Chance Encounters (19 page)

Caroline wiped the tears from her face, scared to death to admit the whole truth to him. “What do you want to know?”

“How many times have you seen him?” Clay shouted.

“I had lunch with him once after the flight, but that’s it,” she said, her voice shaking.

“Did you kiss him?” Clay asked coldly.

Caroline suddenly felt like she was on trial. “No.”

“How often do the two of you talk?”

She thought back at the past year. “Um, at first we talked a lot.”

Clay interrupted. “Every day?”

Caroline nodded. “Pretty much.”

“Go on,” Clay insisted. “Did you talk on the phone, Facebook, email, what?”

Caroline wanted this to stop, but Clay deserved answers, no matter how hard they were for her to admit. Her bottom lip quivered. “We talked on the phone sometimes. We sent texts mostly.”

“When?” Clay asked impatiently.

“When what?”

“When did you talk on the phone? At work? Here?” His tone filled with disgust.

“Um…” Caroline stumbled and focused on her trembling hands. “Here, mostly.”

“Where was I?” He glared.

“You were at work, Clay. You’re always at work,” she commented.

Clay gave a quick laugh. “Oh. So this is my fault, right? Because I was never around? Always at work?”

“No! That’s just when we talked. You were at work and I was here.”

Clay’s guilt got the better of him momentarily and his voice softened. “Did this happen because I was never home?”

Caroline recoiled. “No. Clay…this was never about you being home, or not being home. It wouldn’t have mattered if you were here every second of every day.”

“Then why did it happen? It doesn’t make sense. Nothing makes sense.” Clay buried his face into his hands.

“I don’t know. I thought I was perfectly happy,” she admitted.

“But obviously you weren’t. Whether you realize it or not, something was missing for you,” Clay pointed out.

“I don’t know if I believe that. I don’t know what I believe any more.” She struggled to push her overwhelming guilt aside and take the blame.

Clay replayed her words in his mind. His voice raged. “So then, what happened? You said
at first
you talked a lot…then what?”

The rollercoaster of his emotions made Caroline cringe. She looked at Clay and tried to smile. “We got engaged.”

He shrugged. “And…you suddenly grew a conscience and stopped talking to him?”

“No.” The pounding of her heart hammered in her ears. “He stopped talking to me.”

“Aw, what a stand-up guy.” Clay applauded mockingly.

“Stop. Please. I’ve hurt so many people, I can’t take it any more.” Her insides felt like they had shattered into irreparable fragments.

He eyeballed her, his lips pressed tightly together. “I just have one more question Caroline and then I’ll stop,” he promised.

“Okay.” A sigh escaped from her lips.

“See, if I’ve got this all right…you got a phone call.” Clay counted on his fingers. “And you left me alone at our engagement party without saying a word…you flew across the country to be with some guy you barely know…and now you’re breaking off our engagement and moving out.”

Caroline tried to catch her breath when the sobs choked at her throat. She closed her eyes tightly and fought to control her emotions.

Clay continued, his voice void of any emotion. “So I can only come to one conclusion.” Caroline peered nervously at him, her face streaked with tears. “You must love him.” He scowled and she hated herself in that moment for what she’d done to him. “So do you? Do you love this guy?”

Tears continued to pour out as she kept quiet, unsure of what to say.

“Answer me, Caroline!” he demanded. “You owe me at least that much.”

“I don’t know,” she lied.

“At least give me enough respect to tell me to my face.” His fist slammed against the table and Caroline jumped.

She answered through short, rapid breaths. “You’re right. I’m sorry. Yes.” She tried to steady her breathing. “Yes, I love him.”

“Get out.”

“But…” Her face twisted in agony as her eyes pleaded with Clay to understand.

His chest heaved under his shirt. “Get out. Get your stuff another time. I need you to leave. Now.” He glared at her, hatred filled his watery eyes.

Caroline rose from the table, grabbed her purse, and ran out the door. She flung herself into the black iron railing and peered down at the ground, three stories below. She panted as tears fell from her face. She followed the marble stairs down one floor before she crumbled to the ground, desperate to release the pain. If there was ever a day she felt worse in her life, she wasn’t sure she could pinpoint it.

Of course getting the news about Jackson had forced her to experience agony on a level she never knew existed. Every single breath physically hurt to breathe. Jackson’s accident filled her with regret, sorrow, and worry. She was terrified that Jackson might die and that fear overwhelmed her constantly. It was the kind of pain that made her whole world violently crash in around her.

She explained it to Bailey once.
“It’s like looking into a full-length mirror and seeing nothing but pure beauty in the reflection
…
and then watching helplessly as it shatters into a thousand pieces before your eyes, knowing that you can do nothing to keep it from breaking
…”

But this was different.

The pain and heartbreak that currently ensued with Clay was completely within her control. She was solely responsible. No matter how right the decision was for her, nothing could ease the torment of hurting another.

And it wasn’t like she didn’t love Clay. She did. He was everything she had ever wanted in life, until Jackson came along and screwed it all up. Now she broke off her engagement and ended the chapter she assumed was going to be her whole book. It hurt to walk away from a relationship that wasn’t flawed, imperfect, or unhealthy. It hurt to leave something so comfortable.

Once her heart felt steady, she started down the rest of the stairs and fumbled through her purse for her phone. She dialed Bailey’s number at work.

“Packed already?” Bailey asked without even saying
hello
.

“No. Clay was waiting for me. I told him about Jackson.”

“You did WHAT?” Bailey yelled.

“He asked! I couldn’t lie.”

“So what happened?” Bailey whispered loudly.

“I’ve never seen him so mad,” Caroline confessed as she tried unsuccessfully to block the image from her memory.

“Really? That’s kinda hot.”

“Bays.”

“Sorry, it’s just I didn’t think the guy had it in him. He’s always so composed all the time.”

Caroline let out an annoyed breath. “Great. Can we discuss your appreciation for Clay’s anger later?”

“Definitely. So wait, did you get your stuff or not?”

“That’s why I’m calling. He kicked me out before I could get anything,” Caroline answered, clearly flustered.

Bailey stifled a laugh. “Shut UP! That guy’s full of surprises!”

“BAILEY!” Caroline screamed into the phone.

“Calm down,” Bailey hissed. “I’ll go over there after work and get your stuff. He won’t even think about pulling any of that crap with me.”

“Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Bailey went to hang up and then remembered. “Hey, any news on Jackson?”

“I haven’t heard anything,” sighed Caroline.

“No news is good news, right?”

“Sure.” Caroline hung up before Bailey could ask her any more questions. She wandered bleary-eyed up and down a few streets before she realized she had no idea where she was.

Chapter Eighteen

Eight weeks had passed since Caroline had last seen Jackson. Alex had called two days earlier to let her know that the swelling in his brain had subsided and the doctors were going to try to bring him out of the coma. There was little that he could guarantee, but he promised to let her know when Jackson opened his eyes.

“Are you gonna go out there or what?” Bailey asked.

“I can’t. I felt so out of place when I was there before. His best friend hates me, he has another girlfriend, and his parents didn’t even know who I was.”

“So what?” Bailey snapped.

“What if he doesn’t want me? I left him that letter. If I’m what he wants, then I know he’ll call. But if he doesn’t, then I have my answer.”

“You infuriate me, you know?” Bailey’s comment made Caroline chuckle. “I’m serious,” Bailey continued. “Leaving your future in the hands of a letter? A letter you handed to another
girl
, Caroline Weber! If that was me, I’d have thrown that letter in the trash the second you walked out the door. Pshhh…letter, my ass.”

Caroline paused. “She wouldn’t do that.”

Bailey groaned. “How do you know? You don’t even know that girl. She doesn’t owe you anything.”

“Don’t worry. Alex knows about the letter too.”

“Well, thank God! You could have told me that in the first place,” Bailey chastised.

“I’m heading home. You coming?”

“Not yet. I still have to finish some stuff first. I’ll see you there.” Bailey sat in her cubicle and typed furiously.

Caroline headed toward the local deli to grab a sandwich before they closed. She squinted as she saw a couple headed toward her. Was that Clay? Her feet stopped. She was certain it was him. Walking with another girl? Was that his girlfriend? Had he moved on already?

Caroline chastised herself. It wasn’t any of her business. She had given up all rights to know about Clay’s personal life when she decided not to be a part of it. She continued walking, each step bringing her closer to him. Clay’s pace slowed to a stop and Caroline did the same.

“Hi, Care,” Clay’s voice wavered. “Uh, this is Gina. We work together.”

Caroline reached out and shook the pretty girl’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Gina.”

“It’s nice to meet you, too.” Gina smiled and turned to face Clay, “I’ll give you some time alone.” She squeezed Clay’s shoulder before walking toward a corner store.

Caroline did her best to play the uncaring, totally-over-it ex-girlfriend—um, ex-fiancée—but this was harder than she ever would have thought. Her chest felt tight as jealousy filled her every pore. She knew that logically she didn’t want Clay back, but the truth was that she didn’t want to see him with anyone else either. She felt irrational and immature.

“It’s good to see you,” Clay said.

Caroline swallowed hard. “You too. Gina seems nice and she’s really pretty.” Caroline forced a smile.

“She is nice. We’re just friends, though.” Clay insisted as he looked in Gina’s direction. “She’s just really been there for me, you know?”

“That’s great…” Caroline fought to hold back her jealousy, “that you have someone to talk to about everything.”

Clay cringed and then asked, “So, how’s Jackson? Any change in his condition?”

Caroline’s eyes widened with surprise. “No. They aren’t sure he’ll wake up. And if he does, there’s no guarantee that he’ll be the same.” She fought to hold back the tears that formed.

He reached out his hand and put it on her shoulder. “I’m sure he will. He’ll be okay.”

Caroline knew Clay didn’t have to say that. He didn’t have to ask about Jackson. Hell, he didn’t even have to stop and talk to her at all.

“Thanks,” she said, as she looked down at the ground. “I’m really sorry about everything, Clay. Truly I am. I never meant to hurt you.” Her eyes met his.

Clay nodded. “I know. I’ve done a lot of thinking these past couple of months. You know, I never should have proposed to you that night anyway.”

“What do you mean?” she asked, her eyes wide with surprise.

“I just mean…” He arched his eyebrows while he thought for a moment. “I did it for all the wrong reasons. I mean, I knew something was
off
between us. And instead of trying to figure out what it was, I just tried to fix it.”