Censored by Confucius (28 page)

Hoisted onto the roof in his socks, he scrambled up to retrieve his hat, but when he turned around he saw his boots disappearing down the road with the "helpful" man.

Stranded high on the roof, our bootless man was helpless, and it took ages before the people in the market came to his aid with a ladder. All assumed they had witnessed a harmless prank between friends.

By the time the truth finally emerged, the boots and the man who took them had both disappeared for good.

Stealing a Wall

In the capital there lived a wealthy man who one day decided to purchase some bricks to construct a wall around his home.

He was approached by a stranger, whom we shall call Mr. X, and was told, "One of the prince's residences is currently having its outer wall replaced. Why don't you go and buy the old bricks from him?"

The wealthy man was rather suspicious of this tale and replied, "The prince surely wouldn't be interested in selling his old bricks."

"I was a bit doubtful myself, but let me reassure you," Mr. X said. "I used to serve this prince and I certainly would not lie about such a matter. Why don't you send a servant along with me, and he and I will confirm the sale with the prince himself?

"Since I will have to address the prince in Manchu, your servant won't be able to understand what is said, but he'll know the deal is clinched if the prince nods his head."

The wealthy man thought this was a sensible idea and so he sent a servant, bearing a ruler with which to measure the bricks, to accompany Mr. X. The ruler was the common measure for bricks in those days, and if you bought the bricks secondhand you could often get them for half the original price.

The small party waited outside the courthouse where the prince was in attendance, and when he finally emerged, Mr. X knelt down in front of the prince's horse and spoke in Manchu.

The prince nodded and pointed in the direction of the wall in front of his residence, saying, "You are quite welcome to measure my wall. Please go ahead."

Mr. X then took the ruler, and he and the servant began to measure the wall, both length and breadth. The wall turned out to be 177 feet long. The price was calculated to be a mere 100 cash per foot. The calculations complete, Mr. X and the servant returned and gave the wealthy man the details of the transaction.

This deal made our wealthy man very happy since he was getting his bricks for half the normal price, so he duly paid the requested amount to Mr. X. He waited for an auspicious day to construct the wall, and when that day arrived he sent his servant at the head of a team of men he had charged with the duty of pulling the wall down.

They had just begun their task when they were confronted by the prince's chief guard, who was furious at this vandalism. He immediately had the servant arrested.

When the guard interrogated the prisoner he was told, "This was done with your prince's consent." So the chief guard reported the matter to the prince, seeking confirmation.

The latter laughed when he heard the tale. "This must have something to do with that man who asked if he could measure my wall. He told me he was the servant of a Manchu nobleman who admired the design of my wall and wanted to build an identical one. I thought this was a perfectly reasonable request so I invited him to take as many measurements as he needed. I never once said I wanted to sell my wall!"

The wealthy man begged forgiveness for his blunder and pleaded for the release of his servant.

Both requests were granted, but at the cost of quite a lot of money in fees and bribes.

Mr. X was by this stage far from the district and was never located.

Daylight Ghosts

There was once an extremely skillful thief by the name of Qi. So successful was he at his profession that he had accumulated tremendous wealth.

The problem was, he became increasingly worried that all these local crimes would eventually be traced back to him. So he decided as a precaution to move into a rundown old house next to the local cemetery.

One night he was visited in a dream by several ghosts. They told him, "We'll guarantee your continued prosperity if you make a few offerings to us."

In the dream Qi agreed to provide the ghosts with the requested offerings, but when he awoke he decided it had all been a load of nonsense and promptly forgot his promise.

It wasn't long before the ghosts reappeared to him in another dream. This time they said, "You promised to make the offerings to us within three days. If this promise is not fulfilled we'll come during the night and take away all your ill-gotten gains."

Now Qi was a very obstinate man and the next morning he resolved once again to ignore their requests. Qi soon fell ill and, remembering the ghosts' threat, told his wife to keep a close eye on his loot.

At noon, pieces of his hoard began to move out of the house seemingly of their own accord. Qi tried to get out of bed to halt the flow, but found that his hands and feet were tied. After every single stolen item had departed from the house, Qi's limbs were freed from their bindings and his illness instantly disappeared.

And then Qi saw the light. "Just as I had drugged people during their sleep to carry out my various burglaries, so the ghosts drugged me! Except that they did their burglary during daytime. These must be what people call 'daylight ghosts.'"

From that day forth, Qi was a reformed man who devoted his life to acts of virtue.

About the Translators

Kam Louie
is Chair of Chinese at the University of Queensland. He is the author and editor of several books on Chinese philosophy, literature, and language, including
Inheriting Tradition: Interpretations of the Classical Philosophers in Communist China 1949—1966
(1986) and
Strange Tales From Strange Lands: Stories by Zheng Wanlong
(1993).

Louise Edwards
is lecturer in Asian Studies at Australian Catholic University (Queensland Campus). She is the author of
Men and Women in Qing China: Gender in the Red Chamber Dream
(1994) and
Recreating the Literary Canon
(1995).

Kam Louie and Louise
Edwards have collabor
ated on a number of other projects, includ
ing compiling the
Bibliography of English Translations and C
ritiques of Contempor
ary Chinese Fiction 1945—1992
(1993).