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The phone rang again.
I switched it off in case it was Tony calling back. I felt numb and confused
and was just wondering what to do next, when I heard a familiar voice in the
hall outside my bedroom. Oh, thank God, I thought, as I opened the bedroom
door.

‘TJ!’ I cried. ‘Thank
God you’re here.’

‘Why, what’s the
matter?’ she said.

I was just about to
launch in when I saw that Steve was standing behind her. Of course, I thought,
she’d come over to see him.

‘Er, nothing,’ I said.
‘Just… it doesn’t matter… You carry on.’

TJ turned to Steve.
‘Won’t be a mo.’ Then she pushed me back into my bedroom and shut the door.
‘What’s going on?’

I slumped on the bed.
‘Oh TJ, you can’t imagine,’ I said, and filled her in on the whole story.

She listened quietly.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘You must be gutted.’

I nodded.

‘I know it may feel
awful at the moment,’ she said, ‘but you don’t know what or who’s round the
next corner. Remember what happened with me when I had that thing about Scott
next door? I felt awful when it wasn’t working out, then it turned out to be
the best thing ever. He wasn’t worth it and I met Steve. Who
is
worth
it. Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be with Tony.’

I groaned. I knew she
meant well but it wasn’t what I wanted to hear. ‘But it was different with
Tony…’

‘I know,’ she said.
‘Oh Lucy, I wish I knew what to say.’

A knock on the door
disturbed any further conversation and Steve stuck his head in. ‘Come on, TJ,
I’ve got the Amazon website up, I’m waiting for you.’

TJ looked anxiously at
me.

‘You go,’ I said. ‘I’m
fine, honest.’

‘You sure? Because I
can stay here with you,’ she said.

Steve looked at me as
though that was the
last
thing he wanted.

‘No, honest. Go.’ I
didn’t want to ruin everyone’s night just because mine was turning out to be
crapola.

‘Why don’t you come
and join us?’ asked TJ, looking at Steve for agreement. Which he didn’t give.

I shook my head.
Dumped and a gooseberry in one night. No thanks.

‘All part of life’s
rich tapestry,’ I said, quoting one of Mum’s favourite lines. Til get over it,
and besides, I have loads to do. You go.‘

I got up and began to
tidy away things in my room.

‘Don’t worry,’ said
TJ. ‘Nesta will get the card. It will be OK.’

‘Yeah right,’ I said.
‘Me and Bridget Jones. It’s cool to be a singleton. Don’t worry, one day my
Darcy will come.’

As she shut the door,
I thought, But Tony’s my Darcy, isn’t he? Or is he the bad boy character played
by Hugh Grant in
Bridget Jones’s Diary‘
? Oh, I don’t know.

 

Mum always says that
things seem better after a good night’s sleep and I did - wake up the next
morning feeling slightly more positive. At least that’s what I told myself.
It’s not as though Tony and I were having a proper relationship. Then I looked
at the clock. Ohmigod. It’s nine-thirty.

Nine-thirty
. Ohmigod.
Ohmigod
. Did
Nesta get my message? Did she get the card before Tony did? I checked my
mobile, and oh
no
, I’d forgotten to switch it back on after Tony’d
called last night. There were three messages. One from Tony asking me to call
him. One from Izzie asking me to call her. And one from Nesta asking me to call
her.

I quickly found my
dressing-gown and ran downstairs into the kitchen.

‘Why didn’t you wake
me, Mum?’

She looked up from the
table where she was reading the paper. ‘It’s Saturday, Lucy. And you seemed a
bit low last night. I thought I’d let you sleep in…’

‘Did anyone call?’

‘Izzie. She said your
mobile’s off and she’ll try later.’

‘You should have woken
me.’

Mum sighed. ‘I can’t
win, can I? Usually if I wake you early at the weekend, I’m wrong, and now I
don’t
wake you and I’m wrong. I give up.’

I ran back upstairs
and called Nesta’s number then hung up. Tony might answer. I dialled her mobile
number.

Phew, I thought, when
she answered.

‘Lucy…’ she began.

‘Did you get the
card?’

There was an ominous
silence.

‘Oh Nesta,
please
say you did.’

‘Oh Lucy, I got back
late last night and I’ve only just listened to the messages on my mobile this
morning. And… and the postman’s already been.’

‘Has he got it?’

‘Tony? Yes. I saw him
take a card into his room. But what’s the problem? Why did you want me to get to
it first? Did you change your mind about wanting to see him over the holidays?’

‘No. No. He’s changed
his
mind. We met up in Highgate and he told me he only wants to be friends…’

‘I’ll kill him.’

‘No don’t, Nesta. But
find out how he reacted to the card. Oh pants. Oh, and Nesta,
try
to
do it in a subtle way.’

‘Yeah, course. But I
think we need to meet up. Urgently. I already said I’d meet Izzie later this
morning. You phone TJ. Ruby’s, eleven-thirty?’

Tab,‘ I said. ’Thanks.
And tell me everything Tony says.‘

‘Every last detail.’

 

Ruby in the Dust is
Nesta’s favourite cafe. It’s by the roundabout in Muswell Hill and is even
funkier than Raj’s. The sofas and tables are so well-worn they look like they
came off a skip, but it gives the place a cosy, lived-in feel. Loads of local
teenagers hang out in there, us included, most weekends.

The girls were all
there when I arrived and they looked up at me anxiously when I walked through
the door.

‘You OK, Lucy?’ asked
Nesta, as I sat beside her on a sofa in the window.

It was then that I
spotted Ben. He was at the counter ordering drinks. What was he doing here?

‘Do you want a
cappuccino?’ he called.

I nodded.

‘Sorry,’ mouthed
Izzie. ‘I didn’t know what it was all about until Nesta told me just now.’

‘And Simon’s coming
too,’ said Nesta, looking sheepish. ‘I tried to call him to put him off, but
he’d already left.’

Oh great, I thought.
And I suppose my brother’s corning too. I looked over at TJ. She shook her
head.

‘Steve’s at football
this morning,’ she said.

‘Yeah, course,’ I
said. He played every week. I was bursting to ask if Tony had said anything
about the card so turned to Nesta quickly before Ben came back.

‘So?’

‘He didn’t say much.
Just that he’d got your card and that it was private. I didn’t let on that I
knew what you’d written. He asked me to ask you to call him.’

‘Is that everything?’

Nesta nodded.

‘Honest?’ I asked.

‘Honest,’ she
answered. ‘And I didn’t hit him or anything. Though I’d have liked to.’

‘So what should I do?’
I asked, looking around.

‘Try to stay friends,’
said Izzie.

‘No. You must
never
speak to him again,’ said Nesta.

‘Maybe I shouldn’t
have given him such a hard time,’ I said. ‘Maybe it’s my fault.’

‘Rubbish,’ said Nesta.
‘You were too good for him. You deserve better.’

‘You’ll find someone
else,’ said TJ.

I looked around the
cafe. There were a few boys there and, as always, they were all ogling Nesta.
She did look stunning in her denim shorts and a cut-off T-shirt, with her hair
loose like silk all the way down her back.

‘No. No one will
ever
look at me again,’ I groaned,.

‘Rubbish,’ said Izzie.
‘You mustn’t let this dent your confidence.’

‘Find someone else,
settle down and have a really committed relationship. That will show him,’ said
TJ.

‘No,
no
. Last
thing she needs,’ said Nesta. ‘Have some fun. Go out with
loads
of
boys. Play the field.’

‘No. You need some
quiet time,’ said Izzie. ‘Time to heal.’

‘No, no. Fill your
diary. Keep busy - you must keep busy,’ insisted Nesta.

I couldn’t help but
laugh. ‘D’oh, thanks girls. Now I’m really confused.’

As Ben came back with
the coffees, the cafe door opened and Simon came in. Some of the boys in the
cafe looked peeved when they saw him make a beeline for Nesta, who smiled and
kissed him. Of course the boys being there put an end to any discussion about
Tony, so I did my best to act happy and not let Ben or Simon see how freaked
out I really was.

After we’d drunk our
cappuccinos, Simon suggested that as the weather wasn’t brilliant, we go to the
early show of a movie. I wanted to go home and hide under my duvet but Nesta
insisted that I go as well and there’s no arguing with her when she’s made up
her mind about what’s best for someone. TJ will be there, I thought. So it’s
not as though I’ll be the only singleton.

‘Um, I said I’d meet
Steve after football,’ said TJ, getting up and looking anxiously at me. ‘I can
cancel if you want to do something.’

I shook my head.
‘Don’t be mad. I’ll go to the movie.’

I didn’t like this
kid-glove treatment they were giving me, like I was ill or something. The last
thing I wanted was my mates feeling sorry for me. Oh, poor Lucy, she’s been
dumped. Poor Lucy sent a romantic card to someone who’s not interested. I’d
show them I was fine. So they’ve all got boyfriends and I haven’t, I thought.
No biggie. I’m not going to let it get to me.

At the cinema, Nesta
and Izzie insisted that I sat in between them rather than on the end. It was OK
at the beginning and I was glad I’d gone with them. No one can see that you’re
on your own in the dark. We were just five teenagers watching a film.

That is, we were until
Ben put his arm round Izzie and they cuddled up and Simon went into a snogathon
with Nesta. I felt a right twerp, sitting with a straight back in the middle, giant
tub of popcorn on my lap that no one was eating except me. The only one really
watching the movie. I tried to focus on the film and forget about Tony and boys
and what was happening on either side of me, but the film was a romantic
comedy. Oh, arrggghhh, I thought, as the screen hero moved in for a snog.
Arrrghh,
arrrghh
. Snogging to the left of me, snogging to the right.
And snogging in front of me, in glorious magnified technicolour on the screen.
No escape.

I’m not doing this
again, I thought.

 

 

 

C h a p t e r
 
3

Solo
Sundays

 

Contents
-
Prev
/
Next

 

The next day, I
decided I’d hang out with my brothers. It seemed a good idea, as in term time
it’s like we’re just lodgers in the same house. Eat, queue for the bathroom,
fight over what’s on telly, go to bed, go to school, pass on the stairs. I’d
spend what Mum calls ‘quality time’ with them.

‘Do you want to do
anything after lunch?’ I asked at breakfast time.

‘Busy,’ said Steve,
peering at me over his glasses. ‘Meeting Mark for termis. Sorry.’

‘Harry and Edward are
coming over after lunch,’ said Lai. ‘We’re going to discuss our summer strategy
for pulling girls.’

‘Oh, get a life, Lai,’
I said. ‘Don’t you ever think of anything else?’

‘Yeah, food,’ replied
Lai, spreading peanut butter and honey on his toast then ramming it into his
mouth. ‘Need to keep up my strength for all the top totty.’

‘Dream on, dorkbrain,’
I said. ‘Who in their right mind would look at you?’

‘Get lost,
toadbreath,’ said Lai. ‘Loads of girls fancy me.’

‘Quality time with
them? Well so much for that plan,’ I said to Mum, as Steve and Lai scoffed down
their breakfast then scarpered off to their rooms.

‘Life is what happens
to you when you’re busy making plans,’ she said. She’s always coming out with
stuff like that.

‘Yeah right,’ I said,
thinking about my plan to spend the summer with Tony. ‘Tell me about it.’

 

I’ve got three
choices, I decided, as I went upstairs to my room.

1) Mope and be miserable;

2) Find another boyfriend;

3) Find an interesting alternative.

I decided to go for
option three. Moping and being miserable would be a waste of time and the
precious holidays. As Mum says, life is not a rehearsal. You only get one shot
at it so make the most of it. And the thought of option two, looking for
another boy just to make up the numbers with Nesta, Izzie andTJ, was too
gruesome. I’m not that desperate and I don’t need a
boy
to be happy.
Having a boyfriend can be exciting and fun,
if
it’s the right boy. It
can also be heartbreaking, humiliating and confusing. So, good alternatives?

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