Coalescence - SF3 (39 page)

Jamie kissed her cheek and reiterated her point. "Sorry, Hon, but I’ve gotta insist. You’re selfless."

"How so? I admitted that I get intense pleasure from touching you."

"Yes…but in my view of the world, there is a difference between using my body to have an orgasm and getting pleasure from giving me pleasure. I’m sure I would have felt differently if Jack had not been so centered on making me come the way he wanted to. It was a rare day that he focused on my needs."

Ryan leaned forward and nibbled on one sensitive earlobe. "It’s gonna be a rare day that I don’t focus on your luscious body, Sweetness. I’m gonna study you from top to bottom. And when I finish, I’m gonna start all over again."

"You make me sound like the Golden Gate Bridge," the blonde laughed, joking about the never-ending task of keeping the edifice painted its deep rust color.

They shared a laugh at the image, and then Ryan framed another question that had been working around in her mind. "How do you feel about the way you respond to me? I know you’re not used to really letting go." Twinkling blue eyes predicted that a tease was on the way, and Jamie smiled in anticipation. "You’re about as much as I can handle, so if you haven’t let go yet, I think you’d better warn me."

"Worry not, Honey. I’m giving you everything I’ve got." Jamie kissed her partner briefly, showing her that the gentle tease was well received. "Seriously, I think I feel great about my response. The only thing that still bothers me is stuff like this tape. It really freaks me out to see that I’m orchestrating the whole thing. I’d have to say that I feel a lot more comfortable when I’m responding rather than leading."

Ryan was running her fingers through Jamie’s soft hair, and she smiled serenely when the golden head pressed into her hand, begging for more. "I feel very comfortable when I lead, Hon," she admitted. "I really do believe though, that we will have a better relationship if we can step out of our typical roles and go out of our comfort zones occasionally. Over time, I think you’ll get comfortable leading. We just need to go slow and practice, practice, practice," she teased.

With a soft laugh, Jamie agreed. "I suppose I need a lot of reassurance from you right now, Ryan. I need to know that I’m not being too forward or too demanding. Like when we were in the gym, would you have told me if you didn’t want to do those exercises in the nude?"

"Yes, Sweetie. I promise that I will not participate in anything that makes me feel uncomfortable or that makes me lose respect for you. I want you to know though, that you are a very, very, very long way from making me feel uncomfortable. I’ve done a lot of things in my life, and not very many of them have bothered me. Sexual arousal is a very complex thing, Babe, and if something doesn’t hurt or objectify me, I’m willing to try it."

The small list of things that Ryan mentioned gave Jamie pause, and her protective instincts came out immediately. Reaching out to turn her partner’s face so she could look into her eyes she asked, "Has someone hurt you, Baby?"

Ryan laughed gently, shaking her head to reassure her concerned partner. "I uh…didn’t mean that kind of hurt." Her waggling eyebrows indicated that the hurt she spoke of was of a physical, rather than a psychological, nature.

"Oh." Jamie blushed at the implication, but she was curious about the topic so she continued. "Will you tell me what kind of things did bother you?"

"Sure, but I have to think for a minute," she added as she furrowed her brow. After a while she said, "I don’t like to have sex with more than one person at a time. One time a woman that I didn’t know very well wanted a guy to join us. I wouldn’t participate in that, since guys don’t arouse me. But it wasn’t just guys. When I was really young, I had sex with two women and I really hated it. So I decided to never do that again."

"What did you hate about it?" Jamie was surprised that her partner would ever have too much of a good thing.

"I really have to concentrate when someone is touching me. Having four hands and two mouths on me at the same time was way too much stimulation. It didn’t feel personal enough to me, if that makes any sense."

"Yeah, I think it does," she agreed, instantly knowing that she would hate to have anyone join Ryan in her bed. "But I’ve got to tell you that the voyeur in me would just love to have seen your lithe young body being pleasured by two women. Whew!" she exclaimed as she shivered a bit in her lover’s arms.

Ryan chuckled a little and said, "Would you still like to see it? I could call in a few favors…"

"I’ll see it in my fantasies, thank you very much," Jamie declared, lightly tapping her partner’s pink cheek with her open hand. "What else has bothered you, Babe?"

"Not a whole hell of a lot, to tell you the truth. I’m a pretty open-minded girl!"

"I’m aware." Jamie’s dry tone reminded Ryan of some of the exploits Jamie had witnessed. "Continue, please, there has to be something…branding…caning…"

"Oh, right!" Ryan looked pleased that she had been reminded of another practice. "Well, through the years I’ve met a lot of people into bondage and discipline. Again, I’ve got no problems with people pleasing each other that way, but it’s not for me. I like to play with power and control, but I have no desire to cause someone pain through sex, and nobody is going to do that to me, either. To be honest, I think the people who tried to play with me that way weren’t very good at it, but I wasn’t interested in finding anyone who really knew what they were doing. Now, that said, I’m not averse to a little restraint. In fact, I like that quite a bit," she said with a leer. "But tying me up and beating me is just not going to happen."

"That’s a relief!" Jamie said with an exaggerated wiping of her brow. "I can’t see you letting someone hit you. You weren’t hit as a child, were you?"

Ryan’s face clouded a little, and she looked just a trifle uncomfortable. "My parents never hit any of us," she said quietly. After a pause she turned her head and asked, "How about you?"

"No, my parents weren’t involved enough to know when I was being bad. I don’t recall Elizabeth ever hitting me either, but once at the park she told another nanny that she should give the little boy she was watching a good thrashing. That freaked me out and made me wonder if she would ever hit me, but as I said, I don’t remember her doing so."

"You’d remember," Ryan said quietly.

Sensing that there was a lot going on under the surface of her calm exterior, Jamie turned slightly and said, "Someone hit you, didn’t they, Baby?"

Ryan just nodded her head briefly. She pursed her lips and said, "Is it okay if we don’t talk about it right now?"

"Sure," she said, knowing that she needed to respect her wishes for privacy. Trying to lighten the mood she reverted back to her lover’s favorite topic. "Anything else you haven’t liked about sex?"

The smile returned as Ryan thought about her sexual history. "I have to feel that I’m an integral part of the act. One time a woman wanted me to only touch her from behind. I really like to do that, so I didn’t mind a bit. But she could only touch me from behind, too. I turned around when she was touching me, and she freaked out. She said she couldn’t go on because I had ‘ruined the moment.’ It made me feel like she wasn’t connected to me in any way and that really made me feel used, so I never saw her again."

"That’s sounds very strange," Jamie said as she shook her head with a look of distaste.

"Well, I don’t really like to label sexual response. If it’s consensual, go for it. People get off on different things, Babe. If you had some unique need, I’d be very willing to work with you so that we could both be satisfied. But in this situation, she just wanted me to follow the script and not screw it up. I felt objectified and I can’t tolerate that."

"Is there anything that you like or want that I haven’t done for you?" Jamie’s voice was quiet, and she played with the ends of Ryan’s hair, unable to make eye contact.

"Nope. Every one of my needs has been fully met," was the decisive reply. "I need to feel loved and honored and cherished and desired. And you are definitely an expert at every one of those things, Jamie."

"You’re very sweet, Ryan, but you know what I mean. Is there anything that you like that I haven’t done for you, physically?"

"There are tons of things that I like that we haven’t done yet, Jamie. But those are just technical details. The things that make me feel connected to you are the important things. We’re going to be with each other for the rest of our lives, Honey. We have plenty of time to explore every position and technique known to womankind." Ryan paused for a moment, feeling that it was very important that Jamie understood exactly how she felt about this issue. "If you were only comfortable doing ten percent of what I liked, it would be enough, because of how much I love you. What we do is far less important to me than the fact that we do it to show our love for each other."

Snuggling against her partner, Jamie felt her trepidation lessen. She sighed deeply and voiced her last insecurity. "I guess I’m still a little worried about my technical abilities," she admitted, turning a little so she could rest her head on Ryan’s shoulder again.

Ryan fidgeted a bit, trying to sit up straighter in the chair. She was going to do her best to relieve Jamie of her doubt, and her delivery was forceful. "I must not be making myself clear, Sweetie. I’ve been with women who have made love thousands of times. Not one of them could hold a candle to what you do to me." She placed her hand on Jamie’s chin and tilted it up to make sure she could read her eyes. "I don’t love making love with you only because of how I feel for you emotionally, Jamie. You make me absolutely crazy with desire, Baby. I’ve never had orgasms like I do with you. I’ve never looked at a woman and gotten as turned on as I do with you. I swear, Jamie, that the sex we’ve had this week is more satisfying and more fulfilling than everything I’ve done up until now, all rolled into one!"

"Ryan," she said with her lower lip trembling, "that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me." The tears started to flow, and Jamie cuddled against her partner tightly, reveling in the safety of her arms.

When Jamie was more in control Ryan asked, "Are you feeling a little emotional because it’s our last night here?"

"Yeah, I am," she said sadly. "This has just been so blissful that I’m afraid of breaking the spell by going back into the real world." She looked up at Ryan and mentioned another piece of her emotional puzzle. "I think my PMS is much worse than normal this month too."

"Poor baby," she soothed.

"I’m fine, Hon. I’m just a little more emotional than usual. No biggie." Getting to her feet, Jamie extended a hand to her partner. "I need to get up and get my blood flowing again, though. You game for a little excitement?"

"Hmmm." Ryan’s cocked head showed her thoughtful consideration of the matter. "I’m just trying to remember the last time I refused a little excitement."

With a pinch on her side, Jamie encouraged her partner to join her. "I have a little treat that I’ve been saving for you." She looked up at a smiling Ryan and shot her a shy little grin as she said, "I’ve been keeping something very important from you."

"What’s that?" Ryan inquired, immediately curious.

Jamie led her down the interior staircase and paused before another door. "Daddy has something in here that I know you’ll love, but I haven’t shown it to you yet."

Ryan put two and two together and knew they were talking about cars, one of her very favorite things. "What? What?" she asked excitedly. "What’s he got?" Her eyes were wide with excitement and anticipation was flowing through her body.

"Well," she teased, intentionally prolonging the agony, "it’s a five car garage and every bay is filled. Wanna see?" Ryan was jumping up and down, a wide smile covering her face in a perfect Caitlin imitation. "Are you sure Caitlin isn’t your child?" Jamie asked with a chuckle. "She acts just like you!"

"No, we both act like infants," Ryan corrected her. "Now show me the cars!"

Jamie used her key to open the side door to the huge space. The Suburban was parked right by the door, obscuring their view of the rest of the cars, so Ryan dashed around the front of the big truck and sucked in a breath. She stood with her mouth wide open, staring at a fire-engine red 1968 Shelby Mustang Cobra. "Oh, my God!" she said as she walked around the car reverently. "It looks like it just rolled off the showroom floor!"

Ryan glanced at the other cars quickly, noticing that large canvas covers covered two of them. The car next to the Mustang was revealed in all of its glory. The black Acura NSX was gleaming under the florescent lights, looking terribly fast even though it was standing still. Jamie thought she detected a bit of drool leaking out of Ryan’s mouth as she took in the car. "You and your mother can go shopping," she said firmly. "I’m hanging out with your dad. He rules!"

Jamie was charmed by the childlike enthusiasm that Ryan showed for her father’s little toys, watching with delight as her partner examined both cars from every angle, never touching their pristine paint. Luckily, the garage floor was spotless, so Ryan’s clothes were not ruined when she got down on the floor and shimmied under both vehicles as far as she could.

The inspection over, the tall woman got to her feet and stared at Jamie, wide eyed. "I don’t think I want to know what’s under those other two covers. I don’t think I can stand any more pleasure," she said sincerely.