Coffee Sonata (31 page)

Eventually the sensations became too much and Mike couldn’t hold back any longer. She leaned forward, doubling over, and pressed her tongue to Vivian’s swollen clitoris. The sweet wetness was even more arousing than Mike had dreamed. She treated the clitoris with tenderness until she realized Vivian was pressing harder and harder against her, apparently seeking a firmer caress.

Vivian went rigid and hooked her legs around Mike again, whimpering and moaning out loud as convulsions began and increased with every lick from Mike. When Mike took her clitoris into her mouth and sucked at it, Vivian gave a sharp cry, clipped short when she trembled all over.

Vivian’s orgasm made Mike’s own sex overflow with moisture, and Mike crawled up Vivian’s body and straddled her thigh. “Raise your leg, Vivi,” she instructed in a husky voice. “That’s it. Keep it there. I have to…” She slid up and down Vivian’s thigh, coating it with her slick wetness. “Yes. Yes!” She rode the leg unabashedly, undulating and pushing toward the orgasm that always eluded her. The harder she pushed, the further away the orgasm seemed to escape. Mike shivered and tears stung behind her eyelids.

“Here,
cara
, let me help you. Let me do this for you,” Vivian whispered, and nudged Mike off of her leg. She pushed Mike onto her back and unceremoniously took an aching nipple into her mouth, while she thrust her hand between Mike’s legs. “This part I know,” she murmured around the nipple.

Long fingers entered Mike and filled her completely. Mike could hardly breathe anymore. She clung to the sheet with closed fists and forced herself to lie still, to merely feel what Vivian was doing to her.
I can allow her. I can let her give me pleasure. I can.
Mike waited for the moment when the feelings would diminish and eventually fade away, prepared to do what she’d always done before. She hated it, but she didn’t want to annoy or disappoint Vivian. After all, she was the expert. Brenda certainly never suspected that she faked every orgasm for four years.

Mike listened to her body and counted the seconds as the burning sensation between her legs became more and more agonizing. She didn’t understand how it could keep increasing like that without setting her aflame.

“Let it go. You’re so close,” Vivian whispered, before she moved up and kissed Mike tenderly. She slid her tongue into Mike’s mouth and kissed her without pressure. “There,” she murmured against Mike’s lips. “Come on,
cara
. You’re okay.”

“I…oh, God. Oh, oh.” Mike gasped for air and small fires erupted in her clit, gathered more energy inside her, and then shot in different directions—into her legs, her stomach, over and over. Stunned, Mike realized that Vivian had coaxed her into having an orgasm. “Vivian!”

“Give it to me. Share it.” Vivian aligned her body with Mike’s, her fingers still buried inside her.

Mike flung an arm around Vivian and pressed her face into the long hair, sobbing violently. “Oh, God. Vivi.”

“I’m here. It’s okay to cry. There,
cara
.” She held on to Mike and rocked her gently, and Mike’s heart broke again when she realized all the more what she was about to lose when Vivian decided she’d had enough of this novelty. If it was hard enough before, it was pure anguish now.

“You all right?” Vivian whispered in Mike’s ear.

“Yes. Yes.”

“You were amazing.”

Me?
Mike wanted to tell Vivian about her unexpected orgasm, her first in the arms of someone else, but knew it would only put yet another strain on their relationship. The last thing Mike wanted was to create more guilt for Vivian. “You made me come so hard.” She couldn’t help the wonder in her voice.

“Only because you inspired me.” Vivian pulled at the covers. “Here, this’ll keep us warm.” She curled up next to Mike. “I’ve dreamed of us lying together like this.”

Mike’s heart was slowly calming, but now it stopped for a few moments before racing again.
You have?
Vivian wasn’t in this relationship for the long haul, but she had a special gift for being loving and caring in the present. Determined to take everything she was offered, to collect it for cold, lonely nights, Mike greedily absorbed each touch, each word.

Eryn stared at the shoeless, shivering Manon with more surprise than anger. After staring at the crashing waves for a long time, she knew her anger was primarily directed toward herself.

I’m a fool. I knew she’d never be able to reciprocate and still I allowed myself to…
Eryn briefly touched her aching temple where the bruises had faded enough to be covered with makeup.

“Eryn.” Manon, shoes dangling from her right hand, grasped Eryn’s shoulder. “Can I give you a ride home?”

“You drove all the way to the beach to ask me that?” Eryn sneered and immediately regretted her reaction when Manon flinched.

“No. I didn’t know you were here. I thought you’d already gone home.” Manon gazed at the sea and hugged herself against the cold wind. “I…I needed some time alone, that’s all.”

“Where’s your date?” Eryn glanced over Manon’s shoulder, fully expecting Dustin to trot over the dunes any second.

“At an inn. He lives in Boston and is driving back tomorrow.”

Oh.
Eryn looked mesmerized how Manon’s hair broke free and now launched one hairpin after another into the strong wind. Despite her best efforts not to, she removed a strand that had wrapped itself across Manon’s eyes. The silky feel enticed her, and an aching, almost furious tenderness overwhelmed her.

“So, what do you say? Are you coming?”

“Didn’t you want to be alone?”

Manon grimaced and looked down at her sandy feet. “It’s a little too cold for a walk on the beach in this outfit.” She glanced back up. “And besides, we need to talk.”

Eryn jerked. “Yeah, I know. Why not? I’m tired, so let’s go.”

They trudged back to the limousine, and Benjamin held the door for them. After Manon climbed in and sat in the far corner, she opened the bar and smiled as she spotted a steaming pot. “Ben, you haven’t?”

“I have for the last twenty years, so why not this time?”

“Thank you, again. Eryn, would you like some coffee?” Manon poured a tall mug full.

“Not that much, just a small cup.”

“Here you go.” Manon sat down next to her with the enormous mug in her hands, smelling the hot drink with obvious delight before taking a sip.

“I acted like a fool. I’m sorry I embarrassed you.” The words left Eryn’s mouth before she could formulate them better.
Perhaps just saying it out loud was better anyway.

Manon sipped her coffee and leaned back. “I’m sorry I didn’t have the courage to go by myself. Marjorie would have thought nothing of it. I should have canceled Dustin.”

“No. You have to do a lot for appearance’s sake, but I could never live like that.”

Manon paled. “Never?”

“No. I’ve fought all my life for the right to be me, with all that it entails, and practically alienated my mother in the process. We argue constantly. We can’t exist in the same room for more than half an hour without arguing. I’ve sacrificed a lot to remain out, for almost twenty years.”

“And I have no choice?”

“Excuse me, Manon, but do you want a choice? Are you interested in me to that degree?”

Manon went from pale to a rosy blush in seconds. “I…I suppose. I don’t know!”

“Damn. It’s as if we’re sitting on two different swings and spend most of the time moving in opposite directions. The short, wonderful moments when we’re at the same place…aren’t enough. In fact, they’re frustrating!” Eryn clung to the hot cup, warming her fingertips.

“Agreed.” Manon sighed. “You scared me tonight.”

“What?”

“I thought I’d offended or hurt you so bad you’d want revenge. I was afraid you’d out me right then and there.”

“I’d never do that!”

“I wasn’t sure.” Manon sipped more coffee. “It scared me. It always scares me to not be in control, I suppose.”

“Then you must be afraid a lot. Nobody’s in control all the time.”

“Do you think I don’t know that?” Manon flung a hand in the air and almost spilled her coffee.

“Hey, careful there.” Eryn took the mug out of Manon’s hand. “You’re okay. I’d never do anything to hurt you or your reputation. Tonight’s performance will never happen again.”

“I believe you. And I’ve never lied to you.”

Eryn frowned, not quite sure where Manon was going with this change of topic. “I’m glad to hear that.”

“That doesn’t mean that I’ve told you everything either. Not telling isn’t the same as lying.”

“I agree, up to a point.”

“I
am
attracted to you. You know that.” Manon laced her fingers and tugged at them, obviously battling a bad case of nerves. “But I’ve made it pretty clear what kind of existence I’ve chosen for myself.”

Yeah, the existence of a prisoner in that closet of yours!
Eryn fought to stay quiet and let Manon continue.

“I can’t be selfish and ignore all the people who need the foundation’s help. They have so much less than I do, we could be from different planets.” She looked expectantly at Eryn, as if waiting for her to agree.

“But nobody, certainly not the people you help, demands that you live a lie. You just don’t believe that you deserve to be happy. You think you have to be perfect and that lesbians aren’t perfect.”

“That’s not true!”

“Yes, it is. Why can’t you come out? Who would mind? Your rich contributors who can deduct every cent and sleep well for sharing with the less fortunate? Don’t you think they’d prefer the wealthy French-descended aristocrat to be a lesbian instead of a man-eater, if they knew you truly loved a woman with all your heart, instead of acting like a man-eater?”

“A man-eater? How dare you?”

Realizing she was getting too loud, Eryn tried to calm down. “If you come out, sure, you’ll run into bigots, and some will withdraw, but the best ones will stick by you. The wealthy gay people might open their wallets even more for your charities if you stopped living a lie.”

Manon shook her head. “You don’t understand—”

“Oh, but I do, Manon.” Eryn’s heart softened and so did her voice. “Better than you think. You started out in a picture-perfect family—a father, a mother, and a twin brother—and lost both your twin and your mother within a couple of years. Suddenly you were
it
.”

Manon nodded slowly.

“You personified the future for your father and grandfather and learned, from experience and from assumption, what was expected of you. And somewhere along the line, you decided that because you survived, you needed to sacrifice your own happiness completely to be worthy. You lived when your brother died. You couldn’t ask for unconventional happiness as well, could you?”

Tears ran down Manon’s cheeks. “Stop. Stop it.”

“I know I can’t tell you how to live your life. But you’re going to crack one of these days. You’ll stress yourself into an ulcer or a stroke.”

Eryn put her coffee cup down and took both of Manon’s hands in hers. “You don’t have to be alone. Let me show you what you’re missing. I’m not being conceited. You may not be meant to spend your life with me, but you
are
meant to be with
someone
like me. A woman.”

*

Manon felt overwhelmed and clung to Eryn’s hands as she struggled against the burning sensation in her chest and behind her eyelids. Finally, she gasped, “Do you really…think you’re saying anything I haven’t told myself a thousand times?”

“You may have,” Eryn said gently, “but have you ever
listened
to yourself? To the voices inside that suggest you should be who you are?”

Was Eryn right? Did she listen to the stern, forbidding voices only? Manon was about to answer when Benjamin lowered the privacy window. “Ma’am, there’s a problem up ahead.”

Immediately, Manon slipped into her perfect self-control, pulled free of Eryn’s hands and scooted closer to Benjamin. “What’s wrong?”

“An accident on the bridge, and it’s total gridlock ahead. I can’t turn the limo at this narrow part of the bridge so we’re going to have to wait until they clear a lane.”

“Oh, no. Is anyone hurt?”

“I don’t think so, but several cars have their fenders locked.”

“Let’s hope it doesn’t take too long.” Manon leaned back as Benjamin closed the dividing window.

“So we’re stuck here. Well, that might be dangerous.” Eryn shrugged with a lopsided grin.

“What do you mean?”

“I was afraid you’d throttle me earlier. I hope I live long enough to see the next sunrise.”

Manon had to smile. “Very funny.”

“That’s me. Funny and amusing.”

Something was amiss, and Manon studied the face that she already knew so well. It haunted her at night and appeared at every waking moment. “You’re that and so much more. I’m sorry if my attitude toward you has made you doubt yourself.”

“I don’t doubt myself. At least not that way. I’m just…” Eryn shrugged. “I’m just more afraid of getting my heart torn to pieces than losing face.”