Close Encounters (23 page)

“Why did you change your mind?” Carol asked him with quiet seriousness.

Lee regarded her closely, a slight frown furrowing his brow. His jaw muscle tightened under her fingertips and he shook his head. “I didn’t know I was going to.”

“Then how come you said you wanted to see me again?”

He sighed deeply as he stared at her face, thinking what pretty skin she had, appreciating her straightforward search for the truth. His hands glided slowly up her back. “Because I wanted to see
you
again,” he answered simply.

Carol nodded, accepting his honesty with the first hint of shyness he had yet to see in her. “Will you get in trouble over this?”

“Depends on what you mean by trouble. I won’t tell if you won’t.”

Carol gnawed on her lip. “This better not be a trick,” she teased. “My big brother will stomp your face.”

Lee chuckled. “I bet he would. I have a feeling you can take care of yourself.” His hands squeezed restlessly at her waist. “Do you have any problems with this?” he asked boldly.

Carol couldn’t pretend not to understand. She shook her head. “Only that… I’ve never kissed a cop before. And you?”

His eyes thoroughly scanned her features. “I’ve never kissed a woman who was part of an investigation. What did it feel like to you?”

“Very nice,” she said easily.

“Yeah. I thought so too.”

“I’m serious, Lee. Why did you tell me?” she repeated.

Lee released her and took a step back. He established a neutral zone in which there was no need to deny what had just happened between them, and no threat of confusing it with the investigation.

“I’ve been a cop for almost twenty years. I was on the right side and thought I could do no wrong. But it doesn’t always shake out that way.” He absentmindedly took both hands and ran them over his head, causing his hair to flatten and spring up again. “A cop’s worst nightmare is mistakenly taking down the wrong person. But it happens. I guess I just wanted to make sure you understood… I didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“Maybe the average cop wouldn’t even think about it,” Carol said. “Or would deny it. I know it wasn’t me you were after that night, but a suspect. What about you? I don’t think it was Lieutenant Grafton who kissed me just now. It was a man named Lee. I think he’s probably an excellent cop, a better father than he believes, and I… I’m pretty sure he’s an honest man.”

“But you’re not entirely sure.”

“I can’t be, at least not yet. But I know what I feel. I think I can trust you. If you prove me wrong, well… then I’ll have to deal with it.” She looked earnestly at him. “I like you, Lee. Just don’t prove me wrong.”

Her observation both pleased and worried Lee. He felt a sudden twisting in his gut, like a warning, a shard of fear. He tamped down his doubts and instead went with the moment, as if he could isolate it from the past and the future. He returned to stand in front of Carol as she continued to let her wide-eyed gaze probe him, to try and detect if she’d misread him. He didn’t want to give her any reason to change her mind.

“I told you about that night to level the playing field. There’s a victims’ compensation board or something like that. You should look into it. I agree with your brother and your ex-husband. You probably should sue.”

“You do?” she asked in some surprise. “Why?”

“Don’t get me wrong. Everything that happened that night was in the line of duty and by the book. But we failed. The city doesn’t know how to say it’s sorry in any way except by paying money. You might as well take it.”

Carol thought about it. In a way it was dispiriting to know that when all was said and done, it came down to money again. The quick, easy, expedient solution. “I haven’t made up my mind yet. I’ll think about it,” she said.

Lee let a slow smile curve his mouth. He reached out to touch her hair, lightly pressed his thumb into the indentation in her chin. “You’re a pretty amazing woman. I took a chance tonight. I went with what I was feeling. I… I’m not used to doing that,” he said, as if he still found it incredible.

“Aren’t you used to taking chances?”

“Only when I’m pretty sure of the outcome.”

“That’s the cop talking again,” Carol responded knowingly. She raised her brows wistfully. “My father always told me that life is an adventure and a journey. Enjoy it, he would say; nothing happens that isn’t supposed to happen. We just have to figure out why it happens.”

Lee grinned. “Do you think he’s right?”

“I don’t know. Growing up, I don’t think I ever believed any of that. But since that night I guess I no longer feel as though God is punishing me for something. After all, He let me live.”

“So you think God was responsible for your survival?”

“I’m willing to give the doctors their due. But I think we had help that night.”

She thought about her background and history. All the years of thinking she was so terrible, that no one wanted her. But someone had. It had taken most of her life, and a moment of almost losing it, to recognize that love was a choice. Her natural mother
chose
not to want her. But it didn’t mean that no one would. Well… she had options too.

“It’s the second time in my life that I’ve been saved,” Carol quietly acknowledged.

Lee thought about that for a moment. “I bet the first time was when you were adopted,” he said, sliding his hand around to the back of her neck.

“Yes. When I was about two.”

He looked down into her face and pulled her head closer. “I could use a second chance myself,” he murmured. “But this will do for now.”

He kissed her again. This time he bypassed the foreplay and captured her mouth completely, rocking into place and letting his tongue fill the space Carol opened for him. It was a slow but bold dance, a giving and receiving that made them equals with a mutual need. And yet, sexual desire was not the driving force. Release was not even the goal. There was something else taking place between them. Lee knew that he, at least, wasn’t going to figure it out tonight.

But it was a great start. Carol’s response held nothing back. It had the fearlessness of someone with nothing to lose. Or of someone willing to risk taking an unknown path to see where it might lead.

The heat began to rise and swell in his body, and Lee slowly and reluctantly broke the contact of their lips. It was still too soon for anything more. They were so close that their noses rubbed together and he could feel her warm breath on his cheeks. He opened his eyes to find that she had the slightest of smiles on her face. Lee sighed in relief, as if he’d just overcome some great hurdle, passed a test and Carol had given her mark of approval.

“I have to go.”

“Yes,” she accepted quickly, with a sigh of her own.

“I’ll see you again.”

She smiled. “Yes.”

Lee let his hands fall and walked away. At the door he turned to look at her again. She was standing in the center of the living room watching him.

“I have to ask you something,” she said with a note of inquiry in her voice. “Do you think this is a good idea?”

“What do you think?”

“I asked you first.”

Lee didn’t even seem to think about it before he gave Carol a curious look as he stepped out into the hallway. “I don’t see why not.”

The door clicked shut behind him.

Carol stood staring at the closed door. She was both sorry and relieved that he had left. Until that moment she’d given no thought to what might have happened if he’d stayed longer. There were two possibilities. Either one would have destroyed the magic and spontaneity of what they had shared. This way she could savor the memory, over and over, when she needed the reassurance that what had happened was right. Second-guessing herself was never a worthwhile use of her time, Carol knew, but that didn’t mean that she wasn’t assailed by doubts. She wasn’t looking for guarantees, just a reasonable chance.

Already she felt caught up in the giddy and electrifying emotions of a new relationship. Lee might claim that he wasn’t one to take foolish risks, but she believed that they had begun something together tonight that was, in its own way, much more dangerous than what had first brought them together. Still, it was a risk worth taking.

She stood very still, listening to the silence of her apartment. She made a steeple of her fingers and held them against her mouth, pivoting slowly toward the hallway that led to her bedroom. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“Come on out, Matthew,” she ordered.

All remained silent for a few seconds longer. Finally, from the darkness beyond the short hallway and the depths of her bedroom, there came a rustling sound. In a few more seconds Matthew appeared, walking slowly into the living room. Carol looked him over quickly. He was fully dressed except for his shoes. He didn’t have his glasses on and appeared slightly disheveled. He scrubbed his hands over his face. He’d been sleeping. Carol wanted to know how long he’d been awake.

“How’d you know I was here?” he asked in a sleep-ridden voice.

“I saw your coat in the closet. Your sax case is on a chair in the kitchen.”

Matthew placed his hands in his pockets and stifled a yawn. “I took a nap. Your bed is a lot more comfortable than the sofa. I got back and did some shopping. I thought you’d be here.”

“I told you I had a follow-up visit to the doctor.”

“I meant to go with you. Guess I got here too late.”

“I went alone.”

He nodded, looking at her. “So, where does the cop come in?”

Carol faltered for only a moment. “The lieutenant came here to talk with me, but I had work to do at the museum. He met me and gave me a lift home.”

Matthew pursed his mouth just short of a sneer. “From what I heard, you got a little more than just a lift.”

She touched her mouth with her fingertips. Her lips felt soft and tingly. She could still feel the ghost of Lee’s kiss. There was no way to know yet if she and Lee could build a real relationship together. Had the possibility been lost when he walked out the door, and would it still be present if he returned? She hoped so.

“That’s my business,” she said softly, sorry that Matt had been privy to those moments with Lee. Nevertheless an annoying unease streaked through her, as if she had somehow betrayed Matt.

“They almost kill you, and then you let one of them play you like that?”

Carol felt a flush of heat rush up from her neck to her face. “I’ve had you play me for far worse. I was married to you and you fooled around on me.”

Matt looked only slightly repentant. “So are you trying to top me by getting it on with a white guy?”

“He kissed me. I wanted him to. That’s all there is to it,” she said honestly. “What happened with you? Where have you been?”

He stepped closer, frowning at her. “You need to listen to what I’m saying, Carol. You’re too smart to believe the line he’s handing you.”

She turned away, trying to negate Matt’s observation. “Were you at rehearsal or doing more backup at a taping?”

He sighed and shook his head. “We played a long set, and afterward a bunch of us went out to get something to eat.” Matt walked further into the room and sat down.

“You should have called, you know.”

“Yeah, I should have.” He leaned toward her. “You’re not going to get mixed up with that cop, are you?”

“I’m not going to answer that.”

Matt scoffed impatiently. “He’s scamming you.”

“You make it sound like it’s inconceivable that he might really be interested in me.”

“How do you know he’s not just making sure you’re not going to take him to court?”

“And how is that different from you sleeping with me hoping we’ll get back together? Did you mean it… or are you after something else? Are you mad because I’m attracted to him? Or because he’s white?”

“What if I said both? I don’t want to see you make a fool of yourself.”

She shrugged. “Won’t be the first time. But I know how to make this easy for both of us. I think you should go back to your own place.”

If Matt was surprised, he didn’t show it.

“Sure, if that’s what you want. Just let me know when.”

“Tomorrow,” she said softly.

He looked at her. He nodded, not even offering a defense. “Okay… tomorrow.”

“Look, I appreciate that you came to the hospital. That you were… willing to give up your time to help me.”

“But I wasn’t much help?”

She merely shook her head slowly. And then she held out her hand to him. “Can I have my keys back, please?”

Only for a moment did Matthew hesitate before digging into his trousers pocket for the small ring that held the keys to her building and the two locks on the apartment door. Matthew held them out and carefully placed them in her palm.

Carol closed her hand around the keys. “I’m sorry. It’s not that I’m not grateful for your being here, but I don’t want to explain or justify myself to anyone again. I’m not angry at you, Matt, and I certainly don’t dislike you. But you and I had our chance.”

“So I should step aside and let someone else have a shot at it. Okay… maybe you still can’t forgive me for what we went through when we were together. But I want to know just one thing.”

Carol waited.

“How come you’re so ready to condemn me, yet you can forgive a white cop who could have killed you?”

C
AROL STOOD DAYDREAMING AT HER
classroom window, finding the slow, silent falling of fat snowflakes both hypnotic and restorative. In the past, at the first snowfall, which was often just a few days before Christmas, she’d always been more concerned with the inconvenience of bad weather than with the pristine loveliness of the scene. This year she found herself savoring the moment, noting each detail as if for the very first time in her life.

“Ms. Taggart? Can you come here a moment, please?”

Carol brought her attention back to her students. “Coming.”

She made her way around the perimeter of the room, past other students concentrating on their work, to a young woman who was scrubbing furiously at her sketch pad with a soap eraser.

“What’s the matter?” she asked.

“I can’t seem to get the thigh right. It looks like it’s stunted.”