Capturing the Single Dad’s Heart (15 page)

To Nate's mounting dismay, when Ayesha called Erin back it was to report that there was no sign of Caitlin at the sensory garden.

‘Ayesha gave my number to Nola, and Nola's going to call me straight away if Caitlin turns up there,' Erin told him. ‘OK. Green spaces. Where's the nearest garden to here?'

‘There's a park on the corner,' Nate said.

‘Let's try there.'

There were little groups of teenagers scattered about the park, but Caitlin wasn't among them.

‘OK. I'm out of places where she could've gone. Time to call the police,' Nate said. He'd just found the number of the local station when Erin's phone shrilled.

‘Hello? Yes, Nola? She's—oh, thank God.'

Nate closed his eyes for a moment, grateful beyond belief that his silent prayers had been answered.

‘Thank you. Yes, we will.' Erin ended the call. ‘She's at the sensory garden,' she said. ‘Nola's giving her a mug of hot chocolate and keeping her there until we get there. I said we'd go and fetch her now.'

Nate drove as fast as he could to the hospital, inwardly cursing the heavy traffic. But at least he knew his daughter was safe. That was the main thing. Once he'd got her back, he was never letting her go again.

* * *

Nate was silent on the drive to the hospital, and Erin noticed that his fingers were white where he was gripping the steering wheel so hard.

He'd obviously just had one of the worst scares of his life, thinking that his daughter had gone missing.

And it was all her fault.

If she hadn't sent that stupid text, Caitlin wouldn't have picked it up and gone into a meltdown.

And the fact that Caitlin's reaction to the idea of them dating was to run away told her that the girl was really panicking about it. Given that Caitlin had been sent to live with her dad after her mum remarried, the girl was clearly worrying that Nate was going to abandon her, too, and she'd have to start all over again somewhere else.

What Erin had kept from Nate was that Nola had said that Caitlin had started uprooting plants in the sensory garden. To Erin, it was a clear signal that Caitlin wasn't ready to consider even the idea of Nate and Erin dating, because she'd gone straight to the place that had brought them together in the first place and started destroying it.

And it was a sharp reminder of what she'd believed for years—that love didn't work out. Her own relationships had always gone wrong. It hadn't worked out for Nate and Steph, either, and the situation with Caitlin now was the fallout from that.

Nate was a good man. He was doing his best for his daughter. But he hadn't been able to make it work with Caitlin's mother. With Erin's track record, what chance did they stand? And if she let him get any closer—or let Caitlin get any closer—when it went wrong that would be three lives shattered.

So there was only one thing Erin could do, even though this was going to break her heart, and that was to call things off between her and Nate. Walk away.

When he parked the car, she touched his hand.

‘Nate, I think you need to talk to her on your own and reassure her that she comes first.'

He frowned. ‘It'd be better if she hears it from both of us.'

‘There can't be an us,' she said softly. ‘Not any more. It's over.'

He stared at her, looking totally shocked. ‘Erin, no.'

‘There is no other way,' she said. ‘You're important to me, Nate, and in another life I really would've wanted to make a life with you, but it's not going to work out between us. I've already made someone pay a high price for my selfishness and I'm not going to do that again. Remember, I've been where Caitlin is. I understand how she feels. And right now she needs you to put her first. So go and see your daughter, show her how much you love her and it'll be OK. But from now on you and I can only be colleagues.'

Saying the words was easy. The hard bit was trying not to let it show that it was ripping her heart out. ‘Good luck. I hope it all goes OK.' And she got out of Nate's car and walked away before she started crying and gave herself away.

CHAPTER ELEVEN

E
RIN
 
WAS
 
ENDING
 
it between them?

But—but...

Feeling more helpless than he'd ever done in his life, Nate watched her walk away, her steps sure and swift. His first instinct was to go after her; and yet they were here because Caitlin had run away. Right now, his daughter needed his full attention. And, no matter how much he wanted to be, he couldn't physically be in two places at the same time.

The realisation sickened him: he'd been deluding himself all along in thinking that he could have it all. He had to choose between his daughter and the woman he loved, after all. Steph had chosen her relationship over their daughter, and if he did the same then Caitlin would be completely alone. Nate also knew that Erin had been in Caitlin's shoes, so she understood exactly how the teenager felt and had done the right thing. He needed to follow Erin's example and do the same. Even though it was ripping him in two.

Grimly, he walked into the sensory garden area. Several people he recognised were working on the raised beds; they looked up as he came over.

‘Caitlin's with Nola in the potting shed,' one of them said.

‘Thanks—Mindy, isn't it?'

She nodded. ‘I'm afraid Caitlin's been uprooting most of the plants in the bed she's been working on.'

The area she'd spent hours working on over the last few weeks? And she'd just trashed it? Nate stared at Mindy in disbelief. ‘But she loves the garden! Oh, no. I'm so sorry.' He rubbed a hand across his face. ‘Look, I'll pay for the replacement plants and what have you.'

‘She was pretty upset. And she could've done a lot worse,' Mindy said sympathetically.

‘Even so, this isn't like her. And I'm really sorry.'

‘I know this isn't like her. She's a good kid,' Mindy said. ‘We all think a lot of her. It'll sort itself out.' She patted his arm. ‘I think right now she needs her dad.'

And her dad needed to put her first instead of focusing on his own selfish feelings. Yeah. He got that. ‘The potting shed, you said? Thanks.'

Caitlin was silent and white-faced when he knocked on the door of the potting shed.

‘She's quite safe,' Nola said.

‘Thank you for looking after her,' Nate said. Though he knew there was an awful lot of damage to repair—and not just to the garden. ‘I talked to Mindy. We'll sort everything out.'

‘Absolutely,' Nola said, and to his relief she was tactful enough to leave them alone.

‘Ready to go?' he asked Caitlin.

She refused to talk to him.

‘OK. Let me give this to you straight,' he said. ‘Ready or not, we're going home. It's up to you if you want to finish your hot chocolate first, but we're going home. Together. End of discussion.'

Again, Caitlin said nothing, but she put her mug down. Then she walked to the car with him in silence. He sent a quick text to all the people he'd called about Caitlin, saying that he'd found her and she was fine; he'd be in touch later but needed a serious talk with her first. Then he drove them home. Caitlin kept her face turned away throughout the whole journey, and as soon as they were inside the house she ran upstairs and slammed her door.

Last time he'd made the mistake of leaving her be. He'd learned from that, so this time he went straight after her, opened the door and went to sit on her bed.

‘Go away,' she said through clenched teeth.

He could see that she was close to tears. ‘I'm not going anywhere. I'm your dad, I love you and we need to talk,' he said.

She stared at him. ‘But you hate me, and I've messed everything up.'

‘I don't hate you. Far from it. I was worried sick when I realised you'd gone. And you haven't messed everything up. You made a mistake, yes, but that's what life's about,' Nate said. ‘Nobody's perfect and nobody gets everything right all the time. The important thing is to admit that you're wrong, apologise, learn from your mistake and then do what you can to put it right.'

‘But I ruined the garden—they'll never let me back there now,' she said miserably.

‘Caitlin, you uprooted a few plants and it was only in the patch you'd worked on. You damaged your own work, yes, but nobody else's. You can explain that you were upset and you're sorry and you'd like to make amends. Tell them you'll pay for the damaged plants from your pocket money and you'll go on the rota to do your least favourite job for the next month.'

‘They won't have me back,' Caitlin repeated.

‘Yes, they will. They like you and they know this kind of behaviour isn't normal for you.'

She stared at him. ‘And you don't hate me?'

‘Not even slightly. I love you,' he repeated.

Her eyes narrowed. ‘But you left me when I was little, so how do I know you really mean it now?'

He sighed. ‘Your mum and I were very young when we had you. I'm not making excuses or blaming anyone, because your mum and I both made mistakes and we should both have done things differently. When you were born, I was still a student and then a junior doctor, so I worked really long hours and I was too tired to help your mum as much as she needed. Maybe I should've given up my dream of being a spinal surgeon and worked in a different area of the hospital instead, but I didn't—and that was my fault.'

‘But if you hadn't trained as a spinal surgeon then you wouldn't have been able to fix that man's back.'

‘No,' he admitted. ‘Though someone else would've done it.'

‘So you're saying you chose your job over me.'

‘I wanted everything,' Nate said. Just as he did now. ‘But it didn't work out that way.' Just as it wasn't going to work out now. But this time Caitlin wasn't going to be the one who paid the price. ‘I can't change the past, but I have learned from it—and that's why I'm here for you now and I always will be.' He took her hand. ‘I'm not going to abandon you, Caitlin. You're my daughter and you live with me now, and nothing's going to change that—least of all a few uprooted plants.'

‘But how do I know?'

‘That I'm telling you the truth?' He took his wallet from his pocket and handed it to her. ‘Look in the flap.'

She did, and saw the photograph of herself as a toddler sitting on his shoulders. ‘That's you? But you're so young! And the photograph...it's a bit creased.'

‘It's a very old photo,' he agreed. ‘And it's creased because it's had to fit in every wallet I've owned over the last eleven years. It's my favourite photograph of you. I've got others—lots of others—but this one's special. Now look on the other side.'

It was a much more recent photo of them together in the Sky Garden. They were smiling, with their arms wrapped round each other.

‘Erin took that.'

‘Yeah.' Erin. He still couldn't believe she'd gone.

Caitlin bit her lip. ‘She's going to hate me for this.'

‘Erin's been in your shoes, remember. She's going to understand.'

‘But it's her garden and I wrecked it.'

‘You uprooted a few plants and that can be fixed,' he repeated. ‘You and Erin get on well and what you did tonight isn't going to change that.' Though it had changed something else: Erin had ended their romance. She'd walked away to let him salvage his relationship with his daughter.

‘Does she know I—well...?' Caitlin bit her lip again.

‘Ran away? Yes. And she knows about the garden.'

Caitlin looked worried. ‘And she's not here now.'

‘She's busy,' Nate fibbed. ‘I'm sure she'll speak to you later. But whatever happens you're my daughter, I love you and nothing will ever change that.'

‘You were dating Georgina when I came to live with you, and you broke up with her because of me,' Caitlin pointed out.

‘Georgina and I weren't getting on that well before you came to London, believe me. We would've split up anyway, so that wasn't because of you,' he reassured her.

‘Are you and Erin going to split up because of me?'

They already had, but he wasn't going to make Caitlin feel guilty. ‘I thought you weren't happy about me seeing Erin?'

‘I wasn't. Because when I found out you were seeing her, I thought you'd choose her over me, the way Mum chose Craig over me, and I was scared about where I'd have to go next.'

‘You're not going anywhere. You live with me. And the only reason we didn't tell you we were dating was because we didn't want to worry you—we were trying to protect you in case things didn't work out between us and we didn't want you getting hurt, but we got it very wrong and I'm sorry for that. I can't answer for your mum,' Nate said gently, ‘but sometimes we get into a complicated situation and can't see an easy way out. Your mum loves you, too.'

‘It doesn't feel like it.'

‘Relationships aren't always easy,' Nate said. He made a mental note to ring Stephanie and get her to tell their daughter that she loved her. ‘And love stretches. Just because you love one person, it doesn't mean you can't love anyone else. Otherwise people wouldn't have more than one child, would they?'

‘You and Mum only had me.'

‘Circumstances,' he said. ‘If we'd stayed together—and maybe if I'd had a different job—you might've had a brother or a sister. Maybe one of each.'

‘So you and Erin—you're not going to split up because of what I did?'

‘Erin's been where you are,' he said. ‘She'd never put you through that by making me choose between you.'

A tear trickled down her face as she worked it out for herself. ‘You mean she walked away instead, so you didn't have to choose?'

‘It's OK,' Nate said. Even though it wasn't and there was a massive Erin-shaped hole where his heart should've been.

‘No, it's
not
OK. You have to talk to her. Make her change her mind,' Caitlin said, her face desperate. ‘Make her come back. Fix this, the way you fix people's backs.'

Spinal surgery was an awful lot less complicated than fixing relationships, he thought. And Erin came with complications that Caitlin didn't know about; she'd admitted that she never usually let people get close, so had she seized on Caitlin's reaction as an excuse not to let him and Caitlin close?

‘Sometimes life doesn't work out the way you want it to,' he said gently.

‘But if you talk to her...' Caitlin pleaded.

He could talk to Erin until he was blue in the face, but he still wasn't sure if he could change her mind.

‘I wouldn't mind if you did end up getting married to Erin—she's a lot nicer than Craig.'

He smiled and ruffled her hair. ‘Right.'

‘Talk to her, Dad. Fix it. I'll do—I'll clean the bathroom for the next month.'

Nate had to hide a smile. She'd been listening, then, when he'd suggested that she put her name down at the sensory garden for the chore she hated most, and she was offering to do the same at home.

‘OK. I'll talk to her. Tomorrow.'

‘Talk to her
now
,' Caitlin said.

He shook his head. ‘I'm not leaving you on your own.'

‘I'm not going to run away again, Dad. I know that was stupid.'

He hugged her. ‘I know you won't run away again, but you're upset and I don't want to leave you on your own.'

‘Can I go and stay with Gran, then?' She bit her lip. ‘Does Gran know I ran away?'

He nodded. ‘So does your mother. And Shelby's mum.'

‘Everyone knows?' she whispered, looking miserable and embarrassed.

‘And everyone understands,' he said. ‘Everyone will have forgotten about it by Monday.'

‘Does Gran hate me?'

‘Nobody hates you,' he reassured her. ‘Here. Let her tell you herself. Call her.' He took his phone from his pocket and handed it over. And he sat with his arms round his daughter while she talked to her grandmother.

‘Gran says she'll come over,' Caitlin informed him when she'd ended the call. ‘So now you can ring Erin.'

‘She might be out.'

She gave him a speaking look, then took her own phone from her pocket and called a number.

‘Erin? It's Caitlin. I want to say sorry. I messed things up and I got everything wrong. I don't really know what to say to make things right, but I know you're important to Dad—and you're important to me, too,' she said.

There was a pause; Erin was clearly speaking, but Nate couldn't hear any of the words.

‘Uh-huh,' Caitlin said.

Another pause, with more he couldn't hear from Erin.

‘I don't want you and Dad to split up because of me. You make him happy,' Caitlin declared.

Another pause. And then Caitlin really shocked him by saying, ‘Erin, you need to talk to Dad and make it up.' She handed the phone to Nate, and walked out of the room. ‘Talk to her. I'm going to put the kettle on for Gran.'

Which left him no choice but to talk to her, though this was a conversation that Nate would much rather have face to face. ‘Hi,' he said carefully.

‘Is Caitlin OK?'

Typical Erin, thinking of someone else first. ‘She is now. We've talked. We understand each other better.' He took a deep breath. ‘Erin, you and I need to talk, too. But I don't want to have this conversation on the phone. My mum's coming over to sit with Cait—not because I don't trust her, but because I don't want her to be on her own.'

There was a long, long pause. And then Erin said, ‘You're right. We need to have this conversation face to face.'

‘Can I come over when Mum gets here?'

‘OK.'

Though she sounded unsure, he thought. ‘I'll see you soon.'