the taxi. When it arrived, she climbed in, pulled her bag in beside her, and stared sadly at the big mansion as they drove away. She had never known such a mixture of apprehension, sadness and relief all mixed together to form a pounding in her head. Perhaps when she was home, in her own environment, she could think more clearly about what was happening to her and decide how she was going to deal with her feelings for Jorge Del Toro for the remainder of their "marriage." Right now she was too confused by conflicting feelings of love and hate to know what to do about this man in her life who had turned her world upside down.

On the way to the airport, JoNell was so immersed in her torment that she scarcely noticed the unusually light flow of traffic in the city. The sidewalks were almost deserted. Many stores were closed, some of them with locked, iron gratings. Then she realized they were passing a lot of army trucks. She saw soldiers on every street corner. The taxi driver flicked on his radio. An excited announcer's voice was giving news bulletins. Over the taxi driver's agitated epithets, JoNell was able to make out that there had been a sudden military coup. The army, opposed to Geraldo Gustamente, had seized control of all radio and television stations and was moving swiftly to take over the government and impose a military dictatorship.

The taxi driver drew up to the airport and let JoNell out while still cursing under his breath. JoNell paid the man, then grabbed her bag and hurried into the terminal. There she was met with a scene of consternation. People were gathered in tight knots, talking excitedly. The air was brittle with tension. Crowds were milling around ticket windows. Some irate persons were waving fists over the counter. One woman, nursing a tiny baby, was crying. A general sense of chaos filled the terminal.

At the ticket counter, JoNell discovered the cause of the disturbance. The airport had been closed because of the sudden bloodless military revolution. There would be no flights of any kind, in or out of the country, for an indefinite period. She also learned that all other forms of transportation out of the country had ground to a standstill because of the unstable government situation.

JoNell was stunned by this totally unexpected turn of events. For a while, she became one of the lost souls, wandering around the terminal in a daze as she attempted to cope with this new frustration. Finally, in black despair, she returned by taxi to Del Toro's mansion.

Her leaden feet carried her unwillingly up the stairs to her room. She opened the door to find Del Toro standing near her bed, her note in his hands. His face looked like a thunderstorm about to happen.

She dropped her bag on the floor and collapsed into a chair, avoiding his gaze. She felt inutterably weary.

"So you have come back," he said with obvious agitation. He began pacing the room in angry strides.

"The airport is closed," she said dully.

"I know. You did a very foolish thing, going into the city today. There could be riots—shooting."

She shrugged. "I didn't know all that was going on. I hadn't listened to the radio."

He stopped his pacing to stand before her. His green eyes scourged her. "Why were you running out on me? We had an agreement."

"I wasn't running out. I was going home for a visit. You read my note."

"You were coming back?"

"Yes."

"I don't believe you."