Chase the Stars (Lang Downs 2 ) (15 page)

Chris let Jesse lead him back downstairs, although he did stop to steal another kiss as they put their boots back on before heading back outside. “So where should I meet you after work?” Chris asked as they neared the shearing shed again.
“I don’t know,” Jesse said. “I’ll think of something and let you know.”
“Oh, Jesse, there you are,” Caine said. “I was hoping you and Chris would be willing to do something for me.”
“Sure, if we can,” Jesse said as Chris nodded.
“You probably noticed the drover’s huts as we drove in,” Caine said. “We have them scattered around the station as shelter for anyone who spends a night out in the paddocks and for anyone who might need them for other reasons: a storm, a power outage, whatever. The buildings themselves are in pretty good shape, but nobody can tell me what’s in any of them beyond the basics of a couple of cots. I’m hoping you two will be willing to inventory them for me and then stock them with supplies. I spent a couple of nights in the huts last fall, so I’ve made a list of things all the huts should have. We can load up one of the pickups with supplies. You can check each hut and add anything that’s missing before you go on. That way we’ll know all the huts are ready for the jackaroos before we move the sheep into the farther paddocks.”
“I don’t know how much I can carry, but I can certainly open drawers and see what’s there,” Chris said, mind racing at the thought of all that time spent alone with Jesse. “What do you say, Jesse?”
“I’ve spent enough nights outdoors to appreciate the possibility of a hut,” Jesse said. “I’d be glad to help. When did you want us to do this?”
“In a couple of days,” Caine said. “We’ll have to pack the supplies and then load the pickup. I’ll let you know when it’s ready.”
“Do you need us to help pack stuff up?” Jesse asked.
“No, I’ll get Carley to put the kids to work doing that,” Caine said. “They can count out batteries and flashlights and jars of Vegemite. We don’t need to pull you away from the shearing for something they’ll get a kick out of doing.”
“Then we’ll get back to work,” Jesse said, starting back toward the shearing shed. Chris followed more slowly, not quite able to let go of the mental picture of Caine and Macklin together. He’d have an even harder time ignoring the occasional sounds that filtered from the other bedroom now that he’d seen them together.

Eleven

 

“H
ERE
’
S
a list of everything Macklin and I decided should be in each of the drover’s huts,” Caine said, joining Chris and Jesse at breakfast three days later. “The younger kids have packed boxes of supplies, so all you have to do is check each hut and replenish anything that’s low or missing.”

Jesse took the list and scanned down it: nonperishables, flashlights, fresh batteries and bulbs, clean blankets, first aid kit, matches, water.

“Also, while you’re driving around, if you notice any roads that need dragging or anything else that seems in disrepair, if you could make a note of it,” Caine said. “We’ve had men out checking the fences, but they’ve been on horseback, which means they haven’t necessarily been on the roads or through the same areas of the station as you’ll go through in the truck. That goes for any time you’re out, actually. We’d rather replace a fence post now than have to replace an entire fence later.”

“Will do,” Jesse said. He’d managed to avoid thinking about the hours spent alone in the ute and the drover’s huts with Chris, if only to keep himself sane until the time came to head out, but that time was here now, and the anticipation was killing him. He and Chris had only managed a few stolen moments behind the tractor shed over the past few nights. Something always seemed to interrupt, either someone coming to get something or, one night, the sheep suddenly going wild. They’d found a snake trampled beneath all the hooves when they finally calmed the sheep down and could assess the situation, so then they’d had to check all the animals in the area for bites. Fortunately they hadn’t found any bite marks and none of the sheep seemed sick, just scared. It had served as a reminder to Jesse that even here in the main part of the station, they had to be aware of their surroundings. He didn’t know if Chris would know the difference between a harmless snake and a poisonous one, but in the dark, it would be nearly impossible to tell and the wrong choice could be a deadly one. He hadn’t suggested they meet outside after dark since then, but with the days growing longer, everyone seemed to be working later hours, which meant the barns didn’t provide a lot of privacy either. Jesse supposed he could invite Chris to his room in the bunkhouse, but the walls were paper thin, and he didn’t really want the others overhearing anything. Chris’s room in the main house was even less of an option with Seth in the next room and Caine and Macklin just down the hall. He knew they had work to do while they were out today, but at least they’d be alone, away from prying eyes, and if they spent a few minutes doing other things, well, as long as the work was done, surely no one would care.

As soon as breakfast was over, Jesse headed out to the ute. Chris followed a few minutes later, equally eager for some time alone if the expression on his face was any indication. “Shall we get started?” Jesse asked, looking down at the rough map of the drover’s huts Macklin had given him as he was leaving the canteen.

“Sure,” Chris said with a smile. “I’ve got a pad so I can take notes for Caine and Macklin.”

“Good thought,” Jesse said. “That way we can be as specific as possible.”
“Do you have a radio?” Chris asked. “Macklin said anyone who leaves the valley is supposed to take a radio, just in case.”

“It’s already in the ute,” Jesse said. “Come on, let’s get started.”
Chris climbed in and fastened his seatbelt. “Let’s go.”

“M
EDDLING
again?” Macklin asked Caine as the black ute headed out of the main station.

“It’s not meddling,” Caine insisted, as Macklin had known he would. “We’ve been saying this needed to be done, and Chris really can’t help with the shearing, but he can do this.”

“And you just happened to suggest Jesse go with him,” Macklin replied. “Instead of Neil or Kyle or one of the others who knows his way around the station. They’re as likely to get lost as they are to find the drover’s huts.”

“Jesse has a good head on his shoulders, and he has the map you drew with the huts marked,” Caine said. “The roads might be a little overgrown from the winter, but they’ll still be visible. They’ll be fine.”

“In other words, you were meddling again,” Macklin said.
Caine grinned at him, that saucy smile that had enchanted Macklin from the moment he first saw it, even when he still worried Caine would change his mind and sell the station out from under them. Macklin didn’t jump when Caine patted his arse as he walked away, but only because they were outside. He never let his control slip where the jackaroos could see.
He knew what Caine wanted, had known for some time, but knowing wasn’t the same as doing. Macklin couldn’t even really say what was holding him back. He’d let go of all his doubts about Caine and his commitment to the station—and to Macklin—about the same time he’d kissed Caine in front of a half-dozen jackaroos, but this wasn’t about trusting Caine to stay on. It was about control of himself. He’d seen his father out of control too many times to be comfortable with the idea, and the one time he hadn’t reined himself in, the results had been devastating. He’d sworn never to be out of control again.
Maybe it was time to consider loosening those reins, at least where this one thing was concerned.

T
HE
roads crisscrossing Lang Downs weren’t quite as bumpy as Chris remembered them from his arrival on the station, but they were hardly smooth either. He tried to keep track on the map of where they were going and to mark the most pitted places for repair, although he had no idea whether what he considered bad would seem that way to someone used to life on a station.

Some days he felt like he’d gone down the rabbit hole with Alice.

He could deal with that most of the time, and he knew he had the man sitting next to him to thank for that. Jesse had been his touchstone since he arrived. He glanced sideways, wishing he had the nerve to turn and drink in Jesse’s appearance the way he wanted to do, but even with the intimacies they’d shared, even knowing they’d do so again the next time an opportunity presented itself, he felt strange staring openly, like that was somehow a violation of some unspoken agreement.

They weren’t together like Caine and Macklin were, a couple united against the world. They were fucking around from time to time. No harm in that, but it wasn’t the same kind of relationship, the kind that let Caine stand comfortably in Macklin’s personal space or that let Macklin climb the stairs to sleep in Caine’s bed at night. Chris didn’t claim to understand the routine that left Macklin sitting on the veranda alone watching the stars before going upstairs to join his lover, but Chris had seen it happen enough nights to accept it. Those heavy, measured treads signaled the end of the day. When Macklin came upstairs, the downstairs lights were off, the doors were closed, and it was time for bed, even if not always time for sleep, to judge by the sounds that filtered down the hallway as many nights as not.

Chris didn’t have that with Jesse and didn’t delude himself that he would have it any time soon, certainly not living under Caine and Macklin’s roof. If he stayed at Lang Downs, he could move into the bunkhouse or maybe see about moving into one of the smaller houses if there was one empty, since he’d have Seth to share it with. Or maybe Seth could stay at Caine and Macklin’s while Chris moved to the bunkhouse if a separate house wasn’t available. Even in the bunkhouse, though, it wouldn’t be like it was for Caine and Macklin. He and Jesse might mess around. They might even sleep together sometimes, but not like that.

Someday maybe he’d have a man like that in his life, a relationship to build a lifetime on. Someday when he had his shit together and could actually make decisions for himself. It wouldn’t be tomorrow, but Caine and Macklin were proof it could happen, even out here in the outback.

“You’re awfully quiet,” Jesse said, his voice breaking into Chris’s thoughts. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Chris said quickly. A little too quickly, to judge by the look Jesse threw him. “Just thinking about Caine and Macklin.”

“You’re going to give me a complex here,” Jesse joked.

“Not like that,” Chris said with a roll of his eyes. “The way they live together. The way they rely on each other. It’s probably silly, but I look at them and….”

“And think there might be hope for guys like us,” Jesse finished.

Chris nodded.
“I’ve worked on eight stations in the last ten years,” Jesse said, “and I’ve never seen anything like them, not even with a grazier and his wife. They make me believe in things I’d started thinking were impossible. Maybe not anywhere else, but here, at least. I’ve never wanted to stay on a station for the winter. I’ve always gone back to Melbourne or Sydney to crash with friends. Even at the two stations I worked at for a second summer, I didn’t want to stay. It’s different here, though. I could stay here.”
“Yeah, I get the idea this is that kind of place,” Chris agreed. “Or maybe that’s just who I’m spending time with. Kami, Neil, Patrick… they’re all year-rounders, as dedicated to the station as Caine and Macklin are. Maybe some of the seasonal jackaroos feel differently.”
“Not really,” Jesse said. “I mean, there are a lot who aren’t ready to settle down or who see this as something different to do for a few years as a break after uni, or before uni, but quite a few of them come back summer after summer because working here is different.”
Chris pondered that as they drove on. He’d planned to go to university once upon a time, before his mum got sick and Tony turned into more and more of a bastard when she wasn’t around to see him. It shouldn’t have been a surprise when Tony kicked them out. He wondered about using the job at the station as a chance to get his life together, save up a little money to live on while he was at uni, maybe even go part time so he could work here from shearing to whatever event marked the end of the work year for the seasonal jackaroos. He had no idea what or when that would be, but someone could tell him. He could get his degree and “do something” with his life, as Tony had always yelled at him to do. That would mean leaving Lang Downs, though, and at least for the next couple of years, Seth would be here. Chris didn’t care how hard he had to work to make sure Seth had the time he needed to get his HSC so his choices wouldn’t be limited, and if staying a few more years meant Seth could go to uni, then that’s what Chris would do.
He glanced over at the man sitting in the cab of the ute with him. Or he could just stay. Jesse certainly seemed to be happy with his life as it was. Kami, Neil, Patrick, Kyle, Ian, and of course Caine and Macklin had carved out lives for themselves on the station. Patrick was married, and he wasn’t the only one. Neil seemed well on his way to being married before the end of the summer, and Caine and Macklin were the closest thing to it, but Kyle and Ian were both single. They weren’t twenty anymore, but they made a single life on a station work year-round.
If Jesse stayed too, like his conversation suggested he might, Chris wouldn’t even have to go without in the winters. He’d have company all the time for as long as their arrangement lasted.
“There’s the first drover’s hut,” Jesse said, drawing Chris out of his thoughts. “Let’s go see what it needs.”
The hut was basic at best, four walls and a roof with a lean-to shed behind it, presumably for horses if the jackaroos rode in instead of driving, but the inside showed no signs of water damage, so it was that tight at least because Chris knew they’d had bad storms in the tablelands during the winter.
“It’s not a lot to look at, is it?” Chris said.
“When your other choice is spending the night in the open in the pouring rain or huddling under a tree or trying to get home on horseback in the middle of a storm, this looks like paradise,” Jesse replied. “You have the list Caine gave us?”
Chris pulled it out so they could inventory the cabinets and see what they needed to add from the supplies in the flatbed of the ute. They switched out the blankets for clean ones, because Caine had insisted all the blankets could use a good wash, and refilled the cabinets with tins of vegetables and fruit as well as biscuits and Vegemite. It wouldn’t be fancy dining, but it would be enough to fill a man’s stomach in an emergency. They changed the flashlight batteries, checked the condition of the cots, and declared the cabin ready for summer.
“Once I get rid of this lead weight, we should volunteer for a night shift out here,” Chris said as they climbed back into the ute. “We might actually have some time alone and some privacy that way.”
“Time alone and privacy, maybe,” Jesse said, “but out here, we’re working.”
“Even in the middle of the night?”
“Unless we’re stuck out here and are using the huts as refuge, yes,” Jesse said. “From what I heard, they drive the sheep close to the drover’s huts at night so the men can keep an eye on them. We’d be inside, but we’d be expected to pay attention for threats in the night. Dingoes and feral dogs like to make off with sheep when it’s dark and it’s harder to see them to stop them.”
“Bummer,” Chris said with a frown. “There goes my great idea for getting you alone.”
Jesse laughed. “We’ll figure it out, Chris. It’s not like we have to fuck every night, you know.”
“We haven’t fucked yet,” Chris retorted.
Jesse elbowed him lightly. “You know what I mean.”
Chris did know, but hearing Jesse talk about fucking, imagining what it might be like to have Jesse inside him, did things to Chris’s libido. Suddenly the air in the cab seemed charged with electricity, and Jesse’s hands on the wheel steering the ute toward the next hut drew Chris’s eyes constantly as he imagined those hands on his body again.
“If we can’t meet behind the tractor shed, can we meet inside the tractor shed again?” Chris asked after a few minutes, his voice sounding rough to his own ears.
“Feeling horny?” Jesse joked.
Chris grabbed one of Jesse’s hands and rubbed it over his crotch. “Hell, yes.”
“Careful, mate,” Jesse said, putting his hand back on the wheel. “If I crash the ute, we’ll both be in trouble.”
“You didn’t answer my question,” Chris said. “Can we meet in the tractor shed again?”
“I don’t know,” Jesse said. “There’s just no guarantee we won’t be interrupted, and I’m past the age where someone walking in on me having sex has any appeal.”
“You make it sound like you’re ancient,” Chris said. “You’re only, what, twenty-five, twenty-six?”
“Twenty-eight,” Jesse said, “but that’s not the point. The point is I’m not a fan of sex with an audience, even when it’s an appreciative audience, and there’s a good chance it wouldn’t be an appreciative audience here.”
“Everybody seems pretty tolerant to me.”
“There’s a difference between being tolerant in theory and having it rubbed in your face,” Jesse replied. “Yes, we’re both adults, but that doesn’t mean anyone else wants to see us together. I’m sure you’ve noticed Caine and Macklin keep it pretty far under wraps in public.”
“Hiding in plain sight?” Chris asked.
“I don’t think they’re hiding,” Jesse said. “That would be kind of pointless given Neil’s speech the day we all arrived. They simply choose not to act in ways that would make people around them uncomfortable. They rely on their jackaroos to do their jobs as much as the jackaroos rely on them to have a job. If people suddenly started leaving, they’d be in trouble.”
“I suppose,” Chris said. “Can’t we do the same? Hide in plain sight?”
“We’re hardly in the same situation they’re in,” Jesse reminded him. “We aren’t the boss and foreman.”
“Macklin suspects,” Chris said, “and he didn’t seem to care. He said what I did with my off time was my business as long as it didn’t affect my work or yours.”
“That’s good, I suppose,” Jesse said, “although I’m not sure how I feel about them knowing, honestly.”
“I didn’t tell them,” Chris said, hoping he hadn’t done something wrong. “I was sitting on the veranda and Macklin mentioned a trip into town for supplies. I said I needed to pick up a few things. He offered to pick them up for me, but I wasn’t going to ask him to buy me condoms so I said I’d rather go with, and that’s when he told me it was okay if we were letting off a little steam as long as we knew what we were doing. I swear I didn’t tell him.”
“He didn’t get to be the foreman of Lang Downs by being slow or stupid,” Jesse said. “If you’d needed shampoo or something, you’d have asked for it, so you either needed condoms or you had the clap and wanted medicine for it. If you had the clap, they’d have treated you at the hospital. Therefore you wanted condoms.”
When Jesse put it that way…. “I guess I did sort of tell him, then.”
“Don’t worry about it,” Jesse said. “He wasn’t upset, you said, and he didn’t tell you we had to stop or anything so I figure that’s tacit permission.”
Chris scooted closer to Jesse in the cab of the ute. “So can we spend a few extra minutes at the next hut? I’ve missed you.”
“At lunch,” Jesse relented. “Wherever we stop for lunch, we’ll be on a break and I won’t feel so much like we’re abusing their trust.”
“They won’t know when we take our break as long as we get a reasonable amount of work done today,” Chris cajoled.
Jesse chuckled. “You really want to take that chance? You really think you can look Macklin in the eye when he starts asking questions and not give yourself away? I know I wouldn’t be able to.”
Given Chris’s track record, he decided not to push it. “Okay, lunch time it is.”
“Think of it as foreplay,” Jesse said as they pulled up to the second hut. “Another two hours of anticipation, of wondering what will happen when we stop for lunch.”
“Or of planning what I’m going to do to you,” Chris teased. He refused to be the only one desperately horny by lunch time. “I can think of a few things I’d like to try.” “If I let you,” Jesse retorted.
Chris grinned. “Oh, you’ll let me. I’ve got a talented mouth, or so I’ve been told.”