Changing Everything (4 page)

“I met someone,” she blurted out, and I rocked back in my seat.

“What?”

“Um, I, uh—I met someone. A guy.”

“No, I got what you meant. When did this happen and do I know him?”

Her eyes were glued to her cup, but I wanted her to look at me so I could understand what exactly this guy had done to her. If he’d hurt her I was going to kill him.

“A few weeks ago, and, no, you don’t know him. We’ve gone out a lot since I met him  . . .” She continued talking, but I didn’t hear anything else.

She’d met this guy weeks ago and hadn’t told me? And this entire week when I’d been trying to get ahold of her, she’d probably been on dates with him? Fuck. That. I didn’t care who this prick thought he was. Paisley was my closest friend; I wasn’t about to lose her to this guy. Especially if it meant her turning into the Paisley I’d seen the last two times we’d been together.

“Eli.” Her shaky tone finally broke through my inner brooding, and I looked up at her. “I need to tell you something—and I don’t want you to respond until the end when I ask you a question. Okay?”

He hurt her. I knew it. That’s it; he was dead.

“Eli?”

“Yeah, okay,” I growled.

Paisley’s dark eyes turned sad and she shook her head. “I don’t know what you’re mad about, but we don’t have to do this right now, we can do it later.”

When she started to stand, I grabbed her hand and held her there. “No, I want to do this now, but I need to know if he hurt you, Pay. It’s killing me thinking of everything this guy might have done to you.”

“Of course he didn’t!”

Relief surged through my body until I realized that there was still something else making her act like this. Trying to keep my tone neutral, I urged her to tell me. “Okay, I promise I’ll stay quiet until your question.”

Her eyes immediately fell back to her coffee cup as she took measured breaths in and out—and just when I was about to beg her to talk to me, she looked back up.

“This guy I met, Brett, he’s—well, he’s different. Like, he’s a game changer for me. I look at him, and I have no doubt of that. I have no doubt that I
could
spend the rest of my life with him.”

Oh shit. It was like Jason said. I really was going to lose my Paisley.

“And I know that sounds crazy after only a few weeks, but, honestly, I knew it the first day I met him. I don’t know how to explain it. It wasn’t like the world stopped turning or anything, there was just a feeling I had.” She swallowed roughly and looked away for a second. “But there’s this other guy, and I swear this guy owns my soul.”

There was another guy? And she hadn’t said anything? We’d always told each other everything. Seriously, when the hell did all this change?

“Eli,” she whispered, her voice nearly inaudible. “I have been in love with you since I was thirteen years old.”

Paisley dated people about as often as the Olympics came around, and I spent nearly every day with her. How could I not have known about all these— Her declaration finally hit me, and I schooled my features before I could give away my shock.

What. The. Hell did she just say? She what? No—no way. She was my best friend. Nothing more. My mind raced as she took controlled breaths and kept up her fucked-up confession.

“I’ve kept quiet for twelve years, and I would’ve continued to if I hadn’t met Brett. These last few weeks have been casual, but I know he wants it to be more. But if there is a chance of an us, then there would be absolutely no thoughts of anything else with him.”

This couldn’t be happening to us. She was my best friend. My wingman. She was the only girl I could stand to be around for any period of time other than my sisters, Candice and Rachel. And even those two were pushing it.

“Eli, I need to know.” She exhaled slowly and waited until she held my stare. “Is there
any
possibility of there being an us?”

I sat there frozen as I replayed everything she’d just said over and over. Waiting, hoping for her to take it all back. As the minutes ticked by, her anxious posture slowly hunched in on itself, and I watched as the hopefulness left her eyes.

Not a joke. This was real.

As the confusion washed through me, my head began shaking back and forth. “You’re my best friend, Paisley,” I nearly whispered. “You’ve always just been my best friend.”

A heavy breath left her when she grasped there was nothing else I would be adding, and for the second time in a week—and the fourth time in a dozen years—I watched Paisley bite down on her bottom lip as her eyes filled with tears.

“Pay . . .” I started reaching across the table, but stopped short. How was I supposed to touch her? How was I supposed to comfort her? How was I supposed to do anything now that I knew how she felt?

She blinked back the tears and it hit me. The bar—her tears. Like I’d done countless times, I’d been using her to make someone else realize I wasn’t interested. I had been touching her, brushing kisses against her neck—oh God. They meant nothing to me . . . but they’d meant something to her.

My head dropped into my hands and my elbows hit the table. If Paisley was in love with me, that changed everything . . . in the worst way possible.

“At the bar.” My voice came out rough, and I tried to clear my throat. “I was the reason you were upset last weekend.” I took her silence as confirmation, and even through my fear of losing my best friend, I hated myself in that moment. “I’m so sorry, Pay.”

“Don’t be, it’s not your fault—I mean, it’s not like you had any idea.” She tried to laugh, but it sounded wrong.

All of this was wrong.

“I have to go,” she choked out minutes later, and rushed out of the coffee shop.

I was out of my chair and running outside as soon as I heard the door shut. “Paisley,” I called after her, never stopping until I had ahold of her arm and was pulling her close into my chest.

Her body shook beneath my arms, and her head stayed bent as I whispered, “I’m sorry” over and over again. Tilting her head back, I brushed at her wet cheeks. “Pay, please don’t cry . . . it’s killing me to know that I’m the reason behind these tears.”

Paisley’s eyes closed as more tears fell from them, and her jaw trembled as she clenched it tight. When she tried lowering her head again, and I wouldn’t allow the movement, her eyes opened—and they were pleading with me.

What? I wasn’t sure. I was just terrified that she was somehow letting me know that I was about to lose her. That this was my only chance, and I knew it was a chance I couldn’t take. I loved her, but not the way she wanted me to. I couldn’t give her what she was asking for.

Kissing the top of her head, I left my lips there and prayed I wouldn’t lose my best friend as I whispered, “I’m sorry I can’t be what you need.”

A strangled cry burst from her chest, and when she tried again, I let her leave my arms to get in her car. As I stood in the parking lot watching her drive away, I knew I’d just lost the only girl who’d ever meant anything to me.

Chapter Four

September 1, 2013

Paisley

“I
DON’T KNOW
why it hurt so bad to hear him say those words—it’s not like I didn’t know that’s how he felt. It’s not like it’d been some big question of whether or not he might love me too . . . I guess I’d just kept letting myself believe that when he found out, he’d maybe see things differently, or something, I don’t know.” Looking over at Jason, I forced out something that vaguely resembled a laugh. “I blame you for that last part.”

Jason and Kristen both sat there sharing twin looks of pity, and I hated it. All their expressions were doing was making the ache in my soul grow.

Eli wasn’t in love with me.

I’m sorry I can’t be what you need.

My lips thinned into a tight line, and tears filled my eyes as his words played over and over again in my head. They’d sounded tortured coming from him, and they were torturing me still two days later.

“Paisley,” Kristen crooned.

“I’m fine,” I lied, and tilted my head back as I blinked away the tears.

I almost never cried, but Eli Jenkins was bringing the tears out a lot lately. I didn’t want them. I didn’t want
this
. I didn’t want to feel like nothing was right in the world. I didn’t want to be hiding out at Kristen and Jason’s on a Sunday morning because I was worried Eli would show up at my house and try to act like nothing had changed between us—while at the same time terrified he wouldn’t show up at all. I didn’t want to have a shattered soul while simultaneously having my chest tighten in anticipation at the thought of seeing Brett later. I just wanted to go back to how everything had been.

I’d spent half of my life silently loving Eli Jenkins. And up until a few weeks ago, I would have told you with one hundred percent certainty that I would have continued loving only him for the rest of my life even if he never found out—as pathetic as that sounds. I never expected to find someone who would have me reconsidering that future, and I definitely never expected to find someone who would have me falling
that
hard
that
fast.

There was no way to prepare for Brett and the impact he’d already had on my life, just like there was no way for me to prepare to lose everything I’d had with Eli. He was still my best friend, and, sure, I could have gone on with our friendship . . . but even Eli had stopped calling. He hadn’t tried to contact me once since I’d driven away from Grind on Friday morning, and Jason said he hadn’t shown up to work that day.

“I should have never told him . . . I should have just started the relationship with Brett.”

“No. No, you shouldn’t have. Because what if this thing with Brett continues? You said he’s different, and I don’t doubt it since it finally made you tell Eli your feelings. But what if somewhere down the road you two got married, and you’re sitting there wondering what would’ve happened if you had just told Eli how you felt? What if you’d gotten so deep in your relationship with Brett only to find out that Eli felt the same, and then you had to choose between two men you
loved
?”

My stomach churned, and I wished I hadn’t drunk that coffee. “But in telling him all that, I just pushed him away. Not only did I force him to confirm that nothing will ever happen between us, I’ve lost my best friend.”

“That’s not true,” Kristen said sadly at the same time Jason assured me, “No, you haven’t.”

“I think it was a lot of information at once,” Jason continued. “I think you probably blew his mind, and I think he needs time to think about it. You’ve had twelve years of falling in love with him, and he just found out forty-eight hours ago at the same time of finding out about Brett. Give him time to come around; but you haven’t lost him, trust me. That guy is terrified of losing you.”

My forehead pinched together. “How do you know that?”

Kristen turned to look at Jason. “Yeah. How do you know that?”

Jason rubbed at the back of his neck before slamming his hand down on the arm of the chair he was sitting in. “I kinda talked to him about you a few weeks ago. It was the Monday after that party at your apartment when we tried to set you up with Sean.”

“Jason! You promised!”

He put his hands in the air, and looked around like I was missing something obvious. “I know I did, and I kept my promise. I don’t know why you look so freaked out, Pay, it’s a moot point now. He already knows you love him.” Kristen smacked him and he looked at her. “What?”

“What did you tell him?”

“We were talking about Sean. He was mad that I’d tried to set you up with him and told me to stop trying to set you up with anyone. Said if you found someone, then you found someone—I told him that was hard to do with him around.”

My eyes widened and my stomach dropped.

“We kind of argued over the fact that he makes sure guys don’t approach you, and that he’s always had a hand in ending whatever relationships you’ve had before. I told him I knew you were ready to get married and all that, and it kind of stunned him. He said he wasn’t ready to lose his wingman.”

I was about to cry again. I swallowed past the tightness in my throat and tried to ignore the stinging in my eyes as I waited for him to finish.

“I . . .” Jason paused, and eyed me warily before blowing out a hard rush of air. “I told him he wasn’t just going to lose his wingman. I more or less told him that your nights of sleeping over with each other, and Sunday mornings, wouldn’t be happening if you started seriously dating and got married. Then I might have told him he’d be losing his best friend.”

Jason was still as he waited for our reactions, but I wanted to know Eli’s. “What’d he say?”

“You know him better than anyone, you know he doesn’t ever raise his voice. I could tell he was pissed that I was telling him how he’d been getting in the way. But once I told him he’d be losing his best friend, he couldn’t even respond. He just looked sick. Didn’t finish his sandwich, and didn’t talk to me as we walked back to work. When I walked into his office again later that day, he still had that sick-fearful look about him.”

I’m sorry I can’t be what you need.

I now knew why he’d sounded so tortured when he’d said those words. He’d known he was losing his best friend.

I was right.

I’d just changed everything.

September 6, 2013

Eli

I
WENT T
HROUGH
the motions of putting on my tie, but I didn’t even remember getting dressed this morning. I didn’t remember much about this entire last week since Paisley had dropped that bomb on me. I went to work, ate, and slept . . . but when I’d think back on all of it . . . I didn’t remember any of it.

My cell rang from where it sat on the nightstand behind me, but it wasn’t Paisley’s ringtone, so I let it go on until the voice mail picked up.

A week since she’d thrown my world on its side, and a week since I’d spoken to her. Everything about that was wrong, but I didn’t know what to say to her—I doubted she even wanted to hear from me. I couldn’t give her what she wanted from me. I hated myself for not seeing it years before so I wouldn’t have continued to give her hope. I’d made my Paisley cry. Twice.

My phone rang again, but I just walked into the bathroom to brush my teeth. I didn’t want to talk to anyone unless it was her. But she had Brett now . . . and I was the last person she would want to talk to about anything. Not after getting the courage to tell me what she had, only for me to let her down.

I glared over at my cell when it started up for the fourth time as I walked back out of the bathroom. Moving over to the nightstand, I looked at the screen and tapped the green button.

“Hey, Mom,” I answered.

“Eli! Oh my God, Eli!”

Everything in my body jolted as her screams came through the phone. “Mom! What happened?”

“Your dad—hospital—you need—please!” she choked out between sobs.

“Mom, try to calm down and tell me what happened.” Turning around, I ran through my apartment and grabbed my keys and wallet before running out the door and to my truck as she tried to tell me about Dad.

“His car exploded at the house. I was out of the city having breakfast with my sister! He—he’s at the hospital, you need to be there for him! There’s so much traffic, and I can’t get there!” she screamed.

“Pull over until you can calm down, I’m already on my way.”

“No, I need to be there!”

“Mom!” I barked, and waited for her hysteria to calm. “Take deep breaths, he’s going to be okay. But you need to be okay too, so try to stay calm so you can get yourself there, all right?”

She whimpered and sniffled, but didn’t respond otherwise.

“What do you mean exploded?”

“Just . . . just exploded. Blew up. In the driveway.”

I blinked slowly.
Exploded? That shit happens in movies.
“Was he in it?”

“Walking toward it.”

“Thank God,” I whispered, but my mind wouldn’t shut off. Seriously. That’s movie shit. “All right, I’m on my way, just try to stay calm. I’ll call you when I see him.”

Ending the call, I drove as fast as Friday morning traffic would allow me to the hospital, and was quickly taken back to where my dad was. Fear flooded my veins and weakened my knees the closer we got to his room. I didn’t know what to expect, I didn’t know if he was in a coma, I just didn’t know anything.

“What the hell happened?” I asked, my tone coated in relief when I saw him sitting up in the hospital bed.

“You’re asking the wrong person. Is your mom okay?”

I shot him a look and sighed as I sat in the chair next to the bed. “Not even close, but she’s on her way. You don’t look anything like what I was afraid I’d find.”

He laughed shakily. “Just some scratches and a bump on my head from where I hit the walkway. I mainly can’t stop shaking and my ears are still ringing.”

“Christ . . . you scared me, old man.” I squeezed his outstretched hand and called Mom.

“Eli?” she answered frantically.

“He’s fine. I’m sitting with him now. He’s just a little shaken up.”

She breathed a deep sigh of relief. “Oh, thank God!”

“Yeah.”

“Tell him I love him and I’m on my way.”

I looked up at my dad to see him smiling, and I knew he could hear her. “Will do, see you soon.” Once I ended the call, I sat back again and rubbed my hands over my face. “She said you were walking out to your car?”

Dad blinked quickly. “The alarm went off on my car . . . I figured someone hit it with the newspaper or something. I tried turning it off with the key fob inside the house, and when it didn’t stop, I walked outside. I was about”—he thought for a second—“halfway down the walkway to my car when it just blew up. I have no idea what happened, and I was never knocked unconscious, but I was out of it. Everything was so loud and just shaky. I still—I still can’t believe that just happened. It doesn’t feel like real life.”

“I was thinking that,” I said gruffly. “Sounds like something you see in movies.”

There was a knock on the door, and two police officers walked in. “Mr. Jenkins, I’m sorry, but we had a few more questions.”

I patted my dad’s arm and stood. “I’m gonna go make a call.”

Walking out of the room, I fell back against the wall and dropped down to the floor, letting out a shaky breath as I ran my hands through my hair. He was alive, he was fine . . . but there had been so much adrenaline pumping through my body that was now quickly fading, that I felt like I was about to crash.

And I needed Paisley.

Grabbing my phone out of my pocket, I pulled up her number and stared at it for long minutes. Just as I started to press down, I heard my name being called. Looking to my left, I saw my mom jogging down the halls and stood to meet her. She had makeup streaming down her face, and her body shook as she cried against my chest.

“Is he okay?”

“Yeah, there are officers in there talking to him.” Shoving my phone back in my pocket, I turned her toward the room. “Come on, let’s go in there.”

I
JERKED A
WAKE
when I heard a scream early the next morning. It was still pitch black in the room and outside the window, and it took me a second to realize where I was. It wasn’t until I heard my mom and dad yelling loudly that I remembered I’d stayed at their house in case Dad needed anything. They didn’t know why his car had blown up, but that shit didn’t just happen out of nowhere, so I’d also wanted to be here in case anything like it happened again.

Scrambling off the bed and out of my old bedroom, I ran toward their room and nearly broke the door off the hinges when I didn’t twist the knob enough and threw all my weight into it.

“What’s happening?” I yelled as soon as I was in.

I looked wildly around their room as they both ran in and out of their closet. My mom was crying as she packed a suitcase, my dad was trying to calm someone down on the phone.

“What is going on?” I asked again, and my dad turned to look at me, his face filled with the terror I’d felt yesterday morning as I’d driven to the hospital.

“Rachel,” he whispered to me, and shook his head, trying to convey that whatever had happened to my sister . . . it wasn’t good.