Cheap Shot (20 page)

“Thank you, Daddy.” She leaned in to kiss
his cheek. “Thank you.”

Jaxon stared at his reflection in the
full-length mirror and adjusted his tie. It was their wedding day. Six months
had passed since he’d proposed to Sela, and while he would have been happy
eloping to Vegas, she wanted their wedding to be memorable, and he wanted to
give her anything and everything she wanted.

Dylan walked up behind him and slapped him
on the back. It had been nearly impossible for Jaxon to choose a best man since
all of his partners were like brothers to him, but in the end, Dylan had gotten
the nod.

“Are you nervous?” Dylan asked, chuckling.

“Nervous?” He grinned at his friend’s
reflection. “No, I’m anxious. Excited. I can’t wait to make her my wife.”

Dylan’s smile slipped as he turned away
from the mirror. “I’m happy for you, man. Seriously, you and Sela deserve
this.”

“How are things going with Sabrina?” Jaxon
turned toward his friend and slipped his hands in his pockets. “Are you making
any headway?”

Dylan perched his big body on the edge of
the couch. “I told you I’ve given up on that. It’s not gonna happen for us.
I’ve resigned myself to that and moved on.”

Jaxon knew
moving on
meant a
different woman every night to fill the void, but he could tell by the vacant
look in his partner’s eyes that the void was getting bigger by the day. Dylan
was in love with Sabrina. No other woman could take her place.

“Don’t be so quick to give up, buddy,”
Jaxon said, gripping Dylan’s shoulder. “Who thought me and Sela would end up
here?”

“I knew you would,” Dylan said, looking at
the floor. “You loved her. She loved you. It was only a matter of time before
y’all worked it out. The difference is Sabrina doesn’t love me. She never has,
never will.”

Jaxon knew the hell he’d been through,
though he’d never questioned Sela’s feelings for him. He couldn’t imagine what
it would have been like to try to persevere without hope. Before he could tell
his friend to keep the faith, his cell phone rang. Jaxon saw the number for the
nursing home flash across his screen. His mother hadn’t been well enough to
attend the wedding. She’d developed pneumonia days before, and the doctor had
prescribed bed rest and antibiotics. The nursing staff knew it was his wedding
day and the ceremony was due to start in twenty minutes. They wouldn’t be
calling unless it was urgent.

“Hello?”

“Jaxon.”

He recognized Violet’s voice. She was a
sweet woman just shy of retirement who loved to bake and crochet. Pictures of
her children and grandchildren cluttered her desk, and she was always smiling.
She was the kind of mother he’d always wished he had.

“Violet, what is it, what’s wrong?”

“Oh, honey.” She sighed. “I know today is
your big day. I just hate to do this to you, but the administrator insisted I
call you right away.”

Jaxon sank down on a chair, knowing the
news wouldn’t be good.

“It’s your mama. She passed away.”

“No.” Jaxon closed his eyes and bowed his
head. She hadn’t been with them for a long time, but knowing that her body had
finally left the earth left an ache in his chest he hadn’t expected. She was
his only family, and now she was gone too. He had no one. No, that wasn’t true.
He had Sela, and they would have their own family someday. “I’ll be right
there. I’m ten minutes away.”

“Jaxon, there’s nothing you can do. The
coroner will be here soon, and they’ll take her—”

“Don’t let them take her anywhere until I
get there.” He couldn’t explain why it was so important he see her one last
time. He just knew he had to.

“Jax, what it is, man?” Dylan asked as soon
as Jaxon hung up.

“My mother passed away.” He pinched the
bridge of his nose, trying to let the words filter through to his brain. She
was gone. It just didn’t seem possible.

“Oh God.” Dylan paled behind tan. “I’m
sorry. Let me get Sela. If you’re going, she’ll want to go with you.”

Jaxon held up his hand. “No, I need to go
alone.” He reached for the door handle.

“You can’t walk out on her on your wedding
day with no explanation. That’s not right.”

No, it wasn’t right. None of it felt right.
“Tell her I’m sorry.”

“You tell her you’re sorry,” Dylan snapped.
“Tell her you’re sorry you’re pushing her away again, that you won’t let her be
there for you when you need her most.”

Jaxon slipped out a back door to avoid the
wedding guests. He didn’t want to answer any questions. He didn’t want to see
the look on Sela’s face when she realized he wouldn’t be there to exchange
their vows. He knew he was a coward. There was no way he could get the words
out. He couldn’t talk about the future when his mind was trapped in the past.

The staff at the nursing home could only
allow him a few minutes with his mother. They said the coroner was on his way.
Taking a deep breath, Jaxon slipped into her room. He had no idea what to say
or why he was even there. It was too late to make peace. It had been for a long
time.

Sitting on a chair a few feet from her bed,
he said, “I’m here, Mama. I know it’s too late, but I’m here.” Fisting his hand
near his mouth, he tried to keep his emotions in check. “This beautiful woman
taught me the meaning of love and forgiveness. She should never have been able
to forgive me for the things I said to her, the way I hurt her, but she did. I
guess that’s why I’m here, to tell you I forgive you too.”

Looking at the ceiling, he wondered if his
mother’s spirit lingered in the room, watching and listening to his every word.
He hoped so. “I forgive you, and I forgive Dad for leaving us. I know he was
sick. Maybe you were too, I don’t know. Hell, I think I was. But my therapist
had helped me a lot. Of course, I had the means to afford help. I know you
didn’t. At least not while I was growing up. I don’t know much about your
childhood. You never talked about it. Maybe there was a reason for that. Maybe
you had emotional scars too that kept you from loving the way everyone wants
to: deeply, completely, without fear.”

Looking out the window, he spotted Fred on
a bench. He wondered if the old man had heard of his mother’s passing. He may
be one of the few people who would mourn her or even notice she was gone. That
made Jaxon feel a certain kinship with the stranger.

“I know you were lonely.” He sighed, a
body-wracking sound that wafted through the heavy silence. “Even before you got
sick, you were lonely. I should have tried harder to connect with you. Maybe
invited you to a therapy session, tried to talk through our issues while we
still had the chance. I’m sorry I didn’t.” He never expected he’d apologize to
his mother, but it felt good. It felt right. He was tired of living with anger
and resentment. It was time to let go. “I guess that’s all I came to say,
Mama.” He stood and gently kissed her forehead. “Rest in peace.”

Jaxon nodded to Violet as he passed the
nurses’ desk, letting her know he’d had the time he needed. Before he could go
back to the church and beg his bride’s forgiveness, he felt compelled to see
Fred. He didn’t understand why. Seeing Sela should be the only thing on his
mind. A quick glance at his watch told him the ceremony should be underway. His
gut clenched. He wondered if walking out on their wedding day was a sin too big
for even Sela to forgive.

“You’re here,” Fred said, his thin lips
pulled into a tight line. “I didn’t know if you’d come.”

Jaxon sat beside him. “I had to. I had some
things to say.”

“I understand,” Fred said, gripping his
cane tighter. “When my boy died, I went to the funeral home before the service
and talked to him for a long time. I knew his body had left us, but I wanted to
believe his spirit was there. I told him things I’d never had the courage to
say face-to-face. It felt good, cathartic.”

Jaxon would have described his brief time
with his mother the same way.

Fred reached into the pocket of his light
cotton jacket and pulled out an unmarked envelope. “Your mama gave this to me.”
He turned it over in his hand. “It’s for you. She made me promise I wouldn’t
give it to you until she’d departed. After I met you, I wrestled with that
decision. I didn’t know if it was right withholding it.”

“I don’t understand.” Jaxon frowned as he
accepted the envelope. “When did she write this?”

“I think even before she came here.” Fred
looked at the crinkled envelope. “She still had some good days those first few
months. We became friends. She trusted me with this after a month or two, asked
that I made sure you got it after she passed. I laughed at the time, told her
she’d probably outlive me. She said she didn’t think that would happen.”

Jaxon felt a chill knowing his mother had
been anticipating death, perhaps even looking forward to it.

“Crazy when you think of it.” Fred shook
his head. “I’m older than her. I should’ve been the one to go first.” He looked
at Jaxon. “’Course, then I wouldn’t have been able to tell you this… your mama
loved you, son. I know she had a hard time showing you, but she loved you.
Don’t ever doubt that.”

Jaxon thought about what Fred had said
about his mother having some good days when she first came to the home. “Did
she tell you that?”

He chuckled. “Like I told you before, she
couldn’t stop bragging about you. Made it sound like you could walk on water.”

“Hardly,” Jaxon muttered. At the moment, he
felt as if he was drowning. It was hard to believe his mother, who’d never once
said she was proud of him, had acknowledged his accomplishments.

“She couldn’t believe you were still
willing to take care of her after everything that happened between y’all. She
said you were a good son, that you’d be a good husband and father someday.”

Jaxon looked at his left hand. There should
be a diamond band there, the one Sela had made for him to represent her love
and devotion. “I’m not so sure I’ll ever get the chance now.”

“Today was supposed to be your wedding day,
wasn’t it?” Fred said quietly.

“Yes.” Jaxon tipped his head back, closing
his eyes. He still couldn’t believe he’d been stupid enough to walk out on Sela
without an explanation on the biggest day of their lives. “How did you know
that?”

“I overheard Violet and some of the girls
talking about it. They were debating whether they should wait to call you. They
didn’t want to ruin your wedding.”

Jaxon wondered if he would have preferred
that.
No.
He’d needed to see his mother. “I left before the ceremony
without saying a word to my bride. How could I do that?” He thought of how he’d
felt when he got the news. He just hadn’t been able to stay there another
minute, not even for Sela.

“People do crazy things when they’re
grief-stricken, son,” Fred said, gripping Jaxon’s knee. “If your lady loves
you, she’ll understand.”

“She’s already had to understand and accept
too much. This might be the last straw.” He squeezed his eyes shut, knowing
that bench wasn’t the place to fall apart. He would have time for that later.
“I should have told her what had happened, given her the opportunity to come
with me or at least told her I’d be back, that I loved her, that…” He didn’t
know what he should have said, only that he should have said something. Running
away like that was so wrong.

“Looks like you’re getting another chance,”
Fred said, smiling.

The air got trapped in Jaxon’s lungs when
he saw the vision walking toward them. He’d imagined what Sela would look like
in her wedding gown, but nothing could have prepared him for the reality. With
the sun shining down on her, her trailing gown glistened it as it caught the
light. Her flawless face looked pained and uncertain, and it took everything in
him to stay seated. He wanted to go to her, hit the ground, and beg
forgiveness. Again. But he waited for her to come to him, to tell him his fate.

Fred stood. “I’ll let you two talk. Don’t
be a stranger, Jaxon. If you ever need an old-timer’s take on things, you know
where to find me.”

“Thanks.” Jaxon couldn’t think about Fred
or his offer while Sela was approaching him. His throat was dry, his pulse
racing as he waited for her to tell him whether this was good-bye.

She sat beside him, shifting her dress so
it fanned out around her feet. “I’m sorry about your mother, Jax.”

“Thanks.” He wanted to reach for her hand,
but he was scared she would pull away.

“Why didn’t you tell me what happened? I
would have come with you.”

“I know you would have.” His voice broke as
he lowered his head. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I hurt you again. What’s wrong
with me?” He leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees. “Why do I keep
doing this? You’re the last person I want to hurt, but it’s like I can’t help
myself.”

“The only reason I’m hurt is because you
didn’t come to me when you were in pain.”

He was the runner. She was the fighter. In
so many ways, she was so much stronger, so much more courageous than he was.
Forcing the heels of his hands into his burning eyes, he said, “I don’t know
why I left like that. I just had to get out of there. I had to see her one more
time before they took her away.”