Christmas Cake (14 page)

“But maybe the healing isn't about the physical body, Lou. Maybe the healing has to do with her spirit, with her soul. Just because a person gets healed doesn't mean that they live forever. We all have to die, right?”

“That's a lovely little sermon, Beatrice. I'm so glad a patch on your butt has given you such theological expertise. But I don't care about any other healing for Margaret. I want her around. I want her to decide to take the chemotherapy again and I want her to fight and I want her to stay here for me.” Louise rubbed her eyes. She was tired from everything.

“That's why you're going to Texas?” Beatrice asked, surprised at what Louise was saying.

“Yes, I would say so,” she replied.

“You think that if she goes to her mother's grave that maybe she'll change her mind and go back into treatments?” Beatrice had no idea this was the way Louise was considering the trip they were taking together.

“Yes,” Louise replied. “I'm hoping that Margaret will think about her mother's death and how early it came and decide that she has lived a lot longer and that she can live even longer if she fights. I'm thinking that a good sit at her mother's grave will give her the resolve to come home and keep fighting.”

“She's fought a lot, Lou,” Beatrice responded.

“I don't care,” Louise confessed. “She can fight more.”

Beatrice studied her friend. She could see the struggle she was undergoing. She knew that Louise was not at all prepared for Margaret's death. She wondered if Louise was dealing at all with what was happening.

“Lou, I don't know Margaret's reason for wanting to take this trip, but I seriously doubt it's to gain strength to come home and start taking treatments again. If anything, it seems like something totally opposite to me. It sounds to me like she's making her peace, saying her good-byes, and then she'll come home—”

“I know what it sounds like,” Louise interrupted her. “But that's what I pray. That's what you asked me and that's what I pray.”

Beatrice backed off. “Okay,” she remarked. “I understand. But Lou, at least rethink the promise you're making.”

Louise considered what her friend was saying. “What?” she asked.

“I don't really think God would want you to be a television preacher.”

Louise got off the stool and headed for the door. “Maybe,” she noted. “Or maybe I look really good on camera.” She smiled. “Get the van and pick me up after lunch.”

“I'm taking care of it,” Beatrice said as she opened the door for Louise.

And there was something about the way Beatrice responded that made Louise flinch.

 

 

Pecan Cake

3 cups sugar

½ cup butter, softened

1 cup shortening

5 eggs

3 cups flour

¹
/
₈
teaspoon salt

1 cup milk

2 cups chopped pecans

1 teaspoon vanilla

 

Cream sugar, butter, and shortening in mixing bowl. Add eggs. Mix well. Combine flour and salt. Add alternately with milk. Stir in pecans and vanilla. Pour into 10-inch Bundt pan. Bake at 300 degrees for 2 hours and 15 minutes.

B
ut why now?” Lana wanted to know. She was visiting Jessie, showing off Hope's pictures taken with Santa Claus.

“James, where's that black suitcase?” Jessie yelled out the door to her husband. She waited for his response before answering her granddaughter-in-law.

“In the closet, on a shelf,” he yelled back.

Jessie walked over to the closet and opened the door. She looked on the top shelf and there it was. She reached up to pull it down and felt Lana right beside her. Lana helped her get it from the shelf.

“Thank you, dear,” she said as she walked with it over to the bed. “I'm not really sure about why we're going now. I didn't ask her that,” she finally answered Lana's question. “Margaret just wanted to go and we're taking her.”

Lana nodded. She wanted to ask the obvious question about Mar
garet's condition and whether this was some end-of-life request but she didn't. She didn't want to pry.

“I really hate that I'm going to miss you on Christmas,” Jessie said as she turned to look at Lana. “I love seeing the baby open her presents.”

Lana smiled. “It's okay. We'll take lots of pictures, and besides, you'll be back by next weekend, won't you?”

Jessie nodded. “As far as I know. I don't think we'll get back by Christmas Day but I don't think Margaret intends to stay more than just a couple of days. There's supposed to be a storm coming though; that's why we're leaving today instead of tomorrow.”

“Did you find it?” James was walking into the room. “Oh.” He was surprised to find Lana sitting on the bed. “I didn't know you were here. Where's Hope?” he asked, looking around the room.

“She's at a party,” Lana replied. “In fact, I should go to get her. I just wanted to stop by before you leave and give you the pictures.” She got up from her seat.

“Here, let me see that,” James took the photographs. “Ah, isn't she just the cutest girl you've ever seen?” He smiled and winked at his grandson's wife.

“I do think that they turned out pretty good.” She glanced over the pictures again.

“Well, I guess I should be leaving. We'll miss you, Miss Jessie.” Lana reached over and hugged the older woman. “You be safe and we'll see you when you get back.”

“Thanks, Lana,” Jessie said. “You have a nice Christmas and we'll get together next weekend.”

Lana waited before she left. Jessie could see that she had something else to say.

“I'm sorry about Miss Margaret,” she said, the tears welling in her eyes.

James walked out of the room. He thought the two women should have the moment alone.

“I know how much I feel about her; I can only imagine what this is like for you.”

Jessie hugged Lana again. She felt the tears sting her eyes as well. And she ended the embrace and got a box of tissues from the dresser. She held them out to Lana, who took one, and then pulled one out for herself.

“It's terrible,” Jessie confessed. “I go from feeling angry and frustrated to really, really sad.” She sat down on the bed, and Lana sat beside her. “I think that's why Louise and Beatrice and I are willing to go on this trip. It's really silly but I just think otherwise we would be too sad to try and face Christmas without some sort of adventure.”

Lana nodded. “I think that makes a lot of sense.” She wiped her nose. “And Reverend Stewart is going to meet you in Texas?” she asked.

“Yes, that part is really good,” Jessie replied. “We all look forward to seeing her.”

The young woman smiled. She missed her former minister as well. “Tell her hello for me. And here…” She reached in her jacket pocket and pulled out another photograph of Hope. “Give her this. I think she'd like it.”

Jessie nodded. “I'm sure she will.” She took the photograph and placed it in the pocket of the suitcase that was beside her.

“I just want you to know that I hope I can be as good of a friend as you are to Margaret. I hope that I'll have friends like you do.” Lana slid her hands across her legs. “Sometimes I think the girls my age
don't care about having friendships. And even me, I get so busy with Hope and Wallace and school, I don't have a lot of time for my girlfriends either. But when I see you and Miss Louise and Miss Bea, the way you care for Miss Margaret, the way you care for each other, it makes me really hope that one day I'll have friends like that too.”

Jessie smiled at the young woman and nodded. She put her arm around Lana. “Having a loving and supportive family is a really wonderful thing. I wouldn't trade anything for what I feel for my children and grandchildren.” She smiled wider. “And great-grandchildren.”

Lana leaned into Jessie.

“But as important as family members are, they can't replace your friends. The really amazing thing about life is that when it comes to surrounding yourself with good people, you can have a vast assortment. You can love your family and you can have friends you can count on. Sometimes these friendships happen when you're young and you just manage to stay together, or sometimes they come along when you get to a certain age. But you know it when you have it. You know which friends are worth keeping, which ones you want to be with you for the rest of your life.”

Lana lifted up her head. “When did you know about Margaret?” she asked.

Jessie glanced over at her grandson's wife. She looked so young to the older woman, so innocent. Even though she was married and had a child, Jessie thought they were lifetimes apart.

“Margaret and I met when we were about your age, I think. I came home from college and I started going to church where she was a member. And when I went for the first time, I was the only black person there. And I got a few looks.”

Lana nodded. She understood what racism felt like. Even though
she was white, because she was in a mixed relationship, she had experienced prejudice from both white and black people in the community.

“But Margaret Peele made sure that I was welcomed and warmly received by that church. She was the first person to greet me and she sat with me every Sunday from then on. I didn't know it at the time, but I learned later that she gave quite a lecture to the older adults when they had talked about my being there and what I was trying to do.” Jessie shook her head. “Even when she was barely out of high school, she was more woman than I had ever seen.”

Lana dropped her head. She knew how hard this was for Jessie to talk about.

“And she has been a friend to me like nobody else. She made me a better person, and I can't think of anything more important to say about another human being. She made me want to be better.”

Jessie felt the tears rolling down her cheeks, and she knew that she couldn't start down that emotional road. So she patted her hands together and jumped up from the bed. “Now, I have to pack because Louise and Beatrice will be here soon to pick me up and then we're heading over to Margaret's to go to Texas.”

“I'm sorry if I made you sad,” Lana confessed.

Jessie turned to the young woman and cupped her hands around her face. “You have never made me sad, dear one. And all you did today was remind me of how incredibly lucky I am to have old friends and young ones in my life.”

Lana smiled. She stood up, and the two women hugged.

“Now, you go wrap your presents and bake your cake and hang your stockings because Christmas is almost here.”

“Right,” Lana agreed. “In fact, I was going to use one of the recipes from the cookbook from the church and bake the pecan cake.
Wallace likes pecans and I thought I would use that Bundt pan I got for our wedding and never used.”

“Sounds perfect,” Jessie responded. “I'll see you when I get back.” And she watched as Lana left the room and said good-bye to James.

She started opening drawers and pulling out the things she needed to pack. She felt James behind her before he spoke.

“You okay about this trip?” he asked. He was feeling a little concerned that he had made the women do something that they might not have wanted to do. They hadn't really talked about it since the night Louise had come over and he had suggested it.

She nodded without turning around. “Of course,” she finally said.

“Do you want me to go too and drive?” he asked. He knew she was concerned about the weather and the winter storm that was being predicted for that part of the country.

“I think we'll be okay,” she replied. “If not, we'll just stop and wait it out,” she added.

James turned his wife around and faced her. “Let me look in your eyes when you're telling me this.” He studied her.

“We'll be fine,” she said. “You were absolutely right about us going to Texas, and I thank you for that.”

“But?” James could tell that there was something that his wife wasn't saying. He had felt that way for a few days but he hadn't asked her about it.

“But nothing,” she responded. Then she turned back to the bed and began folding clothes and putting them in the suitcase.

“Jessie Jenkins, I know you better than anybody. Something else is going on for you.” He touched her on the arm, and she turned around to face him again. “What is it?” he asked.

She dropped her eyes. He reached up and lifted her chin. “Is it missing Christmas here?” he asked.

She shook her head.

“Are you scared about the weather?”

“No, I told you we can stop if we run into trouble.”

“Is it not knowing what you're going to find when you get there?”

Jessie didn't respond to that. She took in a breath and sat down on the bed. James sat down beside her and waited.

“I just don't know what Margaret thinks this trip is going to give her. I just don't understand what we're doing taking her to Texas five days before Christmas.” She stretched out her legs and crossed them at the ankles.

“I mean, does she think she'll get some magical answer to things there? Does she think her mother's spirit is there and waiting for her?” She shook her head. “I just don't understand what she's looking for in Goodlett, Texas.”

James considered what his wife was saying. He knew how devastated she had been with all that was going on with Margaret. Her heart had not been in any of the holiday events or activities. She had been so low for the past few weeks that he was a bit glad that she was going on the trip. He thought that at least it would give her a new venue to be in. At least it would take her out of Hope Springs.

“Maybe she doesn't know what she's looking for either,” he responded. “But just because you don't know for sure what you're looking for doesn't mean you can't find it. Maybe she'll know it when she sees it.”

Just as she had put her arm around Lana, James put his arm around Jessie.

“I just hate the thought of her being disappointed,” Jessie explained. “Especially now, especially at Christmas,” she added.

“I expect she can't hear anything more disappointing than what she's already heard,” he said.

Jessie knew that was probably a true statement.

“And what if it isn't what she's hoping for, or what if she feels sadder being there at her mother's grave? Isn't that a part of this process too?”

“What process?” Jessie asked.

“Dying,” James replied quietly.

The two didn't speak for a few minutes.

“I just wish I could make a way for her to feel some delight and joy for Christmas. I wish I could give her the perfect gift.”

“No, I think what you would like is for this to go away at Christmas,” James noted. “But it isn't.”

Jessie pulled away a bit from her husband. Even though he was only speaking from his heart, she didn't really want to hear any of it.

“You are giving Margaret the one gift she has been able to ask for. Do you know how amazing that is?” he asked.

Jessie looked at him. Clearly she didn't understand what he was saying.

“First of all, Margaret was able to know what she wanted. So many people spend their whole lives not being able to articulate that, and then when they do come to the end, they have no idea what they need to say good-bye. But Margaret was able to see what was missing, see what she regretted; and she was able to ask her friends to help her get that.” He was looking directly into his wife's eyes.

“And then you and Louise and Beatrice, even Charlotte, are will
ing to do this for her. That's unbelievable,” he added. “Don't you see that?”

Jessie shook her head. “No, I don't see any of that.”

“That's because your heart is broken and your mind is full of sadness. But I see it and it's so beautiful.”

“What?” she asked. “Please, help me understand this because I'm not feeling anything beautiful about this. I'm feeling scared and sad and worried.”

“Margaret is clear enough to ask for what she needs. And she's blessed enough to have friends in her life that she can ask. She's able to say to you, ‘Help make this come true.' And you are open and loving and good enough to say yes.” He wiped the tear from Jessie's cheek. “You can't see what a rare and wonderful gift you are giving to your friend?”

“She'd do the same for me,” Jessie replied.

“Of course she would,” he said. “That's what is so beautiful about this. That's what is so amazing. That's what Lana was asking you about because she doesn't have that in her life, not yet at least.” He reached over and wiped a tear from Jessie's cheek.

“Even I don't have anybody like that in my life.” He could see the surprise. “I have you,” he added, knowing what she was thinking. “But I don't have friends in my life like Louise and Beatrice. I don't have anybody that I could ask to give me something I needed, nobody but family.

“So, you see, it doesn't matter what comes out of this trip. It doesn't matter if Margaret doesn't find the thing she's looking for or even if she doesn't come to some realization of exactly what it is that she's looking for. She's got the best of life already.”