city of dragons 02 - fire storm (29 page)

“You say that, but—”

“And the thing is, these nightmares aren’t new. I’ve had them ever since I left him.” I let my shoulders slump. “Not this frequently, but… The thing about being abused the way I was is that it’s the gift that keeps on giving. It doesn’t ever really go away. You just figure out how to live with it.”

He didn’t say anything.

I waited.

He still didn’t say anything.

“What do you want me to do?” I said.

“I feel guilty about us jumping into all of this,” he said. “I feel like you use me to run from your pain.”

“I’m not running from it,” I said. But the truth was, I didn’t know what else to do with pain. It was bad, and I didn’t like it. Was there anything to do besides get away from it?

He massaged the bridge of his nose. “I think you might be running, though. Look, I’ve been here with you every night for weeks, because I care about you, and you said you needed me.”

“But?” I swallowed.

He sat up straighter on the couch. “I just wonder if it’s too fast.”

I twisted my hands together. “Oh.”

“It’s only that we slept together before we’d even been on a date, and the day after we
did
go on a date, you got assaulted by your ex-husband, and then we found out that we had some blood bond and…”

“Yeah, it’s been crazy. But you and I together, it’s a good thing. Do you want us to not be together?”

“I’m not saying that.” His eyes widened. “No, I don’t mean that at all. I want to be with you.”

“Okay, then, what
are
you saying?”

“We work together. We eat together. For the past two weeks, we’ve spent every night together. I think, maybe, we should make a concerted effort to, uh, not be together once in a while. Because of healthiness and stuff.”

I nodded. “Sure. Doesn’t sound crazy.”

“And maybe you should see someone? About the nightmares?”

“Someone?”

“You’re a consultant for the department, so you could probably see the department therapist,” he said. “She’s good. You’d like her.”

“How do you know this?”

“Because I see her sometimes,” he said. “So you don’t have to feel ashamed of doing it or something. I can even help you set it up.”

I licked my lips. “Okay,” I said quietly. “Actually, it might be really nice to talk to someone about it.”

He let out a low, steady breath. “Good.”

I smiled at him. “Can we go back to bed now?”

He arched an eyebrow. “I don’t know. You going to throw me out again?”

My smile widened. “You’ll have to take your chances.”

He pulled me to him.

I closed my eyes and felt safe and warm in the circle of his arms.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

“So, I told you I could dress this down,” said Felicity, swishing the skirts of the dress she was wearing. It was the one she’d taken from me, that I’d bought for the party with Lachlan. She was wearing flip flops with it and a jean jacket.

“Looks good,” I grinned.

She sat down at the table where I was sitting with Connor. She was holding a bright green drink in a martini glass. It was practically glowing.

“What do you have there?” Connor asked her.

Felicity took a sip. “Oh my God, you have to try this.” She handed her drink across the table to me.

I accepted it, wrinkling up my nose. “I don’t know about this.”

Connor snatched it from me and took a drink. “Whoa. What is that?”

“It’s the melon,” said Felicity, giggling. “Come on, Penny, taste it.”

“It looks… sweet,” I muttered. The past few days, I’d been totally turned off by things that were too sweet, even taking my coffee nearly black. But I took the drink back from Connor. I took a tiny sip. It was exceedingly sugary, but it did taste uncannily of honeydew melon. I drew back, staring at it. “What the hell?”

“It’s awesome, isn’t it?” Felicity grinned.

“I’m ordering one next,” said Connor, downing his cranberry and vodka.

I sipped my wine. “I think it’s weird. How’d they make it taste so much like melon?”

“It’s those new liqueurs,” said Connor, getting up with his empty glass. “They do some crazy stuff in the lab that like replicates the taste molecules or something.”

I snorted. “Taste molecules? That’s a thing?”

He shrugged, heading back for the bar.

“Hurry back,” I called after him. “We have to toast.”

Felicity took a gulp of her drink.

“Save some of that for the toast,” I said.

“Sorry, it’s just so delicious,” she said.

“Why do I get the feeling that I’m going to be peeling you off the floor later?”

She laughed, a wicked glint in her eyes. “I thought that was the point. I thought we were supposed to come out and have a girls-plus-Connor night and get incredibly sloshed and dance like sluts until three in the morning.”

Sluts. Alastair called me that.

I took a deep breath, shoving the thought aside. “Yes, okay, that is the idea, I admit. Still, if you want to make it until three in the morning, you might want to pace yourself.”

Lachlan wasn’t right that I was running from dealing with my problems with Alastair, was he? I had made an appointment with the therapist, but it wasn’t until next week. I hadn’t been to a therapist since after my parents died, and I didn’t know how much different it would be to talk about abuse instead of grieving.

“
Pfft
, pace myself.” Felicity waved the idea away. “You pace yourself.”

“I
am
,” I said.

Connor came back with one of the green day-glo drinks. He sat down. “So, what are we toasting?”

“The hotel reopening, of course,” I said.

“And booking the first week of season solid,” said Felicity. “Even though we’re the magic attack hotel.”

I snickered, raising my glass. “To crushing it, even as the magic attack hotel.”

They raised their glasses and we clinked. We took a drink, grinning at each other over the rims of our glasses.

Connor set his glass down. “I want to dance.”

“Not drunk enough,” said Felicity, downing the rest of her drink.

He turned to me. “You?”

“Also not drunk enough.” I took another sip of my wine.

“Girl, drink up,” said Connor. “At that rate, you’re never going to be drunk enough for the dance floor.”

I peered out. “There’s no one dancing out there anyway.”

“So?” said Connor.

I just shook my head at him. “You don’t feel embarrassed about dancing alone in public?”

“Have you seen me dance?” he said.

“Sure,” I said.

“Then you can see why I’m not embarrassed.”

Felicity laughed. “Seriously, Penny, drink up.”

I surveyed my wine glass. “I don’t know, guys. I’m not really up for drinking a lot of this, I don’t think.”

“Why not?” said Connor. “This whole thing was your idea. You invited us.”

“Yeah, don’t turn into a lame-ass on us all of the sudden.” Felicity downed the rest of her green drink. “I need another of these.” She shot up out of her chair.

“I’m not trying to be a lame-ass,” I said. “I want to have fun and all, it’s just… the taste of the wine…”

“It’s too dry, isn’t it?” said Connor. “You hate dry wine. I wasn’t sure why you ordered the house red, anyway.”

“No, it’s not that.” I bit my lip.

“Maybe I should order you something else, then,” said Felicity.

“Maybe,” I said. “Nothing sweet.”

“So, maybe a beer?” she said.

I shook my head, making a face. “No, that sounds disgusting. Honestly, the taste of any kind of alcohol is sort of turning my stomach right now. I think I’ll just get like a plain energy drink or something. That’ll make me bouncy, and I’ll want to dance anyway.”

Felicity’s eyes were wide. “Oh, no, Penny, I don’t think you should get an energy drink at all.”

“No?” I lifted my wine glass. Maybe if I had another sip—

Felicity grabbed the glass and pulled it away from me. “Don’t drink that either.”

“What?” I said.

“Yeah, what’s up with you?” said Connor.

“I remember the last time that you thought things tasted disgusting,” said Felicity.

And suddenly, so did I. The force of the memory made it hard to breathe.

“Finish your drink, Connor,” said Felicity. “This girls’ night is moving back to Penny’s apartment.”

“What?” he said.

“With a pit stop at the drug store,” she said.

* * *

I stood at the sink of my bathroom, clutching one of the pregnancy tests we’d picked up at the drug store. I shook my head at it and then I dumped it in the sink with the others I’d taken.

“Penny?” called Felicity from the other side of the door. “Anything yet?”

“It’s positive, just like the rest of them,” I called back.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I was shaking. I’d told myself so often that Alastair hadn’t finished what he started. That when I was unconscious, nothing had happened to me.

But now, the evidence was staring me in the face.

Do you really think I stopped, Penny?

I let out a noise, something between a sob and a groan.

“Penny?” called Felicity.

The door handle jiggled. “Let us in if you’re not peeing anymore,” said Connor.

I sighed, and then I went over to open the door.

The two of them crowded inside.

Connor went over to the sink and started pulling the tests out. “Yup. Every single one. Positive.” He grinned. “This is awesome, Penny.”

Felicity gave me a questioning smile. “It could be awesome, right?”

I rubbed my face.

“Because,” she said, “you want a baby. I know you want a baby.”

“I’m so good with kids,” said Connor. “Seriously, I used to take care of my nieces and nephews all the time back when I lived with my mom and my sisters and their kids. I was everyone’s favorite uncle. And a little dragon baby will be so cute. This is way cool.”

Felicity took both of my hands. “What are you thinking here?”

I didn’t answer.

“You’re not happy?” said Felicity.

I looked at Connor. “You shouldn’t get your hopes up. Because I’ve never carried a baby to term before, and it’s fairly likely I’m going to lose this one too.”

Connor’s face changed from one of delight to one of concern. “Oh, Penny, I didn’t know. Still, don’t say things like that. Try to stay positive.”

“Not having Alastair beating the crap out of you might make a difference,” said Felicity with a hard note to her voice.

“He didn’t cause the miscarriages,” I muttered. I pushed past them, out of the bathroom.

“Wait a second,” Connor said in a different voice. “Lachlan’s a vampire. How did this happen?”

I headed down the hallway to the living room. “I told myself it
didn’t
happen. I don’t remember it happening. I was unconscious when it happened, I guess. When Alastair…”

“Oh my God.” Connor was grabbing me, stopping me, turning me around. “Sweetie, I’m so sorry.”

I shook him off. “It’s fine.”

“It’s not fine,” he said, grabbing my hand. “It’s definitely the opposite of fine. And here I am going on and on about babies, and you must not even be sure that you want a baby that came from something so terrible.”

“All my babies came from Alastair,” I said. “That doesn’t matter to me. If I could have a baby, if I could keep a baby alive, then I wouldn’t care what suffering I had to go through first. No, that’s not why I’m upset.”

“It’s just that it happened at all,” said Felicity. “That Alastair did that to you at all. Because you tried to tell yourself that it hadn’t happened.”

I nodded. “Exactly.” I’d tried to tell Felicity and Lachlan that too. I’d insisted, over and over. And the results from the test I’d had done at the hospital weren’t in yet, so I’d been able to keep convincing myself that I really was okay.

Connor folded his arms over his chest. “If Alastair wasn’t missing, I would go find him and twist his head off. That bastard should be dead.”

“You sound like Lachlan,” I said, feeling tired. “Oh, God. Lachlan. What the hell am I going to tell Lachlan?” I started back up the hall.

Felicity came after me. “The truth, of course.”

I sank down on the couch, my head in my hands. “It was like three nights ago that Lachlan was saying he thought we were moving too fast, and now I’m what? Going to ask him if he wants to be with me while I’m pregnant with another man’s child? That’s a huge commitment, and where does he even fit into that picture?”

Connor sat down next to me and put his arm around my shoulders. “I had no idea what you were going through here. I’m so sorry.”

“You didn’t know because I didn’t want you to know. I wanted to keep it private,” I said. I looked up at both of them, my expression serious. “And that’s how I want to keep this as well. So, don’t tell anyone. Not Ophelia. Not the guests in the hotel. Not anyone. We are the only three people who will know about this.”

Felicity raised her eyebrows. “You’re not going to tell Lachlan?”

“I’m especially not going to tell Lachlan.”

“Penny—”

“No,” I said. I stuck my finger in both of their faces. “Promise me.”

* * *

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Author’s Note

Whenever I hear people talking about books or movies or TV shows in which a sexual assault has occurred, people often say things like, “I can’t believe the author did that,” or “I don’t why they took that strong female character down a peg like that.” And maybe this is a cop-out on my part, because I did write the outline to this book, and I did plot it out, but I don’t feel like
I
hurt Penny. I feel like Alastair did.