Clearwater Romance (30 page)

“Actually, I think it changes a lot.” She adjusted in bed to look toward him.

“What?” His head whipped around so fast, he felt the muscles pop and his stomach heaved. “What are you saying, Jes?”

“I agreed to this when I thought the children would be raised in a home filled with love and two parents. Michael, you work long hours. How are you, alone, going to provide the care to two infants?”

She had him there. He hadn’t actually worked that out. He got as far as a nanny, but that was it. A nanny wouldn’t replace an actual family but what choice did he have? “I’ll hire a nanny and I’ll cut back on my hours. Whatever I have to do.”

“Your practice is almost as important to you as children. Not to mention you’re the only pediatrician in Clearwater. What will your patients do without you?”

“A better question would be, what would my children do without me?” Anger rose but he fought it. His anger shouldn’t be pointed at Jessi. After all, things could have been so different if he would have expressed his feelings for Jessi long ago. She might have been his wife now.

“Not without you. Hell, I couldn’t raise these children on my own either. I’m saying you will need help and, to be honest, yes, this put doubt that I made the right decision, but as you can see it’s a little late now.” She pushed the covers away, exposing her stomach. “We got ourselves into it and we’ll have to figure out a way to provide for the children.”

He stalked to the bed, glaring down at her. “I will provide for them just like I said I would.”

“Michael, don’t start. You know damn well that I could fight you for the twins. I might not win in the end, because I don’t have the means to support myself and two children as you do, but I could make things hell for you. So let’s act like adults here and figure out what’s in the best interest of the babies.”

He took a deep breath, calming himself. He swore that he’d find a way to work things out with Jessi. What he didn’t need was to fight her in court, he had seen enough of lawyers and the legal system to last a lifetime.

Jessi was cleaning the family room when Michael shuffled down the steps. The late morning sun reflected off the marble entryway making him growl and shield his eyes.

“Morning. You must feel like hell to just be getting up. There’s fresh coffee in the kitchen.”

“You shouldn’t be doing that. Leave it, I’ll get it,” he told her as she cleared the coffee table.

“I’m pregnant, not handicapped. I can take care of the few things you left about.”

Her words made the guilt of last night rise in him. He meant to hire another housekeeper when Betty went with Peg, but he never got around to it. In that moment he wished he would have. He didn’t need Jessi cleaning up after him. “After some coffee, I’ll call the agency in Jackson Hole that helped me find Betty. Maybe I can get a housekeeper to start today.”

“I don’t mind. I think we have bigger things to worry about.” She moved past him holding the leftover pizza out before her as if it assaulted her sense of smell.

“What about now?” Between the hangover and no caffeine in his system, he was grumpy. He needed coffee before she dove into what problem she had discovered.

“I’m due in less than four weeks.” She ran her hand along her swollen stomach, as if saying, remember these babies.

He laid his hand on the cool granite countertop trying to suppress the drums that beat against his temples, and poured himself a mug of the coffee she so graciously had ready. He breathed in the deep aroma, filling his senses with the strong vanilla roast he preferred and took a sip before he faced her. “I know when you’re due. What I don’t understand is the problem you think we should be worried about.”

“Have you seen the nursery?” She placed a glass into the dishwasher and looked up at him.

The nursery was another reason he should have realized something was wrong before Peg dropped the divorce on him. It was completely empty. They’d sold the furniture from the room after Jessi’s positive pregnancy test in order to make room for what they thought would be one child. He was glad now they chose one of the larger guest rooms as the nursery since it was also the closest to the master suite, but with twins they’d need the room. “Yeah, I know.” He took another sip of coffee, his brain struggling from its slumber. “Tiny Treasures Baby Store is right in town. How about you help me pick out what’s needed and I’ll get it set up this weekend?”

“I don’t know why you need me.” She opened the fridge and her eyes became wide. “It’s empty.”

“Guess we should get groceries while we’re out.” He felt embarrassed, the refrigerator should have been stocked. “I’m sorry.”

Her lips curved down into a frown as she leaned against the counter looking at him. “Michael, we’ve been friends for years. I’ve never seen you like this. How do you expect to care for the twins if you can’t even remember to buy food?”

“It wasn’t I forgot. Without Betty here I’ve grabbed food at the hospital. I’m a disaster in the kitchen. Even if I wasn’t, it’s pointless to cook for one.” He finished his mug of coffee and poured another. It was at least a two-cup minimum morning, but he suspected that if she wasn’t staring him down he’d have drunk the pot himself. Something about her gaze made him uneasy. Or maybe it was the suddenly claustrophobic kitchen.

There he stood next to the one woman that always appeared just out of his grasp. It wasn’t just her brother would break his hand if he touched her, it was more the fact he always believed he was never good enough for her. When they were the closest he was a medical intern, which meant two things long hours and very little sleep. It wasn’t a time to get involved even if she wasn’t the younger sister of his best friend.

“I cook all the time for myself.” She shook her head, a strand of her long blonde hair fell from the barrette she had it tied back with. His fingers itched to reach out and tuck it behind her ear. “I’ll go. If you went to the store alone who knows what I’d end up with when I tried to make dinner.”

“I told you, I’ll get a housekeeper. In the meantime we can eat while we’re in town.” He wanted to deny the fact he couldn’t shop but it had been years since he bought any groceries.

“I’m pregnant, I have cravings at weird hours, so there needs to be stuff here. You don’t need to rush to find a housekeeper, I can do what needs to be done around here and I don’t mind cooking. Actually I enjoy it.”

“I’ll call and see about someone anyways. Give me twenty minutes and we can be on our way.” He placed the coffee mug in the dishwasher.

“Will we make it out? It was pretty nasty last night, and more snow is supposed to come in this afternoon.”

“Don’t worry, my truck is used to the weather. This is nothing compared what we normally have at this time of year.” Tiny Treasures Baby Store was right next to Fast Check Groceries, so they’d be able to knock both things out quickly and head home before the storm hit again.

* * *

Tiny Treasures was adorable inside. So many cute outfits, toys, and beautiful furniture. Exploring the store sent a twinge of regret through Jessi—regret that when the twins were born she’d no longer be a part of their lives. Instead of keeping distance between herself and the children, she stood inside Tiny Treasures picking out the items for their nursery.
Why did I get myself involved in this?

“Michael,” a woman called as she came toward them. Another woman with a baby in her arms followed.

“Chloe.” He leaned close and gave her a quick hug and kiss on the cheek. “How unexpected to see you and Tessa. This is Jessi. Jessi, Chloe, Tessa, and one of my favorite patients, Rosalie. How is she doing, her allergies better with the medication?”

The women shared a nod, and Jessi was acutely away he didn’t explain who she was. Did the residents of Clearwater know she was his surrogate?

“Rosie is good, growing like a weed. No more problems with the allergies. We came to pick out her Christmas dress and to give Chloe and idea of furniture for the nursery.” Tessa rocked the little girl gently in her arms.

“I wanted to wait until after the holidays to let anyone know. You know how news spreads like wildfire here in Clearwater. Let everyone talk of who’s getting what, not about my soon to grow stomach,” Chloe teased her friend.

Feeling slightly awkward, Jessi stepped away from the group, her attention turned back to the cribs on display. There was a slight twinge of jealousy with the way he interacted with the women. It was the way things had been between them at one time, an easy, friendly relationship that she missed. Things never seemed more strained than today.

He was trying, she’d give him that, but with so much left up in the air concerning the twins she wasn’t sure how they’d move past the tension that seemed to surround them. Maybe some of that tension was from the fact she couldn’t wrap her head around the divorce. He was the man that every woman wanted. He was a successful doctor with a heart of gold. Why hadn’t she noticed Peg’s tension the last time they were together?

Minutes later Michael returned to her side. “I’m sorry.”

She stared into his green eyes. They reminded her of dew-covered grass first thing in the morning, dark and deep like they went on forever. “For what?”

“Letting myself get caught up with Chloe and Tessa. When I took the position at Clearwater Hospital I stayed at Winterbloom Bed and Breakfast. I was there for weeks before I could find a suitable place, and we got to know each other. Over a year ago Chloe and Jordan married, he built them a beautiful log home behind Winterbloom. They have wanted to start a family since.” Michael moved to the next crib before continuing. “Tessa is new to Clearwater but the women have become close so I’ve gotten to know her at the town picnics, and Chloe’s dinner parties and bar-be-ques. She loves to entertain.”

“There’s no need to apologize. This is your home, you can’t change things just because I’m here.” She ran her hand along a beautiful walnut crib. “What do you think about this one?”

“What exceptional taste you have. Chloe’s husband, Jordan, does woodworking in his spare time. His specialty is nurseries. The owner Zoe Noble sells them here. He made a beautiful set for Tessa, I wanted to order a custom one from him, but things got away from me.” He looked toward the counter, for the owner. “I’ll see if Zoe has two in stock. Why don’t you take a look at bedding?”

“Okay. We’ll need the changing table and dresser to match. Might want to get two dressers. They are adorable and the kids can use them as they grow up.” She watched him walk to the counter, before turning her attention to the bedding.

Scanning the shelves, Jessi wasn’t completely surprised to find that most of what she saw was for one sex or the other. Nothing seemed to be unisex and since Peg didn’t want to know the sex of the children, they’d never found out.

He came to stand next to her. His shoulder brushed hers, neither of them moved. “Zoe has two of the cribs in stock as well as the changing table, but only one dresser. We can order another one. It should be done at the end of January. How’s the bedding coming?”

“Not very well actually, since most are for either a boy or a girl. It’s one thing to get blue and it be a girl, but I doubt you want pink with the possibility they might be boys. What do you want to do about it? We’ll run into the same problems with clothes and toys.” How had Peg planned to decorate the nursery without knowing? Or maybe she didn’t want to know the sex because it was another way to keep her distance.

“Then let’s solve that.” He unclipped a cell phone from his belt and held it up to his ear. “Richard, it’s Michael. I need a favor.”

Jessi stared at him for a moment, wondering what he was up to now. He walked away from her, as if he wanted to keep whatever he had planned a secret. What did he have up his sleeve? Her appointment with the doctor who would take over and deliver the twins wasn’t for another week.

They were ushered into an exam room at Doctor Bowmen’s office without a wait. Jessi only felt slightly bad that she was pushed in front of the others who had appointments. Michael gave a quick wave to someone he must have recognized as they made their way through, but his attention was completely focused on her. He seemed to share in the excitement that was coursing through her. Finally she would know the sex of the twins she carried.

A man no older than thirty-five, in grey slacks and purple dress shirt stepped around the corner. She wasn’t sure why but had expected someone older. “Michael, good to see you.”

“You too. Richard, this is Jessi. Jessi, Doctor Bowmen.” Michael nodded.

“Doctor Bowmen, it’s nice to meet you. I appreciate you willing to deliver the babies here.” Her hand glazed over her stomach again, it had become a habit since she found out she was pregnant.

“Please call me Richard. We’re very informal around here. Most of us know each other, see each other around town.” He opened a door and stepped aside. “Come in. Since you’re here I’ll do your exam now and find out the sex of your children.”

She stepped into the room with Michael on her heels and Richard bringing up the rear. Sitting on the exam table she didn’t feel anything but excitement.

“So Jessi, tell me about your pregnancy. Any problems I need to be aware of? Since your appointment wasn’t until next week I haven’t had time to look over the file your OBGYN sent from your last visit.” Richard stepped to the sink to wash his hands.

“It’s been a smooth pregnancy, no issues at all. I’m aware that with twins most people don’t make their due date, but as of my last appointment everything was fine. The doctor believed I’d at least make it close to the date.” Knowing the routine, she leaned back on the table.

“Excellent.” He stepped up beside her waist, forcing Michael to move closer to her head. “Were you not able to find out the sex of the twins before, or did you just change your mind?”

Michael laid a hand on her shoulder. “Changed our minds, it will be easier to decorate the nursery and purchase items for them if we know what to expect. I really appreciate that you fit us in.”

“Anytime. Now if you’ll pull up your shirt we’ll see how the little ones are.” Richard drew the sonogram machine a little closer, before angling the second screen to allow Michael and Jessi an easy view of the twins.

She tugged up her shirt, baring her stomach, and tried to find a comfortable position on the table. Lying on her back wasn’t easy or comfortable. Her back ached from the position but it wouldn’t last long and, more importantly, it was worth it.

He squirted a warm gel on her skin before taking the wand and moving it over her stomach. Instantly the sound of two strong heartbeats filled the room, her eyes filled with tears. It wasn’t the first time she’d heard the heartbeats, but this time the sound of those two little drums tore at her heart. Up until now she was able to distance herself from the twins. How could she ever look at the holiday season the same again when it would always remind her of the loss of her twins?

“Everything looks good. They’ve developed well. Their lungs look good. There’s no need for additional worry, I believe your babies will be healthy even if you delivered today,” Richard explained, his gaze on the screen before him.

He moved the wand and one of the twins’ faces came onto the screen. Jessi’s hand reached out as if to touch her child through the screen. “Can you tell their sex?” Her heart was cracked and tears now flowed freely down her cheeks. The additional information would no longer allow her to think of them as just babies but as her sons or daughters, yet she had to know.

“Let’s see.” He moved the wand down the length of the first child slowly, almost teasingly so.

She wanted to cry out for him to hurry, that she couldn’t wait a second longer when Michael took hold her hand, interlocking their fingers. Their gazes met and she saw tears glistening in his eyes.

“Not that it will change anything but I always ask my patients, what would you like?”

Jessi look to Michael with the hope he’d answer.  “Hopefully they have their mother’s good looks, so girls.” He smiled down at her.

Good looks?
She was completely knocked off guard by his statement. All the times they had known each other, nothing like that had ever come to light. Did he really think she was attractive, or was he just being kind?

“Well, it’s too early to say who they look like, but baby number one is a girl.” Richard moved the wand over her stomach, to find the perfect spot for the second baby. “Baby number two is also a girl. Looks like you two need to go back to Tiny Treasures and buy pink.” He lifted the wand and set it to the side before he grabbed a towel and wiped off her stomach.

“Daughters.” Michael stood, still gripping Jessi’s hand. His eyes were glazed over.

“The look that crossed through your eyes…I can tell you’re worried about their teenage years. You’re going to be one of those dad’s with a shotgun anytime they have a date, aren’t you?” Richard teased Michael with an ease that let her know they were close friends.

“Just wait until you have kids and see what a paranoid father you will be.” Michael was able to gain control of his face, hiding the fear that was there only moments ago, which only made Richard laugh harder. Michael held out a hand to her. “Come on, we’ll leave him to his hysteria. Your time will come, Richard.”

She pulled her shirt over her stomach, then placed her hand in his before gliding off the table. “If there’s nothing else?”

Her question seemed to sober him, forcing him back to business. “No Jessi, you and the babies are in good health. If you have any concerns or questions, Michael knows how to reach me, otherwise I’ll see you when you go into labor.”

Michael’s arm was snug against her waist as they made their way from the office building at the back of the Clearwater Hospital where a number of doctors had their offices. It was also the location of Michael’s office, allowing him quick and easy access to the hospital when needed.

Snow was falling when they finally got back to his large pickup truck. He walked Jessi to the passenger side and helped her in. She was finally able to take in the extended cab, checking to see if there’d be room for two car seats. Thankfully there would be, because she wasn’t sure her little car would be adequate in the snow when they brought the babies home.

Michael hopped into the truck and started it. He shoved the shifter into Drive and looked over at her. “Can you believe girls? Me, a father to two little girls. What the hell do I know about raising girls?”

She laid a hand on his thigh. It felt somewhat intimate but it was the only spot she could touch to give him comfort that wouldn’t interfere as he drove along the snow-covered roads. “Don’t doubt yourself now, you will be a great father.”

“I hope so.” His words didn’t sound very convincing, but only time would show him that he’d be a good parent. He leaned forward, looked up at the sky. “I don’t think the snow will get too bad for another hour or so. We’ll stop by Tiny Treasures and get some groceries then go home.”

The drove back to the store in silence, each of them lost in thought. Jessi’s emotions were running havoc, her stomach churned. She was happy, yet she felt like crying for her broken heart. It was all becoming too much for her to bear. The nine months of pregnancy was enough to form a strong bond between her and the children before they were even born. It would only get worse once she gave birth.
She wondered, not for the first time, why she got into the surrogacy parenthood. Why did she think she could walk away from the babies without being torn in two?

* * *

Michael carried the last bag in from the truck. The food had been put away before he lugged in the bags from Tiny Treasures. Jessi sat on the couch with her feet on the coffee table. As anxious as he was to get the nursery set up he still refused to allow her to carry anything in or upstairs. She had done her part by helping him pick out the stuff, and now with the cribs delivered he could prepare the room for his daughters.

He balanced the bedding sets in one hand and locked the door before he stepped into the family room. “I’m going upstairs to get things in order for the nursery. You coming up?”

She shook her head. “Leave the bedding down here, I’ll get it washed.”

“Laundry is upstairs. The previous owner had the place plumbed for it. Guess it makes sense with the family bedrooms upstairs, but it took time to get used to.” He set the stuff down. “What’s wrong? You seem distant, upset.”

“It’s nothing. Go ahead, do what you need to.”

It only served to raise his suspicions something was off when she refused to meet his gaze. “Jes, over the years we might have drifted apart, but I can still tell when something’s eating at you.” When she continued to remain silent he racked his brain to figure out what was wrong. “Did you want boys? Is that what this is about?”

“It doesn’t matter what I want, they’re
your
children.”

Suddenly he felt even more confused. “What?”

“Dammit, Michael! I know I’m supposed to just be some damn incubator but things have changed. This is all messed up now. Peg’s gone, taking with her the happy, home filled with love that I thought the children would be raised in. Helping with the nursery, finding out they’re girls—it all just brings home that in a few weeks you will have your family and I’m supposed to just go back to my life in Denver. I can’t cope with it.” Tears ran down her face, breaking his heart.

“What does this all mean?” Fears of her running off with the twins played through his mind. He knew he had rights to the girls even without paperwork. It was his sperm that helped create the twins, but it didn’t mean she couldn’t make things difficult for him. After all, she was the biological mother.

“It means nothing. I’ve never been one to go back on my commitments. This will be no different.” She pushed off the couch, stormed past him, and up the stairs. Michael stood there dumfounded.

He wanted to follow, to say something that would make her feel better, but he wasn’t sure what would make the situation better. How was he supposed to help when he wasn’t sure about raising twin girls himself?