Capturing the Single Dad’s Heart (12 page)

‘You've got a photo of me on your desk,' she said when he showed her his office.

‘Well—yes. Do you mind?' he asked.

‘No. I...' She swallowed and shook her head. ‘It's nothing.'

‘Tell me.'

She looked away. ‘Mum said you never really wanted me,' she said. ‘That's why I didn't want to come and live with you.'

He could've shaken Steph for that until her teeth rattled. How mean was it to use their child to score points off him? But Steph wasn't the important one here; Caitlin was. He wrapped his arms round her and hugged her fiercely. ‘Of course I wanted you, Cait! I admit, we didn't plan to have you, but I was so thrilled when I found out I was going to be a dad. I went to every single scan and every single antenatal class with your mother—I changed my shifts at work to make sure I was there. I know your mum and I didn't manage to make it work, and I probably should have moved to Devon and changed my specialty so I could see more of you.'

‘But then you wouldn't have been able to fix people like you do now.'

‘True, but you're the one who paid the price of me putting my job first, and I regret that so much. I wanted to have a good job so I could support you and your mum—but really you needed me to be around more, not just a voice on the phone or a face on a video call, or someone you saw for just a couple of days at a time. I thought I was doing the right thing, though now I know I wasn't and I'm so sorry that I got it wrong. I've still got a lot to learn about being a dad but, Cait, I'm really glad you're living with me now and I'm so proud of you.'

She hugged him back. ‘I'm glad I'm living with you, too.'

Nate felt as if his whole world had just turned full Technicolor™. And he knew it was all thanks to Erin that Caitlin finally seemed to have accepted him.

Erin.

His secret date.

Would Caitlin accept her as more than just a friend?

But it was way too soon to ask that kind of question. He'd promised that he wouldn't rush Erin and the same was true of his daughter, too. So he'd just have to take things slowly. Even though he was pretty sure where his feelings were going.

* * *

Erin was waiting for him in the café, the next morning.

‘I think we should adopt this one as “our” booth,' he said, sliding in opposite her.

‘Sounds good to me.' She smiled at him, and his heart felt as if it had just done a triple somersault.

‘Hey. Good morning.' He leaned over the table to kiss her; and he kept his hand entwined with hers as they looked through the menu and argued over the merit of pancakes versus croissants.

‘So what did Caitlin think about you doing a talk at school?' Erin asked when their breakfast arrived.

‘She's thinking about it,' he said. ‘I have a feeling she's probably going to talk to her friends about it today.'

‘Good idea,' Erin said. ‘And it's great that she's settling in better.'

‘I know she really enjoys her alternate Thursdays when she works with you on the sensory garden,' he said.

‘Me, too. She's a nice kid. And I'm not just saying it because she's yours.'

‘She likes you,' Nate said.

Erin smiled. ‘It's mutual. And it's important to have an adult friend who can listen to you.' She wrinkled her nose. ‘Sorry. I'm overcompensating. I guess it comes of growing up with parents who didn't connect with me,' she said.

He shook his head. ‘Don't ever change, Erin. I like you exactly as you are.'

‘Same goes for you,' she said. ‘Now you've got over being a grumpy old man about the garden.'

‘Yeah, yeah.' He liked the way she teased him, too, and stopped him being over-serious.

And all too soon it was time for them to leave for work. He'd definitely have to figure out a way to snatch more time with her, he thought. He'd just need to be a little more creative.

* * *

Nate did the talk at Caitlin's school assembly the following Wednesday, having asked permission of some of his patients to use their X-rays as examples and taking along a model of a spine.

He was surprised by how much he enjoyed talking to Caitlin's year group—especially when he'd finished the talk and threw the floor open to questions.

‘So people who've been paralysed—can you do all that robotic stuff to make them walk again?' one of the children asked.

Nate knew exactly what the boy was talking about; the case had hit the headlines in some of the national papers recently. ‘We don't do that in our hospital at the moment, and I'm a spinal surgeon rather than a neurosurgeon,' he explained. ‘But there's some research in America where they've been working on a kind of neural bypass, so the neurosurgeons can transmit signals from someone's brain to electrodes in their knees.'

‘Making them into a human robot?' the boy asked. ‘A cyborg?'

‘Sort of,' Nate said with a smile. ‘It's especially amazing because the nerves of the spinal cord can't regenerate. In the research report I read, the patient needed support from a harness and a walking frame to stop him falling, but he did actually manage to walk on his own—after years of being paralysed. It gives a lot of hope for people in the future.'

‘The paper said you're a hero and you built that man a metal spine,' one of the girls said.

‘I built him a kind of metal scaffold around his spine so it can heal without any pressure on it and so he doesn't have to stay lying down until the fractures heal,' Nate explained. ‘And what the paper forgot to say was that I'm only one part of the team. Everyone's important in Theatre, from the anaesthetist to the nurses, and without them I couldn't do any operations. As far as I'm concerned, I'm not a hero. I'm part of a team.'

‘So being a surgeon—does that take longer than being a normal doctor?' another asked.

Nate nodded. ‘Once you've done your degree and your two foundation years, you need to keep studying for another set of exams. It takes a lot of dedication and sometimes you have to make sacrifices—and so does your family. But it means you can make a real difference to people's lives and I can't think of any other job I'd rather do.'

‘Even though there's a lot of blood?' one of the children asked.

Nate grinned. ‘Yeah. You get used to that bit fairly early on.'

At the end of the assembly, he said goodbye to the children and the teachers and headed back to the hospital. Erin was in clinic all morning so he didn't get to see her until lunchtime, when they grabbed some sandwiches from the kiosk outside the canteen and headed to the park.

‘So how did your talk go?' she asked.

‘It was good,' he said. ‘Some of the boys were really interested in the robotics stuff.'

‘The neural bypass and electrodes in the knees?' she asked, looking wistful. ‘Yeah. If we ever get a chance to do a research project like that...'

‘Mikey?' he asked softly.

‘If I could help my brother walk again, and give him back everything I took away...' She swallowed. ‘Yeah.'

‘Everything the accident took away,' he corrected, and twined his fingers through hers. ‘And, from what you told me, he already lives his life to the full. He just got that promotion, he's getting married and he and his fiancée have been accepted onto the IVF programme.'

‘Which is all good stuff, I know.'

‘He's forgiven you. Why can't you forgive yourself?' Nate asked.

‘Habit, maybe. I'll try harder,' she said lightly. She looked at him. ‘I hate to remind you, but we're in the park opposite the hospital. We could see someone we know, any second now.'

Regretfully, he disentangled his hand from hers. ‘Yeah. Sorry. Right now I really, really want to kiss you. But you're right. This is too public.'

‘Later,' she promised.

‘I'll hold you to that, Dr Leyton,' he said.

And funny how even the idea of kissing her made the day feel that much brighter.

* * *

He's forgiven you. Why can't you forgive yourself?

Erin had brushed it aside when Nate had said it, but she thought about it all evening. Was she using her guilt as an excuse, so she didn't have to risk trusting someone—or letting someone trust her?

Yet she was letting Caitlin trust her.

And Nate trusted her with his daughter.

If they could trust her, then surely she could trust herself not to mess this up and let them both down?

But she wasn't the only one to think about in this relationship. There was Nate. And Caitlin. Both of them were vulnerable, in different ways. Caitlin saw her as a friend—but would she be able to accept Erin as Nate's girlfriend? Especially since her mother's new husband had rejected her; and Caitlin had told Erin privately that her dad's ex-girlfriend had made her feel as if she was a nuisance and in the way.

Then again, Caitlin knew that Erin had been in her shoes as a teen, and would never put anyone else in that position. And after those first couple of outings, Erin had encouraged Nate to take Caitlin out on his own, using work as an excuse not to join them—it was important that the father-daughter bond didn't rely on someone else being the glue.

Erin blew out a breath. There were no easy answers. For now, she'd take each day as it came and just enjoy her stolen moments with Nate.

CHAPTER EIGHT

O
N
W
EDNESDAY
, J
OE
N
ORTON
called up to Erin. ‘We've got a patient coming in with a spinal cord injury, in about ten minutes. The paramedics say that she's bradycardic, but her blood pressure's through the roof. We could really do with an expert opinion.'

‘Sure—I'll come down. Would the spinal injury be T6 or above?' Erin asked. ‘And the injury was less than a year ago?'

‘I'll check the file. Yes, T5 and six months ago,' Joe confirmed. ‘How did you know?'

‘Because it sounds to me like autonomic dysreflexia,' she explained. ‘I'll come down.'

‘Everything OK?' Nate asked as she put the phone down.

‘Emergency department—sounds like a patient with AD,' she said.

He smiled at her. ‘Your side of things, then, not mine—so you don't need me to join you.'

‘Not this time,' she said with a smile. ‘See you later.'

By the time she'd gone down to the emergency department and explained about the condition to Joe Norton, the patient had been brought in.

‘Kiki Lomax, aged thirty-five,' Doug, the paramedic, explained. ‘Her blood pressure's high, she's got a pounding headache on both sides, her chest feels tight and her heart rate's on the low side. I've given her medication for her blood pressure, loosened her clothing and kept her sitting up.'

‘Exactly the right stuff,' Erin said with a smile. ‘Thanks, Doug. Kiki, hello—I remember when you first came in to the spinal unit,' Erin added. ‘I don't know if you remember me, but I'm Erin Leyton.'

‘Yes, I remember you,' Kiki said.

‘How are you feeling, apart from the headache and the tightness in your chest?' Erin asked.

‘Sweaty and hot on my top half, but cold on my lower half,' Kiki said.

‘I had a feeling you were going to say that. You have something called autonomic dysreflexia. It happens quite often to someone with your kind of injury, and we can fix it,' Erin reassured her.

‘Autonomic dys...?' Kiki frowned.

‘Dysreflexia,' Erin repeated. ‘Or AD for short. Your autonomic system is part of your nervous system. It's the bit that regulates your blood pressure, breathing and digestion. What happens is that something below the level of your injury is irritating your system and sending messages through your nerves up to your spinal cord. The messages travel upwards until they reach the site of your injury, and that's where they get blocked. That starts off a reflex from your nervous system that narrows your blood vessels and makes your blood pressure rise. The receptors in your heart and blood vessels send a message to your brain to tell it what's going on, and your brain sends a message to make your heart beat slow down a bit—but it can't send messages below the site of your injury, so it can't regulate your blood pressure.'

‘So what made it happen?' Kiki asked.

‘Often it's a problem with your bladder that causes AD—you might have a urinary tract infection, which means your bladder's overfull,' Erin said. ‘Would you mind if I examine you?'

‘Sure,' Kiki said.

‘Joe, I'd like you to keep monitoring Kiki's blood pressure, please, if that's OK,' Erin said.

‘Yes, of course,' Joe said.

Erin examined her patient swiftly. As she'd expected, Kiki's skin was flushed and sweating above the level of her injury, but pale and with goose bumps below. But Kiki's bowel and bladder both appeared normal, with no distension.

‘Your bowel and bladder both seem fine,' Erin said. ‘I'd like to check out if you have any bruising or a pressure sore, because that might be a clue to what's irritating your system.'

‘Sure,' Kiki said again.

There was no bruising evident—but as soon as Erin removed Kiki's socks she could see the problem. ‘You've got an ingrown toenail,' she said.

‘I have?' Kiki looked surprised.

‘Whoever cuts your toenails for you has been cutting the nail on your big toe a little bit too short, so the skin's folded over your nail and your nail's grown into the skin. I can see that it's red, swollen and tender just here. We can sort that out for you—we'll give you a little bit of local anaesthetic to numb your toe and cut away the edges of the nail, then put a chemical on the edge to stop that bit of the nail from growing back, so you won't get the problem again in future.'

‘And that's what's made me feel this terrible and given me that pounding headache? Just an ingrown toenail?' Kiki looked shocked.

‘Basically the pain receptors in your toe tried to send a signal to your brain, but it didn't get through and your nervous system reacted badly,' Erin explained.

‘Can I get this again?' Kiki asked.

‘It's very likely—as I said, the most common cause is if you have a water infection. I've got an information leaflet upstairs that I can give you, and it's a really good idea to keep a record of your blood pressure at home so you can show any medics what your normal baseline is.' Erin smiled at her. ‘Once we've sorted out your toe, you'll be feeling better pretty quickly, but we'll keep a check on your blood pressure for a couple of hours before we let you go home again.'

‘I'll get the local anaesthetic and sort out Kiki's toe,' Joe said.

‘And I'll get you the leaflet,' Erin promised.

* * *

‘So how was your AD patient?' Nate asked when Erin met him for lunch. ‘Was it caused by a water infection?'

‘Nope. Ingrown toenail,' Erin said. ‘She's doing fine now. I've given her a leaflet about AD, and suggested she keeps a record of her blood pressure so if it happens again she can show the emergency team what's normal for her and flag up what the problem is so they know how to deal with it.'

‘You know, it might be worth us doing a training session for the Emergency Department, covering a few of the complications they're likely to come across after our patients leave us,' Nate suggested.

‘That's a good idea. We could go and talk to Nick about it.'

‘Let's grab him before he goes into an afternoon meeting,' Nate said.

Nick was in his office when they went back onto the unit, so Erin knocked on his open door. ‘Can we have a quick word?' she asked.

‘I have a meeting in about fifteen minutes,' Nick said, ‘so either it has to be really quick, or put something in my diary if you need a bit more time.'

‘It'll be quick,' Nate said. ‘Basically we want to do a training session with the Emergency Department, to give them an idea of the sort of complications they can come across with spinal patients after they've left us.'

‘They had one of our old patients in with AD this morning,' Erin said, ‘and we'd like to start with a session on that.'

‘Are you talking about joint training sessions?' Nick asked.

‘Yes,' Nate confirmed.

‘It's good to see both sides of the team working together,' Nick said with a smile. ‘By the way, Nate, I've seen your daughter's pieces about the sensory garden on both her school website and the hospital website. They're very good, but I was a bit surprised, given that the last time you discussed the sensory garden with Erin you seemed quite anti the idea.'

Nate laughed and said, ‘I backed down. Let's say women can be persuasive—so, between Caitlin and Dr Leyton here, I didn't stand a chance.'

Erin punched his arm. ‘Oh, come on, Nate. You admitted I was right. Or are you looking for another fight?'

‘Yeah, yeah. Bring it on,' he teased. ‘You missed me more times than you hit me in dodgeball.'

‘Dodgeball?' Nick looked at them, his eyes narrowing. ‘When did you play dodgeball together? Are you two—well, an item?'

‘Absolutely not,' Erin said, at the same time as Nate said, ‘You have to be kidding.'

Nick didn't look particularly convinced.

‘My daughter came to live with me almost three months ago,' Nate said, ‘and Erin here knows way more than I do about how a teenage girl's mind works. And she kindly offered to help when I was making a real mess of things—she took us to the trampoline park and ganged up on with me with Caitlin, playing dodgeball.'

‘I was checking out the place to see if it would work as a venue for a team night out, at the same time,' Erin added. ‘So everybody wins.'

‘Hmm,' Nick said, but at least this time he sounded as if he believed them.

Erin and Nate exchanged a glance. Their first real slip-up. In future they'd need to be a lot more careful about how they acted towards each other on the ward, or the news of their relationship would leak out before they were ready.

* * *

‘That was a near-miss in Nick's office,' Nate said when they met for breakfast on the Friday morning.

‘We need to be careful,' Erin agreed. ‘Maybe we should cool it a bit.'

‘Too late,' he said, and reached across the table to hold her hand. ‘You make me feel hot all over. Even just exchanging a glance with you makes my temperature spike.'

‘You're thirty-five, not thirteen,' she reminded him with a grin.

He laughed. ‘You missed your cue. You were meant to say that I make you feel hot all over, too.'

‘You do,' she admitted.

Nate ate a forkful of his pancake and moaned.

‘Was that me or the pancake?' she asked.

‘Both.' He loaded his fork and leant across the table.

This felt
intimate
. But Erin let him feed her the forkful of pancake, then moaned in bliss.

‘Was that me or the pancake?' He echoed her question.

‘What do you think?' she teased.

He groaned. ‘Play nice.'

‘Both,' she said softly. ‘I'm having pancakes next time. Cinnamon ones.' She waited a beat. ‘But I'd prefer to share them with you somewhere else.'

‘There's somewhere that makes better pancakes than this place?'

‘Probably not quite as good. But the setting's more...intimate.'

His eyes went very dark. ‘Are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?'

‘It involves wrought iron. And interesting lighting.'

He dragged in a breath. ‘When Cait decides to visit Steph, we'll have a few days free.' He paused. ‘We could have dinner. And breakfast.'

And in between, she thought; a shiver of pure desire slid down her spine. ‘Half term?'

He shook his head. ‘Cait already asked. Steph's too busy. Just as she's been too busy every weekend and school holiday since Cait came to live with me. I think she's scared that if Cait goes back to Devon, she'll refuse to come back to London.'

‘Do you think that's likely?' Erin asked.

Nate thought about it. ‘I hope not. I think she's settled with me. But I can't seem to make Steph see that every time she says she can't make a weekend or what have you, it makes Cait feel as if she's rejecting her.' He sighed. ‘Given that I spent too many years putting my job before my daughter, I don't have room to criticise. And I don't want Cait feeling that I'm trying to get rid of her.'

‘Then we'll take a rain check on the pancakes. Maybe I can swap a shift or two during the holidays and we can do something fun together instead, to take her mind off it,' Erin said. ‘Maybe we could do that locked room thing, and she could bring a friend.'

‘That'd be nice,' Nate said. ‘Are you sure you don't mind using your annual leave like that?'

‘Of course I'm sure.' She squeezed his hand. ‘And I get to spend time with you, too.'

‘Not like this. Not just the two of us,' he said. ‘I won't even be able to hold your hand.'

‘That's OK. I can imagine it.' She moistened her lower lip. ‘I have a good imagination.'

He groaned. ‘And you've just put all sorts of pictures in my head. How am I supposed to spend the day being a sensible, level-headed surgeon when I want to pick you up and carry you off to some hidden corner and...'

‘And?' she prompted. ‘What happens next?'

He gave her a slow smile. ‘Use your imagination.'

‘And now you expect
me
to concentrate?'

‘Sensible, level-headed neurologist. Yup.'

‘We'll get our time together,' she said softly. ‘We just have to be patient. And maybe waiting will be good for both of us.'

* * *

They managed to keep things professional at work, but snatched some time together whenever they could—meeting for breakfast on Fridays, and going to the park across the road from the hospital at lunchtime as many times as they thought they could get away with before anyone on the ward started commenting.

‘I really want to dance with you,' Nate said one lunchtime. ‘You and me in a little nightclub somewhere.'

‘Which would mean asking your mum to babysit Caitlin—and what excuse are you going to give them for going out to some mysterious place with some mysterious person?' Erin asked. ‘Because you can't say you've suddenly been called into Theatre, not if you're dressed up for a night out.'

‘True,' Nate said with a sigh. ‘And we're not ready to go public yet.'

They'd have to tell Caitlin, first; and this was still all so new. Plus part of Erin was scared that if they went public, it would be the first step to everything going wrong. ‘Soon,' she said.

But Nate had a solution, the next time they walked in the park. He took a set of earphones from his pocket and plugged it into his phone. ‘I've been thinking about it, and this is a nightclub substitute,' he said with a smile. ‘I'd much prefer this to be a dimly lit nightclub with a little jazz band playing at midnight, but the best I can do is midday, in the middle of these trees in the park, with music from my phone. One earphone each.'