Changing Everything (5 page)

Chapter Five

September 7, 2013

Eli

I
T FELT LIKE
I was in a daze, like none of this could possibly be real—but somehow it was. I sat in the waiting room with my parents and younger sister Candice as I waited for the time when I could go into Rachel’s room again. Candice clutched at my arm as her body shook steadily, even through her sleep, and my mom cried quietly against my dad’s shoulder as they whispered back and forth to each other.

Rachel and Candice were three and a half years younger than me, and both were living in Austin attending the University of Texas there. While only Candice was blood, I’d never considered Rachel anything other than my sister. I’d just been with them a little over two months ago when I’d had a business trip here . . . and now Rachel was hooked up to a bunch of machines in a hospital room because of a stalker. The same man had apparently had people following all the members of my family, and had been behind my dad’s car blowing up.

Rachel was alive and would live a normal life, and she was whole, but she in no way would be okay. Not only had she been stalked and tortured by a psychopath, she’d also found out while being rescued that her fiancé was an undercover cop. I couldn’t imagine that conversation was going over well between them in her room, and I hated knowing that my sister was completely broken.

Removing Candice from my arm, I stood and walked to the other side of the waiting room to get away from them as I tried not to break down. Running my hands down my face, I let out a shuddering breath and tried to make sense of all this, but there was no way to. It still didn’t feel real. I just had to be thankful they’d been trying to send a message with my dad, and not trying to kill him; and thankful for Rachel’s fiancé, Kash. If it weren’t for him and the other detectives, they wouldn’t have found her in time.

My throat tightened at the thought of losing my sister, and like I had so many times over the past twenty-four hours, all I could think was that I needed Paisley there with me.

Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I walked out of the waiting room and down a little vacant hall. After going through the contacts, I stared at Paisley’s name for a long time—just like I’d done yesterday—before finally pressing down on it.

It rang and rang until her voice mail picked up, and my head fell back to the wall when her voice filled the phone. I rubbed at the ache in my chest as I wished once again for all of this to be some fucked-up nightmare.

“Hey, Pay, happy birthday,” I choked out, and cleared my throat. “I wish I could get a box of cupcakes and split them in half with you, but I’m in Texas. Some bad stuff happened to Rachel—and well . . . I’m just in Texas. So go get some cupcakes and eat the tops for me, sound good?”

I ground my jaw as I tried to figure out how to end it.
I miss you? This is killing me? I’m sorry for not being the guy need?

Instead, I just stuttered, “Okay, yeah . . . see—uh . . . see you.”

Walking back into the waiting room, I saw Kash was out of Rachel’s room and sitting next to his work partner, and went over to introduce myself. I didn’t like that my sister had gotten engaged without me ever meeting the guy, and I really didn’t like that he’d been keeping the fact that he was an undercover cop from her, but I knew for Rachel’s sake I needed to try to be nice. I cleared my throat when I stepped up to him, and when he looked up at me, I had to clear it again to make sure I’d be okay to speak after the message I’d just left.

“Eli Jenkins,” I said as I offered my hand. “Thank you for saving her. She’s always been like a sister.” Kash didn’t respond. “You’re her fiancé, right?”

Pain covered his face, but he still didn’t respond.

Dropping my hand, I took a step back. “I’m sure it’s been a long day for you. We can talk later. I just wanted to say thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me. I would do anything for her.” He licked his lips and his eyes darted to her door. “Watch out for her, okay?”

For some reason, I knew he didn’t mean right now. And while I didn’t know what had just happened in that room, I knew it hadn’t been good. Nodding, I walked quickly into Rachel’s room to see her straining to keep her cries silent.

“Are you hurting?” I asked as I went to the chair near her bed.

She nodded before shaking her head. “I don’t need pain medicine . . . I need the other half of my soul back.”

I shakily sat in the chair and grabbed her hand. She tightened both hands around mine as I sat there staring at nothing.

My soul.

The ache in my chest and body somehow grew, and I knew—I knew then what I’d lost.

I hadn’t just lost my wingman and best friend . . . I’d lost the only girl who could touch my soul.

September 7, 2013

Paisley

R
ELAXING INTO
B
RETT’S
side as we walked out of the theater, I smiled up at him as he talked about the movie we’d just seen. I could listen to him talk all day about anything. His green eyes and full lips were always extremely expressive—the British accent was just the cherry on top.

He’d moved to the United States to go to college, and had never left—now staying here on a worker’s visa. Not even a foot taller than me, with lean muscles compared to Eli’s bulky build, and a little bit of a hipster edge to the way he dressed—he was Eli’s complete opposite. And I thanked God that not one thing about Brett reminded me of him.

“So . . .”

I raised an eyebrow and giggled against his lips when he stole a kiss. “So?”

“What next, birthday girl?”

“Oh, so you didn’t have this whole day planned?” I teased.

“I did.” I made a face and rolled my eyes. “I do!” he reiterated on a laugh. “But if there was something
you
wanted to do first, then I want to make that happen. My plans for you can wait.”

“Really?” I skipped a step in front of him and turned so I was in his arms and walking backward. “And what do your plans include?”

“Your apartment.”

“Mine?”

He nodded. “And us.”

“Generally a good thing not to be alone on my birthday.”

Brett smiled and pressed his lips softly against mine. “And something else I can’t tell you about yet.”

“Seriously?” I asked when I pulled away.

“Yes, seriously. I can’t give away all my secrets yet.”

I narrowed my eyes and he did the same. “Fine! Fine, take me to my apartment. I want to see what you have planned for us, and there’s really nothing else I want to do today.”

He smiled and turned to pull me toward the parking lot.

The entire way back I tried to guess what it was, or what we might be doing. Some of my guesses earned me an eye roll, others loud laughs, and the rest heated stares that seemed to change the air between us in his car. But apparently, I was still way off.

“Yes, Paisley, clothes are staying on,” he repeated again as I pushed my key into the lock. “But keep bringing some of that up, and I’ll have to reconsider.”

I sent him a teasing grin as I opened the door. I’d known whatever he wanted to do here had nothing to do with our clothes since we’d both talked about
trying
to go slow with our relationship. But the way his green eyes darkened when I’d mention it was quickly becoming one of my favorite things, and it was hard not to keep bringing it up to see that reaction out of him.

“Happy birthday!”

I screamed and jumped back into Brett’s arms when the shouts from my friends nearly gave me a heart attack—and almost made me pee myself if I’m being honest.

He wrapped an arm around my waist and pushed me forward when I hadn’t moved. Bending down so his lips were next to my ear, he whispered, “Happy birthday, Paisley.”

Goose bumps covered my arms from the way his low voice curled around my name, and I looked up to kiss his jaw before stepping away into the waiting arms of my friends.

I was hugged, kissed on the cheek, and picked up dozens of times. But my eyes had never stopped moving—had never stopped looking for a tall guy built like a god, with short blond hair and perfect blue eyes. Even as I looked for him, I somehow knew he wouldn’t be there, though. Not just because we hadn’t talked in over a week, but I was sure my body would know when he was close again.

Looking over to Kristen and Jason in silent question as Brett pulled me into his arms again, both shook their heads faintly, and I nodded mine in acknowledgment.

“Surprise?” Brett offered.

I pushed on his stomach before wrapping my arms around his waist. “I guessed this.”

“Well, of course you did. But it’s not like I could just tell you. That would have ruined the best reaction I’ve ever seen.”

“Oh God, I don’t even want to know what I looked like.”

“Adorable.”

“Charmer?”

His lips tilted up in the most perfect crooked smile. “Absolutely.”

“Thank you for this.”

He jerked his head toward my living room. “Come on, let’s enjoy your day, shall we?”

“H
E HASN
’T EVEN
called you?” Kristen asked hours later. “It’s your birthday. I just don’t see him being like this,” she mumbled mostly to herself.

Everyone except Brett, Kristen, and Jason had just left; and before I could question them about the obvious missing guest once Brett was in the bathroom, Jason brought him up.

I sighed as I grabbed a cupcake out of the container and started tearing off the top. “Oh well.”

“Has he said anything to you, babe?” Kristen asked.

Jason shrugged. “He’s been quiet. Not talking to anyone really. His door is usually shut, but he didn’t show up again yesterday. I tried calling him early this morning about your party—it went straight to voice mail.”

An uneasy feeling unfurled in my stomach, and apparently Kristen’s too. “Should we be worried about him?” she asked as she tried to conceal her fear.

“I don’t think so, he’s just trying to figure some things out, and doesn’t know exactly how to react to all this yet. Like I said last weekend, he just needs time.”

I frowned at Jason’s words, how much time did he need? I understood things changing, but not calling me for my birthday? Not showing up? It was so unlike Eli.

“What are you doing?” Brett asked on a laugh.

I jumped at the sound of his voice suddenly behind me, and quickly forced my body to relax. “What do you mean?”

He pointed at the cupcake bottom sitting, forgotten about, on the island countertop, so I showed him the frosted part.

“I only eat the tops of cupcakes.”

“Really? So the rest of the cake just gets left behind?”

My eyes widened and my breathing hitched. “Uh . . .”

He grabbed the cake sitting on the counter and popped a piece in his mouth. “I feel bad for the poor cake.”

I slowly looked up to Kristen and Jason; both were staring at the rest of the cupcake like they didn’t know what to say. And when Kristen looked up at me, that same look of pity she’d had for the last week was there.

It was ridiculous that I wanted to say that was Eli’s part, that Brett couldn’t eat it. Because Eli wasn’t here, he’d made the decision not to be. I needed to accept that and move on.

Chapter Six

September 14, 2013

Paisley

J
OGGING
QUICKLY TO
my front door a week later, I looked through the peephole, and a smile crossed my face as I opened the door.

“Good morning!”

Brett leaned forward to kiss my cheek as he stepped around me. “Hello, beautiful.”

“Ha . . . I’m not so sure about that. I just woke up and I’m all gross.”

Setting the two cups of coffee on the kitchen bar, he turned and pulled me close for a slower kiss. His tongue slid over mine in the most perfect, teasing way. “I’m not sure I agree with that,” he countered.

“What’s this?”

“That.” He pulled back and made a face, like he wasn’t sure how I’d respond. “You told me yesterday that you’d run of out coffee, and I figured you didn’t go to the store after work . . . so I decided to bring you some. It was my excuse to come see you.”

My smile widened, and I grabbed the cups before walking over to the couch, leaving the cups on the coffee table. “So you need an excuse to come see me now?”

“At eight
A.M.
on a Saturday? I figured I might.” He grinned wryly and captured my lips again.

“Definitely don’t need one,” I assured him, and he laughed huskily.

He moved to kiss a slow line up my throat toward my mouth, and though I knew I should be embarrassed about the way my chest was moving roughly up and down, I couldn’t think past the way his lips were making me feel to begin to. I moaned when he nipped on my bottom lip, and turned to bring one of my knees over his legs so I was sitting on his lap. His hands gripped at my back under my shirt as he claimed my mouth, and I rocked my hips against his hardening length, whimpering from the friction of his jeans against my sleep shorts.

“Paisley,” he growled when I rocked against him again, but I didn’t know if it was in warning, or begging me to continue.

I didn’t stop.

We hadn’t even gone this far yet, and something was telling me I wasn’t ready to sleep with him—but his lips drifting over and down my neck so he could kiss and bite on my collarbone, his large hands warming my skin wherever they touched, and his soft noises deep in his chest whenever I would move against him had me sitting up on my knees when his hands moved to the hem of my shorts.

There was a knock on my door that neither of us seemed to fully be aware of as my head tilted back and Brett’s lips moved down my chest and fingers trailed the outside of my underwear.

The knocking got louder and my body jerked when the bell rang too.

Brett was breathing roughly and his dark green eyes were focused on my door before he looked up at me. “You expecting more company at eight on a Saturday morning?”

I shook my head and glanced behind me at the door where the hard knocking was still happening. “No.”

“Do you want me to get it?” He no longer sounded curious; his voice was laced with alarm.

“No, it’s fine.” Scrambling off his lap, I worked at calming my racing heart as I walked quietly over to the door.

“Paisley,” Brett warned, and suddenly he was off the couch and behind me.

When I looked through the peephole, my breath caught and I stumbled back a step into his arms.

“Christ, who is it?” He kept one arm around me, pulling me back as he stepped forward to look through the hole. His head jerked back when the knocking got louder, and I didn’t blame him. If you didn’t know Eli, he was terrifying to look at, and it sounded like he was a few knocks away from breaking down my door. “Do we need to call the cops or something?”

“No. He’s my—well, he’s my best friend.”

Brett’s eyebrows drew together, and he pointed at the door. “Is this Eli?”

I nodded at the same time Eli’s rough voice came from the other side. “Paisley, please. I know you’re here, I need to talk to you.”

Brett looked confused, but didn’t say anything else. He knew about my best friend, but he had no idea about the conversation I’d had with him two weeks ago. He had no idea I’d been in love with him for a dozen years.

He also had no idea we’d had a falling out. Because if Eli were still my best friend, he wouldn’t be sitting there pounding on my door. He would’ve used his key and walked right in.

“I’ll, uh, give you a moment?”

I nodded and watched Brett walk over to the coffee table to grab his cup before moving toward the kitchen. With a deep breath in, I unlocked and opened the door.

“Paisley,” Eli breathed, and everything in me ached. I instantly wanted to cry all over again just looking at him. “God, Pay, I’m so sorry.”

“It has been two weeks,” I gritted out.

Eli seemed to hunch in on himself, and his face showed an exhaustion I couldn’t begin to imagine. “I know, and I’m sorry. I just got back from Texas last night after being there for a week, and I couldn’t let myself call you once I realized everything. Because I knew the second I heard your voice I would say it all, and you need to hear this in person.”

He started to walk inside, so I moved around the door and mostly shut it behind me so I was blocking his way. Eli’s brows drew together, and I just shook my head. “It’s really not a good time right now.”

It took a few seconds before understanding crossed his features. “He’s here? Did he stay the night?” His chest’s movements got more exaggerated, and his blue eyes narrowed.

Eli was about to explode.

“I think you should go.”

“Did. He. Stay.”

“You don’t have the right to know that anymore, Eli. You made this decision. You decided there wouldn’t be anything between us, and then you threw our friendship away.”

His face softened and he stepped closer. “I never wanted to throw our friendship away, Pay. You’re my best friend; you always will be. The thought of losing you kills me. I haven’t talked to you because I thought you wouldn’t want to hear from me after that, and I didn’t even know what to say to you. I felt like the biggest kind of asshole and I didn’t know how to face you after what I’d put you through for years. But, Paisley, I don’t regret any of that nearly as much as I regret not realizing I was in love with you long before now.”

My lips parted on a nearly inaudible gasp, and the ache inside me grew at hearing Eli say those words. Words I had been craving from him for twelve years.

His large hands cupped my cheeks and tilted my head back to look at him. “I love you, Paisley Morro. I’m
in
love with you. I can’t lose you.”

I’d wanted this, waited for this, and dreamt about this day for years. But after talking with Jason and Kristen . . . after two weeks of nothing from him . . . I couldn’t tell if the passion and honesty in his voice was sincere, or something my mind was making up. As much as it killed me, I shook my head and stepped away from his grasp.

“You’re just saying that because you want your wingman back, Eli. I can’t be her anymore. I’m sorry.”

“Paisley—”

“Please, go home.” Stepping into my apartment, I shut and locked the door, and stood there for long seconds as I tried to compose myself. When I turned around, Brett was standing a few feet away watching me, and I knew from his expression that he’d heard every word. “I guess I should explain that,” I whispered.

With a sad smile, he nodded and turned to follow me to the couch, then sat stiffly as he waited for the story.

September 20, 2013

Eli

I
LOOKED UP
when a sandwich was dropped on my desk, and shot Jason a glare before I went back to working.

“You’re welcome for feeding you.”

“Thanks,” I mumbled.

“You look like shit.”

“Appreciate it.”

“I knew this was going to happen,” he continued, and I sat back in my desk chair and sighed.

“So you’re coming in here to throw it in my face now? That’s what this is?” I held my hands out and shrugged. “Go for it. Say, ‘I told you so.’ Tell me how you tried to warn me that I was going to lose my best friend.”

He raised an eyebrow at me and unwrapped his sandwich. “Looks like you’re telling yourself that enough for me. So I’ll just sit here and eat.”

“Nice,” I sneered.

“Everyone’s going to O’Malley’s tonight, are you going to show?”

I rubbed at my aching temples and closed my eyes. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“Because you’ve been hiding ever since she told you how she felt. You’ve been gone from everything we normally do the last couple weeks—I don’t know
why
I would
possibly
think you wouldn’t show.”

“I was gone for a week dealing with shit you wouldn’t understand. And before that, my best friend had blown my world and I felt like shit for everything I’d ever done to her. I didn’t know how to be around her then.”

“And now?”

My eyes lifted to meet his and I swallowed roughly. “And now she’s moving on with her life, and I’m too late.”

Jason was quiet for a long time after that as he ate his sandwich. I still hadn’t touched mine by the time he asked, “What made you finally realize you were in love with her?”

I didn’t know if Paisley had told Kristen and Jason, or if he just guessed it by the way I’d been acting this whole week, but I wasn’t surprised by his question. “Last week I almost lost one of my sisters and my dad, both within twenty-four hours. I hated that with all that bullshit going on I felt like I couldn’t even call Paisley to tell her what was happening. I hated that I’d already lost her. And it hurt—it hurt so much more than I could’ve ever imagined it would. Then my sister said something in reference to her fiancé, and it all just clicked. You remember how you told me I would be losing my best friend, not just my wingman?”

Jason nodded as he stared at me intently.

“My sister Rachel said something about the other half of her soul. And I knew it right then. The pain, feeling like nothing would be right again, all of it. I just thought to myself that I’d lost the girl who could touch my soul. I knew I was in love with her, and couldn’t think of a time when I wasn’t in love with her.”

“Then tell her!”

I eyed him uncertainly. “Has she not talked to Kristen this week? I went over there on Saturday. Told her how I felt . . . she thought I was just saying it to get my wingman back. That guy was there; she wouldn’t even let me in. Talked to me outside and then ran back in without letting me defend what I’d told her.”

Jason nodded like he wasn’t even realizing he was doing the movement. “Brett was there?”

“Yeah. I tried to walk in and she closed the door a bit, but she was still standing in the doorway so I could see in. I don’t know how long he was there, but when Pay told me to go and was shutting the door, I looked up and he was a few feet behind her glaring at me.”

Jason was quiet for a minute, but it was obvious he was trying to figure out if he should say what he was thinking. “He seems like a great guy and he’s nice, but not in a way that’s so perfect that you can hate him either. He even has an accent that Kristen can’t stop talking about. But he kept rubbing me the wrong way. Every time a guy hugged Paisley at her birthday party, swear to God I thought Brett was going to rip Paisley away from them.”

My brow pinched together. “What do you mean?”

“I mean he looked fucking pissed that she was touching another guy, but as soon as the look was there, it was gone again.”

“Did you tell Kristen or Pay?”

“Kristen. She thinks I’m seeing things because I’m trying to find something about Brett not to like. Which—I don’t know—might be true. We all wanted you with her, and I still do even though I’m not sure if you deserve her after how you treated her for all those years; but right now it doesn’t matter because the girls are acting like Brett walks on water. Which means you’re screwed.”

I groaned into my hands and leaned the chair back so I was looking up at the ceiling when I moved my hands away. “Did you know?”

“About Brett?”

“No. Did you know she was in love with me?”

He let out a long sigh. “To be honest, I think you’re the only one who didn’t know, Eli.”

I sat down so I was facing him again and gave him a look. “Why didn’t you say something?”

“Besides the fact that my wife is one of her best friends, and they both made me swear, and I don’t feel like sleeping on the couch?
You
should have seen it. I wanted to tell you a thousand times because I hated watching the way you crushed her with every girl you picked up, or dodged by using Paisley. But I kept telling myself if everyone else could see it in her, then surely her best friend would be able to see how much he was killing her.”

“Twist that knife a little more,” I whispered, and rubbed at my chest.

“Happy to. You’re fucking dumb. You should have noticed how much she meant to you a long time ago, and you deserve to go through this pain for a few weeks when she went through it for years.”

I glared up at him. “Anything else?”

“Are you letting her go?”

“Fuck no. She’s mine,” I growled.

He stood with a smile on his face. “Then I guess I’m done here. See you tonight.”

September 20, 2013

Paisley

I
ROLLED MY
head to the side as Brett kissed my neck, and bit my lip when he nipped at the sensitive spot behind my ear.

“Are you hearing anything I’m saying?”

I shook my head at Kristen and smiled lazily. “Nope, what were . . . you . . . Kristen?” I took in her wide eyes and stiff posture, and turned to see what she was looking at.

My entire body froze, and feeling the way I’d stiffened, Brett stopped whispering in my ear and turned to look as well.

Eli was standing there across the table from us, his eyes glued to Brett and me.

Jason broke the awkward tension as he clapped Eli’s shoulder. “Sit down, glad you could make it.”

Eli didn’t sit, and Brett’s body seemed to get tighter and tighter. “Shit,” he whispered, and stood, extending his arm. “I’m Brett.” When Eli didn’t move or say anything, he continued, “You’re Eli. I’ve heard a lot about you from Paisley.”

Eli finally tore his eyes from me to look at him, but his expression was unreadable. Shaking Brett’s hand firmly, he raised an eyebrow. “Sorry to say I haven’t heard much about you.”