Cathy Kelly 3-book Bundle (110 page)

She looked up at the person it belonged to, a slim, fashionably dressed woman around her own age with short streaky blonde hair. Once-a-month visits to the hairdressers, Megan theorised, and she should know. At least there was damn all maintenance in her midnight-dark crop.

She felt no kinship with this woman, no sense that they belonged to the same tribe any more. But then, Megan wondered, what tribe did she belong to now?

Kim and Toby wouldn’t touch the yogurt drinks but ate some cereal with milk.

‘Major food group,’ said Pippa wearily as she swept cereal off the floor.

‘Shouldn’t they have something more substantial?’ Nora asked worriedly.

‘Yes,’ said Pippa, ‘but it will take an hour to coax them to eat two bites and I haven’t the energy for that.’

It was half past ten by the time Pippa got the children to sleep.

Megan and Nora were watching television when Pippa came into the room.

‘Sorry, I have to go to bed,’ she said, standing at the door. ‘I’m shattered.’

Megan knew that if she wanted to talk to her sister at all, she’d have to follow her, so she went into Pippa’s room, the bedroom they’d shared as children. It hadn’t changed much: it still had the red-and-green flowery curtains, giant amaryllis set amid huge fat leaves, with tiny poppies dotted here and there at random. Instead of two single beds with white-and-red check bedcovers, there was now one double bed with a pure white duvet and a woollen blanket folded across the bottom. The children slept on two fold-up camp beds placed either side of Pippa’s bed.

Pippa took off her shoes and lay down with a sigh of sheer exhaustion.

‘Why are beds so comfortable when you’re tired?’ she asked in a whisper.

Megan lay down next to her. They both stared for a moment at the wallpaper with its honeycomb colour. That too was unchanged since their childhood.

‘You do look wrecked,’ Megan said.

Pippa snorted. ‘No, sis, tell me what you r
eally
think!’

‘I didn’t mean it like that. You simply look worn out.’

Pippa adjusted her pillows. ‘That’s what small children do, they suck the lifeblood out of you.’

Megan turned to face her, astonished.

‘And you love them for it,’ Pippa went on.

Megan lay quietly for a few minutes. She had so much to say to Pippa but she wanted to let them settle back into being together first.

‘Pips, it’s been terrible.’

There was silence from the other side of the bed.

Megan turned to see that Pippa had fallen asleep. She gently pulled her sister’s jeans off, but left her blouse on, and
pulled the duvet up over her. The big talk would have to wait.

Megan woke to great roaring cries from a small child. Toby.

‘What –?’ She pulled a pillow over her head to block the noise out but it went on. ‘Stop, please,’ Megan moaned and then it did.

Thank God –

‘Meggie!’ The door of her bedroom slammed open and Kim’s voice punctured the silence. ‘Mummy’s sick. She won’t get out of bed and I need to do a wee-wee.’

Megan managed to crack her eyelids open enough to look at her watch. Half six.

By the time Megan had dragged herself out of bed, Kim was stamping her feet with irritation.

‘It’s OK,’ Megan said. ‘I’m sure Mummy’s not sick–’

‘She IS!’

Kim stood in front of the toilet, waiting.

Megan sat on the edge of the bath, also waiting.

‘Help me. Pull my jammies down!’ ordered Kim.

Megan pulled. ‘Will I help you get up on to the toilet?’ she began. She’d never done this before.

‘No!’ shouted Kim in outrage. ‘I do it myself.’

‘Fine.’

Megan sat on the bath again. She was still sleepy and all this was exhausting.

It took five minutes to finish the process, by which time Megan was wondering if she could go back to bed again.

But Kim had other ideas. Taking her aunt’s hand, she led her into the spare bedroom. Toby was still fast asleep in his bed, despite all the earlier shrieking, and Pippa lay in the big bed, looking green.

‘I’m sorry,’ she said weakly, not moving. ‘It must be flu. I threw up several times in the night and now I just feel
exhausted. All my joints ache. You’ll have to mind the children, Megan. I just can’t.’

‘Me?’

‘I can’t, Megan, I’m dying.’

‘But I don’t know how to…’ started Megan, wondering if Nora could take the day off work because
she
hadn’t a clue how to take care of two small children. Not for a whole day, anyway.

‘’Course you do, it’s not hard. Please, Megan.’

‘What will I do?’

‘Get them up, give them breakfast.’

‘What will I give them?’

‘Anything. Ask them.’ Pippa groaned and rolled over in the bed. ‘I feel like throwing up again.’

Kim watched from the end of the bed with interest.

It was, Megan realised, up to her.

‘I’ll get you a basin,’ she said.

Once Pippa had the basin, Toby woke up.

He sat up, saw his mother was lying in bed and not paying attention to him, and began to cry again.

‘Don’t be a baby,’ scolded Kim, with the authority of a four-year-old. ‘Meggie’s looking after us.’

‘I love you, Kim,’ said Pippa weakly. ‘Toby, love, Meggie’s going to mind you because Mummy’s sick.’

Toby wailed louder.

Megan stood like a statue, wondering what she should do. She’d never done anything with Toby before. She’d fed Kim a few times when she’d been a baby, but first babies were like royalty: their mothers didn’t want to let them out of their hands. Megan had never had Kim for long before Pippa whisked her away. By the time Toby came along, Megan had given up offering. It saved Pippa having to come up with reasons why she needn’t bother.

Pippa covered her head with the pillow. She must be really ill, Megan decided, going over to Toby’s bed and scooping his protesting little body up.

He roared with greater volume.

‘You’ll have no trouble in the theatre, young man,’ Megan joked, trying to keep it all cheery. ‘They’ll hear you in the cheap seats.’

Toby wasn’t amused by the banter.

From under the pillow, Pippa mumbled: ‘Bring his teddies to the kitchen or he’ll cry.’

‘Which are your teddies?’ Megan asked over Toby’s cries. Then inspiration struck. ‘Can you help, Kim?’

Kim walked to her baby brother’s bed and picked up a blue-and-white striped cat.

‘Cat,’ she said flatly. ‘I have a fairy. Do you want to see it?’

‘I’d love to,’ Megan said. Toby’s wailing was beginning to get to her. ‘Let’s all leave Mummy to sleep, shall we?’

‘OK,’ said Kim, placing a plastic silver tiara on her head, before collecting a fairy in a lurid pink-and-purple outfit. ‘This is Fairy Princess. She’s fableeous.’

‘Oh yes, fableeous,’ Megan agreed.

In the kitchen, Toby was so delighted to see Leonardo and Cici that he stopped crying. Megan took advantage of the fact to pop him in his high chair and put dog biscuits on the floor around it, so the dogs clustered around him and he began to giggle.

‘Let’s get you breakfast,’ she said.

Kim looked at her gravely. ‘Toby’s nappy is smelly,’ she said.

For a second, Megan felt like saying: What do you want me to do about it? But then she realised that she was in charge. She’d never changed a dirty nappy before. Wet ones, yes. Dirty ones, no.

‘Right,’ she said brightly. ‘Where’s the nappy bag?’

Nora came upstairs at lunchtime and smiled at the trio in the small sitting room. Toby was watching a kids’ TV show, and
was covered in the chocolate hazelnut sauce that Megan had found he liked eating with plain biscuits. She was sure that eating quite so much of it was bad for him, but it kept him quiet and that was all that mattered. Kim was in the centre of a giant pile of what looked like Nora’s good printer paper, with a solitary squiggle in crayon on each page. The dogs had been banished to the kitchen, and Megan sat on the ground between the two children, with chocolate sauce on her face, and what looked like dried cereal on her sweatshirt.

There was something so normal about this scene of domesticity, that Nora beamed at them all.

‘You look like you’re having fun,’ she said.

‘Auntie Nora, look, I did you a picture!’ Kim leapt up and brandished one of the sheets of paper.

‘I love it,’ Nora said, turning it around as she tried to work out which way was up.

Megan, who’d just spent one of the most exhausting mornings of her life – children
never
stopped, how did Pippa manage? – got off the floor and threw herself on to the couch.

‘Fun is tiring,’ she said in the children-are-present voice she’d got into the habit of using during the morning. It was a tone of voice that worked.

‘Let’s all try to be as quiet as little mice as crying might wake poor Mummy,’ sounded better in this voice than ‘
Be quiet!’
shouted at high decibels.

‘I knew you’d be able to do it,’ Nora said to her niece. ‘You were always good with smaller children when we were in the square when you were young.’

Megan felt absurdly pleased.

‘How’s Pippa?’ Nora added.

‘I haven’t been up all morning,’ Megan said. ‘If you watch the children, I’ll sneak up now.’

Pippa was awake, said she was no longer throwing up, but still had a slightly green tinge to her.

‘Thank you, Megan,’ she croaked. ‘I couldn’t have got up and taken care of them.’

‘You look a bit better,’ Megan said, then realised she wasn’t actually telling the truth. Pippa looked worse than Megan had seen her for years, and it wasn’t anything to do with her green pallor. Her face was puffy and tired.

Carb face, that’s what it was, Megan realised. She knew about it from a Los Angeles nutritionist who insisted that all Europeans turned up in LA with the bloated faces of carbohydrate eaters. Carbs were evil.

‘You’re all right. You don’t do carbs, do you?’ the nutritionist had said, shooting an all-encompassing gaze over Megan’s face and body.

Megan shook her head. At the time, she was doing pretty appalling nutrition all round. Lots of late nights, cigarettes and bottles of white wine in clubs all over London. It was only some genetic fluke that allowed her to do all that and still look glowing.

‘Watch the alcohol, though,’ the nutritionist had added. There wasn’t much she missed, Megan realised. ‘Sugar piles on the wrinkles.’

‘Are you looking after yourself?’ Megan asked her sister now. ‘You look tired.’

‘Thank you for that vote of confidence,’ said Pippa sardonically.

‘Sorry,’ said Megan. ‘I didn’t mean it that way.’

‘No, I know I look dreadful. It’s been tough since all of this came out.’

Megan bit her lip. ‘I’m sorry,’ she said again. All she was doing these days was apologising. ‘I hoped it hadn’t upset you too much.’

‘It’s not so much me, really. It’s Colin’s parents. They hate all that stuff in the press and we’re dragged into it. They’re very normal people. Sorry.’ It was Pippa’s turn to apologise.

Megan was stunned. ‘They hate me that much! But they
know different, you’ve told them, right? They’ve met me, they like me.’

‘They do,’ protested Pippa. ‘But they don’t see you. I don’t see you. You never come to see the children and, to grandparents, that’s a sign that you’re not interested.’

‘I looked after Kim and Toby all day today!’

Pippa spoke very gently. ‘That’s the first time you’ve ever babysat them, do you realise that? It’s been hard for me, Megan, too. I miss you, but your career has changed you into someone I don’t know, someone I don’t see. I miss the old you.’

Megan felt as if she’d been punched in the stomach. She and Pippa had fought before, but never like this. Yes, they’d had late-night, post-party rows, but this was different.

Pippa was warming to her theme.

‘I live in a small town now and we’re trying to put down roots, have a real family, like
we
never had. Remember what it was like? How we never fit in anywhere? How we used to wish Mum was more like an ordinary mother, then we wouldn’t have had to leave her to be with Nora.’

‘We loved living with Nora –’ Megan protested.

‘Yes, we loved Nora, I
do
love her, but she wasn’t our mother. Mum was hardly an ordinary parent. I want something different for Kim and Toby,’ Pippa said, ‘and it’s like you’ve chosen Mum’s sort of world, that crazy racketing-round-the-world-after-a-man existence.’

Megan could take it no longer.

‘Fine, I get it,’ she snapped. ‘You’re perfect and I’m the awful homewrecker.’

‘I didn’t say
that.
’

‘No, but you meant it.’ Megan didn’t know if she could cope with being so hurt. This was worse than what had happened with Rob Hartnell, worse almost than being on every newspaper as the harlot who’d ruined a good marriage. This was being rejected by the person who’d been there for her all her life.

‘I don’t see you as a homewrecker,’ Pippa insisted. ‘It’s just that you don’t stop to consider other people. Mum’s attitude to life is never to worry about what people think, and it’s not very good training for the real world. In the real world, sometimes you
do
have to care about what people think.’ Pippa paused as if to breathe. ‘That never mattered to her because, if things got too hairy, she just moved on, we all just moved on. Imagine if I did that with Kim and Toby? Imagine, if every time I ruined a relationship, I just picked them up and moved on?’ Pippa shuddered. ‘I could never put them through that.

‘That life affected both of us in different ways, Megan. I decided that I didn’t want that sort of life. And you…’ she paused. ‘You decided that you wanted one thing out of that sort of life: you wanted the protector, the guy Mum was always looking for. The one who was going to look after her and us. Except, he never did look after us, did he?’

‘I’m not looking for a protector,’ said Megan furiously. ‘I’m perfectly able to look after myself.’

‘Yes, you are,’ said Pippa, ‘and you’re very good at it. But the first chance you get with an older man who looked like he could take care of you, you went for him.’

‘It wasn’t like that,’ said Megan, ‘I told you.’

‘Actually,’ said Pippa, ‘you haven’t told me. I worked it out. You’ve spent your whole life being the little girl. Even the way you dress: it’s all cute little girl-child. It’s time to move on.’