Code of Control (12 page)

Chapter Thirteen

Nolan could not
understand why he was hurting Charlotte in the way that he was. He’d never been
such an ass to a woman in all his life. Perhaps it stemmed from Devon being here.
His twin pushes until something breaks, and that break usually happened to the
one least expecting it—him.

This time, he
wanted avoidance of any downer to another day.

Charlotte was
glaring at him across the kitchen table, while smiling and laughing at
everything Devon said. Nolan clenched his jaw, the food in his gut turning. He
should have made love to her, but partnership did not entail sex, it entailed
trust, respect, and dedication to the job. So far, he’d seen none of these
things from her, but enough of her body to burn the images into his soul.

“I’m going
outside,” he muttered, rising from his chair.

Charlotte’s eyes
reached to him, as did Devon’s.

“It’s dark
outside,” Devon foolishly claimed.

“So?”

“Aren’t you
afraid of the dark?” His twin glanced first at him, chuckling loudly, then at
Charlotte. Charlotte’s grin was slow, but it graced her face nonetheless.

“So damn funny,
bro,” Nolan snapped, turning on his heels.

“Wait up,” her
lilted voice inquired behind his back. He could hear the scrape of the chair’s
feet across the hardwood.

He turned and
faced her, balling his hands into fists. “Why?”

“I need to ask
you a few things,” she said. “I’ll come out with you.”

“Couldn’t you
have done this asking while at the dinner table?” he mused loudly. “Oh, wait,
you were too busy being entertained by my delightful brother.” He did not stall
for returned comment; turned and walked out the back door. Unfortunately, she
was hot on his heels, grabbing his elbow to get him to face her.

Hot to cold,
volcanic to ice, it was no wonder he could not decipher how he felt about her.
As a pair, they were a mess.

“What the hell
did I do to irk you now?”

He wrenched his
arm from her grasp. “Nothing. I’m just tired.”

“You must be
incredibly tired,” she reasoned quickly.

“What’s that
supposed to mean?”

“It takes a lot
out of a man to hold a grudge against a person for no reason.”

“I—I’m not…”

She did not wait
for the rest. “Just walk with me outside, please?”

“Fine, but I
don’t have to make conversation or answer any stupid questions, do I?”

“No. You can
clam up and be your usual self.”

“Good.” Usual
self suited his needs most days.

He moved
forward, Charlotte at his side. They walked over to the corral of horses, Nolan
setting one foot upon the railing and his elbows on the top rail, Charlotte
doing the same. Unable to keep up the pretense of unaffected by her nearness,
he eased back, drew a pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lit one. He held
it between his lips, his eyes watching only the moon and occasional falling
star. He didn’t dare glance at her profile; not ready to be wrong about her.

“Give me that,”
she said, reaching for the cigarette between his lips.

“Wh—what the…”
he sputtered when she dropped it to the ground and crushed it out with her
shoe. He’d thought she wanted to share it. “That was my last one!”

“You’re not
going to smoke when around me.”

His brow lifted.
“Is that a fact?”

“I don’t like
smokers or smoker’s breath.”

“Too bad,
sweetheart. I’ve been smoking for years. You’re not going to stop me now.”

“Then it’s about
time you quit.”

“Good luck with
that,” he said, snorting into thin air.

“If I have to
face my phobias within two lousy weeks, you’re going to quit smoking in that
time. Deal?” She held out her hand to him. Nolan glanced at the extended palm. How
she could cut through any argument using a sweetened smile amazed him.

Two seconds
later, he wrapped his arm around her waist and drew her close to his chest. “No
deal, sweetheart.” He could not be this close to her and not want to kiss her. His
head lowered, but she pressed a firm finger against his lips to end the quest.

“Not on your
life,” she said.

“Excuse me?”

“We are going to
talk before anything happens between us again.”

His jaw
tightened, anger building quickly. “Fine. I’m listening.” He did not want to
talk, he wanted to do, and she was preventing him from doing anything. His
release of her was swift.

Charlotte drew
in a deep breath, diluting it as a slow hiss. “How did your wife die?”

Nolan drew in a ragged
breath, his lungs closing with the memory. Sooner, or later, he would have to
tell her. Under the moonlight, Charlotte smelling like lilacs in bloom, later
was the more preferable of the two. “Must we talk about this now? Without
nicotine?”

Staring at her,
watching for any sign of his giving in, a soft smile gracing her moonlit face, he
began the long-awaited confession. “We were on a mission in Columbia. It went
wrong. End of story.”

“Whoa. Not so
fast.”

“What do you
mean not so fast? I just told you how she died.”

Her brow arched,
her forehead furrowed. “Nice try. You may have skipped a few details in the tale.”

“What? You don’t
believe me?”

“Nolan,” she
said firmly.

“Fine. It was
eleven years ago.”

“You’ve been
alone for eleven years?”

The raw emotion
in her voice melted his resolve.

“Why do you
sound as if that is a bad thing? A guy can be alone and survive. Things don’t
fall off from un-use.”

“It’s a long
time to be alone, especially for you. No one should be without companionship for
that long.”

“I never said I
was
alone
alone.”

Charlotte
punched him on the arm. “You know what I meant…”

He quickly reached
for her wrist, holding tight. “I know what you meant, but, no, I haven’t had a
significant other in my life, because there never is any need to complicate it
more than it is.”

Her glance at
his pants had him smiling.

“Okay, maybe there
is a need, but it was satiated by whoever I could find for the night,” he said
rudely.

“I was one of
those to find, wasn’t I?” Even with a firm grip on her wrist, her fingers
fisted the front of his shirt, expecting honesty from him, yet honesty was not
always the best route to take.

For the moment,
there was no other path for him to seek.

“Yes, you were.”

Charlotte glanced
away from him. Still, he could not release his hold on her, induced by an
allure he could not shake. “That’s not to say what started out as a one-night
stand hasn’t turned into something entirely different.” He reached up and
touched her face.

“I’ll just bet,”
she quipped, her eyebrows moving in a playful way.

“I did not mean
it like that.”

“Oh? Then how
did you mean it? I’m a big girl. I can take the heat, and the fact I was an
easy lay for you. Same as you were an easy lay for me.”

“Easy? I did not
go into that bar looking for you specifically.” His hand went from her cheek to
her delicate, flushed neck, locking his fingers around her nape.

“Perhaps not,
but I did go into there looking for a guy like you.”

“Why?”

“I needed one
night with no nightmares. Getting drunk and having mindless sex with a stranger
made this possible. The hangover part of it sucked, however.”

“What really
happened to you, that is not in your confidential file?”

Her eyes drifted
away from him. “It’s complicated,” she whispered.

“I have all
night for you to uncomplicated it, Charlotte.”

She drew in a
heavy breath, releasing it on a heavier sigh, pursing her lips. “It happened
almost eighteen years ago,” she started.

“You would have
been, what, six years old?”

Charlotte
nodded. “Six, scared out of my mind, and the nightmare to my life just
beginning.”

“Go on,” he
prompted.

Her smile
slipped a little. “I’ve never told anyone about this,” she said. “I’m giving
you a ton of respect by telling you.”

“If you and I are
going to be partners from here on out, there should be no more secrets between
us.”

“Yes, no more secrets
between partners,” she muttered, glancing away again.

He reached for
her face, tipping up her chin. “And?” he coerced.

Charlotte gave
him a smile that suddenly melted his heart. He never once figured that smile to
hold back so much pain until she told him the truth. Twenty minutes later, he
was breathing heavily, and not in a good way.

“My God!”

“I told you it
was complicated.”

“He locked you
in a chicken coop?”

“I suppose he
thought that if he put me in there, I would not hear the screams. Instead, I
heard everything, while chickens pecked at my arms and legs until I bled. When
it was over, no more screams, I knew she was dead. I did not go back into that
house again. Someone burned it to the ground a week later.”

“How did you get
away from all that?”

“I didn’t. He
found me three weeks later, did things to me unimaginable to men like you.” As
her eyes closed, she trembled even more in his arms, struggling with telling
him the truth, her forehead pressed against his chest.

“The second time
he felt the urge to kill, I was locked into a closet until I fainted from
exhaustion. Someone took me out, I don’t know who, but it wasn’t him, and from that
point on I’ve been claustrophobic. Chickens, small spaces…you now know all my
dirty little secrets.”

Nolan reached
for her, maneuvering her as close as he could get her. Charlotte was trembling
uncontrollably, her tears falling unchecked. “Oh, God! And I dumped you down a
mineshaft. I’m so sorry.”

“You didn’t
know.”

“I might not
have known, but…”

She shook her
head. “I’ve moved past what you did to me. You felt it necessary for the
training.”

“I could have
gone about training you differently if knowing the truth.”

She gave him a
softened smile, this time the sentiment breaking his heart. “I don’t want
special treatment, Nolan.”

“No, I suppose
you would hold it against me if I did.”

“Among other
things,” she agreed.

“Did you want to
be part of
OSHIT
just to find him?” he probed.

“Yes. If I can
find the bastard who killed my mother, then tortured me until I was old enough
to escape, I can put him away for life…or just take his life. Either way will
suit me at this point.”

“We don’t take
lives. At least we’re not supposed to, taking this oath.”

“I know.” She
looked away, the anger in her eyes unmistakable. “I may not be able to help it,
given the chance. You can’t imagine what it was like, but you wanted
truthfulness from me, so I gave it to you. Do what you will with it.” She
turned, looked away, and then looked back at him. “He killed my mother, my aunt…he’s
a serial killer that hasn’t been caught. I want to be the one to catch him. I’m
hoping you’re not the man who is going to try to stop me.”

Nolan forced her
face up, a gentle hand set at her chin. There were huge tears soaking her
shirt, most falling to the ground.

“Working with me
won’t give you the answers you need,” he said. His breath lodged in his throat,
he waited for her response to this. She may not stay on as his partner and he
wasn’t certain he was ready for that.

Charlotte shook
her head. “Maybe not, but I have to start somewhere. You need me, and I need
OSHIT
.
If I have to become someone else for a while…I don’t think he will ever find me,
but one can never tell. I know his face, his smell…”

“His smell?” Nolan
shook this off. She did have an odd way of calling a man out on his smell.

“It’s an
acuteness I can’t get past.”

They remained
mute for long seconds, staring in opposite directions, both trying to accept
their pasts.

“Some agent I am,”
he muttered.

He felt horribly
ashamed for not thoroughly checking into her background and simply going by
what was sent to him, way of fax. Then again, when a woman hides from her past,
there likely is not much for him to research. Even if he left behind the fact
of her beauty and did his job, as she’d told him to do from the moment they
met, he would be working blindly with someone he really did not know—more
civilian than operative.