Cartography for Beginners (39 page)

"Don't get your hopes up too high," Stuart said. "I don't think Amelie's ever been to America or plans to go."

"Well, if we're family," Micah said, "it could happen."

"Are you planning to marry Nicole?" Stuart said and Micah snorted.

"I mean you and Leo."

"Leo and I," Stuart murmured. "That's an interesting theory."

"You're not a theory," Micah said. "You're a reality."

"We're a theory," Stuart said firmly. "I'm also waiting for him to figure things out, like you and Dune."

"What do you think he needs to figure out?" said Micah, voice laden with skepticism.

"Whether he wants me or not. I'm not going to be a placeholder while he waits for Adam to crook his finger." They came to the barn then, piled high with old oak casks and barrels, and the little group was ambling through it. "He woke and wanted his mama," Stuart explained to Amelie as he handed Gabriel over, and they all continued their walk with Amelie carrying Gabriel until he decided he wanted to walk. He clung to Amelie's hand at first, and then got brave enough to run on ahead on the path and wait for the grown-ups to catch up to him.

Micah said softly to Stuart as they walked, "So he didn't tell you?"

"Who didn't tell me about what?"

"Leo, about Adam."

Stuart sighed. "He wanted something familiar. He wanted Adam back. That's all I need to know."

Micah took Stuart aside, letting the others pass them into the wine cellar. Stuart supposed he should be at the front, telling about the history of Gauthier wine, but he would much rather listen to Micah. ""But that was in London, right? He didn't tell you what happened while we were home? Adam called him and told him he missed him and wanted to see him."

"Yes, I know about that. He said Adam didn't want him the same way."

"Did he tell you that he turned Adam down?" Micah said. "Leo got all excited because he thought that meant Adam wanted him back, but it wasn't what Adam meant at all -- he just wanted to have sex. He's still with Raphael, and that poor guy's apparently clueless that Adam's fucking around on him like he did on Leo. Anyway, Leo said no and sent him home, and that's been that. They talk about Dune and that's it."

"He said no," Stuart murmured, stunned. He looked at Micah and Micah grinned like he knew a secret he couldn't wait to tell.

"Do you want me to keep everybody outside for a while, so you can have some alone time?"

"I don't know that we're quite there yet," Stuart said. "But it's good to know that about Adam."

"Should I have let Leo tell you himself?"

"I don't think he would have," Stuart said, and then went to find Leo to tell him Gabriel was safe with his mother.

***

In the heat of the afternoon, everyone went inside to read or nap, or went down to the pool in the lowest terrace of the garden to lie in the shade or swim. Leo chose to sunbathe, to Stuart's surprise, and when he went to the pool to check on everyone, he had to pause on the garden path and drink in the sight of Leo's long, lean body in his simple black trunks.

He went to the lounge chair at Leo's side and lay back, watching the tree branches sway overhead. Leo stirred and looked at him, eyes hidden behind sunglasses. "How are you holding up?"

"All's well," Stuart said. He watched Marc and Gabriel splash each other in the shallow end of the pool, and then Gabriel noticed him and waved a floaty-clad arm.

"Allo, Grandpapa!"

"Allo, little one!" Stuart called, waving back.

"He was showing me his toes earlier," Leo said. "He seemed quite fascinated with the fact that I have them, too. Oh, that reminds me." He turned to the little knapsack he'd put beside his chair and dug through it a moment. Sunblock, flip-flops, a T-shirt--"He also liked my iPod. Unfortunately I don't have much music in French and even less for children, so we didn't listen for long. But there's a song I wanted you to hear."

"The one you wrote me about," said Stuart.

"Yes," said Leo absently as he scrolled through the menu. "Here it is." He handed Stuart one of the white ear buds. "Scoot closer and we can listen together."

Stuart moved the chair closer to Leo's and lay down again, and then tucked the bud into his ear. When he was ready Leo put the other bud into his own ear and pressed Play.

It was quiet, like a lot of the music Leo liked, an acoustic guitar and a man's voice, and lyrics that were full of longing and regret. The lyric that made Leo think of him was in the second verse. As the singer sang it in his whisper-soft voice Stuart looked at Leo and thought,
There are still so many places on you that I want to kiss.

"I like it," Stuart said when the song was through. He took out the ear bud and gave it back to Leo. "It's bittersweet."

"I think so too." He rolled up the wires and put his iPod and ear buds back into his bag. He looked back at Stuart, his hands resting on his stomach. "What's on your mind?"

"Micah told me about you turning down Adam," Stuart said and grimaced at himself.

"Oh," Leo said. "I suppose I should have mentioned that part earlier. It was weird, to look at him and not love him. But I don't. And he doesn't love me anymore, not at all. I guess we're really and truly done."

"Are you all right with that?"

Leo was quiet. "Yes. It's freeing." He looked at Stuart. "I'm free from him. That's what it feels like."

"I'm glad for you."

"Thank you," Leo said with a nod, and then fell silent again.

"I should go inside," Stuart said. "I came down to make sure nobody needed a drink or anything."

Leo took Stuart's hand, weaving their fingers loosely together. "Stay a while. It's a beautiful day."

"I should be a better host."

"You're an excellent host. Relax with me."

Stuart smiled and exhaled, closed his eyes and lay there, holding Leo's hand.

***

Stuart had been nervous all afternoon, though Leo suspected only he and perhaps Jamie could tell. Stuart checked the food and drinks and catering staff until the caterer started looking mutinous, and then Leo steered Stuart out to the garden before they were left to serve buffet-style by necessity. "Ocean says when you feel stressed the best thing to do is walk barefoot on grass. Take off your shoes."

Stuart grumbled but took off his shoes, and so was pacing back and forth on the grass between the courtyard and the gardens, Gabriel following him with equally bare feet and equally furrowed brows, when the Merciers, Tallis with her parents, came through the grange. Gabriel saw Tallis first -- he shouted, "Tante!" and ran over to her, and she picked him up with a laugh. They chattered away to each other in French as her parents crossed the courtyard.

Stuart swallowed hard. Leo said, "Be brave," and Stuart took his hand and said, "I am now," and smiled as he held out his other hand to Etienne. "Welcome, Etienne."

"Stuart," Etienne said and ignored Stuart's hand to fall on him in a sincere embrace. Stuart let go of Leo's hand to hug him back tightly, and exhaled, closing his eyes. "It has been too long, my friend."

"Far too long," Stuart said and stepped back, looking embarrassed. "Margot," he said to Tallis's mother, "you look lovely."

"Thank you," she said. "Stuart, you must tell me the secret of youth -- you have hardly aged a day."

"Oh, I've aged many days," Stuart said. "I have the lines to prove it. Let me introduce you to Leo Bellamy, my very dear friend from California."

 "Mrs. Mercier," Leo said, shaking her hand. "Or do I say Madame?"

"I will accept Missus," she said, dimpling when she smiled. Her English was accented but correct, and as musical as Leo found the accents of her daughter and the Clement girls.

"Drink?" Stuart said. "We'll eat once the others arrive."

If they arrive,
Leo thought, and it must have been on his face because Tallis said, "They were behind us. They should be -- yes, here they are!" she said as the door from the grange opened again and Amelie brought out the rest of the family, including a dignified-looking fellow with silver hair who held Joelle's hand.

"The boyfriend," Stuart murmured to Leo.

"I figured," Leo said and smiled at him. "Come on, let's go say hello."

"Excuse us," Stuart said to the Merciers, and when he tensed again as they walked over Leo patted his back. "Joelle. So lovely of you to come."

"It was very," she glanced at her boyfriend, "kind of you to host this party. This is my friend, Hugo Duchesne."

"Stuart Huntsman," Stuart said, and the three of them chatted in French for a few minutes while Leo stood there and smiled politely. Meantime Jean-Claude and Nicole had joined Amelie and the Merciers, and Nicole took Gabriel to play with him. Another young man, dark-eyed like Hugo and with the same square chin and thick hair, hovered behind Hugo and eyed Stuart blatantly. Leo took Stuart's hand and Stuart smiled at him. "Sorry. Sometimes I forget what language I'm speaking. Hugo Duchesne and his son Noel. This is my friend Leo Bellamy. Come, get a drink and I'll introduce you to everyone."

He led Joelle and Hugo, and Leo found himself walking with Noel. "He is beautiful," Noel said, enraptured. "Joelle says so many bad things about Stuart, I expected him to be like a troll. Instead he is a god! Who here is his lucky boyfriend?"

"None of us," Leo said, depressed. Young, handsome, and wanted Stuart already. Stuart wouldn't be able to resist.

"Ah!" Noel said and then joined the others to get a drink, his hand on Stuart's back at the first opportunity.

Leo went to where the young people were gathered in a circle on the grass where the shade was deepening and the fairy lights in the trees were already lit. Gabriel was gamboling on the grass, basking in all the attention, and Nicole and Dune sat on the grass together, talking in French. Leo sat on the grass at Dune's side and Dune put an arm around him.

"What's the matter?" he asked softly when Nicole's attention as diverted to Marc and Jean-Claude.

"Joelle's boyfriend's son would rather have Stuart for dinner."

Dune laughed and looked at the group clustered around the bar, head tilted. "He's cute, but he's just sniffing around. Stuart's not going to fall for it."

Leo said, "Jamie told me once he knew Stuart three hours before Stuart got him into bed."

"You're jealous!" Dune exclaimed.

"No," Leo said, knowing it was ridiculous to deny it. "I'm disappointed in myself that I'm feeling territorial about someone who's not my territory."

"I wouldn't fuck the guy," Dune said. "If that helps any."

"It doesn't."

"Go claim your territory, Dad," Dune said, nudging him. Leo started to rise, but then saw that Stuart was already headed his way, a drink in each hand.

"I had this poured for you and you weren't there." He handed Leo the glass.

"Thanks," Leo said. He sniffed the wine and had a sip. "Mm, nice. This is your vintage, isn't it? I taste peaches and smoke."

Stuart smiled, pleased. "Sit at the table with me? I'm not sure I can get up again if I sit on the ground with you."

"Help," Leo said, holding up his hand. Stuart clasped it and braced him as Leo got to his feet without spilling or even sloshing his wine or Stuart's. They stood close together for a moment or two, their clasped hands between them, and then impulsively Leo smacked a kiss on Stuart's mouth.

"You can do better than that," Stuart murmured and kissed him, longer and sweeter and deeper, his thumb running over the back of Leo's hand.

"That was much better," Leo agreed when they parted. He added in a whisper, "That boy wants you."

"Does he?" Stuart said easily. "Come on." He took Leo by the hand to the table where all the parents were gathered, and kept his arm around Leo until it was time to eat.

***

On the whole, Leo thought, dinner was a success. Sure, Joelle and Jean-Claude said little to Stuart, but it didn't seem to bother him at all. Nicole was warmer than she had been the last time they saw each other, which Leo suspected had to do with how comfortable Gabriel was with Stuart -- with all of them, going from lap to lap throughout the meal, touching people's faces or letting them feed him from their plates.

The best part of the night, Leo decided, was when Gabriel was in Stuart's arms and closed his eyes and fell asleep. Stuart didn't try to hand him off to Amelie or Marc, either; he shifted Gabriel into a more comfortable position against his shoulder and went on listening to Etienne.

And there it was. It was so simple. It wasn't a thunderclap or the sensation of falling -- it was warmth blossoming in his chest like a flower opening.
I love him,
Leo thought,
he's beautiful and patient and gentle, and no matter what he or anyone else thinks he's one of my kind.

"What do you do, Mr. Bellamy?" Joelle said to him and Leo dragged his attention away from Stuart.

"I'm the program director of a radio station in San Francisco."

"Your listeners must enjoy your voice. It's quite soothing."

"Most of them do, yes," Leo said. "Thank you."

She said, after a moment. "It's a long way from California to France, especially for the wedding of two young people you barely know." She nodded to Tallis and Jean-Claude, who were whispering and giggling together like any about-to-be-married couple.

"Tallis asked us to come," Leo said. "And I figured Stuart could use some friends around."

"He wants you, you know," Joelle said. "I know the look."

Leo smiled to himself. "If you're trying to shock me, you won't. Stuart and I have talked about this to great lengths, and the fact of the matter is--" No. He stopped himself. Stuart should hear about his revelation before anyone else.

"What is the fact of the matter?"

"I think he's wonderful. Nothing you or anyone else can say will convince me otherwise. So don't list off his failings and his bad parts. I know his bad parts and I still think he's perfect."

Joelle said, after a pause, "I meant only to save you from him, but if you are determined to throw yourself in--"

"I am. You and he, you were wrong for each other. It's terrible when it happens but it does happen. It happened to me for half my life. But sometimes you have to love the wrong person to find the right one."