Circles the Trilogy (Secrets and Lies) (9 page)

“If you’re okay, I’m going to take a shower. Why don’t you get comfortable and I’ll join you in a few minutes.” He doesn’t wait for me to answer. He leaves the room and I let out a
breath. I face-plant myself onto the bed and wonder how one moment I’m feeling on top of the world and the next I feel like I’m trapped six feet under the ground.

I lie in the spot for a minute or two. I know that Daryn will be a while in the bathroom so I go out to find Neesa. I find her sitting down on the couch with her iPad in her hand and reality TV playing in the background. She looks up at me and shakes her head as if she’s disgusted by my presence.

“Don’t do this Neesa. Say it. I can’t take you being mad at me. But honestly I don’t see why you’re mad anyway. You’ve known me for years and you know the kind of choices I have to make. It sucks ass sometimes, but you know that this decision was not my own. I just have to go along with it.”

I sit down next to her and she moves away from me. She takes in a deep breath. “Okay. I get it.
But when I talked to him, he said that you were happy today. He said that you’d decided to make your own decisions. He said that… never mind. You know I love you and I want you to be happy and I can’t stand to see that evil woman do this to you. Sasha, you have to stand up for yourself. You have to one day decide to do what makes you happy. You can’t let the ‘rules’ of some stupid social circle dictate your life. I will stand by you no matter what you decide, but I wish you were deciding to spend more time with Quinton. He really likes you, you know. He went so far as to call my assistant to get my number so he could check on you. You probably already know, but that’s who I was talking to when you came to pour your wine.”

“I figured as much. And since y
ou know what I said to him today…”

“Said to whom today?” Daryn asks walking in on the end of our conversation.

I’m stunned and I feel like I’ve been caught. I wonder how long Daryn had been standing there. I can’t believe he’s already out of the shower. He usually takes at least an hour in there primping and grooming. I’ve lost my ability to speak and just like the best friend that she is, Neesa saves the day.

“Oh, she was just telling me that she’d talked to M
r. Larson today.” She intercedes referring to my boss at the charity office. She says it with such a straight face that I nearly believe her myself. “By the way… tell your dad good luck in the senate race. From what Sasha has told me, he’s a really good man. You can guarantee him my vote.” With that, she gets up from the couch and heads to the other side of the apartment to her room. I’m a little nervous because Neesa is rarely nice to Daryn and never says anything good about him or his family. Actually the two of them barely speak more than a few words to each other when he is visiting.

Apparently Neesa’s words catch Daryn off-guard because he says, “What was that all about?”

“Oh, nothing. Just a friend trying to be supportive of my decisions. Sorry I wasn’t there when you came out of the bathroom. I was thanking her for taking me to the doctor this morning and letting me use her car when I needed to get away for a few hours.”
This lying thing is becoming a bad habit.
I stand and take Daryn’s hand and lead him back into the room where we pick up right where we left off before I took my bath. As I pass the table inside my room, I feel a pang of guilt when I see the beautiful flowers that sit there.

I guess Daryn has gotten over his aversion to having sex while Neesa is in the other room because he initiates our encounter and is the most tender and caring that I’ve seen him. He takes his time with me, but I’m not thinking about him as he kisses me and touches me. I’m thinking
about what it would feel like to have Quinton in my bed with his hands all over my body. I think about Quinton’s mouth on my nipples, sucking gently and then more forcefully, making my core clench in anticipation. I respond to Daryn’s touch, but I’m thinking about Quinton hands. I moan Daryn’s name, but I wish it was Quinton’s name I was saying over and over again. When Daryn pushes into me, I wrap my legs around him and imagine my legs wrapped around Quinton’s waist as I meet him thrust for thrust feeling his impressive erection deep inside me, hitting just the right spot.

The way I’m practically screaming, I’m sure Daryn wonders what has come over me. I’ve never been so responsive while making love to him. Though he may wonder, it doesn’t seem to bother him one bit because he is pumping harder into me.

With my eyes closed, I imagine Quinton’s face and his voice and his lips. I come apart beneath Daryn with a loud scream as my climax consumes my entire body. My pussy tightens around Daryn and my nails dig into his back. I feel my walls as they become drenched with my wetness, igniting Daryn’s release. He kisses me over and over again telling me how much he loves me. His voice jars me from my fantasy interlude with Quinton and I open my eyes and literally face my future.
I’m going straight to hell for that one.

How long can I do this? How long can I imagine the face of Quinton while I’m making love to Daryn? Is it even fair to do so? Have I been given any choice in the matter? It was just today that
I’d planned to break up with Daryn and face the consequences. And on the other hand, has Daryn even changed? Or is this just an act? Will he go back to being the jerk that I know him to be? I guess, right now, there are too many unanswered questions for me to make any real decisions. I may have been too hasty before when I said I’d made up my mind to break up with Daryn.
I’m so confused!
I want to follow my heart, but my head is telling me to be sensible and not cause any unnecessary drama. I feel like such a coward. Maybe I’ll have a better idea of what to do once Daryn and I are able to talk.

Daryn rolls off of me and I get up and head to the bathroom.
I get halfway there and Daryn calls out to me. “Sasha, honey? Where are you going?”

I’m confused. He knows exactly where I’m going. I’m going to get new sheets for the bed and to turn the shower on so we can both clean ourselves up. I tell him this, but he surprises me saying, “A shower is fine, but don’t worry about the sheets. We may mess them up again some time tonight.” He then gets up and grabs my hand. He pulls me into the bathroom with him and we take an intimate shower together. The night goes just as he said it would with us making love multiple times throughout the
night(a first for us). I forget all about the questions I have and let exhaustion take over some time in the wee hours of the morning.

Nine – Ugh, Fiancé! ...Oh, Fiancé!

I open my eyes and smile to myself early the next morning. There is a delicious ache to my body as if the night before had been real and not a dream. I remember dreaming about making love to Quinton over and over until the wee hours of the morning until I was so exhausted that I couldn’t keep my eyes open a moment longer.

I turn over
on to my side and see Daryn beside me with his laptop open. When he feels me stir beside him, he smiles down at me. He puts his laptop aside and kisses me passionately. “Good morning, Honey. I didn’t think you’d be up this early. We had a long night last night and this morning.” He smiles arrogantly as if he’s just accomplished some great feat.
God, I want Quinton!

I close my eyes, not wanting to see the guilt in my eyes. I don’t want to let
my thoughts show on my face. I didn’t dream any of it. Well in a way I guess I did. I dreamed the part about it being Quinton I was making love to. I feel so guilty that I made love to Daryn all night while my mind was on another man. I giggle a little. The best sex I’ve ever had with Daryn was when I was imagining myself being taken by another man. How wrong is that?
I’m going straight to hell,
I think once again.

I avoid the subject of last night and ask, “What are you doing here? Don’t you have to work today? What am I saying? I have to work,” I say jumping up out of the bed
. “Has anyone from the charity called yet? What time is it? This is so unlike me to sleep in.”

“Calm down, Honey. I’ve already talked to Mr. Larson. He said to take off as long as you need. And as far as I go, Peter has given me some personal time off to spend with my grieving fiancée.” He smiles at me after he spits the lie and I know it’s time to have our little conversation. Though he hasn’t told me himself, there is no doubt that he knows that I know about the lie that he and his mother have fed to the press in regards to my absence
from the press conference on yesterday.

I sit down and put my face in my hands. “Why, Daryn? Why did you have to tell them that I’d had a miscarriage? I don’t get it
. Why didn’t you just tell them that I was sick or something?”

“Honey, I know this is not something you’d want to be in the media, but my mother made me realize that is was the right thing to do. At
first I was skeptical, but it was already too late. My mother had already made the decision. Here…” he says turning his laptop around to me, “… look at this video from the press conference yesterday.”

I press play on the video. The author of the video is the
Campaign to Elect Judge Dexter Bryant
. The video starts off innocent enough with Daryn’s father being introduced and then announcing his intention to run for United States Senate. There are many whistles and claps from the crowd when he finishes his speech. Then the floor is open to questions from the press. Most reporters ask the basic questions about his platform and some of his ideas on issues, but then I hear the question that starts it all. Someone I know to be one of the Society section reporters of the local paper asks about me. They ask, ‘Judge Bryant? Since your future daughter-in-law is not here today standing with your family, does that mean she doesn’t support your run for the Senate seat?’ Another reporter shouts, ‘Is the wedding off?’ Then another, ‘Did she call off the wedding because she doesn’t agree with your politics?’

At this point I feel sorry for the Judge. He keeps his composure, but I can see that he knows what he is supposed to say, but he can’t bring himself to say it. He probably genuinely believes that I’ve had a miscarriage since his expression is somber but composed at the same time.
I see Mrs. Bryant squeeze his hand as she steps forward, pulling Daryn along with her. Judge Bryant allows her to step up to the microphone. They stand there, a united front, as Mrs. Bryant answers their questions. Well she doesn’t really answer their questions, she gives her own little mini speech.

She looks up at Daryn. He nods as if he is giving her the go ahead to say what she is about to say
. “First, I would like to thank everyone who has come to support my husband today. This morning, our family received some devastating news. Our son Daryn and his fiancée had been expecting their first child, but unfortunately our Sasha has suffered a miscarriage. As you can imagine, this is a hard time for Sasha and Daryn. Together our family made a decision that Sasha would not be ready to make this appearance after just finding out about her loss this morning. She sends her love and support for this endeavor my husband and our family have embarked upon. We hope that you respect her privacy as my son and his fiancée grieve over their loss. Thank you.”

Daryn kisses his mother and they all wave to the crowd. More questions are thrown their way but they exit the platform and then the video stops.

I sit there stunned by what I’ve just witnessed. I don’t know what to feel in this moment. All I know is that while I was not there, a part of my life was being planned for me. I can’t even imagine the types of questions that I will have to answer over the next few weeks. I know that Mrs. Bryant has told the media to give us privacy, but I have no doubt that she probably already has interviews lined up. She will use this lie to gain the sympathy vote and it will work.

“So I need you to make this clear for me
. Did you know she was going to do this or did you not know?” At this point I can feel myself getting angry. He is being purposely vague about his part in all this. I think he thought the video would make me feel better, but it has only made me forget about the night we had together and instead made me angry. I don’t want to be paraded around in front of the media. I don’t want to be used as some pawn to help Judge Bryant win an election.

“We discussed a few ways we could cover for your absence, but in the end I left the decision up to her. I think I had a feeling she would use the miscarriage angle but I wasn’t sure. I knew she was leaning towards it since she said it would be best for the campaign. Sasha, I’m sorry.” I am sitting on the side of the bed turned away from Daryn. He slides in closer to me and attempts to kiss me on the neck. I pull away. I’m angry. The anger is turning into fury so I get up and walk into the bathroom to take a shower. I think if I speak again, I may something I will regret later on.

As I’m entering the bathroom, my worst fears come true when he says, “Wear something nice today, Honey. We have an interview with the Society page reporter from the paper. They’ll be asking about the wedding and taking pictures.”

“And asking about the ‘miscarriage’,” I say under my breath as I go into the bathroom and shut the door.
I’m not sure why I’m so angry now and I wasn’t this angry yesterday. I guess actually seeing the deception on display right before my eyes makes it more real. It makes me realize how truly despicable Mrs. Bryant is for coming up with this and Daryn is for agreeing with it.
What does it say about me?

***

Hours later, the interview is over and I am exhausted. After getting ready this morning, Daryn and I had a private breakfast meeting with his mother where she drilled me on the possible questions that would be asked in regards to the wedding, the election, and the ‘miscarriage’. Of course, once the interview took place, Daryn did most of the talking and was able to lie so smoothly that I wondered if I knew Daryn at all. If he could easily lie about something so important then I wonder what else he has lied about.

During the interview Daryn held my hand. My hands were sweaty and shaky and I stuttered over the questions I made an attempt to answer.
We did just as his mother told us. We gave each other loving looks and laughed at the appropriate times, but of course it was all fake. Well at least my part was fake. My mind was on other things, or more specifically, other people. I couldn’t get my mind off Quinton and the day we’d had together. I kept replaying the way my jaws hurt from smiling so much that day. 

I can’t seem to go a few minutes without thinking about his lips on mine and the way I fantasized about him while I was making love to Daryn. I probably should feel some way about doing that, but really I don’t. That may say something about me or the kind of person I am but I don’t care. I am taking my punishment like a woman and if I have to be punished by being
married to Daryn for the rest of my life, I plan to take those moments I had with Quinton and hold on to them for dear life. 

A week later
, after a hand full of interviews for the paper and a couple local television stations, I’m exhausted. My anger and complete exhaustion must show on my face because everyone believes the story without question which is good, I guess. It seems as though the hoopla surrounding the miscarriage announcement is beginning to die down. The only reporter that is still like a dog with a bone is that stupid Society page reporter. She is ruthless in her pursuit and she doesn’t seem at all satisfied with the story we’ve given her.
She may not be so stupid after all.
I’m beginning to think she knows something more, but I have no idea what it could be. She seems to be focused on me for some reason like I am the one who is running for office.

Our engagement party
is put off, thankfully, but it is only pushed back a few weeks and now it will be held on Independence Day. I have to give it to Ella. She is a genius at timing and image and having the engagement party on the holiday will get a lot of free press for the Judge.

Neesa and I are still strained. I have not had a chance to sit down and have a decent conversation with her since this whole thing started and I feel guilty. We send the occasional text to check on one another, but I’ve been staying with Daryn so I haven’t seen her.

I feel so alone not seeing Neesa every day though I have had a constant stream of people coming in and out of Daryn’s condo. My mother has now accepted everything that went down, Saleena is still jealous, and my brother, Samuel, is the only one I feel comfortable around. He is the typical man who doesn’t want to discuss wedding plans or miscarriages, or Senate races. I love him for it because we talk about his life and his new job he’ll be starting soon. He’ll be moving away from Atlanta and heading to West Coast to work for one of the top technology firms in Silicon Valley. I’m so proud of him and I so glad that he is getting away from this place. I’ll miss him but he is his own man. Like me, he doesn’t really like being a part of these circles that tell you who to date, how to behave, or what clothes to wear.

He reminds
me of Quinton with his cocky streak that all of the woman love. He is confident, slightly arrogant yet he has a sensitive side to him that others rarely get to see. I see it when I’m with him and it is mostly pity, but that’s okay. I like to see the softer side of him just like I liked seeing the softer, sweeter side of Quinton.

God
, I miss that man.

It has only been a few weeks since I spent that day with Quinton and I can say that I think I fell in love with him from the moment I saw him. I know it seems ridiculous to think that I am in
love with someone I’ve only known a few weeks, but I think he knows me better than Daryn will ever know me.

Quin
ton is intuitive, smart, ruggedly sexy, and attentive and I feel I can talk to him about anything without being afraid of being judged. I wish I could call him or go see him at his office. I wish I knew what he thought about how we left things that day. I wish I could talk to him and find out what he thinks about the coverage of the supposed miscarriage. I wonder does he believe I lied to him when I told him that I wasn’t pregnant. I wonder all of these things but it doesn’t matter because I don’t have his number and I can’t risk going to Watch Records even though my best friend works there.

***

The past month has been hectic. It’s the day before the engagement party and I convinced Daryn that I need to stay at the apartment tonight. I tell him that I need to spend some time with my maid of honor and he reluctantly agrees. I think me staying with him for these past weeks had more to do with the fact that he and his mother thought that I may crack and reveal our lie to someone, but I would never do that no matter how much I want to do so.

When I walk into the apartment, I smile. Neesa is in the kitchen making one of her famous smoothies. I run over to her and jump on her. I apologize over and over for being such a bad friend, but she simply brushes me off
.

“Oh my God, I’ve missed you soooo much,” I squeal at Neesa.

She laughs at me. I know I’m acting childish, but I love this girl so much and this is longest I’ve gone without seeing her since first meeting her. I want to know about everything she’s been doing and if she’s seeing anyone. I also want to ask about Quinton, but I’m afraid to hear what he may have said to her about me.

She pushes a green smoothie across the counter to me and I sigh.
This feel like home. I’ve missed these mornings where we sit sipping on smoothies and talking about the interesting things going on with her while she listens to me complain about how I don’t fit into the social circle I’m forced to be a part of.

“I’ve missed you too, girl. We have so much to catch up on. I shouldn’t tell you a damn thing since you have basicall
y abandoned me, but I can’t contain myself.” She does exaggerated movements with her hands while she is talking and I wonder why she is being so animated since it is so unlike her. Then I see it. A flash. Light catches it and I scream at the massive rock weighing down the ring finger on her left hand.