Chrysalis (5 page)

The words sound weird coming from a six foot tall rugby player lying on a sofa with his shirt off, but for some reason, I don't care what Josh
is
anymore.

I just care about him.

*~*~*

The bed's empty when I wake up, just a dip in the mattress where Josh's body was, and the sweet, lingering smell of him and me, and what we ended up doing last night. There's a scrawled note by the side of the bed as well, explaining that he's gone to lectures and we can meet for lunch at The Cafe Project if I want.

I feel a little bit disappointed as I get myself out of bed and start using up his hot water. I guess Chemistry students have a lot of lectures, but somehow, I'd rather hoped he might skip just one day for me. I was looking forward to waking up and being able to kiss him again, although part of me is relieved that I don't have to decide whether to have another session. Amazing though it was, my body doesn't really quite feel up for another one just yet, but it would be a hard decision.

In the shower, I notice that Josh has left a bruise, just on the side of my hip. Twisting around and peeking at it, I decide it might have been the time when I accidently hit the wall. We both got kind of into it; two people in a single bed was interesting and Josh isn't small.

Heh, Josh
certainly
isn't small.

I give a big goofy grin and pull my clothes on, leaving the waistcoat, so I don't look too obviously like someone who went back to the wrong house after a date. Thankfully, there's no one in Josh's house as I scuttle out and head straight back to my place—not only to Emmy, but to Chelsea, as well, it turns out, who's managed to waddle over for a visit. Both are grinning like mad.

"Well?" Emmy asks as soon as I get in the door, eyes shining. "Did you do it? What was he like?"

I blush bright red, but feel kind of smug as well. After all, I have just lost my virginity and now I know what all the fuss is about. I also feel I probably managed something a bit more intimate than Emmy usually has. "Yes, we did, and it's none of your business."

"Oh, leave him alone, Emmy. We're both just pleased you had a good time." Chelsea gives me a smile and I wonder what kind of bastard would ever leave her, especially after unprotected sex. "Are you two still going out, then?"

"Yeah, going out officially now," I say a little proudly.

"Does he know about … ?" Chelsea mouths and waves her hand over her left eye. I scowl at her a bit, because although Josh knows, Emmy still doesn't and I don't quite have the confidence to shout it out to the whole world yet.

Emmy shakes her head. "I feel so proud; my little Luke all grown up and going on dates!" I turn my scowl on her. She used to mother me a bit in first year, because I couldn't cook for myself and wasn't very good at waking up early enough for lectures, and she has never quite lost hold of the idea that I don't need her to look after me continuously in order to survive.

"Well, I didn't just come over to see you do the walk of shame," Chelsea remarks, grinning at me. "We're having a party over at our flat Wednesday evening, to celebrate the one year anniversary of Charles having the flat, but mostly so all you lot can get pissed while I stay all sober and miserable. You're both invited, and of course, so is your new boyfriend, Luke!"

I bite my lip. Somehow, I can't see Josh getting on with my friends. Last night, he might have been happy to admit his friends aren't the best, but in the cold light of day, I know he still enjoys hanging around with them. There's still enough of the magic of last night left, though, for me to think it might work. "Sure, I'll invite him. Don't know if he'll come along, though; he has lots of other activity things, sporty things."

"I want to see what he's like," Chelsea insists.

"He's hot," Emmy assures her. "I would have gone for him if he were straight."

I head up to my room and pull out my mobile. I spend a few minutes thinking about what I'm going to say, so my stupid, crazy brain doesn't blurt out the wrong thing. I also prepare myself for the fact that half of Josh's stupid friends will probably be listening in and sniggering in the background. Then I phone up, waiting excitedly to hear his voice.

Two rings and he hangs up on me.
The stupid, useless, rugby-playing fucker hangs up on me!

*~*~*

Josh phones back twenty minutes later and I'm tempted to ignore it, but I want to hear his excuses and preferably an apology. I leave it for a good few rings, though, before finally picking up, and snapping, "Yes?"

"Hey, Luke." He doesn't sound apologetic; he sounds kind of excited. "What did you want?"

"What?"

"You phoned while I was in lectures." He sounds a little smug, and at first I think it's because he thinks his subject lectures are more superior, but it suddenly hits me that it's basically the voice of a man who just got laid. "Everything was okay, right? You know how to work the coffee machine? You can help yourself to cereal, if you want."

"I'm fine; I'm home already." I try to sound a little pissed at him for ignoring me for lectures, but I'm not sure it comes across over the phone. Then I remember that I've agreed to tell him when I'm pissed off at him. "Next time that happens, at least text me or something, alright?"

"Next time I won't be running off to lectures at eight in the morning. I felt awful leaving you behind and couldn't concentrate at all." The smugness has gone from his voice and he sounds like he means it. "And yeah, I'll text."

I smile, wishing I could reach down the phone and hug him. "Are you free next Wednesday evening?"

Silence for a bit, but I can hear him rustling papers in the background. I can't hear his mates talking, though, and I think this time he made sure they weren't within earshot before phoning me. "I … could be. What's happening Wednesday evening?"

"One of my friends is having a party and she invited us both along." I suddenly feel insanely, terribly nervous, in case Josh decides that whatever he has on Wednesday evening is more important than seeing me again. I try to remind myself that I'm panicking for no reason, but it doesn't help. I start babbling a little, trying to convince him. "Loads of the guys I know will be coming, and there'll be drinks and stuff."

"Luke. Luke." It takes two repeats of my name to get me to shut the hell up. "Sure, I'll come. I really want to meet your mates." Josh actually does sound enthusiastic. "Do you want me to come over to yours first?"

"Yeah, then we can head over with Emmy and everyone."

"Sounds cool. See you then."

"Sure. Bye." I feel awkward. Is there something you're meant to say when you hang up on your boyfriend? I want to say something special, but I have no idea what and don't want to feel stupid.

"Okay, that's good. Well, see you Wednesday, then. Bye, babe." And he hangs up.

Babe!

Part of me wants to feel insulted, but it gets strangled and stomped on by the rest of me, which feels a happy little warm glow which lasts until halfway through my first lecture. 'Babe' isn't the best endearment, but it's better than nothing at all.

Josh arrives early on Wednesday, just before I start panicking about whether he'll turn up. I drag him to my room before Emmy starts flirting with him or giggling too much. As soon as we get in, I realise I haven't cleaned it for a while, but Josh doesn't notice. He's not looking at my room; he's looking at me.

His arms snake around my waist, and then I'm melting into another one of his amazing kisses. He lets it linger for a while, and then pulls back, reaching his hand down to stroke my arse gently. "You feeling alright after Sunday?"

"I'm fine," I smile, trying to kiss him again.

"I-I don't know if it went a bit far. I'm sorry." He smiles back. "You were just so cute and hot and … "

"It's fine. I loved it." I manage to stop him talking, because it was an amazing time, and panicking about whether it was the right thing to do is really not what I want to do right now. It certainly didn't feel wrong, and I'm fed up with panicking for no reason. "We should do it again sometime."

"We should do it again lots of times … " His hands slide under my jeans and I squirm a bit, and then jump about a foot in the air when Emmy bangs on the door.

"Are you guys gonna come out of there anytime soon? We're heading off, but you can follow later if you need some time."

"We're just coming," I yell back at the door. When I pull away, I notice Josh is blushing a bit. He manages another squeeze at me as I open the door, and for a moment, I am seriously tempted to shove him onto the bed and follow Emmy later. However, I just don't feel I could face Charles if I did that. "Stop it! Don't distract me."

Josh just grins again, and we head off with Emmy and three of her friends. Josh looks a bit awkward; I guess he's not used to being around all girls so much and Emmy's friends can be a bit intimidating. They all look the same—well, not the same, they all have different hair colours and body shapes and whatever … but they all wear high heels, short dresses, and have long, straight hair and glossed lips. They make me nervous whenever they get ready to go out, when they transform from geeky college kids into these weird, overconfident women.

We arrive pretty much on time, because Charles gets pissed if we're late. Chelsea's friends are already there, all making coo-y baby noises at her bump. Thibby is at the computer, making a karaoke playlist, so I kind of know which way this evening is headed. Evenings with Thibby always tend to include singing; Thibby doesn't drink, but he seems to have the ability to get drunk on songs.

"Good evening." Charles comes over and I figure he's safe enough as my least weird friend, so I steer Josh toward him. "You must be Josh?"

Josh nods and holds out a six pack of some kind of lager he brought along. "Can I stick these in your fridge?"

"If you can find room." I leave them chatting and slide over to the cupboard to get a drink. There's not much choice because Charles likes good wine and has no money now he's saving for the baby, but I manage to find half a bottle of sherry that still smells alright and decide to steal that for the evening.

"Luke!" Thibby comes over and wraps his arms around me, balancing his chin on the top of my head. "Don't tell me that
thing
you brought with you is your boyfriend. I thought you had taste."

"Yes, he's my boyfriend!" I hiss, trying to disentangle myself. I'm a little afraid of introducing Thibby to Josh, to be honest, and I'm not sure about which one of them I'm worried.

Thibby scowls at Josh. "Look at him, seriously, look at him. You made him sound exciting and scary. He's just some boring, middle class bloke drinking lager." He finally lets go of me and I grab one of Chelsea's plastic mics. "How did the third date go?"

"It went well." I can't stop myself smirking a little at the memory. "It went very well."

Thibby looks a little shocked. "You didn't. Did you? Did he? Who did what? I thought you were
never
going to end up in a relationship."

"It's none of your business," I snap, because Thibby is starting to annoy me. It looks like Josh isn't the only one with irritating friends.

"But he's not your type at all, Luke. Seriously ,what do you have in common?"

"Well, what do you and Charles have in common? Just because we don't both have emo hairstyles and fucking scars doesn't mean we can't go out." I lower my voice, so Josh doesn't hear me having an argument and the rest of the room doesn't hear me yelling about my scar.

"Shall we start?" Thibby turns away from me shaking his head and picks up the other mic. "Before you turn into someone completely different."

I glance over my shoulder to where Josh and Charles are sitting on the couch, talking together. They look like they're getting on well; just a pair of good friends with no worries or awkwardness. For a brief moment, I feel slightly jealous of how well they're getting on and I'm not even sure of which one I feel most jealous. But then Josh looks up, sees me, gives me a big grin, and suddenly, I feel all shivery inside. I don't mind him looking at me like that anymore. I just can't believe how it all worked out; that he wants to be with me and I want to be with him.

Thibby follows my gaze and gives Josh a sort of snide look. "So do you just hang around with sporty jerks now?"

"Shut up." I scowl and press play. I don't know why I'm such good friends with Thibby when he pisses me off so much. He was my first gay friend and I think we just never stopped hanging around together. He's still looking daggers at Josh, and I suddenly start to wonder whether he's a bit jealous. Not of Josh, but of me, having a relationship when he just gets one-night-stands.

We get through about hour of singing, and I'm just drunk enough to start going out of tune when Josh comes up behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. "Hey, are you gonna be singing all night?"

I swing around to face him. His breath smells a little of beer. "I could do something else, why?"

"I didn't come here to spend all night sitting on a couch talking about Chemistry with some guy I barely know. I came to spend some time with you."

Josh's arms feel so good around me. They also kind of keep me upright as I drop the mic, and we rather awkwardly shuffle over to where Emmy and her friends are dancing. Chelsea smiles at us from the sofa with can of coke resting on her bump, her head on Charles's shoulder. I'm not bad at dancing, but I'm feeling a bit too drunk to really do it properly, so I just wrap my arms around Josh's neck, and we sway back and forward a little bit.