Choose Love (28 page)

We have patience with a young child because we love him. We want him to learn to do the right thing, and we know he learns best in an atmosphere of love and acceptance. But if, God forbid, he grows up and becomes rebellious beyond what your patience can endure, you become long-suffering in praying for him to return to his family, his God, and his senses.

Patience is the ability to be wronged, inconvenienced, wearied, or inundated and yet still wait on God for that person or situation and not retaliate, punish, or give up
.

Other words for “patient” are
tolerant, forgiving, charitable, bighearted, openhearted, sympathetic, understanding, enduring, steadfast, constant, unwavering, tireless, undiscouraged, and forbearing.

To be patient is to put up with, make the best of it, grin and bear it, and be uncomplaining. Are we always that way with everyone? Not likely.

We could take each one of those words individually and search them out to their fullest meaning, but that’s not necessary. We are convicted already by just reading these. Each word points to the fact that we cannot be patient or long-suffering on our own—at least not to the extent God wants us to be—without His love poured into us by His Spirit. We need His patience poured into us.

Showing patience is not being resigned
.
It’s joyful anticipation of what God is going to do, not only in the person with whom you are being patient, but also in you
.

Sometimes we are impatient with God. We want Him to answer our prayers
now
and in the way we want them answered. But our love
for
Him has to be greater than what we want
from
Him. I’ve seen too many people walk away from God because He didn’t answer their prayers the way they wanted Him to. They didn’t love Him enough to have the patience to wait for Him to answer in
His
way and His time. I know someone who decided to become an atheist because when he prayed for a family member to be healed she died anyway. He didn’t know God well enough to love Him enough.

Prayer is not telling God what to do
.
It is coming to Him in humility and with gratitude, which are signs of love, and sharing our heart’s desire with Him—trusting He knows best
.

Loving God means respecting His sovereignty and His will and the fact that
He
decides who dies and when. We do not exhibit love for God when we indict Him for not acting in accordance with our dictating prayers.

Being patient with someone is not enabling him to continue doing something that is annoying or dangerous to himself or others. We should not give up on a person’s ability to get free, but we don’t allow that person to keep on sinning against us, other people,
himself, or God. We should not permit anyone to verbally, physically, mentally, or emotionally abuse us or anyone else. Enabling that kind of action is neither love nor patience. Getting free from such a person is not being impatient, it is wise.

How do you recognize the cutoff point for someone who continues to live in error, sin, or rebellion? When do you say “enough” to someone who is insisting on going off a cliff and you no longer want to watch, be a party to it, or go off the cliff with him? When does your patience appear to be an endorsement of the error in which that person is living?

You can only know the absolute correct answer to each of these questions by hearing the leading of the Holy Spirit. When He tells you to show tough love, you must say to that person, “I have been patient with you and this issue, but you know how I feel about what you are continuing to do. Although I love you, I cannot stand by and give the appearance that I approve in any way what you are doing. I choose to love you by praying for you to be brought to your knees before God in repentance for not living His way. I have released you into God’s hands and pray He will speak to you and you will hear Him clearly.”

Of course, if you are saying that to your two-year-old, be prepared for a blank stare. Come to think of it, you could get the same stare from an adult too, but at least you have established a boundary, you know your limits, and you have brought God into it.

Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for someone is to pray that they will fall into the hands of the living God and have a great awakening. Some people only learn from a hard lesson before they turn to God. You can love them by praying for that to happen and at the same time pray that the enemy will not destroy them in the process.

That, too, is love.

Love Is Kind

Showing love for others means being kind, and there are countless ways to do that. One of the ways is to recognize when others
need to be affirmed. In the word “praise” there is also an element of
calming
,
pacifying,
or
soothing
with our words. This doesn’t mean we conjure up something about someone and tell them white lies to make them feel good. We tell the truth. If you cannot see anything good about a particular person, ask God to show you what
He
sees in them. The treasure chest of praiseworthy things you can find in someone is amazing when you see them from God’s perspective.

The Bible instructs us to thank God for His love and kindness day and night. “It is good to give thanks to the L
ORD
…to declare Your lovingkindness in the morning, and Your faithfulness every night” (Psalm 92:1-2). We learn about lovingkindness from God. As we praise and thank Him for His love and kindness to us, He touches and expands our heart to receive those things.

Showing kindness means not being controlling
. There is a difference between love and control. We don’t force people to love us, and we don’t force them to receive what we want to give them. When we try to control another’s emotions, thoughts, or actions, that is not love. Even God, who created us, doesn’t try to control us. He loves us unconditionally, and He gives us a free will to make choices about whether to receive His love and to love Him in return. We need to allow others to do the same.

Showing kindness means reaching out to other people in ways that are evident to them. It’s a choice that means sacrificing what we want to do at that moment. It’s an act of love, keeping in mind that God calls us to live the life He has given us for
Him
and to bless others with His love extended through us to
them
.

Jesus didn’t set us free to do whatever we want
.
He set us free to do whatever He wants
.

Showing kindness means spending time with others in order to touch their lives
.

We’ve all seen people who think that personally experiencing God in exciting ways is the extent of their life and giving of
themselves to others is not part of experiencing God. But a large part of experiencing God is showing love and patience to others. In fact, not actively showing love to others limits the depth of our experience in God’s presence.

If our life consists of only experiencing God by ourselves all alone, or even with a cherished partner, and that is the extent of it, we are greatly limiting what God wants to do in us and through us. We become self-focused thinking only about our godly experience. Yes, absolutely God wants us to experience His presence personally, but we are not to stop there. He edifies us so we can edify others.

We must be convinced that Jesus is the answer to everything while also keeping in mind that He is the answer to everything for other people as well, and they need to know that
.

Jesus said that when we sacrifice of our life for Him, we will gain (Matthew 16:25). We find amazing and wonderful things in our life when we lay down our time and effort in order to show love for others. We have to love people enough to care about where they will spend eternity and where their life is headed now.

Showing kindness to others is something we should actively pursue
.
It means saying to the Lord, “Who can I show love and kindness to today?”

Jonathan had been David’s closest friend, but Jonathan and his brothers were killed by their enemy. And their father, King Saul, also died on that same day (1 Samuel 31:1-6). After David became king, he asked, “Is there still anyone who is left of the house of Saul, that I may show him kindness for Jonathan’s sake?” (2 Samuel 9:1).

David found out that Jonathan had a son named Mephibosheth (Meh-fib'-o-sheth), who had been kept alive and hidden when his family was killed. So David had him brought to his house to live.

David told Mephibosheth, “Do not fear, for
I will surely show you kindness
for Jonathan your father’s sake, and will restore to you all the land of Saul your grandfather; and you shall eat bread at my table continually” (2 Samuel 9:7). David treated Jonathan’s son like one of his own (2 Samuel 9:11).

David specifically asked God whom he should show kindness to. And that’s what we must do as well. Ask God to show you who needs an act of kindness shown to them today and what should that be. For many people, simply a smile and a kind word of encouragement can make all the difference in their life.

When I had just moved to a different state and felt sad and lost, a stranger smiled at me and said a few kind words, and it meant more to me than I could have imagined. I never forgot it. Someone around you may need to know that you see them and they are valuable.

Other words and phrases for “kind” are
benevolent, helpful, pleasant, forgiving, conciliatory, generous, not resentful, not revengeful, tolerant, friendly, amicable, peaceable, congenial, agreeable, favorable, well intentioned, well meaning, friendly, gracious, warmhearted, tenderhearted, sympathetic, charitable, considerate, compassionate, gentle, affable, and sensitive.

Is this always the way we are to everyone? Which word do we need God to work in us today?

Showing kindness means not criticizing others
. We’ve all been around people who look for the negative in others and watch closely to find reasons to criticize them. You may be around someone like that right now. They claim they are being critical for the person’s own good, but we sense their lovelessness. We feel it. It spoils the atmosphere. It’s suffocating. It destroys relationships. And it not only kills others, but it brings death into the criticizer’s life as well. No one wants to be in the presence of someone in whose life is a distinct lack of the flow of God’s loving-kindness. That is one way to shut off the blessings of God and the depth of His presence they can experience.

Being kind means forgiving others
. We can do that because God has forgiven us. “You, Lord, are good, and ready to forgive, and abundant in mercy to all those who call upon You” (Psalm 86:5).
Because we receive God’s mercy and forgiveness, we can show our gratefulness to Him by extending mercy and forgiveness to others. God’s love, kindness, mercy, and forgiveness are abundant toward us. He is not stingy with it. He wants us to be the same way toward others.

We won’t know how God wants us to show His loving-kindness toward others unless we ask. We have to do what God asks us to do. The word
agape
is what Paul used to describe love. It’s the kind of love that is a choice and not based on whether the one we love is worthy of our love. Just as we also need God’s power working in us to live out our faith and stand strong in it, we also need God’s love in us to love others in a way that pleases Him.

Prayer of Love

L
ORD
, I ask You to fill me afresh this day with Your Spirit and Your love. Help me to develop a nature more like Yours. On my own my patience is limited, and my ability to extend love and kindness to others is imperfect at best. I know that whatever I do or say without Your love in my heart is meaningless and accomplishes nothing. Enable me to say and do everything from a heart that has been melted and molded to more resemble Yours.

I lift my heart to You and ask You to fill it with Your patience, mercy, and kindness. Show me each day who especially needs an act or word of kindness from me and what that should be. Make me sensitive to the needs of others, and give me sensitivity to Your Spirit speaking to my heart and guiding me in this. I know that patience, kindness, and love are all connected (2 Peter 1:7). There are great rewards when I extend them to other people.

Help me to be merciful and forgiving to others. Enable me to be tolerant, bighearted, understanding, steadfast, amicable, tenderhearted, considerate, sensitive, unwearied, and compassionate with other people, just as You are with me. Enable me to be patient and kind with everyone and glorify You in the process.

In Jesus’ name I pray.

Words of Love

Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

1 C
ORINTHIANS
13:4-7

Because Your lovingkindness is better than life, my lips shall praise You. Thus I will bless You while I live; I will lift up my hands in Your name.

P
SALM
63:3-4

If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me. For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it.