Chrysalis (6 page)

We get some proper dancing in, though, when Charles throws Thibby off the karaoke halfway through 'Anarchy in the UK' and sticks on some actual dance music. Josh pulls me closer as we sway, his voice a little slurred as he breathes, "Luke, mate, I'm really falling for you, babe, like, I think I love you."

That makes my legs even more unsteady, and my whole body shivers and heats up under his hands at the thoughts of all the things we could be doing tonight.

*~*~*

We don't do anything that night, as it turns out, because we end up wrapped up in a duvet next to the TV on Charles's floor, Josh snoring the happy, drunken snore of a big, sleepy, rugby guy. There's the sound of something girly happening up in Chelsea's room and Thibby's disappeared somewhere, and I have a feeling he's taken one of Emmy's friends with him.

I roll over to look at Josh and it's weird, but my brain doesn't feel panicky anymore, or crazy or odd. I just feel really cool actually and a little bit soppy. I reach forward and give him a hug, running my arms over his chest. I really want to be closer to him again, but I'm terrified, in case Charles comes downstairs and catches us.

He makes a little mumbling noise and I smile, reaching over to whisper in his ear, "I'm kinda falling for you, too, babe."

Josh gives another mumble that sounds like, "For chrissakes, Luke, what time is it?"

I scowl at him in the darkness, then roll back over and leave him to sleep. The next date, I decide, we'll get all the way through without messing it up, from heading out in the afternoon to waking up together the next morning.

I choose the restaurant for the fifth date, which is why we end up on wooden benches in a slightly pretentious cafe. For the first time, I actually feel comfortable sitting opposite Josh, and I've swept my hair so far sideways that with a careful peek, the bottom of my scar is just about visible.

I'm pretty sure nobody except Josh is going to stare at me that closely, however.

We go back to Josh's again afterwards and curl up together on the sofa, having a brief discussion about what to watch, which gets slightly heated until Josh finally caves and switches the sport off. It's not enough to spoil the date, though, and to be honest, Josh doesn't spend much time with his eyes on the television.

We spend a bit more time talking after Josh switches the TV off; although it doesn't quite reach the magical atmosphere of our first time, we get pretty intimate on the sofa, and then head up to bed. I think Josh still feels a bit guilty about taking it so quickly last time, because we don't go all the way. In the end, we fall asleep with our arms wrapped around each other, although I have to break away a bit fairly quickly, since Josh lying on my arm gives me pins and needles.

My phone goes off at two in the morning, and I have to roll over Josh to get at it. He grumbles and pulls the duvet away from me as I scramble around in the dark, swearing under my breath. I think I'm just about ready to kill whoever's on the other end when I finally manage to grab it from under my shoe.

"Luke, for fuck's sake, how long does it take you to get your phone out?" Thibby screams as soon as I answer, and then I know that something's wrong, because Thibby never, ever panics this much.

"What is it?" I ask quickly. Josh's breathing has changed, so I know he's awake now, and his arm wraps around me in the darkness.

"Chelsea." He doesn't really need to say much more. I close my eyes, trying to stop my brain-panic going into overdrive. "Charles just phoned, I'm in a taxi, she's at the central hospital."

"Is she okay?" I ask, and beneath me, I feel Josh tense up completely as he suddenly works out what I'm talking about. "We'll be over there soon, I swear."

"I don't know how it's going. Charles was all … Charles. What do you mean '
we'll
be over soon'? Who's coming with you? What the hell does your stupid lump of a boyfriend have to do with Chelsea's baby?"

I shut off my call and fall out of the bed, scrambling for some clothes and wincing as Josh turns on the light. He looks pale. "Was … was that your friend?"

"Chelsea's baby." I grab at my jeans and try to phone a taxi all at once. "Y-You don't mind coming with me?"

Josh shakes his head, looking like he's going to be sick.

*~*~*

I keep hold of Josh's hand in the taxi, but for some reason, it almost feels like I'm the one comforting him rather than the other way 'round. We practically run into the hospital and get directed to the right bed by a nurse who seems seriously confused as to why Chelsea has so many men coming to visit her and wait for the baby.

Josh stops right outside the ward door and squeezes my hand so hard I wince. "Luke, babe, I can't go in there."

I nod and manage to get my hand free, scuttling inside. Chelsea's kneeling up in a nightgown, her knees spread out and her hands grabbing at her stomach. She gives a weak smile when she sees me. "Hey, Lukie … you didn't need to drag yourself up at this time, it'll be fine."

"Are you okay?" I ask kinda stupidly.

"Yeah it's fine … just started the contractions about an hour ago." Charles is holding her hand, looking like he's just been hit by a brick. Thibby is holding Charles and doesn't look much better. "Luke, maybe you should take Thibby outside and get him a drink of water or something … "

It seems strange her so calm, when we're all standing around panicking, although I notice she keeps tight hold of Charles's hand as I lead Thibby out. He stumbles off, looking for a vending machine and muttering under his breath about bastards who don't use protection, and I sit down next to Josh in the waiting room. He still looks pretty bad, so I take his hand and squeeze it gently. "She's fine. Really."

"Good."

"I–I guess you aren't used to being around women giving birth," I say to sort of lighten the mood a bit. Josh's friends are mostly guys and I can't see them getting involved with anything to do with babies.

"I've been here before." Josh gives a quick nod and almost snaps my hand in two again. "With my mum … when she had my sister."

I blink, surprised. "I didn't know you had a sister."

I should have let myself think about that one. I should have twigged a little sooner, but it was still early in the morning, I hadn't quite woken up and I was all shaken about Chelsea.

"I don't." Josh's voice is short and clipped, and I suddenly know what he's about to say and know why he's been shaking every time I mention Chelsea's pregnancy. I want to tell him to stop, that he doesn't have to say it, but I can't get the words out and he just keeps talking. "She didn't make it. Didn't make it out."

He slumps forward a little and I wrap my arms around him. My brain starts to panic again, but I shut it down because I can't panic
now
. Not when Josh is almost crying, Thibby's stalking around the hospital in a terrified rage and Chelsea's having a baby. "Josh … " I can't think of what to say, then, so I just keep hold of him, remembering how comforting it felt when he was holding me.

I'm still hugging him when Thibby comes back, holding a can of something. He gives us a quick glance, but he doesn't look angry or snarky; just slightly like he wishes he could join in. He doesn't sit down, either, just keeps walking up and down the corridor until the can is empty, then he heads back into the ward. I sort of want to go back in with him, so I whisper to Josh, "Are you okay if I take a look?"

He grips me tight for a bit, and then nods, taking a deep breath. "Y-yeah. Luke, kid, you know I'm not usually like this, sorry. It just got to me a bit, yeah?"

"It's fine," I whisper, although I have no idea why I'm whispering. I don't like hospitals all that much; they remind me of death and ugliness, and it feels strange associating them with birth and Chelsea's baby.

I get my hand free and head back inside. Chelsea's leaning forward now, still kneeling and grabbing her stomach with a nurse rubbing her back. Charles is sitting by the bed, and if he wasn't interested in relationships before this, I think the look on his face makes it clear that he'll be even less interested afterward. Thibby is rubbing Charles's shoulders. God knows what the nurse thinks about it all. She's probably wondering if Chelsea's their surrogate baby's mother or something.

That thought makes me laugh a little, even though it comes out all nervous and it's clearly no time for laughter. Chelsea looks up and smiles, reaching forward to take my hand. "I-it  doesn't look like there's going to be a problem … unnggg … "

"Does it hurt?"

"Urghhh, yes." The nurse makes soothing noises and Chelsea makes a face. "I've got a whole heap of pain meds, though; Charles keeps feeding them to me, so it's not too bad; just feels like period cramps at the moment." She shakes her head, laughing a little, as well, although it's not much better than my laugh. "Like you would know!"

"Josh's here," I remark, as Thibby heads out again to get Charles a drink of something. "I'm sorry. I just really wanted to bring him, and I know you barely know him and he hasn't come in to see you, but I—"

"Luke, shh … " She strokes my hand and I feel like a bastard, because I'm meant to be giving her reassurance, but instead it's the other way around. "Don't
worry
so much. I don't care if you've brought Josh. It'll just give the nurses another candidate for 'potential father'. I've already had them asking about you and Thibby."

I manage to force a smile and clutch her hand tightly as she grabs her stomach again.

*~*~*

Thibby and Josh are asleep when I head back out again, Thibby's head slumped down and resting on Josh's shoulder. I quickly shake them both, trying to hide my excitement. "Thibby, get up, it's, it's—"

My voice is cut off by a high, plaintive cry, which steals my thunder by breaking the news I was about to give. Josh's eyes open wide and Thibby almost falls off the chair.

"Jesus, s-she's okay?"

"Fucking hell, Luke!"

Thibby gets up first, stumbling a little as he gets to the door and wrenches it open. Josh stands up slowly and I wrap my arm around his waist. "Do you want to see?"

"Y-yeah … "

We head inside together. Chelsea's sitting cross-legged with the baby in her lap and Charles has pushed his fringe forward over his face to hide the fact that he's been sniffling. Thibby sort of stops dead in the doorway, staring at them all and I can't help but feel a little proud. Out of all of them, I was the first one to hold the baby, as the nurse helped it out of Chelsea, and I didn't drop it or screw it up at all. Sure, I haven't yet actually managed a proper date with my boyfriend that didn't involve screaming, crying, or unexpected midnight births, but I've held a baby and that feels pretty special. I slide my hair back behind my ear and the nurse gives an unexpected frown when she sees my scar, and then goes right back to fussing over Chelsea and the tiny baby.

"Wow …  " Thibby breathes.

And Josh, my stupid, loud, crazy, rugby shirt-wearing boyfriend, bursts into tears.

*~*~*

"Louise Moonstone Millar."  Josh gives his three little nods. "Sounds nice."

"Better than
Thibault
," Thibby grumbles. "Which is what you get when your mum smokes marijuana throughout your pregnancy." Charles prods him with a pencil and he ducks back behind the safety of his computer screen. "Well, at least I didn't cry. You guys were all sobbing away like schoolgirls mourning a pet rabbit."

I look up anxiously at Josh, but he just grins and flips Thibby off. I think he's getting used to Thibby. In fact, he seems to get on well with Thibby, although I have no idea why, given that Thibby alternates between treating him like an idiot and treating him like a waste of air. Maybe because Thibby is so different to all Josh's other friends; maybe, because however much of a tosser he is,
everyone
seems to get on with Thibby.

"I'm just pleased they're both alright," Charles says. He's sitting at the table with Thibby, trying to work out how much the hot water bill is going to change with a new baby. From upstairs, we can hear all Chelsea's friends chatting excitedly and playing with the baby-things, and occasionally a small scream or gurgle from Louise.

"You're just pleased the baby's not called 'Emerald'," Thibby replies snarkily.

I tug my feet onto the sofa and curl up on Josh's lap, pushing his Chemistry notes onto the floor. "We should go out."

"Tonight? I thought we were going to help Charles put up the cot."

"Tomorrow, then." I still want to have a complete perfect date.

"Rugby practise."

"Urrgh … fine. Day after—no, wait, I have to help Emmy with her project. Fuck."

Thibby looks up at us and shakes his head. Josh bends down, and whispers in my ear, "Tell you what, babe, we'll help Charles tonight, and I'll skip out of practise early tomorrow and take you somewhere really special."

I smile and lean back against him, looking up at Thibby just in time to see him scowl and disappear behind the computer again. I tuck my hair back behind my ear and relax, feeling calm and relaxed all over.

It feels good having a boyfriend.

It feels good that my boyfriend is Josh.