Catharsis (Book 2): Catalyst (24 page)

            "I apologize for the overhead recording earlier," he says while watching us get closer to him.  He doesn’t attempt to flee and we can now see his eyes well enough to recognize they are following our every movement.  "I might have gotten a little carried away with some of that, but I wanted to make sure you weren't taking time to think your actions through.  That was important for what's about to happen.  I needed you completely focused on me.  I hope you understand that."

            Our body is moving more slowly now that I'm almost out of energy, but we've closed the distance to less than twenty-five yards and we can see him clearly through the glass.  There are only six more glass walls to get through, and then we will get to taste the sweet embrace of vengeance.

            "The recording may have been a tad theatrical," he continues in that annoyingly confident voice.  "But there was still truth to it.  And do you know what that truth was?"

            Clearing another two walls we push our body to hurry and get to him.  Even the Darkness is tired now, and it's getting desperate.  It will feed one way or another.  Then as we clear the second wall, I realize something the Darkness had been ignoring.  Chadwick's tone of voice.  It just went past annoying and touched on 'satisfied'.  He feels victorious.  But why would
he
feel like he’s winning, when we are so close to him.  It doesn't make sense.  We bring his Death.  Doesn't he know that?

            "That truth was," he says and he can no longer keep the smile from his face as he speaks.  "That you
will
watch your sister die tonight."  And with those words, I watch as his hand with the knife slips up and slides across her throat.  Her eyes go wide, but she doesn't scream and for the first time I notice the tape on her mouth.  She can't even say my name as he releases her and she slumps forward.  A red spray of blood drenches the glass wall in front of them obscuring my view.  A view I can’t believe I’m seeing; the most precious thing in the world to me dying.

            "This is your doing, Catarina," he says simply and through the maroon haze that separates us we watch him step backwards through a door we hadn't been able to see previously.  And with a
whooshing
CHUNK the door slams shut, and he is gone.  Leaving us alone in the hallway with the whimpering sounds of our sister echoing to us past the remaining partitions.

            His actions may have stunned us, but the sounds of our sister, no!
my
sister, spur us into action.  The remaining two dozen or so yards blip past us in the blink of an eye, and we are standing over my sister looking down at her as she gulps in air and tries to breathe using a throat that no longer works.

            It is the most horrifying thing I have ever seen in my life, and all I can do is cry and curl into a ball and wish for it to be over.  My sister is dying and I can do nothing to stop it.  She is dying because of me.

            And then this punishment Chadwick has chosen to inflict upon me becomes infinitely worse.  In a way he never could have expected or foreseen, and it is something I will never be able to forget or forgive myself for.

            For I had bargained with the Darkness in order to get this far, but now the Hunger needs to be fed.  It cannot be ignored.  And the Darkness knows no mercy.  Not for anybody.  Not even for me.

            The Darkness’s insatiable desire for blood finds a ready source, and I am too weak to stop it.  Horrified at what I find myself doing, I bend down to my beloved sister and inhale the sweet aroma of the red liquid that covers her.  The scent is irresistible and its pull numbs some of the pain.  But only some.

            And in that hallway, powerless to resist the Darkness's desires, I became the Monster I always feared.  Chadwick had been more correct in his prediction than he could have imagined.  Catarina Perez did die in the hallway tonight.

            But
I
was born.

            And I
am
the Darkness.

EPILOGUE

            I spend every free day I can watching him now.  He feels safe, but he isn't.  He believes I can't get to him, but I will.  He thinks he has found refuge in the one place I won't be able to get to him, but the Darkness cannot be stopped.  Not by the likes of him.  Or any other mere human.

            While Catarina died along with her sister that night in the warehouse, I was unaware of what was occurring only a few feet away on the other side of that door.  In an attempt to flee my retribution, Chadwick chose to escape from me by hiding in plain sight.  On the other side of that door was a squadron of police cars that he had called down upon himself so that he could turn himself in.

            He knew I would chase him wherever he would go, so instead of hiding away he figured he would go where I can't get to him: prison.  He confessed to enough crimes to get himself locked up for decades.  But since he turned himself in and willingly confessed the information, he was able to manipulate the situation.  He got the plea deal that he wanted:   protective custody in the center of a federal penitentiary.  He is behind large stone walls and gates and there are hundreds of guards between us.

            They’re impressive, but they’re not enough.  Not anymore.

            At one point in my life, I thought I had control over what is happening to me.  I thought I could be the good in a world of evil.  I thought I had a choice.  But I don't.

            I am not the light on a dark night guiding the lost to a place of safety.  I am that Darkness.  And I know no mercy.  And I am hungry.

Acknowledgments

            Second novel completed, and a hearty “thank you” to everyone who helped make that possible.  Two years ago I never thought I would be able to complete my first novel (which seemed to be an overwhelming obstacle looming in front of me on a daily basis), let alone complete another one less than twelve months after that.  But I have learned so much about the process in the last twenty-four months that now being able to produce a book a year doesn’t seem so dauntless. 

            I have to thank my wife and children first for allowing me the time to sit and work on my dream: my books.  Their patience with me as I retreat from all stimuli in the house in order to concentrate and write has been life-saving.  I couldn’t be as creative as I am or productive as I have been without their support.  They are the reason I can do what I do.

            A big thank you to my students and other fans of my writing who made my first book seem like it wasn’t a waste of time.  If I didn’t have people enjoying what I do, then there never would have been a second book.  The students who constantly came up to me to ask questions about the characters, or tell me how much they enjoyed the book were what motivated me to do it all over again.  I wrote my first book for me.  I wrote this one because others believed in me.

            Of those fans, I have to say a special thank you to Madeline Snipes who once again was one of the first people to read the new manuscript and give feedback on it.  Her guidance and solid critiques go a long way with me.  I hope every writer has someone like her to fall back on for guidance.  She has earned “first eyes” on every one of my books from here on out.  Thanks.

            And a special thank you to Madison Schade for both encouraging me to keep writing and being an incredibly supportive fan of my writing.  Everyone should have a fanboy who overhypes what they do, especially writers.  It is frighteningly easy to doubt one’s self and see what you do as a waste of time.  Madison helped push me through some of those dark spots with her advice and adoration of Catarina.  Not only did Madison help push this book to be created, she also inspired the cover.  It was a random picture from Pinterest that she sent to me that was the impetus for what I finally came up with for the front of this book.  It wouldn’t be nearly so eye-catching without her influence.

            My brother, Nick, was a late addition to my fan base, but he was an incredibly avid one once he joined.  His late texts of excerpts from the book that he really enjoyed as he read an early copy kept me excited to churn out more.  I can’t thank him enough.  And someday I hope to feature his artwork on a book’s cover. 

            The only people more excited for me to become an author than myself were my parents.  Writing, creating and producing my own novel was exhausting but fulfilling.  And then seeing my parents’ reaction to what I had accomplished made it all worthwhile.  And an especially embarrassing thank you to my mother for purchasing dozens of my books and then randomly handing them out to strangers in an attempt to promote me.  Nobody could have a better PR person than my mom.

As odd as it may seem, I would also like to thank Amazon for making this process so easy.  Writing a book and getting published today is not what it once was, and that is mostly due to Amazon’s presence in the world.  EBooks are changing the world of publishing for the better, and the safety net of knowing I could get my words out via them eased many a self-doubt.  Amazon wants more books and authors out there, and my existence as a writer in this world owes them a debt. 

And a thank you goes out to Kevin Smith and Ralph Garman.  Two men I have never met personally, but who helped make my writing possible.  Kevin through his inspiration to other artists to just go out and create and not worry about the consequences.  An artistic twist on Nike’s “Just Do It” campaign.  He was usually referring to the creation of more podcasts, but I think the intent works for novels, too.  Ralph kept me smiling with his humor on the Hollywood Babble-On podcast.  Since I gave up watching television to write, listening to podcasts became my main source of entertainment, and his and Kevin’s HBO was my favorite.  It helped me find the funny when I was exhausted.  Thank you gentlemen.

Finally, thanks to the editors of my book who pored through it pulling up every last mistake they could find.  Having other sets of eyes aside from my own see my book before it becomes official only made it better.  I can’t thank them enough for taking their free time to read through the book and logging all the mistakes that I had made.  Their fingerprints are all through Catalyst.  I am in your debt Tony Sturgeon, Kevin Stumpf and Grace Haza.

Thank you to all my readers who took the first journey with Catarina in Catharsis and returned for this one.  Your desire to come back to the world I created means everything to me.  I do this for you.

And thank you to my new readers.  I hope you enjoyed your stay.

Whenever you ever read a great book, whether it is mine or another author’s, please go out on Amazon or Goodreads and give it a review.  Your opinion out there in the digital world makes a big difference to writers as we find the motivation to give up television, free time, reading books or whatever else is out there in order to create.  Your kind words and reviews are always read and appreciated.

D. Andrew Campbell 

July 2014

Questions with D. Andrew Campbell

 
What is up with Catarina and her reference to “The Darkness”?   Are they one person or two completely different identities?  Or is this Cat developing a split personality?

The "Darkness" is essentially the disease taking over her body.  I see the "vampirism" as being a contagious illness like the flu.  Except Catarina hasn’t found a cure, and it isn't nearly as communicable.  It
can
be passed, but she hasn't figured that out, yet.  I’m thinking it might be a major plot point in the final book, though. 
One of the side effects of her disease is a desire for the blood of humans.  It is what drives the disease.  Cat is personifying this desire as being another entity within her because that drive is so strong.  It is essentially an addiction in and of itself.  Humans are addicted to food, and she is addicted to blood.  Her addiction is also strong enough to force her to do things she doesn't want to do.  This is similar to junkies who rob their own families to pay for their drugs.  She is doing things she doesn't morally believe are right, and blaming them on the addiction.  It is how she is trying to remain sane.  She is separating her "good self" from her "addicted self".  As long as she can blame “the darkness”, then it gives her a focus for all the bad things she is doing.  It allows her to distance herself from it.  Essentially, it is just a coping mechanism to keep her from accepting what she is doing and losing her mind.

This is why she keeps having “pronoun issues” in the final scene with Chadwick.  She goes from referring to herself as “I” to saying “we” or “us”.  She is acknowledging the fact that she doesn’t feel she is in control of her actions any more.  Her addiction is driving her, and she is too mentally broken to resist it.  She’s fighting to remain sane and in order to do that she keeps retreating into the safety of her mind and away from the actions of her body.  It is still all “her”, though.  There isn’t another being in there controlling her like a puppet or anything.  It’s just the human mind can only take so much punishment before it breaks.  And hers is breaking.

 
At his warehouse, why does Chadwick claim that Cat had taken everything from him?  Did she truly take everything he had?  And why claim she had given him away if he was just going to turn himself in?
 

The ranting over the PA system at the warehouse was just to distract her.  He didn't mean most of it.  He just wanted her to stay focused on the words.  Chadwick is smart, and he believes that she will hunt him down eventually.  But he wants revenge on her for her seeking him out in the first place.  That’s why he kills Leyna, to punish Cat.  He knows once he does it, though, then she won't stop hunting him down, so he decides to hide where he thinks she can't get him.  In jail.  He believes she will easily hunt him down anywhere else.  He is just using the jail as a safety net to prevent her from getting to him.  Plus, he figures he can manipulate the system to get what he wants while he’s there.

Ironically, this is where Chadwick makes a mistake.  Since she hunted him down so easily at the start, he believes she can do it again whenever she wants.  He prepares himself to not be surprised by her again by taking the offensive and stalking Leyna.  But if he had just walked away after destroying his own house, then she would have moved on from him.  Unfortunately, he couldn’t have known that, and Leyna paid the price.

Is there ANY good left in Catarina? Or is Cat going to be the new villain?

     That's the “big question” I want to examine coming up in the next book.  Cat is now fully embracing the addiction and the "good feelings" it gives her.  Does that make her a bad person or is she just making bad choices?  At what point do our choices define who we are?        And the question about Cat being a villain is a REALLY good one.  That is what I am going to examine in the next novel: what defines a villain?  Cat will be doing some good deeds still, but her methods might end up being inexcusable.  It’s similar to the classic comic book heroes Batman, Punisher or Wolverine.  They fight crime and try to make the world a better place, but their methods aren’t always supported by the public.  They aren’t Captain America or Superman.  They are antiheroes.  That is how I see Cat progressing.  Up until now she has been a vigilante, but she has been, essentially, “good”.  Now she will slip into being a vigilante with less of a conscience or restrictive morals.

The question becomes: at one point does the antihero become a villain.  I don’t believe real evil in the world starts out to be evil just for the fun of it.  It starts out trying to accomplish good and gets its methods twisted in the process.  This is Cat’s path.   But it will have to wait for the next book for the full answer.

Why does the book end so abruptly?  It almost feels like this is half of a longer book.

In theory, I see all three of the books about Cat being one long story so that assessment makes sense.  Catalyst, in particular, was just about her change from “still kinda good” to “disturbingly close to evil”.  If I had kept this story going until she completed tracking down Chadwick, then it would have added too much to an already lengthy book.  Plus, I see this as a complete story.  Much like the classic movie, The Empire Strikes Back, I liked the book ending on a cliffhanger and a downer.  It gets you ready for the next part of the saga.  Empire ended with the main characters in turmoil and questions unanswered, but it worked.  I want Catalyst to end that same way.  It is both part of a longer journey, and a complete representation of this part of Cat’s life. 

What about those “fail safe” devices that Ren has Cat install?  They’re never mentioned again.  Did you forget about them?

Nope.  They will play a role in the next story.  I wanted to have a little bit of overlap from one book to the next, and these will be one of those “continuation” things.  And the conversations Ren and Cat had about them in Catalyst will be a bit foreboding, too, if things go as planned.  I’m thinking the lawyer’s house could play a major role in how Cat’s story finishes out.

Did you have any influences on this book or on Cat as a character this time around?  How did this part of her story come about?

Actually, yes, there was.  A pretty big one.  Walter White, the lead character in the Breaking Bad television show became a model for what I foresaw happening to Cat’s life.

I wrote the opening chapters with Chadwick and Cat’s escape from him and her getting back to the warehouse shortly after finishing Catharsis.  But then my ideas for the story stagnated.  I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with her as a character.  I couldn’t see myself just writing about her going out and fighting basic crime anymore.  That wasn’t compelling for me.  It didn’t pull me in and make me want to write.  But Chadwick did.  I really liked him a lot more than I thought I would.  He was actually supposed to be a small, throw away character, but obviously that changed.

Anyway, I let the story sit for a few months as I tried to visualize where to go with it.  And then I got into the show Breaking Bad.  I watched all five seasons on Netflix within a month’s time, and I fell in love with what the writers did to Walter White throughout the progression of the show.  He was a good man with good intentions, and he used his abilities to try and do something positive: make money for his family so they would be supported after his death from cancer.  But it all goes wrong and he destroys everything he loved, instead.  That was Cat!  I realized that was what I could find fascinating about her:  Her desire to do something good and failing at it.   The more she tries to make the world a better place, the more it destroys her.
            With Walter as Cat’s character inspiration, I attacked the story again and saw her arc flesh itself out in front of me.  I saw her go from being a naïve girl who wants nothing but good in the world and who won’t even curse in the first book, to the Cat who finishes out Catalyst: angry, vengeful and no longer reluctant to use the Darkness to accomplish what she feels needs to be done.  That was an idea I found fascinating as a writer, and it hooked me.

You mentioned that Chadwick’s role was supposed to be much smaller in Catalyst.  What happened?  How did that character come about?

When I started the writing of Catalyst, I didn’t want to jump into it with Cat hunting the same dealers from the previous book.  I didn’t find that as interesting.  Instead I came up with the idea of her expanding who she would punish beyond just those pushing drugs.  What about other people who had broken the law and deserved to be punished, but the justice system couldn’t reach them?  I thought Cat would work perfectly in that area.  And, actually, that was my initial thinking for the second book: Cat chasing down people who thought they were above the law.  The book didn’t eventually go there, but that was my original concept.

I started writing the opening scene of her tracking down someone I thought would be truly heinous: a child trafficker who had escaped justice.  And I had to give him a name, so I bastardized the name of one of the worst people I could think of: my childhood bully.  It was a Tuckerism, but I’ve done that a lot throughout the story.  I figured it would be cathartic to create this character, make him vile and then kill him off.  He just needed to be around for the first few chapters and then she could put him away, introduce the book’s new concept and move on.   But that wasn’t what ended up happening.

As I wrote the character into the story and had Cat confront him, I ended up liking his evilness.  Well, it wasn’t that I “enjoyed” him, but that I “respected” him as a foil to her.  He was the “brilliance” to counter-balance her “brawn”.  The more I wrote about Cat and Chadwick, the more I saw him being someone who could really torment her.  And then I couldn’t get rid of him.  He wriggled his way into the story and began taking it over.  And I enjoyed it.

Then I had the conundrum of whether I should keep Chadwick’s name or change it.  Here was this evil person I had named after a person I hated just so I could kill him, but he was becoming a major character.  I didn’t want my past tormentor’s name to have such a prestigious role in my book, so I decided to come up with a new one.  But no other name worked for him.  “Chadwick” had already grown into an entity by that point and renaming him just seemed false.  In the end, I resigned myself to keeping the name, but I would do my best to make sure nobody liked him.  I figured it was a good compromise.  Plus, I still have hopes that something awful will happen to him in the next book.  That cathartic revenge might still be coming.

You mentioned that Chadwick’s name is a “Tuckerism”.  What does that term mean?

This is one of those things I picked up while writing.  Writers have to name characters, but where do those names come from?  Often times the names we use in books have importance in one way or another.  Almost every name I use in my books does.  Well, a Tuckerism is the idea of using the names of people you know in real life and working them into your writing.  Wilson Tucker was a classic sci-fi writer who often used the names of friends and associates as his characters in his books.  He did it so often that the practice was named after him.  Both Catalyst and my previous book, Catharsis, are rife with them.

Chadwick is named after my childhood bully, as I stated previously.  Leyna is a combination of my daughters’ names: Kailey and Jenna.  I just took the end of each name and smashed them together.  In Catharsis, I named Cat’s friend, James, after my father.  And her P.E. teacher’s name is Ms. Davis, which comes from my mother.

Aside from just Tuckerisms, I also use literary references and allusions to create my character names.  In Catharsis, the dog’s name is Lazzy, which is short for Lazarus.  The idea being that the dog is risen from the dead, much like the biblical character.  It’s also an allusion to the old TV show Lassie.  I was able to kill two birds with one stone on that name.

Also in Catharsis, I always referred to the school nurse as “Nurse Pritchett”.  That was a reference to Nurse Ratched in One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest.  They are spelled differently, but the pronunciations are very similar.
In Catalyst, Chadwick’s pseudonym he uses with Leyna is Jacob Joodis.  His last name is a reference to Judas, another character in the Bible.  For those who don’t remember, he’s a traitor to Jesus and brings about his downfall.  I saw Chadwick doing the same thing to Cat’s family, so I thought the name was fitting.
And finally, we have Ren, Cat’s friend.  Ren’s name comes from the original Dracula novel in which the main vampire had a minion who helped him during the daytime: Renfield.  That is the job that Cat brings Ren in to do, so I thought it would be a fun reference.  And Ren’s real name?  Pater?  The word is Latin for father and sometimes even a reference to God.  I saw Ren being Cat’s surrogate family and her guiding light, and I wanted to give him a name that was suitably fitting.

Speaking of Ren, why introduce him into the book in the first place?  In Catharsis, Cat is on her own throughout most of the book.  Why give her a sidekick?

First off, I’m not sure Ren would accept the label of “sidekick”.  Second, I had originally wanted Cat to have a confidant in Catharsis, but it never seemed to work out in the story.  When I had been planning out Cat’s original story, I foresaw her meeting up with an old teacher and having him guide her and give advice.  It felt a bit clichéd, though, and I never found a good place to work it in.  Cat remained on her own throughout the first story regardless of what I had planned.