Coercion (22 page)

Michael’s stomach churned as he looked into her eyes. He couldn’t imagine Breeze as just his friend, and was sick at the foreign, disturbing thought of not wanting her as his girlfriend. Still, he croaked, “I don’t see why not.”

Breeze beamed. “Good. I really hope so.” She dropped her hand back to her side. “So what do you think? Can we start being friends today? Say, at L.J.S.?” She gave him a nudge. “If you’re nice, I’ll let you buy me a root beer float.”

* * * *

Valerie gnawed the skin near her thumbnail, and a small pool of blood instantly circled her cuticle. She popped her thumb in her mouth and the metallic taste coated her tongue. Where was Michael? She was sure he’d be back by now.

Standing on shaky legs, she peered around the side of the building. No sign of him. No sign of anyone, in fact. A crow cawed overhead in a tree and she jumped, startled. Valerie had never been so acutely aware of being alone before in her life.

She swallowed hard and coughed. Her mouth felt like she had been eating sand. She leaned against Rightmer Hall and looked at the canopy of trees overhead. “Michael, where are you?” She was immediately embarrassed at the sound of her voice, which seemed so screechy. No wonder Michael thought she always whined.

Something rustled in the forest, and she froze. Her heart hammered as she thought of all the possible sources of the noise, and decided she didn’t like any of them. What if it was a wild animal? A year ago, all classes had been canceled because a black bear ambled onto the campus. She choked back a whimper of fear and scurried out from behind the building. Her feet pounded on the paved path, and she hurried inside Rightmer via the nearest entrance.

Her mood didn’t improve like she’d hoped once she was indoors. The building had a sense of familiarity, but she couldn’t help seeing everything as if through the eyes of a stranger. Valerie leaned against the wall and took a few gulps of air, trying to calm down. She internally screamed Michael’s name and begged for him to materialize and tell her everything was going to be okay.

“Valerie?” Daniel Travato stepped out of the men’s bathroom, a textbook in hand. He stared at her, his eyebrows furrowed with concern. “Are you okay?”

A splash of embarrassment overwhelmed her and she turned away, realizing she didn’t want him to see her in her current state. “I don’t want you to know me like this.”

“Valerie!” His hurried footsteps sounded behind her, and he grabbed her arm and spun her around so she faced him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, okay?” She covered her face with one hand, peering at Daniel through her fingers. “Just don’t look at me. I don’t want to see you right now.”

“Why not? What happened? Did someone hurt you?”

She laughed at his question. Her giggles sounded like hysterical shrieks as she sank to the floor in the middle of the hallway.

He kept a firm grip on her arm and tugged her back to her feet. “I should get you to the wellness center.”

“I don’t need to go there.” She jerked out of his grasp and tugged her sleeves over her hands. “I need... Actually, you know what I need? A cheeseburger.”

He cocked his head to the side. “Are you...high?”

“Daniel!” She hid her face once again. “Please. Don’t look at me. This is too humiliating.”

“It’s okay.” He placed his hands on the back of her shoulders and steered her toward the men’s bathroom. After knocking lightly, he ushered her inside and wet a paper towel, which he dabbed on her hot face. “You’re all right. You’ll be fine.”

She shut her eyes. “I thought this was supposed to be fun.”

He shrugged as he wet another paper towel. “Sometimes. Sometimes not.”

A drop of water from the paper towel trickled down her forehead. “Have you ever smoked before?”

He laughed softly as he gently pressed the towel to her closed eyelids. “I plead the Fifth.”

“I thought I was supposed to feel relaxed.” Her voice rose. “But I don’t. I feel ten times more stressed out than I usually do. I feel like everything just isn’t right. And I can’t stop thinking. You know? You ever realize how much thinking you do? I just realized today my brain never stops. It’s always going, it’s always worrying. And it’s just exhausting. I’m tired of it.”

“Don’t worry about it. When you come down, you’ll feel differently.”

“Will I?” Her eyes opened. “What if I’m having all sorts of life-altering epiphanies? Am I finally seeing a glimpse of some arcane truth? Something I’ve never seen before?”

Daniel smiled. “I think you’re just high.”

Valerie’s gaze dropped to the floor. “I feel so embarrassed you have to see me like this.”

“Hey, no worries.” He tossed the used, crumpled paper towels in the trashcan and hoisted himself on the edge of the counter. “It’s really no big deal. Don’t give it another thought.”

“Thank you, Daniel.” Gratitude flooded her body as she put a hand on his knee. “Thank you so much.”

“For what?” Somehow, he appeared both uncomfortable and pleased.

“For being so nice to me.”

“No problem. I’m just glad I could help out in some small way.”

She studied him for a moment, taking in his soft-looking hair curling slightly around his face, his warm, dark eyes crinkled with concern and the lean yet muscular body hidden beneath his green button-down shirt. “You know what?” She slid closer to him. “You’re beautiful.”

A blush crept into Daniel’s cheeks. “Get out of here.”

“You are.” Her hand moved from his knee to his upper thigh, where she gently kneaded the skin through the fabric of his corduroy pants.

He gulped, watching her hand. “What’re you doing?”

“What’s it look like?” She gave him a flirtatious smile as her fingers flitted to his pants’ zipper.

“I really don’t know,” he said, his voice tremulous.

Her lips grazed his ear as her hand snaked inside the open fly of his pants. “I want you to feel as wonderful as you are.”

“I don’t think so.” He shook his head and sucked in a deep breath as her hand closed around his stiffening cock, and her own breathing hitched as she realized how much she enjoyed the feel of him.

“Please?” Her hand moved methodically up and down his shaft. The desire to see him naked rushed through her body. “Please. Let me make you feel good.”

“Stop, Val, stop.” Daniel leaped to his feet and zipped his pants with trembling fingers. “I’m sorry. I can’t.”

Her lower lip quivered. “Why?”

“I just can’t.” He tucked his shirt back in his pants, his face crimson.

Valerie covered her mouth with one hand as hot tears dripped from her eyes. “I’m so sorry. I only wanted to—”

“No! Please. Forget whatever it is you’re going to say, because there’s no need to apologize.”

“Yes, there is. I threw myself at you like a fool.” She bowed her head as sobs racked her shoulders. Was she no better than Michael, relying on another’s adoration when she couldn’t have the one she really wanted? “I can’t believe I did that to you. I’m so sorry. What is wrong with me?”

“Don’t do this to yourself.” He grazed her cheek softly with his knuckles as the door opened and a whistling student stepped in, undoing his belt. Daniel gave the boy a dark look and the student scuttled off, wide-eyed. When they were alone again, he continued, “Honestly? I do like you, and I always have. I think you’re incredible, and what nearly happened has basically been my dream since we first met.”

“Then why won’t you let me show you I like you?”

“Because…” He sighed. “I doubt you do.”

“That’s not true.” The words flew out of her mouth before she could question their validity.

“Yes, it is. Beautiful, smart girls like you always manage to fall for the badasses, who usually turn out to be just asses.”

Valerie swallowed hard. “Who told you?”

Daniel smiled. “No one. I can just tell.”

“Why is it like that?” She hiccupped back a sob. “Why am I under the power of a complete jerk who makes me feel used and horrible? Why am I letting myself be treated this way?”

“Love’s a weird thing, I guess. Then again, I don’t know much about it.”

“I think you do.” She wiped her eyes with her sleeve and took a deep, cleansing breath. “I think you know a lot, much more than me. Why is it we seem to know more about love when we’re not in it?”

Daniel’s expression became serious. “This doesn’t have anything to do with knowing about love. All I really know is if you want something in the worst way, that’s how you’ll get it.”

Valerie pressed a finger to her lips and grew silent, pondering his words.

He looked at his watch. “I’m sorry. I have an exam next period, and I need to spend a couple of minutes looking over my notes.”

“That’s more than fine.” She stretched her arms out to him. “Thank you.”

Daniel wrapped his arms around her. Even though his textbook dug into the small of her back, she let out a complacent sigh, reveling in his breath on her hair, the warmth of his hands and the feeling she had racing through her, knowing she was holding someone who was fully engaged in the embrace, in her.

“Anytime,” he said softly. “Are you gonna be all right?”

“Yeah, thanks to you.”

“If you hang around for a while—hide out in the library or wherever—I can drive you home or anywhere you want to go. After the exam, I’m done for the day.” He grinned. “We can get you that cheeseburger.”

“Okay,” she said gratefully. “Thank you so much.”

“Sure.” Daniel pulled away from her, pink-faced and smiling.

Valerie returned his grin as they left the bathroom. She headed toward the exit, but paused in the doorway when she heard him call.

“Hey, just so you know, if someday you decide you really do like me, I could never turn you down. Never.”

She grinned. “Thanks.” Then she bit her lip with a rueful shake of her head, wishing that long ago she had possessed the strength and self-respect that Daniel had.

Friday

April 25, 1975

Valerie held in her stomach out of habit as her mother zipped the back of her dress. “There you go!” Her mother shook her head as a sentimental smile played on her lips. “I don’t think you’ve ever looked more stunning.”

“Thank you.” Valerie’s gaze met her reflection in the floor-length mirror, and she knew what her mother said was true. Even she had to agree she looked beautiful, with her dark hair curled and pinned up and her sleeveless, sky blue gown showcasing her figure. She almost didn’t recognize herself. Gone was the overweight, shy girl she had been less than a year ago, and in her place was a mature woman who moved with quiet grace. She only wished the wisdom in her eyes didn’t look so much like sadness and lessons learned the hard way.

Her mother placed her hands on Valerie’s shoulders. “Let’s go show your father.”

Valerie nodded and followed her out into the hallway, where she was made to wait while her mother all but skipped down the carpeted steps. She closed her eyes and strained to hear her parents murmuring in the living room.

Finally, her mother called with flourish, “Introducing the very lovely, very elegant Valerie Mercer!”

A blush spread across Valerie’s face as she made her way down the stairs, careful not to trip on the hem of her dress as she presented herself to her parents in the living room. She turned slowly to give them a complete view, as if she were a prize on a game show. Her mother clapped with excitement while her father let out a low, approving whistle.

“Very nice, Val,” her father said. “You’ll be the queen of the gala for sure.”

Val gave an embarrassed laugh. “There is no queen. This isn’t the prom.”

Her father shook his head. “Well, you look very classy.” His brow furrowed. “Who’s the boy taking you?”

“Daniel.” Valerie tried to keep her tone light and optimistic.

“Daniel who? I don’t know any Daniel.”

“Yes, you do, dear.” Valerie’s mother patted her husband’s chest as if soothing a wary bear threatening to lumber out. “Daniel Travato, Valerie’s friend.”

Her father’s forehead creased with annoyance and incomprehension. “He’s not the clown who came to dinner that one night, is he?”

Valerie felt every muscle in her body tighten.

“No, Daniel is the boy Valerie does her homework with,” her mother said. “You’re thinking of Michael.”

Valerie’s teeth nipped at her bottom lip. Her father wasn’t the only one.

“Right.” Her father grunted. “The preacher’s kid who left in the middle of dinner and was never heard from again. Whatever happened to that joker?”

“Oh, dear, just forget him.” Valerie’s mother swatted her husband on the shoulder as she peered out the window through a crack in the curtains. “That was ages ago. Valerie’s moved on.”

“That’s right.” Valerie gave her father a bright smile, forcing herself to ignore how all her insides suddenly felt like they were on the outside.

Her father continued to frown. “You should be home by midnight if you want to go looking for apartments in St. Louis tomorrow.”

“I’ll probably be home even earlier,” Valerie said. “I’m not really in the mood to go out.”

“Don’t say that.” Her mother looked up and down the street. “This is a very special occasion.”

Her father’s face softened. “Your mother’s right. You’re young, make the most of it. We’ve always trusted you to make the right decisions.” He put an arm around his daughter’s shoulders, and she breathed in his familiar musky aftershave. “You deserve to enjoy yourself.”

Valerie swallowed hard and nodded, believing she deserved a whole lot of nothing.

Her mother let out a yelp and dropped the curtain back into place. “Daniel’s coming up the drive!” She pointed toward the staircase. “Dear, go get the camera. Valerie, go back upstairs and don’t come until I call you.”

“I don’t need a dramatic entrance,” Valerie insisted, but her father tightened his grip on her shoulder as he guided her up the steps.

“Let’s just humor her, all right?” her father said as they reached the top of the landing. He gave her a reassuring pat on the back and disappeared into the master bedroom, leaving Valerie alone in the hallway. She leaned against the wall, willing her mood to improve. Still, she couldn’t ignore the heavy feeling in her shoulders to which she’d become so accustomed during the past several months.