Authors: Melody Beattie
Codependent No More
Codependents’ Guide to the Twelve Steps
52 Weeks of Conscious Contact
Finding Your Way Home
The Grief Club
Journey to the Heart
The Language of Letting Go
The Language of Letting Go Journal
The Lessons of Love
More Language of Letting Go
Playing It by Heart
Stop Being Mean to Yourself
Center City, Minnesota 55012
© 2011 by Melody Beattie
All rights reserved. Published 2011
Printed in the United States of America
No part of this publication may be reproduced without the express written permission of the publisher. Failure to comply with these terms may expose you to legal action and damages for copyright infringement.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Codependent no more workbook / Melody Beattie.
Companion volume to Melody Beattie’s Codependent no more: how to stop controlling others and start caring for yourself.
Includes bibliographical references.
Ebook ISBN 978-1-61649-188-8
1. Codependency—Problems, exercises, etc. 2. Substance abuse—Patients— Rehabilitation—Problems, exercises, etc. I. Beattie, Melody. Codependent no more. II. Title.
As an independent contractor and freelance writer, I relied on professional research, personal experience, conclusions, and opinions to form this workbook. Although I’ve used expert opinions as resources, this book doesn’t necessarily reflect any viewpoint or opinions except my own. Neither the book nor I am affiliated with, represent, or work for any organization or treatment program. Names and certain details have been changed to ensure privacy and anonymity, but all stories in here are true; none are fictionalized or composites. Even anonymous quotes came from real people.
This publication is not intended as a substitute for the advice of health care professionals. Alcoholics Anonymous, AA, and the Big Book are registered trademarks of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc.
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Cover design by Nick Caruso
Interior design and typesetting by Madeline Berglund
For the straightforward, delightful (anonymous) Mrs. Bee, who knew what this workbook needed to be and cared enough to tell me; and old-timers, newbies to codependency recovery, and everyone in between who wants to continually evolve because they know healing is experiential, is experimental, and “more shall be revealed.”
THANK YOU TO RENAISSANCE MALIBU AND SAL PETRUCCI
FOR THEIR GREAT QUOTES AND COOPERATION
AND TO SAGE KNIGHT,
WHOSE EDITING HELP LIKELY KEPT ME ALIVE.
This book will benefit those attending family group meetings for a loved one in addiction treatment, and will be most beneficial in centers based on the Twelve Step model. Also, people in treatment for codependency may find this book helpful.
Therapists and psychiatrists can use this book and its activities in one-on-one or group settings with clients manifesting behaviors falling into the two main codependency categories: an extreme and often uncontrollable external focus on others coupled with little or no self-awareness, and confusion about their genuine, essential powers and how to use them.
Although not conference approved, this workbook can be used by people who attend any Twelve Step group for codependents, by sponsors working with sponsees, and, with group conscience approval, as part of the Twelve Step meeting. This includes but isn’t limited to Al-Anon, CoDA (Co-Dependents Anonymous), ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics), and Alateen.
The content and activities address “Double Winners”—people affected by codependency and chemical dependency. This workbook also targets people suffering from phobias; fear, panic, or eating disorders; and addictions to sex or gambling. Codependency usually affects people suffering from these problems too. It may be the first or second primary problem they address, but approaching other people’s recovery with the adage
Live and let live,
and not insisting that everyone plot a recovery map identical to theirs, will be helpful to all concerned.
“Lifers” attending codependency Twelve Step meetings can benefit from this book and the activities in it, as will people attending meetings as needed. Twelve Step meetings may not be part of some people’s recovery protocol, but they can still benefit from the information and activities here, and may discover this workbook helpful in their quest.
People engaged in legitimate caretaking—counselors, nurses, clergy, people caring for ill family members—who attend non-Twelve Step support groups may find this workbook an asset in taking care of themselves.
While reading through the entire workbook may be valuable initially, please follow that by returning to Lesson One, and then completing each lesson and its activities in the order presented. Do the best work possible before moving forward.
The only requirement to benefiting from this book is willingness to openly and honestly do your own work. The book’s goal is to assist you in achieving self-love and trust, living your own life, and truly loving others in a way that enhances you and them.
Whether recovering from codependency two days or thirty years, regularly reviewing this workbook and completing the activities will continually reveal fresh insights about letting go, healthy detachment, self-care, and other recovery-related issues.
At the start of each lesson in this workbook, you’ll find a quote and a suggested reading from Melody Beattie’s classic book
Codependent No More.
These are your links back to pertinent ideas in that book—ideas you can use as a reference and touchstone for working through these lessons.
Before you begin, you will need to purchase a notebook or journal, or create a document on your computer, to use for the activities in this workbook.
“The Twelve Steps are a way of life.”
—Codependent No More
Suggested reading: “The Twelve Steps” in chapter 18, “Work a Twelve Step Program”