Christmas in Sawyer Falls (4 page)

Hannah grabbed her pants, “Oh yes, how could any man resist the beauty of sweatpants and a ponytail?”

“So, Tess, you weren’t asking Ben over to dinner just to thank him for bringing Shadow back?” David asked, looking slightly confused.

“Welcome to the party, David,” his wife winked at him, “Are you just figuring that out now? Of course I’m thankful that he brought Shadow
back, but fate brought him to our door
and we might not get a chance like this again.”

“
We
?
W
hat do you mean by ‘we’
? You keep saying ‘we’ as if this involves you
, Tess
.
Maybe you should let Hannah worry about her own love life and not meddle with it. Nothing good comes from meddling.”
David knew that though his wife loved her daughter dearly, sometimes she needed a reminder to take a step back.

“And I don’t even have a love life to worr
y about, so nobody else should
either.” Hannah added. “I have my family.
You
are the loves of my life. And that’s enough for me right now.” But even as
Hannah said the words, she felt that she was trying to convince herself more than her family.
And though she was trying hard, she could
n’t get Ben’s
smile out of her mind.

Andrew walked in with Shadow. “It wasn’t fate
that brought him here
, Grandma. It was Shadow. Maybe Shadow wasn’t going to our old house, Mommy, maybe he was going to
get Ben
.”

Tess smiled and put her arm around her Grandson. “You are so wise, little one. We need to look towards building a happy future and not the pain of the past.”

“Yeah, just like that
Bible verse that Mommy taught me
.
Hope for a future.
”

Hope. It was easy for Hannah
to talk about hope when it was about Andrew’s future, but with herself, she was hypocritical. She had hope for a future with her son but couldn’t bring herself to hope for love again. She’d already had her chance at that and the cost was too great.

“
Ok, you two. Enough with th
e
romance,
please. Let’s just spend some time
with Shadow. Remember Shadow? H
e was the one who we were so worried about just a short while back?”

They spent the rest of the night
playing video games
and being grateful that Shadow was
back
home
. He got a lot o
f belly rubs and ear scratches
that night. Several times throughout the evening, however, Hannah’s mind wandered and she caught herself t
hinking about the way Ben had gazed
at her. It had been so long since she’d had anyone look at her like that, too long. She so missed the feeling of being in love, that giddy, head over heels high that you get when you are falling for someone.

Not that she was falling for anyone, she reminded herself.
Stop thinking about his smile
.
She was trying to convince herself to think with her head and not her heart. And Ben was just coming over for dinner the next night, with the whole family-it’s not like it was a date or anything. But what if it
were
a date…she imagined her and Ben, out to a romantic dinner, just the two of them and…
STOP IT HANNAH!
It was getting harder to control her thoughts so she challenged Andrew to one more game before putting him to bed.

*

The next morning, the family awoke to a sunny winter morning. The cold front had passed and milder weather had moved in again. They were going to go to the Sawyer Falls Mall for a little bit of Christma
s shopping and for Andrew to get his picture with
Santa.

When they reached the mall, it was more crowded than they had planned so they decided to get a place in the Santa line with Andrew right away. It looked like it would be a long wait and Hannah was thankful that she had brought a small bag for Andrew full of boo
ks and games to keep him busy.

“Now that you have Shadow back, what are you going to ask Santa for?” David asked him.

“This is my list,” Andrew answered, handing his list for David to look over.

Tess and Hannah laughed. “It looks like you had no trouble coming up with new ideas for Santa,” his grandmother remarked.

“And
I put the most important one firs
t. Mommy knows what that one is
.”

Hannah felt herself blush and peeked over her father’s shoulder at the list. It was written in Andrew’s adorable seven year old handwriting, with invented word spellings
and pictures added for emphasis. Listed at number one were the words ‘New Daddy’.

“Maybe you should move that one down the list,
Buddy,
I don’t think Santa can bring that to you.”

“San
ta can do anything!” Andrew exclaimed,
reaching into his bag for a
Christmas picture
book to look at.

Standing in line
, Hannah glanced
around at some nearby stores. There was a
window display of mannequins wearing pretty cashmere sweaters and it made her wonder what she had in her own closet that she could pull out for tonight. Not that she wanted to impress Ben, of course, but he had seen her so far in her teaching clothes and sweats, so she wanted to wear something nice.
But what?

She decided it wouldn’t hurt if she looked around in a few stores. It had been so long since she’d bought anything new for herself and she was just standing in line, anyways.

“Say, Mom, would you mind if I left Andrew in line here with you and Dad while I check out a few stores?
”

“Sure, dear. I thought you said you were done shopping, though?”

“I am. I just…was thinking I might b
u
y something for myself to wear tonight.”

As soon as the words were out of Hannah’s mouth, she worried that she’d regret admitting that. She wanted to play it down and didn’t want her mother to think she was excited for their dinner.
Because she wasn’t.
Well, maybe just a little bit.

Her mother’s face broke out into a wide grin. “Oh, yes! That’s a great idea! Get something really nice and maybe some new jewelry to match.”

Hannah just smiled and shook her head as she walked away. “Ok, I’ll see what I can find.
Just text me when it’s almost Andrew’s turn.
”

“
Ooh,
and you look really good in blue! Maybe you should try to find something in
blue!” Tess called after her.

It took her less time than she thought it would. At first she wasn’t sure exactly what it was she was looki
ng for, she didn’t want a dress;
that would look like she was trying too hard. It wasn’t a date
so she didn’t want to look like she was
on one. She got lucky at the first store she tried where she
found a beautiful midnight blue ruffled sweater with a silver lace tank to wear underneath. She smiled to herself thinking her mother would be tickled to find out she’d chosen something blue.

At the counter, the cashier asked her if she’d like any matching jewelry to go with her purchase. Despite her mother’s suggestion, she hadn’t even thought about it, but now that the cashier brought it up, she hesitated and took a glance at the rotating jewelry display near the counter. The cashier helped her pick out silver earrings with a matching bracelet that went with the sweater set perfectly.

Because she was done a lot faster than she expected, she thought she’d head to the food court and bring back some tr
eats for her parents and Andrew who were
still waiting in line. She was happy about her purchase a
nd
walked with a spring in her step. Although she usually wasn’t much of a shopper, being around all of the Christmas decorations and cheerful music further heightened her happiness.

The food court was incredibly crowded as if everyone decided to stop for lunch at the same time.
She scanned the differe
nt options, looking for the counter
with the shortest line when she saw him.

Ben.

He was on the other side of open spac
e at a table by himself. He wasn’t eating but had a soda on the table
in front of him
and he was reading a book. Hannah’s heart skipped a beat when she saw him. Maybe there was such a thing as fate. First the gas station meeting, then Ben bringing Shadow back and now here he was at the mall.

She hadn’t yet decided if she’d go over and speak to him. For now, she was simply enjoying t
he view from afar. Then, without warning,
that view changed, causing Hannah’s fluttering heart to drop into her stomach. She saw Ben look up and smile
at someone. It was a woman and a
young girl walking up to the table where he sat. He put the book down
and stood up to hug the woman.

Hannah’s breath caught in her throat as she watched the young girl jump up into his arms. He spun her around and Hannah got a view of the pretty girl’s face. It looked just like Ben.
His daughter.

He had a wife and daughter.

What a fool she had been. Letting
herself
indulge in a crush like a silly schoolgirl. With a married man of all people!

He
r physical attraction to him caused
her
to
mistake his being friendly with her
with flirtation. It had been so long since anyone had flirted with her she couldn’t even tell the difference.
And the dinner invitation that she had told herself that he accepted to spend more time getting to know her. Just a polite gesture for a family whose dog he found. It hadn’t helped
with her mother and Andrew carrying on…oh no, she thought, they are going to be so disappointed. They had all but married her off to him.

She couldn’
t watch them anymore, feeling like a voyeur to a tender family moment.
She shouldn’t have felt so crushed and was feeling guilty that it was affecting her that way.
Before going back to the Santa line she stopped a
t the boutique and returned the sweater, tank and jewelry. Thankfully the cashier didn’t ask for an explanation when she told her that she just changed her mind.

By the time she met her parents, Andrew had already sat on Santa’s lap. She had missed it.

“Don’t worry, dear, I took some pictures for you. Didn’t you get my text?” her mother asked.

“Um, no, I guess I must have missed it. Thanks for taking Andrew through the lin
e.”

“Sorry I missed seeing you on Santa’s lap, Buddy,” she told him. “How’s Santa doing today?”

“He said if I keep being a good boy and eat my vegetables I’ll stay on the nice list!” Andrew answered, eliciting chuckles from David and Tess. Hannah just barely managed a smile.

“Are you okay, Hannah?” Tess asked. “You’re not holding any bags, didn’t you have any luck looking for a new outfit.”

Hannah hesitated before answering, wondering if she should tell them what she had seen. She decided not to, for now. “No,” she answered, “I didn’t have any luck. I’m sure I can find something in my closet that will work fine.”

*

Once home, Hannah announced that she had a headache and wanted to take a nap before dinner.

“I thought something was up with you,” Tess remarked. “You were so quiet the whole ride home. Why don’t you take something for your headache and get a good rest while I start dinner. Your father’s going to take Andrew outside to build a snow
fort.”

Upstairs in her room, Hannah had a hard time sleeping. She really didn’t have a headache; truthfully, it was more of a heart
ache. But the fact that she was having heartache bothered her greatly. Even if she did decide that she wanted to start dating again, there were plenty of men out there. It’s not like Ben Murphy was the last man on the planet.  Although, she hoped that when she did start dating, she’d find someone who’d
make her feel the tingle she felt when
Ben smiled at her.

She wished tonight were over already. She reminded herself to remember that when he smiled at her, it was a friendly smile
only
and to control her feelings. This was going to be hard. She decided she wouldn’t be the one to tell her family, she figured it would come out at dinner somehow.

An hour later she was dressed and downstairs, sitting on the living room couch, waiting for Ben to arrive. She’d chosen to wear jeans with a red pullover sweater. She was sure her mother would probably have preferred her to wear blue, but the red put her in the Christmas spirit and her chestnut hair looked nice against it.