Certainty (27 page)

I heard my parents turn off the TV and say goodnight to James down the hall. Footsteps came down the hall and I closed my eyes. I heard my door open for a moment and then it closed.

The noises in the house subsided and then it was quiet. It’s strange how you can tell when everyone is sleeping; outside my window I could see the neighbor’s house, just as dark as ours. Down the street Ren’s house would be quiet, too. What was he thinking? Had I hurt him?

There was no other choice for me, was there? I couldn’t fall deeper and deeper in love with him when he didn’t know what he felt.

I cried, confused and hurt. The hot tears wet my pillow and I couldn’t sleep. I was sure the night would never end and though it was agony, I knew morning would be  worse. It was hard to be alone when he wasn’t there, but it was worse to be alone when he was right next to me in class.

I had no idea I could hurt this much and still keep breathing. I fell asleep right before the sun came up, exhausted.

CHAPTER THIRTY

Ren

Standing in the shower, I felt drugged. I didn't want to get out of bed this morning. I was sleep-deprived and should stay home, but I didn’t want my parents to know anything was wrong. I made it outside without having to answer any questions and stood  for a moment at the front door, just looking out at the frozen world. I'd been miserable all night long. I'd wanted to text her a hundred times. Without her I felt empty and lost.

Why had I let her know that I wasn't sure what I wanted? What did I want, anyway? I didn't want this. I didn't want to be without her. But if we were together what would I be giving up? I didn't know.

I dropped my skateboard and pushed off. The sky was cloudy and gray. Far ahead I could see MacKenzie walking to school, alone. Her head was down, her blond hair peeking out of a blue knitted hat. The pom-pom on top bobbed as she walked. I wanted to run up to her but I didn't know what to say. The ache inside told me that I loved her but I knew it wasn't enough. She didn't want to be loved for a few weeks until I changed my mind or found someone else. She wanted to be loved, period.

A white truck with a dent on one side drove by her. It parked in the street in front of a Cape Cod a few houses in front of her. A man got out, wearing a hoodie pulled up over his face. A saw the faint outline of a
Yurei
follow him. I was too far away to see much, and I didn't care. Lumberjack, thief, president of the United States, it didn't matter. Although, he did look more like a thief than anything else. He kept looking around as he walked away from his truck. I thought he was going to go up to the house he parked in front of, but he didn't. He walked down the sidewalk, back toward MacKenzie. Puzzled, I tried to figure out where he was going. Why park his car in front of a house and then walk through the neighborhood? There was nothing on the tree lined street but houses.

I pushed my skateboard forward, and focused in on his
Yurei
. Ugly images came to me, of hate, rage, pent-up desires and dark impulses. I didn't hesitate; I scooped my skateboard off the ground and ran. He was getting closer to her now. She must have heard his footsteps because she turned around. She stepped to the side to let him pass, her foot wobbling a little as she stepped on the edge of the sidewalk.

He didn't pass her. He reached out and held on to her arm and leaned in to say something to her. My legs were pumping hard and my heart was racing and panic squeezed my chest. They started walking to the truck.

He had one hand in his coat pocket, and his head was down as he pulled her forward. I jogged up to them, a sick taste  in my mouth. I didn't know what was going on but it didn't feel right. As I approached, the man looked up and pulled MacKenzie to the side so I could pass. 

I slowed down and moved next to her. The man's smile never wavered. He was maybe in his thirties, with a round face and a beard. His face was pocked and scarred, and pasty, like he didn't get out much. Behind his glasses his eyes were small and dark. He glanced up at me but I looked at her.

“Hey Mackenzie,” I said, as casually as possible. Her eyes were watery and wide, her face pale. She was scared out of her mind.

Instead of answering, she looked up at Gudman. His hands were clamped around her arm; there was no pretending that she didn't want to be with him. The three of us stood frozen in place and I could see him thinking. If he managed to take MacKenzie, then I could identify him. I was a problem.

“Hi,” she whispered to me, her voice cracking.

The stranger's
Yurei
stared at me. I stared back. There was nothing but  pain and blackness in him. But what else? I needed information. The adrenaline rushed through me and I pinned the
Yurei
with a stare. I would take every bit of information from him that I could. I could feel his will struggling against mine, but I would not let go. My gift was to see him, and I suddenly knew that I could do more. I could see more than just years into the future. I could see the
Yurei
's past. I could see everything that had happened, including right now. This moment might be the present for me, but for him, it was a memory.

Scenes flashed in my mind. He would point the gun in his pocket at MacKenzie. He would walk us back to truck. A police car with a graphic about D.A.R.E.
on it
s passenger door would drive by. The cop wouldn't see us. We would get in the truck. There wasn't more I wanted to see, though the memories came anyway. The images of MacKenzie's hands wrapped in duct tape and my body dumped in a marsh somewhere down a country road weren't going to help me. The
Yurei
stared back, triumphant. 

I ignored my twisting stomach and the inner instinct that screamed at me to run.

“Timothy Gudman,” I said, turning to face the present Gudman. “I know you. Your mother works on Loockerman Street at the bank. You graduated from Dover High in 2002. You got chickenpox when you were twenty-two. Lot of scars. Right now you have weed in your car, right next to your laptop, which has an impressive collection of porn on its hard
drive. Some of it not legal, b. t. dub.”

He let go of her and stepped away, his face stony. He drew his hand out of his pocket. The gun in his hand made my mouth dry. “I don't know how you know that, but  if you don't want me to kill her, you can start walking to my truck now,” he said.

MacKenzie was crying now. “Please don't. Just let us--”

“Shut up,” he said quietly, his face showing no signs of the rage that I knew seethed in him. He didn't need to yell at us to be terrifying. All of us knew nothing good was going to happen once we got in the truck.

“And I'll take your cell phones.”

MacKenzie fumbled in her jacket and held it out to him. I reached in my back pocket and hand mine over , as well.

He put both phones in his jacket and stuck the gun back in his pocket, but I could see it was still pointed at her. A car drove by, and I walked forward a few more paces, but not too far. The windows in the houses around us peeked back blankly, as if they could see us. We just needed one person to open their door, or look out the window. Someone could call the police and Gudman couldn't do anything about that. But I knew that isn't what happened. Or what would happen. No one would see the next few seconds when we got in the truck and he drove away with us.

I let my skateboard dangle from my fingers, feeling the weight of it swing.

A police car with a D.A.R.E. sticker on the door drove toward us.

Behind me, I heard Gudman say in a low voice, “Just keep walking.”

As the police car drew nearer I waited. The blood raced in my veins and I felt lightheaded. As the police car came close enough for me to see the officer look my way, I swung the skateboard out and released it. The board hit the side of the car with a loud thunk. The police car jerked to a stop. The officer stared at me, his face a mixture of disbelief and confusion.  He was young, with olive skin and dark eyes, his hair buzzed short. 

I heard Gudman's footsteps falter and I turned. He peeled away from MacKenzie, his head down. He moved past me at a casual pace, but I could hear him breathing heavily. His
Yurei
was gone. A wave of relief washed over me. We might be okay. MacKenzie's hand reached out and clutched at my sleeve.

The officer looked at me, MacKenzie and the rapidly retreating Gudman, his eyes shifting over all of us. The emergency lights flashed as he got out of the car, his face impassive. His
Yurei
appeared, the ghost just as lean and fit, though older. He had some gray in his hair, but there was no mistaking the authority he still emanated.

The officer picked up the skateboard with a slow deliberate movement. He looked at me. “Is this yours?”

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you,” I started, swallowing hard. Far from being relieved, now I was worried about going to jail for assaulting a police car. Pointing at Gudman, who continued to walk as if he couldn't hear us, I said, “That man has a gun, he told us to get in his truck.”

“Do you know him?”

“No!” MacKenzie said, her voice thick with tears and anger. I drew her close and she curled her arms against my chest and leaned against me.

The officer looked over at Gudman, who was now twenty feet away, at least. “You saw the gun?” he asked me.

“Yes.”

I held my breath. Would he believe us? We could be just two idiots causing trouble, but MacKenzie's crying was pretty real. She was obviously scared of something. Then I remembered that Gudman had our phones. It had to be strange for him to have our cell phones if he didn't know us. I was pretty sure he would deny he knew us if the policeman asked him.

“He took our cell phones,” I said.

The policeman glanced over at Gudman. “As in, he stole them from you?”

“He had a gun and he said we had to give him our cell phones. He's got them in his jacket.”

“Wait here.” Turning towards Gudman, the officer drew his gun and said in a loud voice, “Stop where you are and put up your hands!”

Gudman reached his truck, his hand on the door handle. Gudman turned to the officer, but he kept his hand on the  door as he looked back at the officer with an bewildered, innocent look.

“NOW!' the officer said, his gun pointed at Gudman's chest. I grabbed  MacKenzie's hand and pulled her to a towering oak tree, pushing her behind it. She pulled me farther back, so I was behind it as well. Some part of my brain registered that she was trying to protect me.

Gudman still hesitated, his hand on the door.

        “Step away from the vehicle!” Officer Todd said, his voice loud and hard.

“What did I do, sir?”

“Put your hands on the hood of your vehicle,” Officer Todd said.

Continuing his innocent act, Gudman complied.

The officer used one hand to call for help as he kept as eye on Gudman. It seemed like forever until another police car arrived, but it was only a few minutes. MacKenzie didn't talk as we waited, though she let me keep an arm around her. When the second car arrived neighbors started peeking out their windows.

Three police officers surrounded Gudman, talking to him. They searched him and found the gun and our cell phones. An officer walked back and asked us to identify our phones. MacKenzie's had a dangling charm on it with her initial, so that was easy. We did, and the officer apologized, saying he would need to keep them as evidence.

Gudman looked back us, his anger unmasked now. It didn't matter. He would probably be locked up for a while until they charged him or whatever happened when you got arrested. MacKenzie was going to be safe now.

The terror in my chest would not go away, though.  I pulled her close and couldn't hold her tight enough. She put her forehead against my chest .  I thought I knew her future and mine, but I didn't. What or who we would become were as fragile as the choices we made.

Gudman was never in her future until this morning. He almost took something beautiful and destroyed it. I tried not to think about what I'd seen from his
Yurei
. Thankfully the images didn't come back to me, but the sick horror stayed.

I put my head down to hers and started crying. She reached up and put her arms around my neck. A cold wind blew as we swayed together. I realized I knew what future I wanted. I wanted her with me. I wanted that look on her face when she  recognized me in a crowd, the way I could make her light up. It melted me. She didn't know it, but I'd do anything for her.

Taking a deep breath, I whispered to her, “I'm so sorry.”

She reached up and curled a finger around my necklace. Her hand was like ice as she rested against my neck. “I'm glad you were here.”

I put my hands around her face and kissed her. “Can we talk later?” I asked.

For some reason that made her cry, and she just nodded.

“Hey, it's going to be okay, I promise.”

She didn't answer, turning her face up for another kiss. I kissed her again, this time lingering. I didn't care who was watching or what they thought.