Chocolate Girls with Golden Hair (6 page)

Lee opened his mouth, then turned away.
His actions worried her and at the same time the voracious
curiosity ached at the center of her stomach. "What is it, honey?"
she asked him.

Out of nowhere, with no warning and
with a straight face, he asked. "How about we get married
tomorrow?"

Bianca smiled, then decided to play his
little game. "Why not tonight? We can fly out to Vegas and have it
done by morning."

"Are you serious?" he asked, his eyes
wide and alert.

"No, Lee. I'm not ready to get
married."

"Who is ever ready?"

She couldn't believe it. He was
actually serious. "Lee, we can't get married. We've never even
kissed."

"What are you talking about?" he
questioned. "You kissed me the other day."

"I'm talking about a real kiss,
Lee."

Lee seemed to give her words some
thought. "Well, that can be easily rectified." Lee stepped to
Bianca, raised the hood of his Kangol cap and slowly inched his
face to hers. All the while Bianca listened to the wailing wind in
her ears, her eyes wide open. With his eyes locked with hers, he
drifted his lips towards hers. Bianca's eyes fell shut when his
tongue firmly, but with a gentle ease, made its way through her
lips when he kissed her long and hard.

Suddenly, it dawned on her that she
wanted this kiss more than she realized. They stood in the middle
of the sidewalk, as if on display for the entire world to see. This
was their first real kiss and though she was no teenager, she felt
like one all over again.

To her disappointment, Lee was first to
pull away. One thing was for certain. There was nothing lacking in
that kiss. In fact, the only thing lacking was that it didn't last
longer. On one level, it felt so right. Then on another level, it
felt so wrong. It was not supposed to happen, but she was glad that
it did, and, more importantly, it could never happen again. How
could she carry on a relationship with someone who was once spoken
for by her late sister? No matter how she looked at it, she would
never be able to make it feel right.

"Now can we get married?" Lee asked
her.

His witty words left a lasting smile on
her face. "I'm afraid not, but that was very nice," she said to
him.

"I like you, Bianca. You probably
already know that, but just in case you don't, I'm telling you now.
I really like you." His soothing voice could flatter a comatose
woman.

"I like you too," she said.

"But do you know how I like
you?"

"I think I have a pretty good idea."
Bianca paused. "You really liked my sister, too, and we are nothing
like each other."

"And? You can't like two different
people?"

"Of course, you can. That's not what I
mean―I don't know what I mean."

As they continued towards the parking
lot, Lee continued. "For the last few months, I've been giving you
subtle hints about my feelings, but―"

"But what?" she asked.

"But nothing. You haven't responded,
except for that kiss. You have a warmth about you that touches me
right here," he said as he placed his hand against his chest, his
puppy-dog expression almost piercing her skin.

Not knowing what to say, she turned
away to collect her thoughts. How was she going to respond to him
without hurting his feelings?

She pondered his words for a few
seconds, and then, "Maybe I do have time for that coffee after
all."

The buzzing espresso machine and the
smell of robust brewed coffee met Bianca at the door as she and Lee
stepped through the warm and cozy café. People in jeans and sweats
swarmed the coffee shop on this gloomy fall evening. Some read,
some wrote, while others talked with one another.

After Bianca ordered an espresso and
Lee ordered hot chocolate, they seated themselves in the back with
a view of Ontario Street. Bianca's attempt to pay for the beverages
had failed again. "Why don't you ever let me pay for anything?" she
asked him.

"Because," he stated. "I like doing
things for you."

"I appreciate that, and I like doing
things for you, too. You are a very giving person, and I appreciate
your kindness. It's one of the many things that I like about you,
but sometimes it keeps me from being kind to you as
well."

"Okay," Lee stated. "The next time we
go out, it's on you, and I want everything on the menu.
Twice."

"You promise?"

Lee nodded in agreement.

"You and I became friends at a time
when I needed a friend the most," Bianca said. "And for that, I
will always be grateful to you."

As she finished her sentence, she
fancied herself on some lame talk show where she discloses all of
her secrets. And if this were a conversation she happened to
eavesdrop on, it would have been enough to make her gag, but they
were her words, her sincere words. Bianca grappled with herself in
silence, trying to say just the right thing and still remain true
to herself. Finally, she moved her cup of espresso to the side and
sat forward.

"I'm not ready for a relationship, Lee.
There's so much going on in my head, and I would just bring that
confusion to a relationship. You and I have a mutual respect for
one another. There's love between us, and I can't take a chance on
losing that," she paused. "I admit though that sometimes, I do
think about it."

"Really?" he asked.

"Yes, I have thought about us as a
couple, but I don't think you realize the caliber of our friendship
and what it means to me. I've opened up more to you than my own
doctor, and I cannot risk losing that special bond that we've
created."

Lee looked as if he understood, but she
could tell that he didn't. "It's because I used to be engaged to
your sister, isn't it?"

"That's part of it, but most
importantly, you and I have a great friendship."

"Friends can be more than friends to
each other," he insisted.

"I know they can, but I am just not
willing to risk what we have for anything."

She listened to herself say all these
things to Lee, witnessing the pitiful and needy look on his face,
and it sent sprinkles of sorrow through her heart. There was
nothing wrong with Lee wanting to take their friendship to another
level. He was not the problem. She was. Of all the things Bianca
wished for Lee, she wished him love most of all, because that was
what he wanted most of all.

Soon after Lee dropped her off at her
apartment, she scrambled immediately into bed, but struggled to
fall asleep after having consumed all that espresso at the coffee
house. In a way, she and Lee made a perfect pair because he knew
all about her and liked her just as she was, but she needed to
exorcise her demons of despair, otherwise she would not be any good
to anyone.

For thirty minutes, she tried to calm
her racing thoughts and fall asleep. It was ten o'clock and it
seemed useless. She was about to climb out of bed and find
something constructive to do with her idle time when the phone
rang. It was Lee, who insisted that he see her right away. Not only
did she find this unusual because of the odd hour, but also because
she had just left his side.

This must be important.

Fifteen minutes passed when Lee
arrived. He wore an enthusiastic look on his face when he stepped
through the door.

"Did you even go home at all?" she
asked him.

"I went home."

Bianca clicked on the floor lamp in the
living room, retied the strap on her chilli red bathrobe, then
flopped down on the sofa. "So what is it you needed to see me
about?"

For a moment, Lee stood still, a rare
seriousness covering his face, something she never saw before. He
then pulled a CD from his pocket, but Bianca could not make out the
label.

The anxiety bubbled up inside her
stomach. "You know you can take off your coat?" she said to
him.

Lee shook his head. "I won't be here
long."

Bianca's mood now changed from innocent
curiosity to serious concern.

"I have something I want to share with
you, but before I do, I have to tell you one thing first," he
said.

She swallowed hard, anxiously awaiting
his words, almost afraid of what she might hear. After everything
that she endured with the demise of her family, now was not the
time for more bad news. With a baited sigh, she sat back, crossed
her legs and tried to keep an open mind. It wasn't necessarily bad
news; it could even be good news.

"First, I want you to know that I
accept everything that you said tonight, and that I am by no means
trying to change your mind."

Bianca's eyes locked in with his, the
palm of her hands sweating in anticipation. "Okay," she
said.

"But. I want you to listen to something
for me."

Her eyes followed him as he inserted
the CD into the stereo disc player. The suspense gnawed at her
stomach. Because of the hour and his unusual, adamant demand to see
her, this would not be a little something. This would be a big
something. He moved towards the floor lamp, clicked it off, then
stood next to the stereo disc player. He was just about to push the
play button, and then said. "I want you to listen to this song and
really listen to the words, all of them."

Bianca's eyes widened as she nodded and
waited to be lured off her feet. Enough was enough, and if he made
her wait any longer, she was about to scream in
apprehension.

Finally the song played through, and
she recognized the sweet upbeat tune. Though she had heard it
before, she could not make out the title right away. It was an old,
old, Bee Gees song: I Just Want to Be Your Everything, a song she
loved for many years, so much that she owned a copy herself. As Lee
instructed, she listened to the words with a meticulous ear,
because for the first time, these words were directed at her. And
that was no small potato.

All the times she had heard the song
before, she never imagined in fifty years that one day that the
beautiful heartfelt words I would wait forever for those lips of
wine, those words, those wonderful words, would be dedicated to
her. As the words rang through the two speakers, Bianca peered at
Lee's calm figure standing near the entertainment center. He didn't
move and didn't make a sound.

The lyrics were exuberant and Bianca
wasn't exactly sure what exuberant meant, but it was definitely
something wonderful. That she did know. Her head hung down and she
wiped the single teardrop from her face. It would be moments before
she would make eye contact with the sweet man before her. Once the
song played through, Lee planted himself next to Bianca and gently
lifted her head upwards, and said, "I'll do anything to be your
everything."

Was she hearing this right?

Was she really that special to
him?

Though she appreciated his sincerity,
his timing was not good. Maybe if she had known this weeks ago,
things could have been different, but she was overtaken with a
monstrous passion to explore her individuality and find out what
lurked inside, and love was not on the agenda. Still teary eyed and
almost saddened by the moment, Bianca was speechless and
reborn.

Finally, in an almost suspended state,
she said, "That was so beautiful, Lee. Thank you. Were those words
meant for my ears, or was I dreaming?"

"You weren't dreaming, and, yes, they
were meant for your ears."

The lyrics were probably an
exaggeration, but if just a few of the words rang true in Lee's
heart, it was much more than anyone had ever done for her before.
She now knew how he truly felt about her, and it was more than
flattering.

They shared a long silence until Lee
finally broke it. "I thought it was important that I let you know
how I really felt. I'm not asking you to choose me, because I have
already chosen you. The feeling that I have for you is more than
strong."

Bianca's face was stained with tears,
and she wanted to grab a Kleenex from the bedroom, but she couldn't
risk interrupting this poetic, magical moment. He scooted closer to
her, removed his Kangol hat and grasped her hand into his. "More
than anything else, I just want to love you."

Bianca's eyes did not move from him as
she hung on to his every word, her palms sweating once
again.

Lee continued. "I'm not trying to put
any pressure on you by telling you all of this, but it's true. It's
all true."

Bianca's eyes watered so much that soon
a blurred image of Lee sat before her. This was like a fantasy come
true. It was just so unreal to have someone express that kind of
love towards her.

"You don't have to say anything," he
said. "It's a wonderful thing when you have the power to make a
person feel special, and I get that from you."

Bianca's loss for words elevated her
body to a standing position as she released his hand. "You have
left me completely and utterly speechless."

If ever he wanted to make a point, he
had made one that night. He conveyed for her how he felt in a way
so clear, leaving no room for any misunderstanding. "Thank you for
all of that, for the song, for everything."