Close Enough to Touch (27 page)

Grace crossed one arm over her chest in defense. She held tight
to her opposite elbow and tucked her head, startled at how frightening it felt
to consider having friends. To trust that they genuinely liked her.

They turned the corner and Grace realized they were coming up
on the Crooked R. “I need to drop off my makeup kit,” she said.

“Sure,” Eve said. “We’ll wait for you.”

“No, go ahead and go in. I’ll meet you there.”

Jenny rolled her eyes, and everyone kept walking past the
saloon and toward the Stud Farm. “Don’t be silly. We’ll wait here and then go in
together to make an appearance. Four beautiful women walking in at once? They
won’t know what hit them.”

This was Grace’s chance to make an excuse. To say she wasn’t
feeling well and she wanted to turn in. But instead, she nodded. “Okay. I’ll be
right back.”

But as she headed up the sidewalk toward the porch, headlights
flashed over the lawn and she glanced back to see a sheriff’s truck pulling up
to the curb.

Oh, God.

The SUV stopped and two deputies got out. As Eve and Jenny and
Rayleen watched, the men started up the walk toward Grace.

Oh, no.

It was an apartment building with four apartments. They might
not be here for her. Or maybe it was something that didn’t have anything to do
with—

“Grace Barrett?” the shorter deputy asked.

“Yes,” she breathed. Her pulse suddenly swelled to a booming
beat inside her skull. Her entire body went tight and numb.

“We have a warrant for your arrest,” the same guy said.

And there it was. This was it. “Oh,” she said, not really
speaking, just letting air escape from her lungs. They hadn’t turned their
lights on, at least, but she could still see flashes at the edges of her vision.
“Oh,” she said again as the deputy approached with his hands raised in a calming
gesture.

She glanced toward her new friends, though she tried not to
meet their gazes. All three women stood wide-eyed, lips parted in shock. “Can I
set down my kit?” Grace rasped.

The deputy nodded, and she set it down slowly, more than
familiar with how jumpy cops could be. But these officers were a little more Zen
than the average L.A. cop. When she held her arms up, the deputy didn’t snatch
her wrist and twist it behind her back. Instead, he calmly slipped the cuffs
over one wrist, and then the other. Grace couldn’t help but wonder if he would
have been kind enough to cuff her hands in front if she’d still had purple hair
and wild makeup.

The thought of her hair brought tears to her eyes. Despite
everything—the misguided affair with Cole, the knowledge that she was moving on
soon—this had felt like a new beginning. A new start. She’d been shedding her
skin. Letting go of her defenses. And she’d meant it. But now…

She dared one last look at Eve and Jenny and Aunt Rayleen, but
they were blurry. She was protected from whatever she’d see in their faces.

“Grace?” Jenny called tentatively.

Grace just dropped her head and let the deputy lead her to his
truck. She wondered if anyone else was watching. Wondered if half the saloon had
come outside to watch her perp walk. It hardly mattered. All the important
people were right there with front-row seats.

She felt the deputy’s hand on top of her head guiding her into
the truck. Grace just closed her eyes and let him push her under.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

H
E
’
D
MEANT
TO
BE
GONE
for weeks. Meant to stay away until his CT scan.
What was the point, after all? Why work at the ranch toward something he might
not have again? So he’d driven away, meaning to stay gone. To take a roundabout
way toward California. To consider whether that was what he wanted. Maybe even
what he needed.

But that first night, he’d stopped at a campground in Idaho,
and he’d slept under the stars on nothing more than a pallet and a sleeping bag.
And as he’d stared up at the same sky he’d seen a thousand times before, he
hadn’t seen the stars at all. What he’d seen was fear. The new fear of what he’d
do if he couldn’t ride, sure.

But old fears, too. The nagging fear of becoming his father.
That was part of what had driven him to L.A. the first time. And then the awful
fear of letting his dad down, which had come after the possibility had passed
with a startling finality.

The fear of letting down a dead man. Is that all that had
driven him for the past thirteen years? It didn’t seem possible.

No, it wasn’t possible. He loved the work. Loved the land and
the sky. The beautiful days and the weeks that were so brutal you wished you
could lie down and die. He loved the men he worked with and the simple dignity
of the work.

But now…

Now there was a new fear.

And as he’d lain under those stars praying for sleep to claim
him, he’d remembered the first time he’d let Grace see it. That moment when he’d
confessed that he might not ride again. She’d reached for him. Reached for a
connection. It wasn’t the sex he remembered now. It was that moment when she’d
looked
at him. When she’d understood. She knew
what it was to face fear, and she’d wanted to take it from him. Or share the
burden, at least.

She’d been afraid before. She was still afraid.

Cole felt ashamed now. Hard as she was, she’d seen his fear and
felt compassion. But when she’d turned her defenses on him, he’d lashed out.
He’d hurt her more, and that was exactly what she’d expected. What she’d wanted,
even. Because if he hurt her, she didn’t have to fear it anymore. It was
done.

The second day, Cole had turned north instead of west. He’d
camped in Montana that night. A different forest. The same stars. This time next
to a creek that danced through the dark, adding enough sound to the night that
he hoped it would let him sleep.

His hip had recovered more quickly from the ride than he’d
expected, and it was back to the familiar dull ache that had slept with him
every night since the accident. It shouldn’t keep him up, but he couldn’t close
his eyes.

In the end, his insomnia had finally made itself useful. By the
next morning, Cole had figured it out. He’d faced the reality of where he was
and he’d made a decision. If his ability to ride was what made him a man, then
he wasn’t much of a man at all. And if he couldn’t keep Grace from leaving, at
least he could let her go with the respect she deserved. He needed to step up to
the plate and be the kind of person he could be proud of. Nothing to do with his
dad or Easy or the ranch. Just himself.

He took the long way home, stopping for one more night along
the Gallatin to let everything settle in his mind. For once, the ranch felt far
away. But California had ceased to exist as anything but a harmless memory.

His dad had been wrong.

Whether it had all been a grand mistake or not, it had been
Cole’s to make and his to live with. He only wished he’d found a way to say that
without screaming. He wished he’d made his peace with his father. But better
late than never.

That night he slept for eight hours straight. And then he
headed home to Jackson. Maybe even to Grace.

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

“S
HE
’
S
NOT
THERE
.”

Cole looked up to see Shane coming down the stairs. “Hey, man.”
He dropped the hand he’d raised to knock for the third time on Grace’s door.
“She’s probably still at work,” he murmured.

“Um…” Shane’s gaze slid from Cole to the front door, then down
to his feet. “Did you just get back?”

Cole shifted and narrowed his eyes. “What’s going on?”

Shane grimaced.

“Where’s Grace?” Cole pressed.

“You should ask Rayleen.”

“Ask Rayleen
what?
” he growled.

Shane finally stepped off the last stair and stood there
awkwardly. “I’m pretty sure Grace is gone.”

“No. She was supposed to stay another week or two.”

“Right.” Shane ran a hand through his hair and glanced at the
front door as if he wanted to bolt. “Something happened.”

All the peace he’d managed to gather over the past days
crumbled and slipped through his hands. He could almost hear it crash onto the
wood floor. “Jesus Christ, Shane, do I have to beat it out of you? What the hell
is going on?”

Shane took a deep breath. “Fine. Grace was arrested on Sunday
night.”

“What?”

“I gather that whatever the charges were, they were dropped.
She was released this morning. She packed up and left a few minutes later.
That’s all I know.”

Cole cursed and headed for the door.

“I’m sorry, man,” Shane said, the words barely audible over
Cole’s pounding heart.

Cole pushed out the door and rushed to the saloon. Jenny and
Rayleen were both behind the bar, their backs turned to the room. Jenny was
hammering a nail into the wall, but they both spun to face him when he called
Rayleen’s name.

“Cole!” she said in surprise, nearly dropping the framed
picture she held. She set it down carefully on the bar and crossed her arms.
“What are you doing here? Thought you’d taken off for California.”

“What?” He shook his head, then squinted at Rayleen. She looked
different somehow. Younger? He waved the stupid thought away with an impatient
hand. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Where’s Grace? I need to speak to
her.”

“Probably in Montana by now.”

“Montana? You let her
go?
”

“She wanted to leave.”

He ground his teeth together, unable to see the connection
between those two things. “How did she get from here to Montana?” he made
himself ask calmly. “She doesn’t have a car.”

“I dropped her off at Flagg Ranch this morning for the
Yellowstone bus.”

“So. You drove her. All the way up to Flagg Ranch. So she could
leave. This morning.”

“Cole,” Jenny said. “Something happened with—”

“I heard about that. I don’t give a shit. I just need to talk
to her.”

“The charges were apparently dropped, but she wouldn’t listen
to us. Eve thinks it has something to do with an issue in California. Grace just
wanted to leave. She didn’t—”

“Just—” He held up a hand to stop her from talking. “Hold on.”
His heart beating too hard, he called up her number on his phone and hit Call.
He couldn’t stop picturing how small she’d looked on the side of the road that
day, when she’d been so worried about getting the car back to Eve.
I can’t be late.... Not after that. She’ll think…

An arrest. Everybody knowing. She must be devastated.

He held his breath as the phone clicked. Then a mechanical
voice told him the subscriber wasn’t available.

“Shit,” he ground out. “Where’s she going? Vancouver?”

“Yes,” Rayleen said quietly. “She said something about going
through Bozeman.” She looked up finally, meeting his gaze. “I’d guess the bus
follows I-90.”

The bus follows I-90. Right. Of course. It probably only left
once a day. Bozeman wasn’t exactly a hot travel spot. Maybe he could…

“If she gets in touch,
call me,
” he
tossed over his shoulder as he headed for the door.

“Tell her we miss her, okay?” Jenny shouted.

He should’ve come straight home yesterday. He should’ve at
least called.

If Grace needed to run, he could let her. He was almost sure of
it. But not like this. Not when she thought he’d been sleeping with Madeline.
Not when she was convinced that what she and Cole had meant nothing.

Because it had meant something. Something so big that it filled
him up until he could barely breathe.

Cole got into his truck and headed north, hoping he could
manage to catch a girl who meant to disappear for good.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

T
HE
DINGY
FLUORESCENT
LIGHTS
twitched around her as Grace
struggled to keep her eyes open. She’d been on three buses already today and the
fourth one wouldn’t arrive until 1:00 a.m., which was… She flipped open her
phone. Three hours from now.

Three hours. She could stay awake until then.

She eyed the dead coffeemaker sitting on the counter of the bus
station. Bus
room
would be a more accurate
description. But she couldn’t complain. The clerk had left the door unlocked
when he’d gone, allowing Grace to stay inside instead of waiting on the curb.
Once again, Grace wondered if that would’ve happened with the purple hair.

She decided to stick with brown and black for a while. As bad
as her luck had been, she wouldn’t dare the distrust of strangers right now.

At least today had been the nicest bus ride she’d ever been on.
She hadn’t expected Yellowstone to look like the landscape of an alien planet.
Steam and geysers and strangely colored rock. And amidst it all, animals roaming
everywhere, as if there weren’t tourists following just behind them, snapping
pictures. Grace had seen elk, finally. More elk than she could have dreamed of,
and now she saw the difference that Cole had laughed about. She wouldn’t mistake
them for deer again.

And bison just wandering around as if it were normal. She’d
even spotted a moose, and once, a fox trotting along next to the bus.

If she had any money to spare, she would’ve hopped off the bus
and stayed. For days or weeks. She would’ve stayed and seen things she’d never
imagined. The geysers erupting in the distance. The bears she remembered from
old cartoons. Staring out the bus window, the signs in the park had been nearly
painful to see, knowing she’d never discover what they named. Mud pots and
waterfalls and lakes. Lookouts and rivers. Those things weren’t for her. She was
only passing through.

But she was in Montana now. This was someplace she’d never
been. That was something good.

But not good enough to offset the past few days. Nothing could
make that better.

Grace dragged her duffel bag closer on the row of seats and
pulled one end of it onto her lap so she could lay her head down. She stared at
the torn edge of a promotional poster and told herself not to go to sleep. Not
yet.

But she was so tired. Jail wasn’t exactly a restful haven. And
fury and mortification had kept her awake since then. She still couldn’t believe
Scott had actually done it. He’d had her arrested. Sent her to jail. This man
she’d once shared a bed with had put her through the fear and shame of being
arrested and strip-searched and processed like a felon.

That first phone call had been easy. She’d called Scott and
told him exactly what she thought of him. “How could you?” she’d yelled. “I sent
you money! I was doing what I promised!”

“I just got the money today,” he’d answered, sounding more
subdued than she’d expected. “I didn’t think—”

“I told you I’d pay you back.”

“I know, but Willa got back and she came right over here to
tell me you were lying.”

Grace hadn’t even been shocked at that. “What would Willa know
about it?”

“She said you were driving around Jackson Hole in a nice Lexus,
partying with—”

“No. No! That was my boss’s car! My ex-boss, because there’s no
way I have a job now, since I was
arrested in front of
her,
you asshole.”

“Grace, look—”

“I’m paying you back,” she’d said, the words breaking into a
sob. “That woman was just pissed because I embarrassed her in front of Madeline
Beckingham. I sent you money and I’ll send the rest as soon as I can. Please
don’t do this. Scott…” Hating herself, hating him, she’d begged him to drop the
charges. She’d wept and she’d begged him.

It had worked, anyway. And being out of jail was a sweeter
victory than salvaging whatever pride she’d had left. She’d showered and packed
and then taken the tattered rags of her ego and she’d run as fast as she could.
She hadn’t seen Eve, at least, and Aunt Rayleen had held her tongue. Out of
kindness or disgust, Grace wasn’t sure, but she’d been thankful for the reprieve
from insults.

It already felt far away. Jackson Hole. A different world. She
was alone in a state where no one knew her. She could walk out the door and
disappear and no one would even know she’d been here. She would’ve found that
comforting a few weeks ago. Now it scared her. As if she were barely tethered to
the earth. One wrong move and she’d float into space and never be found.

Grace held tighter to the rough canvas of the bag. She wished
it was 1:00 a.m. She wished she could go to sleep and open her eyes and be
anywhere else.

The door whooshed open beside her, and Grace sprang upright
with a gasp. She’d fallen asleep. The bus was here. The driver would—

“Grace?”

At the sound of Cole’s voice, she shoved the bag off her lap
and lurched up.

“Grace?” His confused gaze drifted up to her hair, but he
quickly shook his head. “Are you okay?”

“What are you doing here?” She hadn’t expected to ever see him
again, and her heart sped to an alarming pace as she took in his scruffy jaw and
weary blue eyes. When he stepped forward, she held up a hand in panic. “Did
Jenny call you? Did… You were in California. What are you doing here? I—”

“I wasn’t in California. Who told you that?”

“Everybody knows you went to L.A. with Madeline,” she snapped,
backing away.

Cole’s cheeks burned bright red at her words. “I’m not sleeping
with Madeline.”

She remembered, suddenly, why she was so mad. Why she hated him
so much. She stopped retreating. “You lived with her!” She stabbed her finger
toward him. “You lived in L.A. with that woman.”

“That was a long time ago. I haven’t… I’m not…”

“You lied to me.”

“I didn’t lie. I swear I’m not sleeping with her. That was
thirteen years ago. I was a—”

“Yes,” she ground out. “Thirteen years ago when you lived in
L.A. A little fact you forgot to mention. Why? Because you thought it was funny
to keep me in the dark?”

“No, it wasn’t like that. I never talk about that time. I’m not
proud of it. Listen…” He moved forward, reaching for her shoulders.

Grace pushed his hands away.
“What are you
even doing here?”

“Grace.” He looked stunned. She was stunned herself. Everything
was bubbling up. Fury. Betrayal. And awful humiliation. She didn’t want to see
him. Didn’t want him to know. She panted, her hands squeezed to fists with the
urge to hit him. For
seeing
her.

“I’m here for you,” he finally said, his voice soft. “I didn’t
want you leaving this way.”

“What way? In complete disgrace?”

“No. Thinking the wrong things about me. About us. It wasn’t
like that, Grace. I only let you think that because I was pissed. You’d bruised
my pride. But I wasn’t seeing Madeline. I didn’t
want
to see her. Literally. Jesus, that’s why I was so mad about the
film. Because I never wanted anything to do with her again.”

She shook her head, trying to buy time. She didn’t know what to
think. He’d popped out of the night like an apparition. Maybe he wasn’t real.
Maybe she was dreaming. The thought calmed her a little. “I don’t know what to
believe, Cole. And it doesn’t even matter.”

“Of course it matters. I don’t want you to leave, but if you
have to… You need to know that you mean something to me. I need you to know
that, and take that with you.”

Grace felt her heart calm a little more. He didn’t know about
the arrest. No one had been morbid enough to tell him. That was the only
explanation. He didn’t know what had happened and he thought everything was the
same. “Cole, it doesn’t matter, because I’m leaving. I don’t belong here.”

“What if you do?”

“I don’t. It’s obvious to everyone.”

“Grace,” he said quietly. “What if you do?”

The words snuck inside her as if she had no defenses. They
curled up in her chest and
hurt.
“You don’t know
me.”

“That’s what you’re afraid of, isn’t it?”

“I’m not afraid of anything,” she snapped back.

“Liar. You’re afraid to let your guard down. You’re afraid to
be soft. You’re afraid to let anyone know you. Why?”

“That’s ridiculous.”

“It is ridiculous.” He smiled, showing his dimples, and the
hurt in her chest swelled larger.

“Please go,” she whispered, throwing a desperate glance at the
door. Escape was right there, but she’d never get past him. “You have to go now.
Please?”

“Why?”

“Because I’m leaving, and none of it meant anything.”

“Liar,” he said.

“You have to go.” She heard the desperation in her own voice.
She heard the fear and she hated it.

“Are you running away, Grace?”

Yes. Yes, she was running like hell.

He nodded as if he’d heard her. “Go on, then. If that’s what
you want. But know that you’re leaving me behind.”

She set her jaw and said nothing.

“I’m not afraid to say that now. If you go, you’re leaving me,
because I want you to stay. With me.”

She nodded and managed to meet his gaze without flinching.
“Goodbye, Cole.”

His smile faded. “Yeah? You’re going to run?”

“Yes,” she said.

“All right.”

All right. He’d go. Despite the wave of relief that swelled
through her, the hurt stayed. “Goodbye,” she said again.

“All right,” he repeated, as if he were trying to resign
himself to the truth. “There’s a motel one block down. I’ll be there. Call me if
you change your mind.”

“I won’t.”

Cole reached one hand up for a moment, as if he wanted to touch
her, but then he let it fall. “Bye, Grace. You’re not old light, you know. Not
at all. You shine so bright it hurts my eyes.” He reached for the door. “Oh, and
Jenny says to tell you she misses you.”

He left then, cool air gusting over her as the door hovered
open behind him. When it finally shut, she took a deep breath. Then another.

She couldn’t tell truth from lies anymore. She couldn’t trust
her own judgment. Did he know about the arrest? Was he lying about Madeline
Beckingham? He had to be. Men lied about that kind of thing all the time. But if
he’d just been playing Grace for a fool, he’d be relieved she was leaving,
wouldn’t he?

It didn’t matter. None of it did. She couldn’t go back. Maybe
there would’ve been a chance of fitting in before, if she’d stopped throwing her
hands out and claiming not to fit. But now, she may as well have been arrested
in front of the whole town. Everyone would know. Cole would find out. And
whether he’d lived in L.A. for a few months or not, he was still a nice cowboy
surrounded by wholesome people. No one wanted a criminal in their midst. No one
wanted a loser.

Jenny says to tell you she misses
you.

More likely, she just felt sorry for Grace. But not as sorry as
Grace felt for herself.

She dragged the duffel bag back up to the seats, then laid her
head on it and waited for 1:00 a.m. to arrive.

* * *

W
HEN
IT
STARTED
raining, Cole found
himself standing in the doorway of his motel room, staring into the wet night
and worrying about Grace. He checked his phone a dozen times. She was only one
block away, but if she called, he’d drive over to get her. He didn’t want her
walking through the cold rain. She might be tougher than him in a hundred other
ways, but she wasn’t used to the cold, and the temperature had dropped about
twenty degrees in the past hour.

But the rain kept falling and his phone stayed dark and silent.
At midnight, Cole closed the door and sat down wearily on the bed. And at one,
he watched the bus drive by, taking her away.

He looked hard at the long line of windows as it passed, but
they were pitch-black in the night. He couldn’t see her in there no matter how
hard he looked. All he saw were streetlights reflecting off the glass.

“Damn.” He sighed as he sank into the bed. She was gone. He
wasn’t surprised. He hadn’t seen much in her eyes except panic and anger. She’d
wanted to go and he couldn’t stop her. It was that simple.

There was no question it hurt, but the pain was simple loss.
Grief for what he’d wanted with her, not anger or humiliation. She’d been
running so long she didn’t know how to stop.

Just a few days ago, he would’ve been too bruised and beaten to
feel anything but rage. But he actually had Madeline Beckingham to thank for
something. Hell, he might even owe her an apology. Because she was right. He
hadn’t really loved her. That love was a lie he’d lived with for thirteen years,
painting himself as a heartbroken victim of a cold woman. But he hadn’t truly
known her. She’d been a shiny toy for a boy too young to know the difference
between lust and love. And she’d been an easy name to give to the guilt he’d
felt. The unyielding sorrow of knowing his last words to his father had been
shouted with scorn and disrespect. Of knowing he could’ve reached out and
hadn’t. Granted, his dad had been wrong, too. But that didn’t absolve Cole.
Young as he’d been, he’d been a grown man, and he’d never forget that
lesson.

Which was why he’d decided to lay his pride down and tell Grace
how he truly felt. The fact that she’d gotten on that bus didn’t change that.
She was scared. And dark. And damaged. How could he hate that about her? She
wouldn’t have been strong and brave and passionate without that same past.

But fuck, it hurt.

At least he had a plan for his own future. At least he could
concentrate on that.

Sighing, Cole toed off his boots and unbuttoned his shirt. His
fingers were on the last button when someone knocked on his door. The tentative
rap froze every muscle in his body.