Chain Reaction (35 page)

The parents of David and Todd would carry an unnatural burden of pain for the rest of their lives – outliving one of your children furrows deep rows of unending sorrow. And Fred Garcia’s children would grow up without a father. She vowed to remember those kids every year at Christmas – a small gesture, but she remembered how the tiniest gestures had meant so much to her after her parents died.

Charlotte Van Dyke lost a child, too, albeit in a very different way. Jimmy would still be alive but he’d be behind bars for a long time to come. Charlotte would suffer a sense of loss that at times would swamp her heart. And what of Tamara? How would she cope with the guilt of what she did that weekend? She had no way of knowing that her action would lead to a fatal conclusion, but still …

By the time they reached the Spencer home, plans had changed. Evan had suggested that the children might have an easier transition if they stayed with him until the end of the school year. Livie and Zach agreed. The farewell party had evolved into a celebration of justice and the best interests of the children. The kids ran between rooms, drinking soda and stuffing themselves with snacks, and the five adults sat out on the deck, sipping wine and getting to know one another. Jake and Lucinda left feeling very good about the people who would take over responsibility for Amber and Andy once school was out for the year.

On the ride home, Jake said, ‘All six of those kids are great but, for me, they were a persuasive argument for birth control.’

‘Are you saying if you got married, you wouldn’t want children?’

‘I don’t think I do, Lucy. What about you?’

‘Leaving my job would be like cutting off an important part of my anatomy. Not leaving my job wouldn’t make me a very good mother – running out in the middle of the night, sometimes gone for forty-eight hours at a stretch. I’d have to marry a good candidate for Mr Mom – but, honestly, I’ve never met a man like that. I meet victims who are in a state of shock, criminals who belong in prison and law enforcement types like you. Not much hope there.’

‘So, you want children – you just haven’t found the right guy? Is that why you’ve avoided answering me when I’ve suggested marriage?’ Jake asked.

‘There was a time when I really wanted kids badly. That’s how I felt the first time I married – but that was a bust. When that happened, I wasn’t able to think about allowing a man into my life again – I didn’t want to take the risk. Instead, I focused on my career and built it – through ups and downs, joy and despair – until it became such an integral of my personality that I can’t imagine me without it. Now, it’s a bit late for me to start a family under any circumstances. But you’re younger. With the right woman, you could have your career and a family. You can have it all – just not with me.’

‘It’s not what I want, Lucy. I am not interested in raising children – that’s where the risk lies, in my opinion. There is no risk worth considering in a relationship with the woman I love. And whether you’re comfortable with it or not, you’re it. I’m not going to go away. If you push me away, it won’t change anything in my mind or in my heart. Simply put, I belong to you.’

‘You poor thing. I’ve never been good at taking care of my belongings.’

‘I’m serious, Lucy. I want to marry you.’

‘We’ve only been living together for six months, Jake. By the time a year is up, you could tire of me.’

‘So, are you saying that after we’ve lived together for a year, you’ll marry me?’

Lucinda winced. ‘I can’t say that, Jake.’

‘What can you say?’

‘I love you. How’s that work for ya?’

‘I like that, Lucy, I like that a lot – but it’s a very evasive answer. What can I expect six months from now? What can I expect then?’

‘What can any of us expect six months from now? People always make the mistake of thinking they know someone well only to realize they’ve developed a relationship with a monster. This case and Amber’s situation and all the other shattered lives I have encountered have taught me a lot about human motivations and I can’t say I like what I’ve learned. With the experiences I’ve had and the knowledge I’ve gained, how can I pretend to believe two people can live happily ever after till death tears them apart?’

‘Stop the car, Lucy, please.’

Lucinda pulled over into the parking lot of a closed furniture store.

‘Look at me.’

She turned in his direction and he took both of her hands in his. ‘You’ve always believed that the biggest risk in an investigation was not taking any risks. You should give yourself – give us – the same opportunity. No, it won’t come with a guarantee but it does come with a promise. I know you won’t turn into a manipulating fiend like Brittany Schaffer. And I trust that you know I won’t become a child-molesting creep like Amber’s mother’s boyfriend. There’s no good reason for you not to give us a chance – nothing but a weakness buried deep in your heart. I’ve never thought of you as a coward, so please don’t act like one. What will you be willing to tell me in six months?’

Lucinda chewed on her lower lip and darted glances at Jake. ‘I can say this, Jake. For the next six months, I will think about it a lot – instead of avoiding it as I have been doing. And when the time is up, if you are still interested, I will seriously consider your proposal and try to give you an answer.’

‘Thank you, Lucy. It’s not exactly what I wanted but, for now, it’s enough.’