Changing Her Heart (5 page)

His mind reeled at the foggy memories of the one accident he'd been in, even though he wasn't the driver. It had been his twenty-fifth birthday. He'd been out to party with the guys from work, drinking more than anyone else, justifying it because it was his birthday. Randy knew he shouldn't drive, so Karl had offered to drive him home. One minute, they were laughing like idiots, and the next minute everything went black. In the end, Randy only had minor injuries, but Karl never woke up. That day had been the last time he'd had a drink.

“Please, believe me. Those days are gone for me. I don't ever want to go there again. An addiction can be hard to overcome, but not impossible. I can't say it often enough that God's grace has saved me, in more ways than I can count.”

She stared at him, not saying a word.

“I want Eric to quit drinking and get to know God the same way I did. But in order for that to happen, it takes a lot of people, and a lot of support. Eric is going to need Susan behind him more than ever, and with everything going on, and all the changes, Susan's going to need you, too. In order to be of the most help, it's going to take a lot of commitment from both of us, and that means we're going to be seeing a lot of each other. We'll have to work together to help both Eric and Susan. That's the only way this is going to happen.”

He waited for what felt like an eternity for Lacey's response.

“Okay,” she whispered.

What Randy really wanted to do was pull Lacey close and hold her to him, which was strange because he'd never been a huggy type of person. He couldn't remember his mother ever hugging him, and certainly not his father. The last person who'd hugged him was Bob's mother on his twenty-sixth birthday, the one-year anniversary of Karl's death. He didn't know why it had happened, but at the time he'd burst into tears. He hadn't even cried at Karl's funeral. He'd felt like an idiot, but Bob's mother hadn't minded. Instead, she'd hugged him tighter, which only made him fall apart even worse. She'd told him that it was about time, and then, when he'd finally managed to get himself under control, she had said that it was time to move on with his life. She was right. The next day had been the one-year anniversary of his sobriety, and the first day of the rest of his life.

He didn't know why he really wanted to hold Lacey, because she certainly wasn't being receptive to him. He just wanted the connection. Needed it.

But whatever the reason, it was a line he couldn't cross.

Randy dropped her hand and stepped back.

Lacey quickly glanced from side to side. “I really
should get back to the party and get busy. I can't leave all this mess for Mom to clean up by herself.”

“Then I should probably leave.”

Lacey's face reddened. “I'm being a terrible host.

I invited you so you could have a good time and meet new people, not just to help with Bryce's computer.

Please go mingle, or go see what Bryce is doing. I have to go find my mom.”

Randy didn't want to leave Lacey alone with her thoughts quite yet, but he liked to think he could take a hint. He nodded, and left the kitchen.

The second he entered the living room, one of Bryce's friends approached him.

“Bryce told me you know a lot about computers. My computer keeps rebooting. Do you think it might have a virus?”

A woman he hadn't met yet also joined them. “I was wondering if you could give me a little advice. I can't get my printer to work. I thought I installed it properly, but it won't even do the test page. Do you have any ideas?”

Randy mentally ran through a list of what could be wrong with both units. For now, he didn't mind giving out free technical support because it gave him something to keep his mind occupied.

Still, in the back of his mind, he couldn't help but think of Lacey. He couldn't erase the past, but there
had to be something he could do to build toward the future—a future that suddenly included more than just himself.

 

“Hi, Lacey. Your boyfriend was right.”

Lacey lowered her cell phone for a second, smiled at her customer to indicate that she would be a few minutes, then turned to the side to continue her conversation.

Good manners would have her respond to Susan's greeting, but no words would come. Randy may have been right, but Susan was wrong. Randy wasn't her boyfriend, and he would never be her boyfriend. However, Lacey didn't know what to say to Susan, because, just as Randy warned her, she didn't want to do anything to discourage Susan. Being married to Eric, Susan didn't have enough encouraging moments.

Susan kept talking, not noticing Lacey's lack of reply. “Remember when Randy said that the best time to talk to Eric wasn't when he was feeling better? When I left with the kids, he'd forgotten about Bryce's party. He thought I was leaving him, and it scared him. He'd been sick, and he wasn't fully sober when I got home, but he agreed to talk to Randy this morning. He just phoned me from work to say he was sorry about yesterday. Isn't that great?”

Lacey tried not to let her doubts about the likeli
hood of long-term success dampen the small bit of encouragement. If any man had treated Lacey like Eric treated Susan, Lacey would have expected more than an apologetic phone call the next day. But for Susan, an apology was better than what happened most of the times Eric did something.

“Yes, that is great,” she said, trying her best to sound like she meant it.

“I don't know what Randy said, but you're so lucky to have met him. He's wonderful.”

Lacey bit her lower lip. The same thing had happened at Bryce's party. The minute Randy left, everyone started talking about him, about how funny and charming and smart he was. Yet, even while everyone was enthusiastically singing Randy's praises, Randy's words
“I'm an alcoholic, too”
repeated through her head, over and over, drowning out everything good everyone was saying about him. She didn't want to be negative, but she had to be realistic. He was an alcoholic, just like Eric and just like her father.

“I hope Eric really quits this time,” Lacey said quietly, for lack of anything better to say.

“I know what you're thinking.”

Lacey cringed. She highly doubted Susan knew what she was thinking, because even Lacey didn't know what she was thinking.

Susan didn't wait for Lacey to respond. “You're thinking that this time isn't going to be any different
from any other times. But it's going to work this time. I know it.”

Lacey had heard that line before. The only thing different was that this time there was another person involved—a wild card. And Randy definitely was wild.

The image of his cheery smile and striking blue eyes flashed through her brain, even though she didn't want to think about him.

She honestly didn't know what it would be like for Randy to help Eric, if it would be difficult for him. She supposed that would depend on if Eric had only submitted because he had finally pushed Susan past her limit, or if this time he truly recognized the depth of his problems.

She wondered if the same had happened to Randy, and if there had been a woman involved.

Lacey shook her head. She already knew enough— Randy was an alcoholic. That was all she needed to know.

“Did Eric say anything about the next time he was going to see Randy?”

“No,” Susan replied. “I wish I knew.” Her voice dropped in pitch, and it almost sounded like she was going to start crying. “All I know is that I don't know what I would have done if Randy hadn't come along.”

Lacey winced. She'd never heard Susan talk like
that before. It made her both nervous, and a failure as a sister not to have seen that things were worse than usual. She wanted to do something for Susan, something to show her that no matter what happened, she wasn't alone. Their mother never said anything, as if if she did it would be a reminder of her painful history with an alcoholic spouse.

The smart thing to do would be to talk to someone who had more experience than she did. She probably should have gone to see her pastor, but the last time Pastor Luke had talked to Eric, the visit had made Eric worse.

There really was only one person she could talk to.

Lacey turned to the right, and looked at the wall. Of course she couldn't see through it, but she knew what was behind it.

The computer store, and one computer salesman in particular.

She set her attention back to the phone. “Yes, Randy is really different, isn't he? I really should go now, Susan. After all, I am at work. I'll give you a call later, when I'm off tonight.”

Lacey flipped her cell phone shut and stared at the wall.

In an hour, one of her part-time staff would be there, and she was scheduled to take a coffee break.

Today she wasn't going to take her break alone.

R
andy nodded at his customer. “Yes, I have one of those right here.” He turned around and raised his arm, then froze, his hand resting on the box as he stared at the wall the shelf was mounted on.

Lacey was on the other side of that wall.

He couldn't help himself. He'd been thinking about her all day.

He ignored his customer and leaned closer to the wall. If he couldn't see her through the wall, maybe he could hear her voice….

“Hi, Randy. I was wondering if you were due for a coffee break?”

Randy nearly choked as he spun around.

“Lacey,” he sputtered when he could find his voice. “What are you doing here?”

“I need to talk to you.”

Randy's mind raced. He had the impression that talking in the store wasn't what she had in mind.

He finished his transaction, called for Carol to relieve him at the counter, then accompanied Lacey to the food court.

The second they were seated at a table, Randy raised one palm toward her so he could speak first.

“I hope you know that whatever is said between me and Eric stays between me and Eric. Everything remains confidential. There can be no exceptions.”

“But he's married to my sister!”

“That doesn't matter.”

Her expression immediately conveyed that she felt betrayed.

Randy cradled his cup in his hands and leaned back into the chair. He wanted nothing more than for Lacey to trust him but, for now, Eric's needs were more important than Randy's wants. “You have to understand something. What I'm doing with him is highly confidential. It's just like if you said something really personal to your pastor. You'd expect it never to be repeated to anyone, at any time, for any reason. It's a matter of trust. If that trust isn't there, then this won't work. This is new for him, and he's going to have to make some major changes in his attitudes, and his life. When he's ready to share with other people, he will. And when that happens isn't up to me.”

She stared at him, her eyes wider than he'd ever seen. “Is that how you did it?”

Randy's chest tightened. “There was an older man who helped me along until I could be on my own and start offering help to others. I told him many things I never even told Bob, my best friend. It's a unique relationship, and one that involves a lot of trust. And responsibility.”

“Oh.”

He wanted to say more, but he couldn't. He wanted to show her how much he'd changed and grown, to show her the man he'd become, versus the pathetic drunk he'd once been. But then, the only way to know the difference was to tell her exactly how pathetic he once was, and he wasn't going to do that. By God's grace, that person no longer existed. Instead, he would show her the man he was today.

“I was going to ask if you would come to the Bible study meeting with me tonight, but I can't go. I'm seeing Eric, instead.”

He held his breath, waiting, hoping she was going to say something about driving him home from work.

Lacey stood. “I think our break is up.”

Randy stood so quickly he almost spilled the remainder of his coffee. “Will I see you after work?”

Her hesitation nearly killed him. “You need a ride home, don't you?”

“Yes.” He waited for her to say more, but she
didn't. She hadn't said, “no” so he took it as a “yes.” They walked back in silence until they reached Randy's store.

Randy rammed his hands into his pockets. “Do you want to stop for dinner on the way home?”

“I thought you were going out with Eric.”

“Not for supper. He needs to spend time with his family. I'm going to pick him up at seven o'clock, then go to the meeting after that.”

“I wonder if I should go to be with Susan while he's gone.”

“That probably wouldn't be a bad idea. Except I want to take my car tonight. How about if after dinner you take me to my place, I'll pick up my car, then I'll follow you to your place to drop off your car, and we can go to Eric and Susan's together. Then when we're done with Eric and Susan, maybe the two of us can go out for coffee afterward.”

“That sounds so complicated.”

“It probably is, but for now it's important to take my car because it demonstrates to Eric who's in charge. It's kind of a guy-power thing. Tonight if we're in my car, that puts me in charge. It's harder to create that mental image of authority if he's driving me around in his car. It's not going to be such a big issue later, but for the first time, it's important to create a pecking order, for lack of a better name to call it.”

“I suppose that makes sense. I guess I'll see you later.”

Before she could change her mind, Randy turned into his store, and went back to work.

 

Lacey bit into the doughnut, then dabbed at the powdered sugar on her lips with her napkin. “I can't remember the last time I've been out this late on a weeknight.”

Randy licked a dribble of jam off his lips, then swiped the back of his hand across his mouth. “It's not that late. Neither of us has to get up for work at dawn or anything. I get up at eight o'clock, and I still have plenty of time to get ready in the morning. What about you?”

“I guess I get up about the same time.”

Lacey looked around the doughnut shop, desperately needing to talk about something else. She didn't want to think of him doing the same things at the same time as she did in the morning. “I can't remember the last time I was inside a doughnut shop. I always get a selection at the drive-thru window and keep going. But here, they all know you. And you know them, without needing to read their name tags.”

“Yeah, well, you know how it goes.”

She didn't really, but she nodded anyway. Although it did make sense. On the surface, Randy was
an easy person to like. The second they'd walked in, every one of the staff members stopped what they were doing and smiled. Every one of them greeted him personally, and he cheerfully greeted them all back, calling them all individually by name. He'd even winked at one of the younger girls, who'd giggled and blushed profusely before returning to work, smiling long after Randy stopped paying her attention.

“You do the same thing at my store. I can't believe they all know you.”

“That's 'cause I'm such a handsome and dashing kinda guy.”

Unfortunately, all her staff thought exactly that, too. All work stopped when Randy walked into the store to ask if she was ready to take her break.

“That's because you're the only man who dares to walk into a ladies' boutique unescorted. You're also a flirt.”

He winked, grinned, splayed one hand over his heart, then fluttered his long eyelashes.

Lacey nearly choked on her doughnut. “Stop it. Don't you ever quit fooling around?”

He lowered his hand. “I can be very serious when I need to be.”

Lacey wiped her lips again. “I guess you can. Speaking of serious, how did things go with Eric?”

“Good.” Randy took another bite of his dough
nut. “Their kids are sure cute. They have a nice house, too, but did you see your nephew's bedroom? I could barely tell what color the carpet was. It was buried at least a couple of inches deep in cars, action figures, building blocks and used socks.”

“I can barely believe how quickly you managed to change the subject.”

All he did was shrug his shoulders. He didn't deny her statement.

“It's not always that bad,” Lacey said, deciding to go with the change in subject. “But it is usually messy. No matter how hard Susan tries, she can't seem to keep up. I know Bryce's room was never tidy. I think all boys are like that.”

“I always kept my room clean.”

“What about your brothers or sisters?”

“I was an only child.”

Once again, she waited for him to say more about his family, but he didn't. She wanted to know more, but Randy was always so closemouthed about family situations. The only thing he had told her was that for a while he lived off and on with his best friend's family. Even then, he hadn't been very forthcoming with details.

Eric had a few brothers and a sister, yet she did remember that he hadn't wanted to have children, and he hadn't been in a rush to get married. In both cases,
it was only because of Susan's insistence, which, even then, Lacey hadn't thought was a good idea.

“Susan told me she wants to have another baby to have three kids, just like our family.”

Randy picked up his coffee mug, cradling it in his hands, and leaned back in his chair. “The couple down the hall from me just had a baby. It's their second child. I don't know what they're doing up there on the seventeenth floor. You'd figure they would move into a house, like Susan and Eric. That's the way I always thought it should be. You know. Room to do ball games in the backyard. Have a dog or some kind of pet.” He shrugged his shoulders. “But then my parents had a house and we had everything that went with it. Except the dog. They wouldn't let me have a dog. I once thought that would be the answer for everything.” He set his mug back on the table. “Do you want more coffee? They make a special blend I just love. Sometimes I buy it by the pound and make this coffee at home.”

Without waiting for her to respond, Randy turned and signaled the waiter.

Lacey felt stunned. She had a feeling that he'd just said something deeply personal, but she wasn't quite sure what it was. Then, as he always did when personal issues came up, he'd changed the subject so quickly she didn't have time to think about what he'd said, or respond to it.

This time she couldn't let it go. Her mind raced as she tried to think of something appropriate to say.

“Kaitlyn wants a dog really bad, but Susan doesn't trust Eric to look after a dog properly. Puppies are a lot of work.”

“I agree with her on that. It's also more than just a care issue. There's a good chance that a dog would become Eric's drinking buddy. Alcoholics sometimes treat pets that way. If I would have had a dog, I don't know if it would have ended up being my drinking buddy. Maybe it's just as well it didn't happen.”

Again, Lacey was stunned by the wisdom of Randy's words. Yet, his insights still didn't change the fact that he'd been an alcoholic—he was just being more honest about it than either her father or Eric.

His expression turned thoughtful. “Bob never had a dog, but once he did have a pair of hamsters. Do you know how fast those things multiply? I was going to say that they multiply like rabbits, but really, a rabbit's reputation to multiply far exceeds reality. Actually, rabbits are supposed to make good house pets. Some can be litter-box trained, but I'd still rather have a dog.”

It took Lacey a few seconds to switch her train of thought. She had never known someone who changed the subject so quickly, or was so adept at it. The scariest part was that she could follow him. “Are you always like this?”

“Like what?”

Lacey stood. “Never mind. I think it's time to go.”

They chatted during the trip home, but the closer they came to Lacey's apartment building, the more conversation began to lapse.

She didn't know why she wasn't surprised when Randy parked his car in the visitor parking area and walked her to the door. When she unlocked the main door, he followed her inside, as if he didn't consider the possibility that once they made it to her apartment, she wouldn't invite him in.

All the way up the elevator, there was only silence.

She unlocked her apartment door and opened it, but he didn't move.

She turned around to face him, not sure if she should bid him farewell or actually invite him in.

Randy spoke first, saving her the decision.

“I'm not going to go in—it's getting late enough—but I couldn't say this in the doughnut shop. I feel some tension between us, and there shouldn't be. I want you to know that I'm fine. For the days I don't feel fine, then God helps me. There's a verse in Second Timothy that says ‘Yet, I am not ashamed, because I know whom I have believed, and am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him for that day.' So because I'm trusting God to keep my life on track, as they say in AA, one day at a time, I'm asking you to trust me, too.”

Trust.

Lacey didn't know how such a short word could carry so much power, or ask so much.

His voice deepened, lowering in both pitch and volume. “I'm still the same person as I was on Sunday morning, before you knew.”

“I know,” she said softly, the words almost hard to say. He was that same person. What she didn't know was how well she knew that person. Yet, for all her hesitations, he'd done nothing wrong so far. All she could think of were the verses she'd read where God cautioned His children to stay away from drunkards. Even though Randy hadn't had a drink for a few years, he freely admitted to having a problem with alcohol, so it still counted. God's advice was good. She knew from close experience the heartache of being married to an alcoholic, both during marriage, and after it was yanked away and all that was left was a gaping hole and continued losses.

He reached forward and grasped one of her hands, then massaged her wrist gently with his thumb. “I'm seeing Eric again tomorrow evening, but it's going to be an early meeting. Can we have a quick dinner together, so we can do the same thing as tonight?”

“I don't know if I should.”

“I'll pay.”

Lacey scrambled to think of an excuse. “No. This
must be getting so expensive for you. We've been out for supper so many times, and you've only let me pay once.”

“I let you pay twice.”

“I had a coupon. That didn't count.”

Randy smiled at her comeback. “Then I have an idea. We won't have much time, anyway, so how about if we throw something quick together at my place and keep going? At work, I often grab a quick burger for lunch. I hate doing that for supper, too. But I can make something better at home, and then we can go straight to Eric and Susan's place together.”