Choose Love (29 page)

M
ATTHEW
16:24-25

As the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.

C
OLOSSIANS
3:12-14

17

In What Ways Do I Reveal a Lack of Love?

T
here are eight characteristics that describe what true love does
not
do (1 Corinthians 13:4-6). If you or I or anyone else exhibits any one of these traits, that will always be a glaring sign of lovelessness in us. While it’s certainly easy to observe these tendencies in others, it’s not always so easy to recognize them in ourselves. But we can ask God to show us the way we are and help us to be the way He wants us to be. I know that takes courage, but if we allow ourselves to be loveless, then we shut off the blessings He has for us. We have lost something everytime one of these characteristics is revealed in us. And God is not glorified or blessed by it.

Envy in Us Reveals a Lack of Love for Others

Love does not envy
.

We are supposed to want the best for other people, not begrudge them for what they have. The psalmist said he was envious of the boastful and proud when he “saw the prosperity of the wicked” (Psalm 73:3). They seemed to have no problems. They even spoke against God and appeared to not only get away with it, but they continued to increase in their wealth and prosperity (Psalm 73:9,12).
He felt he kept his heart clean in vain because he suffered greatly and was often punished or disciplined (Psalm 73:13-14).

Haven’t we all felt like that at one time or another? We see someone living a prosperous life, seemingly without any problems whatsoever, while we try to always do the right thing and serve God to the best of our ability, and yet we also suffer greatly, are attacked by the enemy, and face problems in many areas of our life. We don’t get away with anything. We see how easy life appears to be for others and how difficult it is for us. Not that we are trying to get away with something, but if we even
thought
about doing some of the things the people who don’t serve God do, we would be flattened before God in repentance and suffer immediate consequences.

The truth is, God is with us through all of our struggles and brings lasting good out of our bad situations. He disciplines us because He loves us and wants the best for us, and our life is better for it.

The psalmist continues to say he felt that way, too, until he “went into the sanctuary of God” and “understood their end” (verse 17). Once he was able to see things from
God’s
perspective, he saw the punishment for people living apart from and in rebellion to Him, and it was that they would live “in slippery places,” and God would “cast them down to destruction,” and they would be “brought to desolation” in a moment, and be “utterly consumed with terrors” like in a bad dream, only they would not wake up from it because it would be real and for eternity (verses 18-20).

The psalmist recognized how foolish he had been to be envious of the ungodly when God was always with him, always upheld him, always guided him with counsel, and that his ultimate end was to be with the Lord forever (verses 21-24). He saw that those who live far from God will perish and receive an eternity without His presence, but he would only draw nearer to God until he was in His holy presence for eternity. The wicked will be consumed with torture and terror and unable to take their riches and charmed life with them. Why would we ever be envious of that?

Other words and phrases for “envy” are
covet, desire for oneself, begrudge, feelings of being inadequate or unacceptable, rivalry, overpossessive, mean-spirited, ungenerous, or constantly comparing ourselves to others and always falling short.

These descriptions all reveal a lack of love for others and a shortage of gratitude and appreciation for who God made us to be. We can’t ever let them be a part of us in any way.

For us to exemplify any one of these characteristics makes us feel and appear unattractive, self-centered, and small. And it points out the fact that we are not sold out to God because we are not trusting Him with our lives. We don’t want that.

The plan of the enemy is to sow seeds of envy in your mind and take away blessings from your life
.

Ask God to show you if any of these words could be used to describe you. If you see any one of these traits in yourself, confess it to God. Ask Him to help you always be happy for others when they succeed. If you find you are envious of the
godly,
trust that God gives each of His children gifts and blessings and a path to walk that keeps us in His will. When God blesses one of His children, that doesn’t mean He won’t bless you. God has blessings for your life as well. Make Him your priority and focus, and want what He wants for your life. Humble yourself “under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time” (1 Peter 5:6).

When we are envious of anyone, it reveals that we don’t love them. If we cannot be happy for someone’s success or blessings, we need to spend more time with God thanking Him for all He has given us and basking in His love.

Flaunting Ourselves Reveals a Lack of Love for Others

Love does not parade itself
.

Have you seen someone who always dresses to be the center of attention? I am not talking about trying to look nice and pleasing with good grooming and tasteful attire. I am talking about someone
who silently screams, “Look at me! Look at me!” Their necklines are too low, their clothes are too tight. They are over the top. They make others feel uncomfortable to be around. I am not talking about entertainers and celebrities whose job it is to attract attention when they are working. They are paid to not be boring. Even then, some of them are way over-the-top and tasteless, but that only happens to those who are far from God.

When we always draw attention to ourselves in an obnoxious manner, it speaks of a lack of love in our hearts for others. It says, “Let’s talk about me” not “How are you doing?” If we truly love others, we won’t want to make them feel bad about themselves, as if by stark comparison they fall short of us.

When we dress appropriately for the occasion, it shows love and respect for other people. I am not saying to look like frump-girl because it will make people feel better about themselves. I am saying we should present ourselves in a way that glorifies God and is considerate of others.

Other words and phrases for “parading ourselves” are
making a spectacle, exhibition, ostentatious, flaunt, exhibitionism, showing off, make a great show of, dangle before the eyes, and trumpet forth.

I have another definition—anything that shouts “Me! Me! Me!”

The intention of the heart is the issue here. I have erred in both directions in my life. I have been overdressed for an occasion I thought would be more dressy than it was. I should have checked on that more closely. It made me feel uncomfortable and self-conscious, and because of that I didn’t put my focus on other people as much as I would normally have done.

I have also erred in the other direction and attended an event casually dressed that turned out to be a dressy occasion. I felt my casualness was an affront to the people there as if I did not think enough of their event to get dressed up for it. Again, I should have checked and not assumed something I didn’t know for sure.

Whatever the situation, we need to ask God to make us sensitive
to others around us so that we do not draw undesirable attention to ourselves in any way. It is the loving thing to do.

Being Prideful Reveals a Lack of Love for Others

Love is not puffed up
.

Being puffed up with pride shows a tremendous lack of love for God and for others. It means we are arrogant toward God and delusional in thinking of ourselves more highly that we ought. “
Pride goes before destruction
, and a haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18).

Pride in any form always leads to rebellion against God. That was Lucifer’s sin before he fell from heaven. He thought he could be God and take over God’s world, but instead he fell from his place and his purpose. Pride will always destroy a person and their purpose. “
Do not be wise in your own eyes
; fear the L
ORD
and depart from evil.
It will be health to your flesh
, and strength to your bones” (Proverbs 3:7-8).

Some people work hard to do right and seek God passionately in the beginning of their walk with Him, but after they establish themselves in the things of God and become successful, that can become a point of pride. This is a dangerous place to be, especially if they think they are special and God’s rules no longer apply to them. God will not tolerate that, and their future will be bumpy at best. “The one who has a haughty look and a proud heart,
him I will not endure
” (Psalm 101:5). God is close to the humble but distant from the proud (Psalm 138:6). Pride reveals a lack of love.

We who truly love God will never be prideful, and we who truly love others will never be arrogant
.

Other words and phrases for “puffed up” are
inflated, blown out of proportion, overpraised, overrated, overemphasized, overdone, too much, excessive, go to one’s head, and arrogant.

Other words and phrases for “prideful” are
vain, overbearing, haughty, proud, conceited, boastful, stuck up, uppity, condescending,
self-proclaimed, presumptuous, disdainful, snobbish, assumption of superiority, chief of the deadly sins, and to give oneself airs.

When the disciples asked Jesus who was the greatest in the kingdom of heaven, He said, “
Whoever humbles himself as this little child
is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven” (Matthew 18:4). A child is
humble
and
teachable
and
submissive
. The arrogant cannot even comprehend the kingdom of God, let alone dwell there, because “God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble” (James 4:6).

Pride causes us to think,
I don’t need God
.
I can do this myself
. That goes along with an unteachable spirit. People who think they don’t need God for anything will not experience God’s greatness toward them. Isn’t it amazing to look at people who think they don’t need God? How do they not see that they are one step away from disaster at any given moment without His protection or provision? Let’s pray we can always recognize pride in ourselves and confess it immediately to the Lord. The last thing we want is a fall of any kind.

Being Rude Reveals a Lack of Love for Others

Love does not behave rudely
.

When we don’t display good manners and are not courteous to others, we show a distinct lack of love. Always. When we are knowingly rude and offensive to someone, we show that the love of God is not in us. If we truly have the love of God in our heart, we will be considerate because we care about and love other people.

I know a man who is often rude to his wife, even in front of other people. That embarrasses her and makes other people feel uncomfortable as well. God frowns on husbands and wives treating each other rudely. In fact, it can keep their prayers from being answered. Rudeness is a sign of arrogance. Anyone thinking they will benefit from being rude to others—especially their spouse—is deceived. God never blesses rudeness.

Other words and phrases for “rude” are
harsh, gruff, cocky, disrespectful, coarse, crude, crass, raunchy, obscene, uncouth, without
manners, impolite, uncivil, ungracious, heavy handed, tasteless, offensive, improper, unseemly, vulgar, and deceived.

Any of these words indicate a lack of the love of God in the heart of the person who behaves in this way. We must ask God to make us aware if we are ever like that or even tempted to be like that. Believers who are rude reveal a serious lack of maturity in the things of God. They don’t understand Him or His ways at all. Their lovelessness will always limit what God wants to do in their life.

Selfishness in Us Reveals a Lack of Love for Others

Love does not seek its own
.

Seeking everything for ourselves without any thought of what others need shows a distinct lack of love on our part. If we have love in our hearts for others, we will care about what blesses or helps them.